Full House Scripts - Season 3

Episode 063 * Those Better Not Be The Days

Teaser

We find Jesse and Michelle in Michelle's room.
Jesse: Okay babe, it's time to put on your munchkin shoes, okay, give me your left foot.
Michelle sticks out her right foot...
Jesse: No no, that's your right foot. We;; actually maybe this is a good time to teach you left from right, okay.
Michelle: I'm not busy.
Jesse: Watch and learn, this is my left hand (he puts up his left hand)
Michelle: (Putting up her right hand) Left ?
Jesse: Wrong, that's right.
Michelle: What's right ?
Jesse: Well uhm, when I'm facing you, my left is your right.
Michelle: I'm right ?
Jesse: No you're wrong, that's right. (He points at her right hand)
Michelle: (Pointing at Jesse's left hand) That's right ?
Jesse: No this is le... Well actually my, you see left is your right and your left is my right.
Michelle: You're nuts. (She walks away)
Jesse: She left.
Michelle: (Walking back) You're right.
Michelle runs out of her room, followed by Jesse...


We find Michelle sitting in front of the door with a bag of potato chips
Michelle: (Trying to open the bag) Grrrrrrrrrr. Hey potato chips come out, I wanna eat you.
DJ and Stephanie walk down the stairs...
Stephanie: Michelle, are you eating our goodies ?
Michelle: (Trying to open the bag) I'm trying.
DJ: (Taking the bag from Michelle) Those are for the ride to the amusement park.
Michelle: Oh nuts.
They hear a car horn...
DJ: That's Kimmy's mom. Dad, hurry up, I need my sweater.
Danny: (Walking in) Okay, I' ready and it is perfect. It's been hand washed, pre soaked and flat dried according the manufacturer specifications.
DJ takes the sweater and crams it in her bag...
DJ: Great.
Danny: I guess you won't be needing this garment bag huh ?
Stephanie: Joey, where is the camera ?
Joey walks in...
Joey: Right here, I went to the store, I got you some extra batteries, some extra film, lens tissue, and I attached the handy travel strap.
Stephanie: On second thought, I don't want to load all that extra stuff around, I'll just buy some postcards.
Joey: Well in that case, how about a picture of a guy who just wasted twenty minutes ? (He takes a picture of himself, and looks into the flash light, which blinds him)
Jesse: (Walking down the stairs) I mapped out the whole park for you. Best food, the best ride and the best order to minimize the way and maximize the fun.
DJ: That's okay uncle Jesse, we don't need it.
Jesse: Why ?
DJ: Oh well all we gonna be doing is riding Screaming Thunder over and over all day long.
Stephanie: Yeah, first you go up about ten miles, and then you turn upside down and fall about a million miles an hour.
DJ: And the whole time you're going.
DJ + Stephanie: Aaaaaahhhh!!!!
Jesse: That's okay, I had fun making this anyway. (He crumples the map)
The car horn goes again...
DJ: Bye, I'll see you guys later.
Stephanie: Bye everyone.
Danny: Oh wait a minute, girls, aren't you forgetting something ? (He is ready to be hugged)
DJ + Stephanie: Money!
Danny: What's a hug compared to the joy of emptying ones wallet ? (He gives the girls some money)
Jesse: Al right Michelle, here's a little tip for you. Now eat your corn dog, your taco and your ice cream after you go on the throw up rides.
Michelle: You got it dude!
Stephanie: Bye dad.
DJ: Al right, we see you guys later.
Danny: Have a lot of fun.
Becky walks in, and the girls leave...
Becky: Hi honey, we're all set for our pick nick.
Jesse: Yeah.
Danny: You kids have a great time.
Jesse: Thank you dad.
Becky and Jesse walk to the door...
Joey: Al right, let's watch some basketball.
Danny: Yes!
Becky and Jesse want to walk out of the door, as the girls walk back in. Stephanie is holding Michelle's coat over Michelle's head, and DJ holds Stephanie's coat over Stephanie's head...
Stephanie: It's raining.
DJ: On times like these I wish I had a big sister.
Kimmy walks in...
Kimmy: Hi Tanner's. (Taking a wet paper of her head) Here's your paper. Guess what, I mouth tugged my mom and she grounded me.
Jesse: Why aren't you home ?
Kimmy: Because she grounded me here.
Danny + Joey: No!
Kimmy: Yes. She said if I stay home with her, she'll just be punishing herself.
Becky: Jess, what do you say if we moved this pick nick to my place ?
Jesse: What do I say ? What do I have to say ? Have mercy!
Stephanie: I have a better idea, let's have the pick nick in my room. (She pulls Becky, who's holding Jesse, with her)
DJ: Come on dad, you're gonna take me and Kimmy to the movies.
Michelle: (To Joey) Let's play hide and seek.
Later, we find Danny, DJ and Kimmy walking into the kitchen. Outside, they are talking...
DJ: Thanks dad, now you totally messed it up.
Danny: Oh, oh come on.
They walk in.
Kimmy: Nice going, Mr. T.
Danny: Don't call me Mr. T. Kimmy it's not my fault that the movie was sold out.
DJ: Well dad, you have to admit you did drive a little on the slow side.
Kimmy: My grandmother goes faster than you. Without a car.
Jesse, Stephanie and Becky walk down the stairs.
Stephanie: What a great pick nick.
Jesse: Oh yeah for you, you ate all the caviar.
Stephanie: Who knew stinky little fish aches could be so delicious.
Becky: Glad you enjoyed it, Steph. Danny, you owe me 200 dollars. I gotta get going.
Jesse: See you later baby.
Becky: Bye Danny. Bye honey.
Jesse: Bye bye.
Joey: (Out of the cupboard) Bye Becky.
Becky: Bye Joey.
Jesse: Joey. (He opens the cupboard) Joseph what are you doing in there ?
Joey: I'm playing hide and seek with Michelle.
Michelle walks out of the garage, into the kitchen...
Michelle: I found you.
Joey: Thanks a lot, Jess.
DJ: (Reading the newspaper) Hey guys, good news. The new ice skating ring just opened today. You guys can take us.
Kimmy: You don't have to wait in the parking lot tough, you can come in and watch us.
Stephanie: Let's go get our skates.
The girls run away...
Michelle: Wait for me, I got little legs.
Jesse: When did we agree to take them ice skating ?
Joey: They don't even ask anymore. They just assume that their wish is our command.
Danny: And the worst part is, I don't remember one thank you today, do you ?
Joey: Oh let's see. Give me, get me, take me, make me, buy me, drive me, find me. No, no thank you.
Jesse: These girls are so unappreciative. I cook, I clean, I iron, I'm starting to sound like my mother.
Danny: I say we give them a taste of their own medicine.
The girls walk back into the kitchen...
Stephanie: Okay boys, let's ride.
Danny: Girls, new plan, come over here. We're gonna stay home, and we are gonna play a new game called 'we're the kids and you're the adults.' So you get to be in charge.
Stephanie: We're the adults ? You mean we can do whatever we want ?
Danny: yep.
DJ + Stephanie: Al right. Yes!
Kimmy: There's gotta be a catch.
Jesse: There better be a catch, Danny lay a catch on them.
Danny: Yes there is a catch. The catch is, you girls have to assume all the responsibilities that come with being a parent.
Joey: Okay, let's get seeing the ending of that basketball game.
Stephanie: Not so fast. (To DJ) Let's see if this works. No watching TV until your rooms are clean.
Jesse: What ?
Joey: Oh.
Danny: I guess that means I can watch.
Michelle: (Running in) I'm ready to ouce skate.
DJ: Forget it, we're not going ouce-skating.
Michelle: Make up your minds.

We find the girls walking into the living room...
Michelle: Party time!
DJ + Stephanie + Kimmy: Oh great, yes.
Stephanie: Let's watch the top ten video countdown.
Kimmy: Al right, I love being grounded here.
Michelle: I want my ouce-cream.
DJ: You want your ice-cream
Michelle: That's what said, don't you listen ?
Stephanie: Okay, on your mark, get set, pig out!
The girls attack the goodies at the table...
Joey: Oh girls, lunchtime.
DJ: No thanks, we skipped right to desert.
Joey: No I mean lunch for us kids, remember, the people you're responsible for.
Stephanie: The catch.
Joey: Come on, I cleaned my room and everything.
DJ: Okay, we'll make lunch, but you guys have to set the table.
DJ and Stephanie walk into the kitchen...
Kimmy: I better get out of here before they put me to work. (She grabs some goodies)
Michelle: Don't touch my ouce-cream!
In the kitchen...
DJ: (Giving a sandwich to Jesse) Al right , peanut butter and jelly on weed.
Stephanie: (Giving a sandwich to Danny) Ham and cheese on right. (Giving Joey a sandwich) And egg salad on white no crust.
DJ: Now if you guys will excuse us, we might still catch some of the top ten videos.
Michelle: (Walking in) Hello you're missing number five.
DJ: We're coming.
Stephanie: Let's go.
Jesse: Hey hohohoho hold it. This is grape jelly, you guys know I like strawberry jelly.
DJ: How could that have slipped my mind, one peanut butter and strawberry jelly coming up.
Stephanie: Bye.
Danny: Oh Steph, before you go, can I have some juice ?
Stephanie: Juice ? Of course, where was my head. (She puts down a glass on the table) Glass.
Joey: Hey that sounds like a great idea, why don't you make that two ?
Stephanie: Anybody else want juice ?
Jesse: No. (Stephanie puts down one of the glasses she took back where she got it from) Make my a milk.
Stephanie: Okay.
DJ: Al right, peanut butter and strawberry jelly.
Jesse: Al right, PB SJ.
Stephanie puts down a bottle of apple juice and a carton of milk...
Joey: Uh Steph, I wanted orange juice.
Stephanie: Grrrrrrr.
Danny: I'll take apple.
Stephanie: (Puts back the bottle of apple juice at the table) Apple for the big guy.
DJ: (To Stephanie) I'll see you in the living room.
Jesse: hey hohohohoho hold it. I see I got some grape on one of these corners.
DJ: Then don't eat that corner.
Jesse: Yes, but once the sandwich is closed, it's hard to tell which is the grape infested corner.
DJ eats all corners from the sandwich...
DJ: There, now you're safe.
Michelle: Milli Vanilli is next, rock 'n roll.
Stephanie: I' coming.
Joey: But girls, before we drink, we need ice.
Stephanie: Ice ? Ice it is.
Danny: Uh, make mine cubes, not crushed.
Joey: Make mine crushed, not cubed.
Stephanie: Oh, would anybody like to have them carfed as little animals ?
Jesse: Hey this is chunky peanut butter.
DJ: Yeah, so ?
Jesse: Well I'm just not in a chunky kind of mood.
DJ: Oh well I'm not making you another sandwich.
Jesse: I'm not asking you to. What I am asking if you can take these itchy bitchy ugly little chunks of peanuts out of my sandwich.
DJ: That's it! Lunch is over!
Joey: (To Stephanie) Did you make this half crunched, half cubed ?
Stephanie: I had it, go to your room.
DJ: Right now, march!
Jesse: Great game, Danny. Now we're being punished.
Joey: I only...
Stephanie: And no talking. Come on.
DJ: Yeah go to your rooms, guys.
Stephanie: Go boys.
The men walk to their rooms...
DJ: Talk about your selfish spoiled brats.
Stephanie: All I can have to say is 'How Rude!'.

We find Joey in his room, as Jesse and Danny walk in...
Danny: Joey we need to talk.
Joey: You guys snuck down here, man, the girls grounded us, we're all gonna be in big trouble.
Jesse: It's a game you idiot.
Danny: How did my plan backfire ? We took them totally for granted, just like they did to us, and they never even made the connection.
Joey: Well, if we don't put a stop at this right now, we're gonna be waiting on them hand and foot the rest of our lives.
Danny: For the rest of our lives ? Oh man, I can see it now, we're still living in the house and, the girls are still living in the house. Our dog Comet is still living in the house. This is not a pretty picture.

We now enter Danny's thoughts...
Danny old: (To the dog, lying on the ground in the kitchen) Stay Comet! Play dead! You are just playing, aren't you ? (To his dust buster) Al right, come on, dusty, let's see if you still got any suck left in ya. (He puts on the dust buster and is being pulled by the thing over the counter)
Joey old: (Imitating Popeye) Oh cocococo. Well blow me down, where's me Olive oil ?
Danny sucks the potato chip out of Joey's hand...
Joey old: Oh you dirt obsessed old fool, you sucked up my chip/
Danny old: I knew you were gonna drop it.
Joey old: (Pointing at his belly) Do I look like I've dropped any chips ?
Danny old: They're all in there, millions of them.
Jesse walks down the stairs...
Jesse old: (Muttering) Hey, hey, what are you guys muttering about ? Every time I come around you're muttering. You're muttering to him, He's muttering to you, guys, go home, oh what a beautiful day. I remember I ate a burrito in 1994, and the mutter....
Danny old: We're muttering ? We're muttering ? You're muttering. You think you're such a hot young stud. You, in your jungle yammies.
Jesse old: Well, at least I still have my hair.
Danny puts the dust buster on Jesse's hair, and it sticks to the dust buster, Jesse's head is bald...
Jesse old: Oh, ho!.
Danny old: Now I have your hair.
Joey starts laughing, like he's gasping for breath, when somebody knocks at the door...
Jesse old: Hold it, that's my date, put my hair back,
Danny puts Jesse's hair back on his head...
Danny old: okay.
Jesse old: How does it look ?
Joey old: Oh, very life like.
Danny old: Help me with the food, Joey.
Jesse opens the door, and Becky stands in front of it...
Becky old: Oh Jesse, my main squeeze.
Jesse old: I wouldn't squeeze me too hard, I just ate.
Becky old: Oh, thanks for the warning.
Becky enters the kitchen and we see a huge behind following her...
Joey old: Hey Becky, look out for that hippopotamus behind you. (Becky turns around) Oh sorry, you know, you really ought to put some reflectors on that thing.
Danny and Joey laugh. Jesse and Becky try to kiss, but they miss each other's mouth.
Jesse old: Have... (He tries to find the right word)
Danny old: A nice bowl of cream a wee ?
Jesse old: No, it had nothing to do with breakfast. Have... (Tries finding the right word again)
Becky old: Mercy! You old poop.
Jesse old: No, no, no no no no, it's have pity! Come on babe, let's go to the Smash Club and watch me do my thing.
Becky old: I'm so proud of you. My honey is the world's oldest Elvis impersonator.
Jesse old: (Doing the Elvis lip) Thank you very much, pretty mama. Let me shake. (He shakes his body and his hair piece falls off)
Becky old: Joey, did you leave me some donuts ?
Joey old: Well if I did, it was purely by accident.
Jesse old: hey, hey hey hey hey. Don't look at my woman.
Danny old: Where am I supposed to look ? Your woman is everywhere.
Joey old: Come on, let's take the girls their breakfast.
Danny old: Okay, but try not to eat it all on the way up, Joey.
The guys walk away...
Jesse old: Stop muttering, stop muttering.
Becky old: Well, I guess I just grab a seat. Better make that two.
The guys go upstairs...
Jesse old: (To Joey, who tries to eat a sandwich) Hey hey hey hey, drop that toast.
Joey old: Oh get off my case, I found it in my rope.
Danny old: You're a slob, Joey.
Joey old: You're a total slob.
They enter the girls' room...
Jesse old: Okay, rise and shine! Get up, DJ!
DJ old: Breakfast before noon!
Stephanie old: How rude!
DJ old: I'm so disgusted with hearing 'how rude!' Dad, I can't take it anymore, I need my own room.
Danny old: This town is full of rooms. Go rent one, the both of you!
Stephanie old: Why would I leave ? Uncle Jesse does my cooking, Joey does my laundry, and dad, you do my cleaning. I love my life.
DJ old: Your perkiness is no longer cute.
Joey old: Oh Danny, I think it's time for the 'One day you'll appreciate your sister' lecture.
Danny old: Girls, one day you'll appreciate your sister.
Jesse old: Good lecture.
Danny old: Now hug.
DJ and Stephanie hug...
Jesse old + Danny old + Joey old: Now move out!
Jesse old: Michelle! Michelle, hurry up and get in here and get your breakfast, before it becomes another chin for Joey.
Michelle walks in...
Michelle old: Hi people.
Joey old: Oh Michelle, just in time for breakfast.
Michelle old: Oh, I'm not in the mood for breakfast, have any ouce cream ?
All except Michelle old: It's ice-cream!
Joey old: And I ate the last gallon this morning.
Michelle old: Oh nuts!
Kimmy walks in...
Kimmy old: Hi Tanners!
Jesse old: Kimmy Gibbler, oh my god.
Jesse old + Danny old + Joey old: Whoa baby!
Kimmy old: eat your hearts out boys, too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid. Come on girls, we gotta get to the mall. Adios, Tanners.
DJ old: I'll get dad's credit cards.
Stephanie old: I'll go make a list of chores for the guys to do while we're gone.
Michelle old: And don't forget, we'll need a ride.
Danny old: Whoever can make it downstairs first will drive you.
Michelle old: You got it, dude!
Danny old: She was so smart when she was three. What happened ?
Jesse old: Well, did you hear one thank you today ?
Danny old + Jesse old: No.
Jesse old: How could you let your kids get so out of control ?
Joey old: Well you can't blame me, I'm just the old fat guy who lives in the basement.
Jesse old: Our lives are pathetic.
Danny old: No. Your hair is pathetic. (He takes Jesse's hair)
Danny and Joey start throwing Jesse's hair over, while Jesse keeps asking for it. Then Danny throws it in a case and sits down on it, Jesse tries to get Danny off, while Joey hits Jesse with his belly....
In the real world...
Danny: And we all lived miserably ever after.
Jesse: That was so depressing.
Joey: Yeah, can you imagine the girls still live in here ?
Jesse: No, not that, my hair.
Danny: Well, it doesn't have to happen that way, we can all learn something from that little story.
Joey: Yeah, I'm gonna start being really nice to Kimmy Gibbler.
DJ and Stephanie walk in...
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, daddy, I thought we send you two to your rooms.
Joey: They snuck down without permission.
Jesse: Kiss-up!
DJ: I think we had a little talk with you boys.
Jesse: Oh great, first we're getting punished, now we're getting a lecture.
DJ: You deserve a lecture after the way you behaved today. We tried to make you a nice lunch, and what do we get ?
Stephanie: Zippo, not a 'thank you', not a 'thanks', not a 'hey pal, good going', not a 'way to go chum', not a 'muchas gracias, amigo', not...
DJ: Steph, they get it.
Jesse: Well girls, let me ask you something. How does it feel not to get a thank you ?
Stephanie: Crummy.
Danny: Well, just imagine how much crummier you would have felt if you had to wash our sweaters.
Joey: Rush out for our film.
Jesse: Shared your caviar pick nick.
Danny: Dropped everything to get us to the movies.
DJ: Excuse us. (To Stephanie) Did you happen to say 'thank you' for any of the things they did for us today ?
Stephanie: No, did you ?
DJ: No. So this game was to teach us a lesson. And you know what ? We needed one.
Stephanie: I think we owe them a couple of thousand thank you's.
They walk back to the others...
DJ: We really blew it today. You guys do so much and you're so wonderful. And sometimes we just expect you to be wonderful and we forget to tell you how much we appreciate how wonderful you are. What we're trying to say is: you guys are really wonderful.
Stephanie: And I just want to say 'thank you', 'thanks', 'hey pal, good going', 'way to go chum', 'muchas gracias, amigo'.
DJ: Steph, just hug them
They all hug...

***End***



Episode Information:
First shown: 1990
Directed by: Bill Foster
Written by: Mark Warren & Dennis Rinsler

Guest Cast:
DJ old: Melanie Vincz
Stephanie old: Julia Montgomery
Michelle old: Jayne Modean
Kimmy old: Rhonda Shear

Script edited by: Martin van Dam
Lay-out: Martin van Dam
Written for: Full House Forever

Released: 13/01/2000