Fan Fiction - Written by Doug Fowler - Book Universe

Pin A Rose On Your Nose
Written by: Doug Fowler

A/N: Book Universe; refers to books "Full House Sisters: Will You Be My Valentine" & "The Penguin Skates," and one ("Two For One Christmas Fun") with background that would be canon in TV and Book Universes (Steph & presents, clothes, when little), but the book is TVU; it's more in character for TV characters, not book (Gia easily replaces Allie). No room in book canon either, with one book taking place at Christmas which is much more likely book canon. ("My Ho-Ho-Horrible Christmas") Book Michelle has a summer birthday, so they'd know Pam was pregnant here.

Story behind phrase would be TVU and BU. Some of my BU stories referenced, plus RKORadio's Samantha here with permission.

An online dictionary said this saying likely came from "Full House." So, like "Lollipops and Gummi Bears" in "Inspired by Jesse," here's how it may have happened.

Fourteen-year-old Stephanie Tanner smiled proudly. Just as D.J., turning nineteen this week, had done so much for them, here she was helping by hosting a Valentine's Day party for their youngest sister Michelle's fourth grade class.

"This is a super party," one of the students declared.

"Michelle's right, Rachel, " Michelle's friend Cassie Wilkins told snobby Rachel Tilly. "What mother would do this for a party?"

Stephanie laughed at Rachel's look. Among other things she'd done, Stephanie dressed in a hilarious outfit. It had been a lot of work, and she'd worried so much it wouldn't come together, but here they were! With her mom, Pam, dying when she was five, Stephanie had taken the banner, just like D.J. had many times. D.J. just had a college exam at this time. Their dad and those who helped Danny Tanner raise the girls were also busy - his best friend Joey Gladstone, who lived in the basement, and brother-in-law Jesse Katsopolis, and Jesse's wife Becky, who lived in the Tanners' attic apartment with their twin four-year-olds, Nicky and Alex.

Rachel diverted attention by boasting of things her mom did. Stephanie headed it off quickly, recalling how Michelle cried once last week because Rachel acted like she was better than Michelle because she had a mom. "Well, pin a rose on your nose," Stephanie responded sarcastically to Rachel.

"Huh?" It stopped Rachel in her tracks, all right - long enough for Stephanie to notice a really cute boy who was ready to take her to her Middle School dance. She'd thought she'd be left without a date, but now, a boy saw her dressed in this funny outfit! Still, as she found out how, it showed how much Michelle cared about her, too.

"Where does your sister get such weird sayings?" Rachel asked Michelle.

Stephanie and Michelle smiled warmly at each other. Stephanie hoped to help Rachel develop good habits. So, before she changed and went to the dance, she looked at Rachel. "After that boy saw me like this, I can't be any more embarrassed. I'll tell you the story on one condition." Rachel asked what it was. "No teasing Michelle for a week. I mean no name calling, no comments about not having a mother - which you shouldn't make anyway because it's mean, and as you can see, she's got lots of people who are like a mother - no boasting about being better than her. If you can keep that up for one whole week, I will tell you this story next Friday."

"It's a deal," Rachel said quickly. The way Stephanie had said it, it sounded like a juicy one. Not only that, but Rachel realized how nice Michelle and her family were. Michelle let Rachel skate in her place in a show Joey had put on, not knowing the comedian had set it so she got a pie in the face at the end. With that kind of history, it could be really funny.

Michelle passed Stephanie a grateful look as they hugged. "Courtney's mom can take us home, she's doing Samantha's party. I'll tell her where you went." They exchanged "I love you"s, and Stephanie left.

A week later, Stephanie showed up at Michelle's classroom at the end of the day. Samantha - whose parents ignored her so much, Stephanie and the others really raised her - had gone to Danny's car. "Rachel's kept her end of the deal," Michelle reported.

"Let's go to my dad's place; my treat," Rachel said.

Stephanie laughed. Rachel's dad owned a national pastry chain. "Well, an indirect boast, but not too bad, and Michelle says you've been nice all week. We'll have my dad take us to that plaza, and we can all go to the park."

"While you tell this great story I've been waiting to hear," Rachel said with perhaps too much excitement, in Stephanie's mind.

"Okay. But, just remember how good it made you feel to be nice."

While Rachel would boast a lot, and be snobby, Stephanie's plan worked; Rachel never directly teased Michelle again - though she wouldn't start to be friendly with Michelle till fall, after Michelle's term as class President. For now, Rachel said, "You can be just like a mom. And, hearing an older person tell an embarrassing story is a great reward."

"I hope I can live up to half what you expect," Stephanie deadpanned.

"With a goofy saying like that, you should."

Stephanie ignored Rachel's last comment, and said, "Okay, the story begins on D.J.'s ninth birthday. Of course, our mom was alive, so Uncle Jesse and Joey didn't live there, but Joey liked to celebrate with us. That saying wasn't the only embarrassing thing I was doing, though I didn't think of it that way at the time...

Danny and Joey were in the kitchen getting D.J.'s cake decorated. "Joey, I've got a Cookie Monster puppet in my sock drawer," Danny told Joey in a hushed tone.

"Thanks, Danny, but really, I'm a lot more into cartoons than Sesame Street," Joey said. In fact, Joey did many different voices, including Kermit the Frog.

"I mean for Stephanie," Danny said with a chuckle. "Remember D.J.'s party last year? Steph had just turned three, and cried because D.J. got all the gifts. She couldn't understand, so I got her a doll. On Christmas a few months earlier, she was a few weeks shy of three, and I gave her one of my gifts because she tore through her presents so fast she was out of them when D.J. was only half way through."

Joey recalled. "She thought your necktie was a bow and tried to wear it."

Pam rushed into the kitchen and asked excitedly, "Is it ready yet?" Joey went into the living room as Danny nodded. They lit the candles, and soon they were all singing "Happy Birthday To You" to D.J..

"Make a wish," the excitement machines, Pam and Stephanie, shouted at the same time. D.J. did, and blew them out.

Danny looked a bit disappointed, once D.J. had all her gifts. "Danny, what has you down?" Joey asked as he and Danny cleaned up the kitchen.

"Aw, Joey, Steph was fine today. She didn't need the present I bought her."

"Well, Danny, she is four now. She's growing up."

"I know. I just love to shower my girls with good things. I wish she'd stay little," he said wistfully. "But, pretty soon, she'll be going to school, going to friends' houses, dating, then the prom. One day she'll be married. She'll move out and never call or write."

Joey held up a hand. "Whoa, Danny. Writing, I can see, but this girl has your gift of gab; she will always call. In fact, you will have to pay her to stop calling."

Joey had made Danny laugh, as always. "Thanks, Joey." Danny patted him on the shoulder. "You're right. And, there will still be fun, even when she has her own life, separate from us." Joey promised there would be.

At that moment, D.J. came into the kitchen. D.J. complained Stephanie was wearing her clothes, and had stuffed them with tissue paper so they fit. D.J. was upset, but Pam was giggling. Danny quickly said, "Awww, isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?" once he got up to D.J.'s room. D.J had taken presents there, including some clothes.

Danny didn't heed D.J.'s complaints; he said that they needed to enjoy Stephanie while she was young. Danny loved to shower love on all the girls, and always would. Pam and Joey told D.J. to get used to it, and Pam helped her think of times when she'd been the center of attention. D.J. finally stopped complaining, hoping it was a one-time thing.

Rachel interrupted to say, "You got presents on D.J.'s birthday?"

"Come on, Rachel," Michelle said as they entered the pastry shop, "she was a little kid. They don't understand things at that age."

"Sure; and I didn't need one that year, when I was four," Stephanie noted.

"I'll bet you did the same thing to your brother at two or three," Danny noted.

"Even if I did I'd deny it," Rachel scoffed. "And, wearing your sister's clothes?"

Stephanie looked her in the eye as the others thought about what to order. It was embarrassing to tell this, but if it got Rachel to be nicer to Michelle, and never tease, it was worth it. "And that's just the beginning. It's worth it to be nicer, isn't it?"

"Yeah, just tell me the rest once we order." She turned to Michelle and said, "Your family sure has the stories."

Once they ordered, they took their treats to the car, and drove to the park, where they sat on some bleachers, all while Stephanie continued. "Now, that was the family party. We always tried to have the kids' one separate, to avoid confusion. Of course, Uncle Jesse just dropped stuff off on his motorcycle whenever he felt like it..."

The sound of a motorcycle rose through the neighborhood. Pam opened the door, and greeted Jesse warmly. "You're just in time; we were about to leave for the stables."

"Oh. I better go fast, so you don't try to talk me into takin' D.J. ridin' again," Jesse said, shaking his head and causing his long hair to flop around.

Stephanie blurted from behind Pam, "And, so one doesn't go potty under you."

Jesse sighed as he held out a gift for D.J.. "Don't remind me. Oh, hey, Deej," he said, as D.J. and Kimmy were just coming home from school.

"Hey, Uncle Jesse, I thought that was you on your bike. Did you ever meet Kimmy?"

"Do I want to? Oh, happy birthday." He gave her the present, and D.J. thanked him.

"That's a cool bike," Kimmy spouted. "Think I could take it for a spin?"

"Not on your life!"

Pam spoke diplomatically, "What Jesse means is, it's very dangerous, and I don't think your parents would ever want you on one. I know Danny doesn't want our girls to ever ride one of those."

"Is that what I meant?" Jesse asked her. He knew Pam knew best, even if he didn't like to admit it. It was one reason her death hit him so hard, and he ended up slowly changing his ways as he moved in to help Danny raise the girls.

"Mom," D.J. announced, "Kimmy's parents said she could come. We can drop her off after the party." Kimmy didn't live next door yet, and wasn't quite a best friend, though she and D.J. were still pretty good friends.

"Wonderful. You can open it here." D.J. began to open it, as Pam told Jesse, "Danny found the stables were cheaper to rent on weekdays; we're trying to save money."

D.J. smiled sweetly at him after they'd talked for a moment. "Thanks for the Nerf toys."

"Nerf toys?" Kimmy looked at the box. "I thought that said 'Nerd.' Oh well, I guess that would have fit you and Steph both, huh?"

After Jesse left, and the others piled into the car - Danny was at the stables - Pam said, "You know, Kimmy, that offer to help you with your schoolwork is always open."

"Thanks, Mrs. Tanner; I just don't like to strain my brain." Sadly, by the time she realized what would happen if she didn't get help - when she and D.J. were split up in fifth grade - Pam was gone, and the others were too busy to help.

"At least you know there's still an 'L,'" Stephanie blurted, thinking of a time at Christmas when Kimmy spouted about all the "Noel" songs meaning people wanted to eliminate the letter "L" from the alphabet.

"I'm sure Kimmy was just joking about that at Christmas," Pam said.

"Let's hope," D.J. said, as much for Kimmy's sake as for the alphabet's. She knew Kimmy needed a lot of help at times.

Kimmy continued. "Too bad it wasn't 'Nerd.' Just think if you had an airplane like that. Instead of a Nerf bomber, it could be a Nerd bomber. That's what you have when some really smart person keeps spouting off."

D.J. laughed. "Hey, that's clever," she remarked. "I'll have to remember that. It could be when someone just thinks they're smart, too."

"Well, you'll never have that problem with me." Kimmy thought for a second. "Wait, did that sound right?"

Pam fared poorly stifling giggles as she drove; her infectious laughter could brighten anyone's day. "Kimmy, you're a good friend; that's more than some people know."

One they got to the stables, Danny opened Pam's door for her. "Hey, thanks for bringing the girls. I got some games set up, along with the horseback riding. I just hope nobody plays 'pin the tail on the donkey' with real animals; they pack a mean kick if you try to do that to one of them."

"That poor donkey," Stephanie muttered. When Pam asked what she meant, Stephanie said, "He doesn't have a tail."

"Uh, actually, honey, it's supposed to be pretend. Well, okay, the game is real, but..."

Pam tried to explain the concept to Stephanie. Stephanie became occupied with other things for a while, as D.J.'s friends arrived. However, she quickly had a question. As Pam and Danny were serving drinks, Stephanie came up to them. "If that donkey's not supposed to have a tail, why are you going to give it one?"

D.J., always a leader, suggested, "Maybe it won something."

"Yeah, like that horse, Secretariat," one girl noted, recalling stories of the great Triple Crown winner from around when D.J. and her friends were born.

"My dad says he was the best ever," another spouted.

"My grandpa says Man O' War could have beaten him," a third remarked.

The others tried to include Kimmy in the conversation to be polite; they knew D.J. had befriended her, and that she came from a poorer part of town. True to form, Kimmy said something weird. "I think Secretariat is the best. They call the head guy at the U.N. Secretariat. Right, Mrs. Tanner?" Kimmy asked Pam.

"Well, the head office is called that; I think that's why the horse was named that," Pam said, trying let Kimmy down politely.

"In other words, Kimmy put the horse before the cart," Danny said with a goofy grin.

Stephanie asked what the U.N. was. D.J. explained, "It's a bunch of countries that meet together to decide how to do things to help people. Secretariat is like the leader's office."

Stephanie's eyes grew wide. "The leader of the U.N. is a horse?"

"No," D.J. said as she chuckled. "They probably called the horse that because they thought he'd be the best. And, he was. Just like the tapes Dad's shown us of how he won the run for the roses by so many lengths."

"The horse won roses 'cause he won a race?" When Stephanie was told this was right, she asked, "What did the donkey win to get a tail pinned on him?"

D.J. shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

Stephanie had been playing games with D.J. and her friends for a while. Soon after they got done playing 'pin the tail on the donkey,' she grew a bit bored. She'd heard that one of the horses in a nearby barn was really fast. So, when she saw a rose sitting around in a vase, she borrowed it. She got a safety pin from Pam's purse, then headed toward that stall. Pam quickly followed, and got to the stall just as the four-year-old was standing on a box to attach a rose to the horse's nose.

The horse made quite a commotion, causing Stephanie to stumble and fall off the box. She had only scraped an elbow, but she was still crying as Pam got to her. "Oh, honey, what happened?"

"I tried to give it a rose, and it scared me," Stephanie complained. When Pam asked why, the girl said, "'Cause he was fast. And, Daddy said it might kick if I gave it a tail."

"Oh, well, honey...real animals don't like to have things pinned to them." After comforting Stephanie for a moment, she noticed that the horse had calmed down, and she had Stephanie pet the horse gently - not only so Stephanie could say she was sorry to the horse, but also so Stephanie didn't become too scared of them.

Pam and Stephanie talked about how it wasn't a good idea to do that. Afterward, Stephanie realized that pinning a rose on anyone's nose wasn't a good idea. And, that it would be downright goofy to do so if someone was to be honored for winning something. After all, the horse certainly had hated it when she'd tried to pin a rose to it.

As D.J.'s party wound down, one of D.J.'s friends, Kathy Santoni, tried to make herself seem important by boasting of how many games she'd won. It was, perhaps, a sign of how she'd try to gain attention when her hormones ran wild by being with so many boys.

D.J. was worried that Stephanie had overheard her muttering to Pam, about what Kathy was saying. "Steph," she whispered, "whatever you do, don't repeat what I just told Mom about Kathy and her bragging."

"Okay." Stephanie walked up to Kathy Santoni and said somewhat sarcastically, "I know what you could win for all that. Why don't we pin a rose on your nose."

Pam comforted D.J. by saying, "Don't worry, Dear; Kathy will figure at Steph's age, she's just being randomly silly." Indeed, Kathy and some other girls were laughing at Stephanie's comment.

Rachel shook her head back in the present, as she finally stopped snickering. "You actually pinned a rose on a horse's nose?"

"Well, I tried; the horse wasn't having any of it, though." Stephanie said, "The point is, I said it for a few years because it had gotten laughs from some of D.J.'s friends, even though she was embarrassed by it. I said it whenever someone was bragging about things too much, or thought they were so much more special than anyone else."

"Steph stopped saying it after a while, since she was so young," Michelle added.

Danny agreed. "She didn't remember it as well after a while. But, D.J. did, and would tell Steph and Michelle. She may have added pieces, but the main ingredients are accurate."

A few years later, as teenagers, Stephanie was driving Rachel, Samantha, and Michelle home from a a party. Rachel smiled thankfully. "My parents put me in public school when we moved here, so I'd learn to get along with people who weren't as rich. But, I was so used to always getting my way; I'm glad I had you guys to teach me how to be friendly." She confessed, "I'm still not always great, but I'm getting there."

"It can be rough, finding out someone's better," Stephanie admitted. "I remember when I lost in the spelling bee one year. Of course, I've always been really tough on myself. That's what caused me the most trouble then; I was mad at myself for losing."

"I got too caught up in wanting all the attention. But, then Michelle beat me as class president, and...well, I hate to admit it. But, Samantha's better at dance than me," Rachel finally said. Samantha was already planning a short trip as a pro that summer, and would eventually tour with one of the world's best ballet companies. Rachel was perhaps good enough to perform with a company in a small market., without much touring.

"We could still wind up in the same ballet company," Samantha remarked, wanting to sound encouraging like Michelle had taught her. "God gave you talent, too."

Rachel supposed so, but said, "You're such a natural at it, Samantha. And, I've got so many things I could do. It's hard to choose," she said, boasting as she listed some options. "I guess God knows what's best for me. Following His plan will be tough, though; it was hard enough realizing I was a sinner in need of a Savior."

Stephanie ignored the boasting Rachel had just done; she recalled how their Uncle Jesse had a rebellious streak for years after moving in to help raise her and her sisters. Rachel would be the same way with boasting. Instead, Stephanie simply said, "Sure, it's something we all need. We don't all back cars into kitchens, but we all fall short of His perfection. And, thankfully, Jesus took our punishment for our sins, when He came to die for us and rise from the dead. We just have to receive what He did by faith, and invite Him into our lives to forgive us and change us on the inside."

"I don't think I'd have ever done that if you hadn't been so nice to me," Rachel confessed. "Not just nice, but willing to admit all that silly stuff."

"Sure; it's a choice. We don't always listen to Him inside us, since we're human. If we get in bad habits, like our Uncle Jesse did when he was younger, it can be even harder. That's why we don't get involved in certain things. But, it's still important to be friendly. I'm glad we tried to be nice to you, even when you weren't," Michelle said.

"Yeah. We just had to be the leaders and not stoop to a worse level. We knew you'd come around. It sure took a while, though," Samantha added. An uberMichelle from being around the Tanners, Samantha was still really blunt at times.

"Yeah, it did," Rachel said lowly. "I guess stories like that one about pinning a rose on a horse's nose really helped me see I didn't have to keep trying to impress people. You've really helped me," she said as they got to her house, and she got out of the car. "Thanks."

As they drove away, Samantha remarked excitedly, "She said thank you."

"Yeah, it takes a while sometimes. Just like it did with our Uncle Jesse. But, she's learning," Michelle said.

Stephanie agreed. "It's so great to have those stories about times with Mom. It helps me remember her, and Michelle feel like she knew her. Plus, it helps us to spread the love she always tried to spread, by giving away those smiles."