Fan Fiction - Written by Doug Fowler - Book & Television Universe |
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I Finally Did It, Sis
A/N: I've completed a "Full House" Chronology that explains all so-calledi nconsistencies, including Jesse's scheme to fool people after he dropped out. It gives the characters real pasts and futures, as well as showing their lives in between scenes. *Plus* a great Book Universe section. Since Warner Brothers wouldn't release rights to get it published, it'll be online, as a file in the yahoo group fullhousefreaks (groups dot yahoo dot com and type that in - you'll have to join, just say you're a big FH fan.) It'll eventually be at the group Tanner Central, or you could even PM me requesting a copy be sent to your or someone else's e-mail, I guess.
Anyway, it's characters discussing things like this looking back from the present day, not all dialogue, but plenty. But, this story shows what I do with lots of them - I show why what appears to be inconsistent really isn't. It flashes back to 1980 with one small piece to that Chronology that explains confusion in "One Last Kiss," etc. and the later episode "Educating Jesse" where we learn Jesse dropped out. The opening scene of this story occurs the day after Jesse decides he's going back to school, and includes things placed in other parts of the Chronology.
I'm pretty much retiring from writing fan fiction now, but it's possible I could be back at it for 1-2 other little things. Thanks, everyone, for all the kind comments over the years, and just for being there and reading. It's been great fun.
Rebecca Donaldson-Katsopolis finished checking on their boys, Nicky and Alex, in their attic apartment in the Tanner household. She walked out to the main living area, gently closed the door, and noticed her husband moping on their couch, with his head in his hands.
Sitting beside him, she gently massaged his back. "I know, it's rough, honey," she whispered in his ear. "We all love you, though. And, we're glad you're finally going back to get your GED."
"Thanks." He stared ahead for a second, lost in thought at the deception he'd pulled, and the lie he'd lived over the last decade plus. "Dr. Dare's greatest stunt. Fooling an entire family into thinking he was a success!" he remarked, frustrated at himself.
Becky and he had talked for a while as they bathed the twins that night about what had happened. She knew he'd dropped out one credit shy of graduating. He told how he'd held his breath as he went from job to job. Most hadn't needed applications, or at least had been okay about his leaving "education" blank. However, for some, he couldn't avoid a problem.
He'd almost had to swallow his macho pride and let himself be called Joey Gradstone's employee when they became ad executives, until they were hired on a case by case basis and not full time. Full-time executives needed to have a degree - and a college one at that, generally - but not free lancers. Joey was the comical, cartoon-loving fellow who had moved into the Tanner home at the same time to help Danny Tanner -Jesse's brother-in-law - raise his three girls.
The radio station where he was a deejay now was the same way; he'd left out his education on his application. While the boss had said she wanted Joey - who now shared the afternoon slot with him - because he was funny, the truth was, they knew Joey had education experience that Jesse didn't. That was what they'd discussed in the back room when the lady went back to talk. That had probably made him snap at Joey even more than usual when Joey was making fun of his hair.
Still, Becky knew there was one family member, now deceased, occupying Jesse's mind. One it probably hurt to talk about, because now, he could never tell her the truth.
She tried to think of something to say. Finally, she recalled something D.J. had told her once. D.J. Tanner was the oldest of Jesse's nieces.
"You know, Jess, I remember D.J. telling me Pam always knew what D.J. was going to do before she did it. Maybe, in a way, Pam did know."
Jesse allowed himself to chuckle. "Funny you should say that. Of course, then the problem would be, she wouldn't be here to see me finish."
"True. But, I bet she's looking down and watching us."
"Yeah, maybe. But, I was always told she'd be having too much fun up there, it was so special anything down here would be too boring."
"Well, I guess that's possible, too." Becky thought a moment, then finally said, "In all this talk about how you fooled everyone, you never told me how you did it in the first place. Maybe that'll make you feel better."
"Yeah, you're probably right. Well, here's what happened..."
Danny and Pam had it all, as far as they were concerned. They planned for their own home, and Danny had been promised a full-time job with the station where he had worked while in school. I, on the other hand, was sick of school. The only thing I loved about that year was running the principal's toupee up the flagpole the previous week.
I'd stayed in till I'd had a major accomplishment. My band played lots of gigs, and last Friday, we played the Smash Club for the very first time. We were loved.
Monday, I prepared for yet another boring English class. My mind was on my band, my motorcycle, and the future. I didn't want to put up with three more months of this. I'd never liked studying in the first place, and I didn't think I needed a diploma.
"Read any good books lately?" Mr. Pearson, the teacher, asked us.
"Yeah,. the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue," I cracked. The class laughed as I made a few other wisecracks. I enjoyed driving him crazy. His knowledge of some of that stuff intimidated me a bit, too, but I disliked a lot about school then.
"Mr. Katsopolis, since you insist on running your yap, the class was assigned a poem to memorize. You may recite first."
I grinned as I stood in front of the class. "The poem? Ah, yes. You know, it would be cool to put it to music, maybe the band and I could play it."
"Mr. Katsopolis, please recite the poem. We are not getting any younger."
"Oh, sure. 'Oh captain, my captain.'" After skipping a beat, I asked, "You want the whole poem?"
The class was cracking up now. "That was the assignment. Did you even look at it?" he asked, knowing my habits from numerous earlier incidents that year.
"Sure. 'Oh captain, my captain.' See, I remembered that."
"That's because that was the title, and you were given it. This is a test of your reading, not..." I could tell he almost said he wasn't testing our memory - he was too clever to fall into that trap, though. "Do you intend to recite anything?" he asked tiredly.
I had just glanced at the poem, not caring to memorize it, as I considered my dumb plan that weekend. I finalized my plan as the others guffawed, though I'd pondered it for weeks, waiting for the right moment. I was embarrassed about everyone laughing at me, but that was also the best way to catch them off guard.
"Can I answer that after I go to the restroom?" He excused me, grateful to have some peace in the classroom, and I left.
I wouldn't have done this unless I knew my parents would be gone. Mom had left for a beautician appointment. Dad was at work. I cleaned out my locker, taking all my other notebooks so I could look busy - I left my English one behind. Then, I walked out of school.
I hopped on my motorbike, took one look back, and shouted with glee. "Now we're talkin'!" I hollered as I screamed down the road. I hid my enthusiasm long enough to stop near home, park my bike on a side street, and sneak into my house.
The phone rang. I almost blew it big time, though; I was way too cocky. "This is my..." I said in only a semi-old voice.
I winced. "This is my father" - how dumb could I get? Luckily, I'd stopped in time.
Slapping my forehead, I recovered by spouting, "...my favorite chair, get off of there, you dumb cat!" Hey, they didn't know we didn't have a cat. "Hello?!"
"Mr. Katsopolis? This is the high school principal's office..." the secretary began.
"Oh, yeah, you're probably calling about Jesse. Yeah, such a shame we have to move, and now he comes down with the stomach flu. His mom just went to pick him up and get his motorbike into the trunk."
"Well, we weren't told..."
"Oh, you weren't told?!?! You figure some kid's just gonna come in and throw up all over your desk? Is that how you like to be told? Listen here, Miss, I pay my taxes, and I expect the school my son attends to be run right!" Yeah, I was showing off; I loved this too much. "You should have the common sense to know that a boy's gonna call his mom and she'll rush down and get him 'cause it's her last baby, and she knows all the stress of moving is making him sick!"
"Well...I'm sorry, but a student isn't allowed to just leave without..."
"I expect a more understanding school when my son transfers. You got a pen and paper?" She quickly grabbed one. "Listen, effective tomorrow, this is our new address." I gave them a nonexistent one. "We need to get our new number connected, so don't call this old one. I'll call you back with the new one, it was here someplace. Dumb cat must have carried it off. I'll send an excuse note back with him in a couple days, if what he thinks is the flu isn't food poisoning." I'd asked a friend whose dad was a doctor what would be similar to stomach flu, as if I knew someone with those symptoms.
I almost hung up in a huff, then realized they could try to call back unless I made sure they didn't. "Good, listen, we were getting our service disconnected today, it's a good thing you called now. Oh, here's the electrician's truck. Listen, I'll call you back from a friend's phone. Here's my wife and Jesse now."
Their secretary was jumpy from my harsh tone, but she was sharp, I had to give her that. "Er...Can you please...put your wife on the phone?"
I'd sounded pretty upset - of course, they knew my dad could get like that. I tried to be extra sweet impersonating my mom. As my mom, I confirmed what I'd said before, then added, "We've been getting some crank calls. Lots of them in fact. Look, until we get our new phone hooked up, why don't you call our son's personal number. You'll let them do that, won't you, Dear?"
I impersonated a very sick me agreeing. I went up and unplugged my phone after hanging up. My plan was for them to call an unlisted number, but I had to find one first. Finally, I simply had us moving to Miami and invented a number.
Mar. 4:
Pam asked me the next day why my phone didn't seem to be working. She'd tried to call several times to tell me something D.J. had done that was so cute. I didn't appreciate that sort of thing, but she got so excited sometimes she had to tell someone.
"Yeah, listen, Pam, you didn't tell Mom and Dad my phone wasn't working, did you?" I wanted to cover my tracks, though to her the question was quite strange.
"No," she said curiously. "Are you up to something, Jesse?"
"Who, me? What makes you think that?"
"I could say your general attitude toward proper behavior," she quipped. "Jesse, promise me if you're in trouble you'll tell me, okay?"
"Sure, Sis, I'd tell you. Now, there's no problem, so don't worry about it."
"Okay. Oh, you know that girl Judy and I hung out with in high school? Well, Judy and she went to college in L.A., and Judy got a job down south, but our friend's married and coming back here this spring. And, she's going to have a baby, too."
"Super. Just what this world needs, more diapers to change," I said sarcastically.
She couldn't help but laugh. "Now, that's the Jesse I know." And, with that, she was satisfied that I was okay. My phone began working again a week later.
Mar. 24:
While I could pull the wool over my parents' eyes by pretending to be sick for a while, I couldn't do it for three months. And, it took a lot more to trick Pam. Besides, the school would just send the homework to me, right?
That's why, on the 7th, I decided to say I'd switched schools. I asked my dad to sign last year's yearbook. He wrote, then I copied his handwriting. I also made up a note from a doctor stating I was "under the care of Dr. Stanley Livingston for food poisoning and malaria, with concerns about possible leprosy." I sent that note to the school, then a day later, on the 8th, I sent a forged note, supposedly from my dad. It told of our imminent move to Miami, and explained that I'd be attending "Hacienda High School" once I got over my malaria. They were told to send my records there.
They sent my records and most recent grades to the phony address of Hacienda High, while sending my report card to the phony Miami address where I'd said we moved. My parents expected me to get my grades, though.
So, I brought the mail in today, and snuck my last report card in the middle. I started an argument with my dad - which was like sparking a forest fire where it hadn't rained for months. In the middle, I pulled out my report card, just so he could see what it was, but not which grading period. I ripped it into a million pieces as we yelled. He ranted and raved about my tearing it up, but did nothing about it. He figured it would be useless - he didn't know how useless.
Since my girlfriend Carrie and I had already bought tickets, I could still sneak into the prom, saying I'd flown back for it.
May 3:
I took Carrie to the prom, figuring I had everyone so confused they wouldn't know which end was up.
My stomach turned as I heard one of the chaperones; that same stuffy English teacher, Mr. Pearson. "Feeling better, Mr. Katsopolis?" he inquired casually. "Will you return Monday, or do you plan to come down with bubonic plague by then?"
I suggested Carrie find a seat for us while I talked to him. She did.
"If you have dropped out, Mr. Katsopolis, I advise you to be frank. And by that, I do not mean to get around our search for Jesse by changing your name to Frank."
"Good idea; I happen to like Jesse. You know, that was Elvis' twin's name, except he was stillborn."
"Much like your academic career," he sniffed. "We have stopped wasting our time, after inquiries to schools that do not exist and doctors who are nowhere to be found. We are letting you go. If, given all your tomfoolery throughout your stay in our school system, you wish to be a troublemaker and consider this your ultimate victory over us, you are now free to do so. Good day." He left hurriedly, in a huff.
"That was easy," I told myself smugly. I walked to our table. Carrie asked what the teacher wanted. "Oh, nothing; just wanted to see how I'd been. I told you and the band I wasn't gonna be here for a while; now I don't have to come at all."
"But, Jesse, you're graduating, right?"
"Look, let's not worry about school and just make it a great night, okay?" She agreed, and we left it at that.
I figured I could stay away from home every day, as I'd been doing, and I'd be in the clear. The Smash Club's owner loved having me work there; he thought I'd graduated in January, as some kids did who only had a one-semester course to complete their requirements at the start of their senior years.
My brilliant plan hit a major snag, though.
Jesse couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, you know, Beck, it's funny, I hid all those books, but I don't know, there was just something about her that made me lean on her a little for excuses. I told Mom I was doing all my homework over at Pam's - and she was happy, 'cause she thought it would make me bond with them more."
"Where were you instead?"
"Oh, just ridin' around. I spent quite a bit of time with the Smash Club's owner, he thought I was one of them kids who took Senior English, but then had a half credit left after that. I let him think I'd graduated in January, after taking that half year of Government they make us take. After school, well, I was at Pam and Danny's some, but I had to tell Pam I was doing it all in Study Hall. Doing work in Study Hall was so unlike me she probably couldn't believe it."
"I'll bet. So, was she suspicious of you dropping out?"
"Well, it's tough to say. I mean, I goofed off a lot, I don't really think she was sure till my last day of school."
Becky sat up suddenly. "That's right, you said something about seeing Carrie your last day. How did that happen?"
"Well, you see, she decided to come over and congratulate me as if I'd made it through, while at the same time..."
I was ready to go out on my motorbike well before school began, but just as I said goodbye to my parents, Pam knocked at the door. I froze - what was she doing here? And, how did she manage not to be late for once? I determined she must have gotten up an hour earlier than usual just to be done in the bathroom.
"Jesse, so good to see you," she proclaimed, seeming natural but making me raise my guard. I loosely put an arm around her for a second as she embraced me. "Danny didn't have to go in to work till later, so he's watching D.J.. Mom and Dad can watch her this afternoon; I arranged to take you to school."
My eyes widened, and my jaw tightened. "You what?"
"To school, so we can celebrate your great accomplishment!"
"My what?!" Was my cover going to get blown in front of our folks? I tried hard not to let them see me sweat. However, I had no idea what Pam would do.
"I know you brush it off, but you toughed it out," she said as I glanced away. "I'm so proud of you."
I finally agreed, but I was trembling inside. "Oh...yeah, I did, didn't I?" I figured I could get out of it by making up some sort of party, though I hadn't wanted anything from them. "But, uh, my friends and I were gonna go out ridin' right after school to celebrate."
"Oh, that's okay. Have them come to our place. You didn't want a big gathering. You told everyone you wanted to handle it yourself. But, let me give you that great sendoff when you go wherever you're going the night before graduation."
That hadn't worked. Could I fake sick this soon? I'd planned to start being sick this evening. It would last through tomorrow, badda bing, no graduation.
That failed, too. My folks and Pam felt my forehead and said I didn't have a fever. Oh, well, if I went now, and hung out through the day, I could argue I overexerted myself.
As Pam drove me there, I complained, "Stop babying me. This is crazy, I feel like I'm seven, not seventeen."
"It's for your own good, Jesse." She pulled over to a side street near the school, and stopped the car. I began sweating profusely.
She could have accused me right then and there, but she had no concrete proof. The evidence was mounting and convincing that something was up, though. She knew I could have been doing something else dumb instead. However, she got too excited sometimes. So, she blurted, "Jesse, are you graduating?"
"What? Why, of course I am, I'm just gonna be sick...I mean, I will be sick by tonight..." I held up a finger and tried to correct myself again. "No, actually, you know what, I'm very sick right now. Could we just go home?"
"I had this speech all prepared about how I was so happy to see you off one last time." She shook her head sadly. She wanted me to think about how proud she would have been. She knew this attitude - I wanted to avoid her at all costs. "You haven't had any homework for three months, Jesse," she announced. That was a guess, but she knew he couldn't have had much. "Mom and Dad never saw a report card from your last grading period. They say you tore it up during a fight, but I don't buy that one. And, this morning...."
"That's it..." I said, trying to bolt out the door. She grabbed my arm, and gave that look as I turned to glare at me.
"Jesse, I will always love you with all my heart. That's what big sisters are for, and that's what God wants of us. I've been so proud of you. You've never smoked, you've never been in a gang, you've never taken a drink, and you've never done drugs." She smiled confidently as I agreed easily to each of these. "I know you've never liked school, except for inventing ways to slack off and bug teachers. You don't have to feel bad if you didn't keep that promise you made to me once. I will always love you unconditionally," she finished tenderly.
I wanted out of that car in the worst way. Mom knew Pam would keep it secret unless there was a big problem, but she was willing to accept that. However, I was dumbstruck, not sure how to respond, and not really wanting to, either.
. By this time, I figured she knew - but she wanted me to tell her.
"Jesse, did you drop out of school?"
I relaxed a little when she said the words I needed to hear - "I won't tell anybody." Words she would take to her grave. Man, what a sister! I couldn't let Mom or Dad think I was a failure. I knew what every one of my teachers probably thought of me already. I figured our parents would really scream. But, she loved me no matter what.
Still, I felt ashamed, especially because of the love she was showing. I couldn't bring myself to admit it. "Look, Pam," I argued, desperately changing the subject, "I never did that other stuff. You'd have to tell if I did that, to get me help." She nodded. "But, if I did something that dumb, dropping out only hurts me, right? Right. End of discussion. Let's go," I said hurriedly, facing back toward the front of the car. I hoped she wouldn't press me. I couldn't lie to her any more, and yet I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. I didn't want to boast about it when she was being so merciful.
Not that it mattered. Pam smiled knowingly - at least, I thought it was knowingly - and resumed our ride toward school. "I know the answer to that one," she said in a tone that was way too casual and confident. Pam parked in the student parking lot, smiled her classic, gorgeous smile and said, "Be good. I'll be here when you get out. Call if you want to hang out with your friends after school, and I'll pick you up later."
I shook my head and sighed as I left the car. It appeared she would wait till I got in the door. Why now? Why not three months ago? I had breathed so freely, I thought nobody could know. That's what made this feel like an ambush.
I walked around, angry yet sick to my stomach, and poked my head in her window. I didn't know what to say, though.
"You're getting by with this one. But, I promise, if I ever catch you thinking of joining a gang, or drinking, or doing drugs, or anything really destructive..." she whispered in a foreboding voice. She let the thought hang on the glare that was driven straight through my heart. Then, her face softened into a warm smile again. "You can fool Mom and Dad all you want, but you'll never fool me. Never! Now, it's your last day of school. Go have fun with your friends in there."
I swallowed a lump in my throat the size of Graceland. The words "Thanks, Sis" crept out of my mouth. Not only thanks for this, but for all the times she'd been there when I was in trouble. She'd made her point. Her admonition, in the midst of showing that she basically knew my secret yet loved me anyway, kept me from doing much worse things. I knew even more clearly than before she'd catch me. She'd always love me, but if she caught me...I didn't want to think about that.
I rushed into the school, and let out a huge sigh in the bathroom, while actually shedding a tear. Then, I hung out in the halls all day. A few other seniors did, too, for a while, with exams over. The band and I joked about graduation as we loitered in the gym. A few teachers figured I was back just to gloat, so they ignored me.
I made sure my friends could get me an invitation to our reunions. One of them was on the committee, so I knew he'd do that for a friend. Besides, you can bring spouses or friends to most graduations; I could have gotten invited as a friend anyway.
Someone dared me to drive my motorbike into the school, not knowing how I'd come. So, I had Pam take me home to get my motorbike. I rode around town on it since they'd be having graduation rehearsal. Then, once I knew that would be over, I rode my bike into the gym. I acted like they couldn't expel me because I was graduating, but in reality, they couldn't because I'd quit. Most of the band assumed that I'd dropped out, anyway, as did Carrie, so I hadn't had to pretend I was for her.
My buddies and I had fun that day. I was secretly glad Pam had made me come. I felt forgiven, but she had that in reserve, just in case.
That type of scheme is what made me jump to conclusions when a boy splashed beer all over D.J. and I falsely accused her of drinking. I was scared she might be just as much of a rebel, though I should have known better. She took after her mom, not me.
"Yeah, you're right about that, Beck. Sometimes I see her scolding the little munchkin for her attitude, and I just think, she's got so much of Pam in her."
"I can imagine. Anyway, continue with your story. I know you've made up stuff about graduation, did you ever come out and tell her?"
"Not in so many words, but she could tell. And, I bet it made her really sad to see me lying like I did...."
I'd had too much fun the day before, but I knew faking sick this morning would still work. I kept thinking about Pam, though.
It was amazing; I knew she'd always be there for if I had a problem, even with this dumb stunt. And yet, if I went too far, she'd find out, and then...well, I didn't want to think about that, I just knew she'd still love me. I knew if she ever found me drinking or doing drugs, she'd drive me straight to a treatment center herself.
I wouldn't listen to her talk about family, let alone God, so she had to show that unconditional love in another way.
I'd acted groggy when I got home yesterday evening, then that next morning I held the thermometer under my arm to make it go up, and acted like I was really sick. I even had Dad complaining that I shouldn't have gone to school that last day.
I overheard Mom saying D.J. had caught something, too, so Pam wouldn't have been able to make it, anyway, wanting to stay home with D.J.. Danny was working. My bases were covered, but I kept thinking about that love Pam had shown me.
A week later, I said I was going to school to get my diploma and last report card, which I said they were holding with the diploma. I knew if I pretended to do something dumb, it would look natural. So, I stopped for hair care supplies, took about an hour to ride around, then went back home claiming my diploma and report card had either blown off the seat of my motorcycle or been stolen. Dad screamed for five minutes about how irresponsible I was, and had Mom convinced I couldn't get another one after doing something dumb like that.
"You said it, Beck. Like that time I was embarrassed around all those smart friends of yours, it just weighed on my mind for so long."
He fingered his cross necklace, the one he often wore. It was plain, it could be a man's or woman's. Becky knew whose it had been, but Jesse felt the need to explain again, in a little more detail.
"When Pam died, I went to the minister who would do her funeral and said I had to make things right with God. I took this necklace that she always wore, and I wore it with pride; she'd told me if anything happened I was supposed to have it.
"It bothered me after that when I'd tell an outright lie. But, that lie was too big a part of me by then. Sometimes I wonder if the other day, when I finally confessed, was a warning, like God was saying, 'I let you go this far, it's time to tell the truth, or else.' That's just what Pam would do - let me go so far, then expect me to shape up. She really knew how to witness about mercy and stuff just by how she lived."
"I think she knew you'd turn out this good, Jess. She might not have lived to see it, but I think she knew you would," Becky consoled him.
Jesse nodded slowly, as he kept pondering the work Pam had done - there, and so many other times.
Months later, Jesse and Becky stood by Pam's grave, looking at the flowers that had been placed there on Mother's Day weeks before. He fingered the cross necklace. "I guess we both missed my graduation, huh?"
"Didn't you say D.J. was sick anyway the night of your graduation?"
"Yeah, funny, huh? If Pam hadn't known, though, I might have tried even more stunts, like that time I rode on the roof of that building when I was twenty. Pam's the one who kept me from really getting in trouble big time even before I dropped out. With that there to hold over me, she could keep me reined in even better."
Becky concurred. "I wish I'd been able to meet her."
"You would have loved her."
Jesse looked at the ground, then stared longingly at the sky.
"I finally made it, Sis," he muttered, slightly choked up, somehow knowing she'd hear. "You don't have to keep me out of trouble anymore."
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