Fan Fiction - Written by Doug Fowler - Television Universe

Steves Of Our Lives
Written by: Doug Fowler

Majority rules on episodes, as does the fact later episodes are almost always canon if there's a difference. So, Steve Hale is different than Steve Peters. ("Birthday Blues" - they started going out in Spain and it was 6 months ago. "Radio Days," D.J. and Steve had only known each other three months. Steve Peters didn't eat much, I don't think. "Prom Night," Steve and his old girlfriend were likely going at that time last year. The same actor has played different roles in different episodes on other shows, albeit probably not w/one as a credited role. Truthfully, the fact they changed names tells me it *was* supposed to be different.)

So, why do they look they same? And, by the way, what about Cousin Steve, from the first season, who had a baseball scholarship to Stanford, a very good school for that. The writers must have liked the name of Steve, but whatever happened to him?

And, why did Michelle not push to pick her clothes after Danny promised fewer rules after the dinosaur, when it was an issue months later? Did she and she lost that privilege? Yes to the latter, as you'll see. For the others, read on.

By the way, you'll note that Stephanie complains about Michelle "always getting her way" on a very trivial matter - and Michelle could have had problems digesting nuts, as some small children do. So, why else was she bugged at the start of the Disneyworld episodes, days before the trip? Here's why she might have been. By the way, "Slumber Party" is the episode where Michelle says she chose her preschool outfit.

Finally, the writers clearly said it would be their anniversary on a weekend, meaning Valentine's Day, so they square it away with season 4, where that was a Thursday. (The only logical time you'd have a morning wedding on a weekday, so there was a school vacation during that week - because of Washington and Lincoln's birthdays - each year. And, if it's a weekend in 1993, it had to be a weekday in 1991.) But then, since Becky has a picnic lunch all ready for after the show, and California is 3 hours behind, the timing seems weird but Rush Hour must be the hour everyone goes to church in this promotion of theirs.) So, here's a very workable episode which covers all of that.

"Cousin Steve!" Stephanie Tanner, eleven, exclaimed as she opened the door for a handsome, young man in his early twenties. "You're just in time; we were this close to leaving for D.J.'s Sweet Sixteen party. Come on in. We thought you were just meeting us there. I can't believe she's sixteen today. Soon, she'll be able to drive me to the mall."

Steve Tanner smiled and entered, putting his gift on a table. "Well, actually, I wanted to drop off a small present, and I also wanted to ask..."

Steve was quickly interrupted by Stephanie's dad, Danny Tanner. "Steve, I'm glad you're here. Hey, thanks for flying out, I know you've probably got to fly to Florida for spring training in a few days, but I'm sure D.J. will really appreciate it. Did you see Steph's trophy yet? She won it for pitching her team to the league championship," Danny said proudly. "That was a couple years ago, but I'm sure she can do it again."

"Right, you told me about that when we saw each other at my graduation. Anyway, listen, I just got in, and I had a ques-..."

Another interruption. "Hey, Steve, my man," Jesse Katsopolis said. "Listen, Joey and I just got back from doing our radio show, and I was thinking. I understand there's a minor league park near Graceland. I was wondering if you could do some souvenir hunting for me." Jesse was a huge Elvis Presley fan, and the uncle of Stephanie, Michelle - six - and D.J.. Jesse and comedian Joey Gladstone - Danny's best friend - had moved in to help raise the girls after Danny's wife, Pam, died.

"Hey, Jesse. Actually, I'm only at Single A now, you're thinking of a higher level of the minors. But, that does bring up what I..."

"Steve, how are you?" Joey asked as he walked in carrying Nicky and Alex, Jesse and Rebecca Donaldson's sixteen-month-old twins. "Hey, listen, Steph got her and her sisters and us each Ozzie Smith autographs a few years ago. I was wondering, since you're in the Orioles' camp, maybe you could get us Cal Ripken Jr.'s?"

Stephanie didn't even let Steve start before interrupting this time. "Someone else had number 1 when I started, so I wear his number 8 when I play baseball. Maybe I could give you the uniform I outgrew from when I was nine, so he can sign that."

Danny finally realized that Steve hadn't had a chance to talk. "Steph, I think we can try to work it in, but don't you think your cousin needs a chance to talk?"

"Thanks, Uncle Danny. Anyway, as I was saying ..."

No luck. Kimmy Gibbler, D.J.'s best friend, came in, and quickly recognized Steve from the last time she'd seen him; she was like that with handsome men. "Hey, Steve. Wow, what a coincidence. There's two more Steves on their way."

"Two more?" Joey asked, astonished.

"That's right." Kimmy struck a pose, and pretended to be a soap opera announcer. "What will happen next, on the Steves of our lives?"

"Let me see if I remember...you're Kimmy, right?" She nodded and grinned broadly. "I got your fan letter when I was down playing winter ball. For your information, the ball club doesn't plan to hire cheerleaders, and even if they did, you wouldn't be allowed into the locker room."

"What a bummer," Kimmy said. She loved to talk about boys - and men - but she was mostly all talk and no action. This figured, because she was sometimes so dumb, no guy would want to be near her, and the ones that did, D.J. often had to steer her away from so they wouldn't take advantage of her.

"Hey, look, speaking of athletics..." Steve waited a second. "What, no interruptions? I'm amazed."

Becky came in with Michelle at that moment. "Hope we're not late."

"You are; Steve wanted you to interrupt him," Kimmy insisted.

"Sometimes it's better if you don't try to understand Kimmy, Steve," Becky explained as she took the boys. "Hey, Nicky, Alex, wait till you hear the fun stuff Michelle and I did to help with her Honeybee project."

"I know. I met Kimmy when I came out here to look at Stanford, when they gave me the scholarship." Steve had met Jesse and Becky once when he was up visiting, and then again at his graduation last summer; he had had classes the day of their wedding. D.J. and Kimmy had been in Spain during his graduation, as had D.J.'s boyfriend, Steve Hale.

As Michelle was telling Nicky, Alex, and Stephanie about what she and Becky had been doing, Danny said, "Thanks for helping her, Becky."

"Oh, it's no problem; thanks for watching the boys."

"I can't wait to go to D.J.'s party," Steve said excitedly.

Joey looked out the window and joked, "Steve, if you wanted to ask something, you have...five seconds till someone else interrupts." He looked again. "Oops, it's down to two...one..."

"Steve!" D.J. exclaimed as she ran into the living room and hugged him.

"Hey, D.J., I heard you have a steady boyfriend now." He looked at the two men. "I'm Steve. You must be Steve...or are you Steve?"

Michelle turned from the conversation on the couch and explained. "D.J.'s Steve is the one with food in his mouth."

Steve H. said, "I'm Steve Hale, her boyfriend; this is Steve Peters. He's on the varsity baseball team, and he had some questions for you. I'm into wrestling. Hey, Mr. Tanner, you got anything in the kitchen? I'm starving." The others followed him out to the kitchen. Steve P. was trailing and didn't seem interested in eating right then.

They all watched with glee as Steve H. looked around, opened the refrigerator for a second, and then spotted a jar on the table, with a small spoon. "Let's see...oh, here's something nobody's eating." He picked up the jar and began eating it. "Huh...I never thought I'd say this, but...I don't know if I like this. It tastes kind of bland."

"I always wondered if your boyfriend would eat baby food," Stephanie told D.J., as the oldest sister tried to stifle a laugh.

"Oh, is that what this is?" Steve H. shrugged. "I guess it's okay, then," he said as he ate some more. "Babies can't handle as many rich flavors."

"And, I can't handle the wait for that cake. Let's go!"

"Michelle's right, we rented the room for 6:00, and Jesse and Joey got off early from their radio show so we could all go to this. Let's go," Danny said.

Stephanie sighed. "I wanted to show Cousin Steve my baseball stuff." She shook her head. "Why do you have to get your way like this, Michelle?"

"What do you mean?" Michelle asked, feigning innocence.

Stephanie bent down to her level and whispered. "Let's just say I know about that outfit you conned our Uncle Jesse into buying. You know Dad doesn't like you wearing leather since you got too wild last summer and almost started to impersonate a motorcycle stuntman on your bike, and he's never allowed stick-on tattoos."

"I told you, he let me," Michelle whispered back.

Stephanie sighed. She didn't believe it, but she knew it was possible. The problem was that Michelle had knocked over a priceless dinosaur a little over a week ago, playing tag in a museum. Danny had blamed Jesse, and himself, and said it was an accident. Then, he'd gone further, and said if she ever thought he was making too many rules, she should tell him, and he promised to back off.

In other words, if it was true, it was because their dad always seemed so lenient with her. Danny hadn't even punished Michelle till she was almost four, after all - and somebody had had to pick up the slack, reacting whenever there were problems.

If it wasn't for D.J.'s reacting to her misbehavior, Michelle would be incredibly wild. Now, she was manageable. She knew how to manipulate the guys in the house, but D.J. was rock solid when it came to enforcing rules. Still, it was that manipulating, the outfit, and how she'd conned her way into several extra pieces of the cake they baked for D.J. Sunday, that had caused Stephanie to complain that Michelle was always getting her way the other day.

Stephanie had begun to wonder, but as she thought about it, she decided she was right first time. Michelle probably had convinced their dad to let her buy it!

There was another, catered cake in the room they'd rented at a nearby restaurant. "Wow, look at that!" Michelle declared when they arrived.

"Dad, it's so beautiful!" D.J. shrieked as she gave him a big hug. She surveyed the fabulous decorations, the exquisite detail...it was decorated as if it was for a princess.

"I know; what a cake," Michelle teased.

Danny smiled broadly and said, "Hey, you're only sixteen once. I know I tend to dote on Michelle a bit much, but all three of you girls are super special to me. And, when it comes to celebrating, well, I don't like to spare any details."

Steve P. had been talking with Steve T. on the way over about scholarships; he'd had a few, though to non-prestigious schools. He also had an offer from a Division II school or two that would allow him to play more, but where he would have to pay to go. He also was laying American legion ball this summer for the first time. He'd wondered about how Steve Tanner had chosen his school, and what the prospects were really like for going pro; plus, whether it mattered how much he played.

Steve Peters would play in college, but go no further, unlike Steve Tanner.

Cousin Steve answered the questions, and then dropped Steve Peters off at his house before arriving. Meanwhile, Michelle was enjoying gazing at that cake. "Just wait, Michelle, you'll get one that nice when you're sixteen," Becky remarked.

Michelle responded that, "When I'm sixteen, I hope I get a horse." While D.J. was in Spain, and Jesse was touring, Danny had taken Michelle for riding lessons, while Joey took Stephanie to a number of ball games. Michelle would actually try jumping in a few years, once she was better at riding.

"Knowing Dad, he'll probably let you have one," Stephanie said dryly. Turning to Danny, she said, "I still can't believe that bit about the leather jacket." She didn't mention the stick-on tattoos Michelle had gotten, too.

Danny was polishing some of the silverware with a napkin - even though it had just been laid out. "I know, Steph, but your sister was going to outgrow her old one, anyway. When she started acting too much like a Junior Dr. Dare last summer by putting together that big obstacle course in the back yard, it just made sense to take it away. Of course, when we talked and I told her how much it could hurt if she got injured, she didn't want to anymore, but still..." he trailed off.

"I mean, the..."

"Look, look!" Michelle shouted at Danny and Stephanie, knowing Stephanie was about to reveal something she didn't want her to reveal, that she'd tricked Danny and Jesse when Jesse bought that for her.

"What is it, Michelle?" Danny asked, looking Michelle was pointing.

"April Fool!"

Kimmy looked strangely at Michelle. "But, it's February. Wait. I bet that's the April Fool's joke. You were tricking us into thinking it was April Fool's Day."

"That's right," Michelle said, inside thinking that there were some things Kimmy was good for; at least when they involved tricking others.

Danny chuckled and turned to Stephanie. "I'm with you, Steph, sometimes I just don't understand how kids think." He could be tricked a little easily, though not much. He just accepted that sometimes, his kids had strange thought patterns, as children sometimes did. For instance, Stephanie had been trying to do sit-ups standing up some time back. Sometimes, children just liked to be silly.

Of course, she'd been trying to hide that she'd gotten her ears pierced against his wishes, but there were plenty of other times when his kids did or said funny things just because they were having fun.

Cousin Steve mingled with the others talking about how he'd done his first half year in the minors, as well as in winter ball. He was in a group near the hors d'oeuvre table with Steve Hale and a few others; D.J. had been called over to see a few members of the family she hadn't seen in a while. He suddenly recalled what he wanted to ask.

However, before he could get it out, Danny asked, "So, Steve, I'm curious, how come you and that other Steve look so much alike?"

"Were you separated at birth, and you accidentally got both stomachs?" Stephanie quipped.

Steve Hale explained. "No, but we've got a few twins in my family. My mother and her brother are twins, for instance."

"Really? Are they identical?" Kimmy asked.

Steve Hale looked oddly at Kimmy, struggling for a response; clearly, if twins were a boy and a girl, they couldn't be look-alikes. He decided to pretend he hadn't heard. It was usually better that way. "Anyway," he continued, "Steve Peters is related to me." He explained how they were related. "He likes the same barber and stuff I do, too. But, we have a few differences; he has more hair on his chest, stuff like that. Plus I have a few extra moles and stuff."

As they finished discussing the family, and went on to other topics, D.J. called out, "Steve." Both Steves looked at her. "I mean, Cousin Steve. I don't want to take you away from your food, Steve."

Cousin Steve walked over to her. "What's up, Deej? I was just talking with your boyfriend about his family."

"Isn't he the greatest? He's so much fun to hang around. And he's so cute."

"Yeah, well, you knew about how he and the other Steve are related, right?"

"I knew they were, but I didn't really pay attention to how. I must have been gazing dreamily into his eyes when he told me," D.J. explained.

"Oh." Cousin Steve thought it was strange. "Don't you ever talk about his family?"

"Why should we? My dad's a great cook, so he's always over here. He likes us. He helps Michelle just like he helps his brother. I guess it's the two of us I care about." In fact, that lack of discussing deep things, or of even knowing some facts about him - like having never met the uncle who taught him to juggle - were what would cause them to break up, and remain so for a little over a year before her senior prom.

Cousin Steve was in his twenties, and could tell that was a recipe for trouble, only caring about the external things. D.J. clearly liked that Steve was willing to care about her family; but she wasn't taking as much interest in his. This was something not uncommon among high school students as they waded through the maze of love, and Steve Tanner felt it was probably not going to help to come out and say there was a problem.

Instead, he alluded to it by going into what he wanted to say. "Look, D.J., I know I've apologized before, but...well, I was just a little too focused on myself when I came out to look at Stanford. I mean, I didn't even think about your mom having passed away what, nine months earlier?"

"Yeah, about that much. I understand. We talked about it back then, after we went skating, and we got over it."

"Yeah. I really wish we could have made the funeral, but...well, that happened to be soon after my dad moved out, and we couldn't afford it." D.J. nodded. "Anyway, I'm just saying, I think it's important to think about the other person. I've come to realize that."

"I know. Look, let's not get into that, this is supposed to be a fun night."

Steve agreed; D.J. was thinking about her mom's death, and Steve's parents divorcing. He could understand why that approach wasn't the best. They talked about how Danny's older sister was doing - he'd said it was Steve's dad that moved out, instead of calling him his brother - and some of the problems they'd overcome. Toward the end of the conversation, he said, "One other thing. Has Kimmy gotten...I don't know...dumber?"

D.J. wasn't sure. As she thought, she noticed Kimmy and Stephanie coming toward them. "She has atrophy because she's hardly done any work," D.J. said.

Kimmy had been listening, as D.J. thought; that's why she used a big word and didn't mention her name. "Someone got a trophy for not doing work?" Kimmy asked. "I always knew my talents would be recognized one day. When will I get one?"

"As soon as you pay me for the engraving," Stephanie said, holding out her hand. She didn't think Kimmy would pay, and she didn't, but she never knew.

"So, Steve," Steve H. said as he walked up to him toward the end of the party, "what did you think about Michelle getting those extra big pieces of cake?"

Cousin Steve smiled. "She eats like you, man."

"Well, only cake. But, yeah. I can see, in a way, why Stephanie gets a little upset, but siblings do that sometimes, just like my brother and I," Steve H. said, unaware of the jacket controversy, or Stephanie complaining about the nut clusters. "Say, did you ever get a chance to ask whatever it was you wanted to ask? Joey said something about you being interrupted a dozen times or so."

"Yeah, thanks. I was hoping to do some interviews on Uncle Danny's TV show, or Jesse and Joey's radio show, next week, before I had to report for spring training. But, they'll all be gone next week, in Disneyworld. And, the TV show is in reruns."

"Aw, that's a bummer. D.J.'s kind of upset that we'll be apart for a week, too," Steve H. said, as he motioned Cousin Steve over to a corner of the room. He whispered, "Don't tell her, but I'm trying to get my parents to get some money together to fly out there. My kid brother would love it, I'm sure."

"You know, absence does make the heart grow fonder. You really like D.J., huh?"

"Oh, yeah, man, I'm crazy about the whole family. I mean, sure, there were times when I wasn't as interested, like with Michelle's play at first, but I really enjoyed myself. And, I've really come to love spending time over there; I'm sure you know how good a cook your Uncle Danny is," Steve H. said.

"How come you don't invite her over to your place?"

"I don't know. I guess 'cause my dad works long hours, my mom's always carpooling my brother and his friends places, and sometimes we've got a huge group of boys over at my place, instead."

Steve T. casually suggested that, "It's something you might want to think about. I'm sure she's met them, right?"

"Of course she's met them. I just feel like, well, I'm the guy, I'm supposed to take the lead and show interest in the girl."

Cousin Steve understood. "Two years is a big difference - it might be good to suggest she come hang out at your place for a change, since you're more mature. She might not think about the need for that." Steve H. nodded politely - he would try that. He knew the Tanners were all impressed with how Cousin Steve had matured. "My fiancé, who I met in college, is two years younger, and it's been tricky even for us. At least she's willing to accept I'm going to be on long bus rides in the minors and stuff." He chuckled. "In a way, that probably helps that she's a bit younger; she thinks of it as a real adventure. Well, hang in there. You two seem like a really cool couple."

"Thanks, man; good luck with yours," Steve H. said.

In the Tanner residence the next afternoon, Joey had an idea. "Jess, I think it would be great if we interviewed him," Joey remarked once Cousin Steve was checking on the twins, who were down for their naps.

"Joey, come on, what are you talking about; we have guests tomorrow and Friday, and there's no way we could promote an interview now. And, Danny and Becky have their talk show filled up."

"Jess, look, we're doing that special live broadcast from Florida on your anniversary this weekend."

"Yeah," Jesse agreed, "nine A.M. on a Sunday. We're the only Rush Hour Renegades who consider rush hour when everyone gets up to go to church."

Joey acknowledged that he hadn't timed it well when he discussed when they could have their special live broadcast. "It's a little unusual, but this is why having Steve on our show would be great. He wants to do it for Fellowship of Christian Athletes, so why not use him to promote our broadcast?"

"Joey, that's the most insane..." Jesse thought for a moment. "Well, it could work. But, come on, Joey, why in the world would our listeners even tune in on Sunday. This is gonna be crazy...Steve, tell him this is gonna be crazy," he said as Steve came down into the living room.

"What's gonna be crazy?"

"Well, first, having a live broadcast back to KFLH at 9 AM on Sunday, and second, our using your request for an interview about your FCA event to promote our special Sunday morning show."

Steve shrugged. "Hey, I'll do it; I know this is kind of short notice. By the way, what are those bassoon catalogues doing in your boys' cribs?"

"Oh, just something that came from applying to this place, Bouton Hall. I lied on their applications, said they were two years old and proficient on the bassoon. So, I told them the truth, that they're really only one, and then I said I'll get 'em interested in the bassoon, and by age two, they'd be great just like I said," he said smugly.

"Any luck?" Steve asked politely.

"Well, actually, well, you see...no. But, the way they tear the pages out, wad 'em up, and throw 'em, they might have the makings of pro athletes."

As they spoke, Steve said, "Sure, I'll come down. It's kind of a shame, though, I'd been hoping to spend more time with the family, but I can always stay an extra day or two now, since I'm out here."

"Sure, if you already checked out of the motel, you can just stay here on the couch, or we can pull out the rollaway bed I used in the alcove; I'm sure Danny won't mind," Joey offered.

"Thanks, Joey, I might ..."

Interrupted again, they all thought as Danny and Becky entered through the front door. "Hey, Steve, did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, Uncle Danny. Say, listen, I wanted to know if I could..."

The next sound was that of Stephanie. "You're gonna be grounded for life," she scolded Michelle as they came through the front door, too. "You were pretending all along, weren't you?"

"Michelle, why are you in a leather outfit? I said you couldn't have another one."

"Dad, she ran back into the house and got back just before the bus was about to leave, and she changed while she was in here. I didn't have time to make her go back in and change again," Stephanie complained.

"The kids at school liked my outfit," Michelle said.

Stephanie rolled up Michelle's sleeve. "And, did you show them this, too?" It was a stick-on tattoo saying, "Born To Behave."

"What? Michelle, I told you, you're not supposed to pick out stuff like that," Danny declared. "When you kept bugging me to let you pick out your own clothes, I trusted you to choose wisely."

"See, Dad," Stephanie complained, "she has been getting her way far too much. I bet nuts don't even make you gag. You can stand peanuts and peanut butter."

"Actually, peanuts aren't nuts," Danny explained.

Jesse looked strangely at him. "What are they, peas?" he asked sarcastically.

"No, they're legumes," Danny answered. "Look, Steph, your sister's digestive tract still can't quite handle nuts, but that's not important. You're right, she's been getting away with a lot. Except, I didn't let her get away with this. And, I'm not going to."

"You promised fewer rules," Michelle complained.

Danny agreed. "When you choose wisely."

Jesse jumped in, recalling when he let Michelle's group go wild. "I'm sorry, Munchkin, I should have made sure your dad knew what he was agreeing to. What you did was wrong."

"Daddy said 'Yes.'"

"I didn't know what I was saying 'yes' to; I must have been too busy putting together our itineraries."

Steve recognized that they'd want some time alone to talk things over. "Steph, this would be a great time for you to show me your baseball stuff." She led him upstairs.

A while later, Michelle only had as punishment that she wasn't allowed to keep the stuff she'd bought. From now on, it would be like before; Danny would pick 2-3 outfits for Michelle to try on, and she would choose from among those items.

That was fine when she was in preschool and picked her own outfits. But, that wouldn't do when her mind was more complex, as six and a half. She saw it as just Danny telling her what to try on.

In fact, her mind was so complex, she had played Jesse and Danny off of each other so well she'd avoided a major lecture.

The confusion was such, though, that Steve had to leave with Jesse and Joey to do the radio show, and he still hadn't asked Danny if he could spend a night there.

Michelle was in her room changing when Cousin Steve stepped toward the front door with Jesse and Joey. D.J. entered and greeted them. "Hey, Deej, how was it over at Steve's?"

"Was anyone there?' Danny asked anxiously. "You know, if nobody's going to be home, I really wish you'd stay here."

"It was a madhouse; it makes this place seem like the Sea of Tranquility. Steve's younger brother and a friend were playing superheroes and running around like crazy. Then, a whole bunch of other kids start showing up, while Steve's mom called and said she'd had a flat tire, so it was good Steve was home to babysit this one day. Then, Steve's mom had called the other moms and told them to drop their kids off, and the place turned into Chuck E. Cheese. Finally, they all left in her van, but the carpool had to come back a minute later when she used the phone, because one of the other kids started throwing up in the back seat."

"You should have called me, Deej. I could have come and helped clean it up. I know this great solution..." He saw Jesse, Joey, and Steve were bored. "You don't want to hear about it, huh? Okay...have fun on your show."

Cousin Steve said, "Yeah, sorry we can't hang out more right now, but..." He noticed D.J. eyeing Michelle, whose stick-on tattoo was showing on her arm. D.J. was giving her a look that said there was a huge lecture coming. "Well, you'll be busy with her for a while, anyway. Good luck."

"He's got that right," D.J. told Michelle. D.J. read her the riot act, turning it into a miniseries, grounding her from dessert, given her chores, and so on for tricking Danny and for manipulating her way out of a lecture from the others.

Jesse and Joey were interviewing Cousin Steve, who had gone from talking about "Fellowship of Christian Athletes" to explaining such things as a caller's query about where Cain found his wife. "Yeah," Steve was saying, "Cain married his sister. Genesis chapter five clearly states that Adam and Eve had sons and daughters. They had them at different times, and some of them had moved on, including the one that went and settled in Nod; that's why Cain complains people might try to slay him. And, the gene pool wasn't so spread out that marrying your sister was dangerous yet."

"That's right, Cain," Joey said, impersonating an announcer on "The Dating Game," "you've just won a fabulous getaway with your sister. A famous coach once said a tie is like kissing your sister. Which means, Cain, when you become a married man, you will be fit to be tied."

The men laughed as Jesse said "back after this" and pushed "play" - an ad came on.

"How'd you like that; fit to be tied. I thought of it on the spur of the moment."

"That's how Joey usually operates. Which explains the whoopee cushion you sat on to open our show," Jesse explained. After the ad was over, he added, "Anyway, thanks, Steve. We might have time for one or two more calls, but maybe you can tell us a little about your group's event first, before we open up the phone lines again." Steve said "okay," and gave the information again.

"So, when do you head to spring training?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, Joey...I checked out of my motel room," Steve explained on the air. "In fact, can I make an outside call on here? This is about the only place where I'm not getting interrupted during my stay here."

Jesse looked at him strangely, but Joey was always one to do the unusual; he said "sure," and Steve dialed the Tanner residence.

At the Tanners, everyone was busy, as D.J. was monitoring Michelle with some chores, while Danny was still scrubbing with lavender soap to get the stick-on tattoo off. Stephanie was doing homework, and Becky was feeding the twins early. "Steve, can you get that?" D.J. asked.

"Sure. Hello?" Steve Hale said.

"Oh, hey, Steve, it's Steve," Cousin Steve said.

"Just so our listeners know," Joey quipped, "neither Steve is talking to himself."

"Anyway, can you put Uncle Danny on?"

Jesse held his head in one hand. "Using air time to plan room and board; what's happening to this show?"

"Yeah, just as soon as he's done; I thought that tattoo was off a few minutes ago, but he's really making sure. You know," Steve H. said, "I still can't believe my brother's one friend threw up like that; he wasted a perfectly good lunch. Well, okay, it was a school lunch, so maybe the words 'perfectly good' don't fit...'"

"Steve, are you trying to impersonate Danny's rambling while we wait for him to come to the phone?" Jesse asked, but only after he'd wisely put a song on and pressed "play." He couldn't believe how crazy things could get, and was glad that the audience didn't have to hear it all now.

Danny finally came on. He rambled for a minute more about cleaning compounds, and how he'd made sure there was no more mark on Michelle's arm.

"Danny, will you hurry up and let Steve ask a question, I didn't put 'American Pie' on here, you know." "American Pie" was one of the longest popular songs ever recorded.

"Which Steve?" Danny turned to Steve Hale. "Did you have a question?"

"No, Steve Tanner." Jesse sighed as Steve Hale asked if he could stay for dinner, then wondered how Danny knew he'd wanted to ask that.

"Well, it is a question you ask a lot," Danny remarked.

They talked for a minute more, until Joey finally noticed the song was winding down. He let it stop, and as they came back on the air, he said, "Steve, maybe you better just tell all of San Francisco what you wanted to ask. It seems you just can't stop getting interrupted this week."

"Yes," Jesse said, "and remember...oh, sorry, I'm interrupting, huh?"

"Yeah, if any other Tanners are listening, I wanted to spend another day or two, and so I decided to ask Uncle Danny if he would let me stay there, but things are very busy at the Tanner household right now."

Danny had been distracted talking to Steve Hale, but Stephanie heard. "Hey, Dad," she called as she ran down the steps, "Cousin Steve wants to know if he can spend the night here tonight."

"Why, did he call you?"

"No, he called you. But, everyone's busy down here. I heard him ask on the radio."

Danny picked up the phone, which was still connected to one of several lines into KFLH, and told Steve he could.

The following evening, Steve Tanner bade goodbye to the Tanner household. "You guys are flying out to Disneyworld Saturday, huh?"

"Yep. Have a great time in spring training. Maybe some year, we'll get to see you pitch," Danny remarked.

"I'd love it. I'm glad we got to spend some extra time doing stuff," he told D.J..

"Me, too. Things can get pretty confusing around here," D.J. remarked. "But, I'm glad we get to share it as a family. I really wish I'd had cousins who lived closer when I was growing up. But, at least now Michelle does."

Stephanie requested, "If you make the majors, will you fly us all out to see you?"

"Well, I've got a big family; you know what our family reunions are like," Steve asserted. "But, I'm sure you'll all find time to see me when my team's in the Bay Area, if and when I make it. I'll leave tickets for you then." He looked at Stephanie. "How's the knuckleball I taught you?"

"Good. I probably won't want to play in high school or anything, I'm not enjoying it quite as much as I did, but it's been fun."

Danny said, "I'm just glad we managed to survive keeping all these Steves straight."

"Yeah. I guess..." Joey shook his head. "You guys wouldn't really want me to repeat that pun of Kimmy's about the 'Steves of our Lives,' would you?" Everyone laughed as they hugged and said goodbye to him.