Danny: Everybody, let's clean, clean, clean! DJ's coming tomorrow, and I want everything to be perfect for her!
Jesse: Chill out, Dan-o! The house is spotless! It's spick and span! There's not a speck of dust anywhere!
Danny: Yes, to the naked eye, may'be!(he takes out a magnifying glass and searches the coffee table) Aha! Look, Jess! That, my friend, is a speck of dust! (wipes it away)
Jesse: Danny, I hardly think that DJ will search the house for dust with a magnifying glass!
Danny: I guess you're right! I need to calm down! I mean, it's not like I'm inviting a complete stranger into my house! DJ is my daughter, and I don't need to impress her by having the house clean... or by that giant bowl of Rocky Road ice cream in the freezer with her name on it!
(up in Steph's room)
Michelle: Which one of us is DJ rooming with?
Stephanie: I dunno! Dad told us to decide!
Michelle: I think it should be me!
Stephanie: Of course you do! And I think it should be me!
Michelle: There's only one way to decide this! A bet! The winner bunks with DJ and the loser bunks with... Kimmy!
Stephanie: Eeew, gross!
Michelle: What should our bet be on?
Stephanie: I have no idea. Let's ask Dad!
Stephanie and Michelle: DAAADDD!
Danny: Girls! Calm down, what is it?
Stephanie: We decided to have a contest to see who will room with DJ and who will room with... ugh, I can't even say it!
Michelle: We think the fair way to decide would be for you to decide what our contest is.
Danny: (thinks) Hmmmm... How about whoever has the cleanest room by, say, noon tomorrow? DJ arrives at three, so that will give me time to inspect each room and judge which is the cleanest.
Stephanie and Michelle: Fine!(they shake on it, then run upstairs to start)
(In Joey's room)
Jesse: Joseph, I am really looking forward to DJ's visit, but I have one word for you-Kimmy Gibbler.
Joey: Jess, that's two words.
Jesse: Yeah, I know, but Kimmy doesn't deserve two.
Joey: We've gotta think of something! I cannot spend an every weekend of my life living with Kimmy Gibbler!
Jesse: I don't blame her parents for letting her stay here instead of RIGHT NEXT DOOR where her OWN house is!
Joey: Jess, I have an idea! How about we get the boys to follow her around all weekend? It could drive her crazy! It could drive her insane! It could drive her- out!
Jesse: Joseph, don't you think that's a little cruel?--wait a sec, this is Kimmy Gibbler we're talking about! I'm in!(they high-five)Alright! (calls upstairs)Oh, Boys!
(the next day at noon)
Danny: Girls, time's up!(comes upstairs as girls come out into hallway)
Michelle: I betcha I kicked your dirty behind!
Stephanie: Yeah, right, dustbunny!
Danny: I'll be back to judge-after I get the door!(goes downstairs followed by Steph and Michelle. he opens the door and DJ and Steve come in) Deej!(they hug) You're three hours early! Oh, hi, Steve.
Stephanie: Deej, we were just about to decide who you would room with!
DJ: Uh, that's why I came early. I have something to tell you guys.
Michelle: Is something the matter?(by this time, Jesse, Becky, Joey, and the boys are in the room and seated)
DJ: No! But Dad, you might want to sit down for this!(he sits, Kimmy enters)
Kimmy: (comes in with a suitcase in each hand) Hola, los Tanneritas!
Danny: Boy, am I glad I sat down for this!
DJ: Dad, that's not it! I-uh...
Nicky and Alex: Spit it out!
DJ: Steve and I are getting married!(the room is dead silent and everyones' jaws drop)
Danny: Deej, are you sure you've thought this through?
DJ: Yes, I have. And I'm staying at Steve's apartment on visits from now on!
Danny: No, you're not! And you're only nineteen! You can't get married!
DJ: Dad, you can't tell me what to do anymore! And you got married at nineteen too! I'm staying at Steve's whether you like it or not!
(DJ and Steve exit, everyone except Kimmy is stunned)
(the next day)
Kimmy: Jesse, your little rugrats have been following me around everywhere ever since I came! Tell them to stop it right now!
Jesse: Why don't you?
Kimmy: Fine! (to boys) Stop following me!
Nicky and Alex: No!(Jesse tries to hold back laughter, Kimmy leaves and the boys, of course, follow. Joey enters)
Joey: So how's it working?
Jesse: Great! She's so annoyed by the boys that she has no time to annoy us!
Joey: Great! May'be it'll drive her out soon!
Jesse: I sure hope so!
(Kimmy enters living room where Becky and Danny sit)
Kimmy: Someone tell them to stop following me!
Danny: Kimmy, DJ's not here. Why are you?
Becky: Boys, why are you following Kimmy?
Nicky: Because Daddy told us to.
Becky: Did he now? Did he bribe you?
Alex: Yes he did! (they each hold up a dollar)
Becky: Well, we need to go have a little talk with Daddy and Joey!(grabs boys' hands and leads them into the kitchen. Kimmy sits where Becky was on the couch. Danny looks at her for a second then leaves)
Becky: You PAID the boys to follow Kimmy?!
Nicky: Shame on you!
Alex: Double shame on you!
Jesse: It was all Joey's idea!(points at Joey)
Joey: We thought if they were annoying her, she wouldn't annoy us any more!
Jesse: And that may'be she'd leave!
(Becky hits both on the back of the head)
Jesse and Joey: Oww!
Becky: Did you ever stop to think that Kimmy is a person, too?
Jesse: It really never occurred to me.
(Becky leaves and the boys follow)
(The doorbell rings, Danny gets it)
DJ: I've come to get Kimmy.(pushes past him)
DJ: (yells up the stairs)Kimmy!(Kimmy comes)
Kimmy: I'm ready to go, Deej! Bye, Mr. T!
Danny: Kimmy, how many times have I told you not to call me that? And DJ, you aren't going anywhere until we've had a talk!
DJ: Okay, but you can't change my decision!
Danny: I know that. But I may be able to alter it just a little! Look, Deej, what I'm trying to say is just because you are old enough to make your own decisions doesn't mean you can take advantage of them!
DJ: But Dad, I have really thought out my decision! Steve and I have dated for years. We've gotten to know each other very well and I think I'm ready to take the plunge!
Danny: DJ, I understand. But just please take one bit of advice from me. Don't let it be rushed. Take your time to plan it out, okay?
DJ: Got it, Dad. Thanks for understanding! I appreciate your support!(they hug, DJ goes to the kitchen)
DJ: Bye, Aunt Becky! Bye Uncle Jesse! Bye Nicky! Bye Alex! I'll see you all next week! (she hugs each in turn, then heads up to Michelle's room, where Steph and Michelle sit on Michelle's bed)Hey, you guys, I'm coming to say goodbye! I'll see you next week!
Stephanie: Goodbye, Mrs. Hale.(without looking DJ in the face)
DJ: Come on, why are you mad at me now?
Stephanie: When you left, you promised to stay here on your visits! Now you're staying with Steve and we won't get to see you!
Michelle: Doesn't a promise mean anything to you?(she looks sad, crowd goes awww)
DJ: Oh, Steph, Michelle, I'm so sorry! I guess I was just so excited when Steve proposed that I forgot to consider anyone but myself and Steve! (she thinks for a second) You know what? I just had an idea! How about I stay here on visits until Steve and I get married. Then I stay with him. Fair enough?
Stephanie and Michelle: Fair enough!
Stephanie: How long until you get married?
DJ: Well, I've decided to take Dad's advice and take time to plan it all out.
Stephanie and Michelle: Yes!(DJ laughs)
DJ: You two..!(they hug)See ya next week! Oh, and just flip a coin to see who rooms with me and who with Kimmy!
Stephanie and Michelle: Bye Deej!
(after DJ leaves)
Stephanie: Our little DJ is all grown up!