Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9
Episode (6) 198 - House Online
We find Danny, Jesse, Joey, Michelle and Stephanie at a computer store....
Danny: Okay, what do we want ?
Stephanie: A fast one with two floppy drives, 64 Mb internal memory, a 3,2 GB harddisk, a 64
bit soundcard, 3D videocard and a cd-rom player, 32 speed of course.
Danny:(Looks like he doesn't know what she was talking about) Is that all ?
Michelle: No, we also need a monitor and a modem, so we can surf on the web.
Jesse: Hey, why don't you just take a surfboard and go to the beach to surf ?
Michelle: Duhhuh! I meant the internet.
Jesse: Hey, I knew that.
Joey: And we need some software too.
Stephanie: Microsoft Word ?
Michelle: Word perfect ?
Danny: Well, this sounds nice. Cleansweep. Maybe it's handy in the housekeeping.
Jesse: Hey, we have to buy this, Virusscan. Does this thing make sure I won't be ill for the next
Stephanie: (Looking at Jesse like he said something weird) No.
Joey: No, guys. I meant this software. Popeye, the sailor game.
Danny: Hey, are we going to talk about it or buy it ?
Michelle + Stephanie: Buy it!
Michelle: And play it!
We find The whole family in the alcove at the back of the living room...
Danny: Okay, this is our new computer room.
Becky: Great, now I can do some work here at home.
Joey: Yes, and I can play games.
Steve: I have a new place to eat pizza's now.
DJ: Behind the computer ?
Danny: I didn't think so. That would mean I have to vacuum the computer more than two times a
Stephanie: Dad, please don't do that.
Michelle: I wanna explore the internet.
Jesse: I would... do nothing but stare to the screen.
Becky: Honey, I have a little surprise for you.
Jesse: What ?
Becky: That's a secret. You will get it tonight.
Jesse: Why tonight ?
Becky: Because you don't get it now.
Jesse: That's logical. What is it ?
Becky: I can't tell you, then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore.
Jesse: I understand. (To the twins) Boys, what is it ?
Nicky: We can't tell you.
Jesse: If you tell me you will get an ice-cream.
The boys whisper in the ears of each other....
Jesse: What is it ?
Alex: First we want our ice-cream.
Jesse: And I first wanna hear what it is.
Nicky: No ice-cream ?
Jesse: Not until I know what my surprise is.
Alex: No ice-cream means we won't tell you....
Nicky: (Goes on where his brother stopped) That you get a computer game.
Jesse: Okay, you will get your ice-cream, follow me, men.
Jesse walks to the kitchen, followed by the boys...
Stephanie: Becky, don't you know you never have to tell a secret to little kids ?
Becky: I will remember it in the future. Why did they let Jesse bribe them ? (She walks upstairs)
Michelle: Dad, can I use the computer now ?
Danny: Sure. But make sure your homework is done.
Michelle: Like I would forget to do my homework.
Danny: No, you're right. You just wouldn't do it.
Michelle: You got that right.
Later, we find DJ and Steve in the garage...
DJ: Steve, I'd like to put my stuff in the cupboard.
Steve: Why don't you do it then ?
DJ: Because the whole thing is full with your stuff.
Steve: Hey, I can't help it. I just wear so many clothes.
DJ: Do you also wear this ? (Holding a short sweater in front of her)
Steve: Hey, I have been searching for that thing for a long time.
DJ: I guess that's why it's even to small for Nicky and Alex.
Steve: Hey, I just can't throw away anything.
DJ: Do you mean you have more stuff from your younger years ?
Steve: Sure. Here, take this. This is my first football shirt.
DJ: (Putting her fingers at her nose) I can smell it. It hasn't been cleaned since the last time you
wore it, I guess ?
Steve: No, I'm not sure. Wow!
DJ: What's going on ?
Steve: I just found a piece of a chocolate bar in an old jacket. (takes a bit out of it) Yummy.
DJ: Steve, how can you eat that ?
Steve: What do you mean ?
DJ: Steve, chocolate has to be brown, not green.
We find Michelle and Stephanie behind the computer....
Michelle: Wow. This is fun!
Stephanie: You can say that again.
Michelle: Watch this! The homepage of the city.
Stephanie: Can you see if there is any place in the animal home ?
Michelle: Why ?
Stephanie: Oh nothing.
Then Kimmy walks in....
Kimmy: Good afternoon, kiddo's.
Stephanie: What are you doing here ?
Kimmy: DJ called me to tell me you have a new computer.
Michelle: And ?
Kimmy: Can I use it ? I have something that has to be calculated.
Stephanie: Kimmy, you don't need a computer for that. You only have to ask and I can tell you
one and one is two.
Kimmy: Thanks. Well, then I will look for DJ now. Bye.
Kimmy walks into the kitchen...
Stephanie: Michelle, that's the reason I wanted to know if there is any room in the animal home.
Michelle: Let me see. Which category of animals ?
Stephanie: Cat ?- Neh. Dog ? -Neh. Wait, can we choose pigs ?
Michelle: No, but I can try the children's farm.
Stephanie: Good idea.
Becky and Jesse are with the boys at the attic...
Jesse: Becky, what is the surprise ?
Becky: I can't tell you. Did you buy me something by the way ?
Jesse: Buy you something ?
Becky: Yes. Don't tell me you forgot it's exactly ten years ago we met today.
Jesse: No, of course I didn't forget.
Becky: Well, what did you buy then ?
Jesse: That's a surprise. (To him self) And not only for you.
Becky: Well, I have to go now. I have an appointment with the hairdresser.
Jesse: Have fun!
Becky leaves the attic...
Nicky: Daddy, you didn't bought mummy something, did you ?
Jesse: Can you keep a secret ?
Jesse: You are right. Come, let's buy something right now.
Jesse and the boys leave the attic....
In the garage, DJ and Steve are having an argument when Kimmy walks in...
DJ: Steve, you just have to throw some of your stuff away.
Steve: But I can't.
DJ: If you don't do it, I will.
Steve: Deej, don't give me such a hard time.
DJ: Steve, why is it so hard for you to throw away ten mouldy pizza's?
Steve: Maybe I get hungry in my sleep.
DJ: Steve, we have a refrigerator, you know.
Kimmy: (Walking to DJ and Steve) I notice the two of you are having fun here.
DJ: Then you got the wrong impression.
Kimmy: So, what's up ?
DJ: Steve uses the whole cupboard for his stuff and I have no room left.
Kimmy: I know that problem, Duane and me are facing the same.
Steve: Since when are you living together with Duane ?
Kimmy: I don't, but my own cupboard was full, so I put some of my stuff in Duane's cupboard.
DJ: And what did he say about that.... Never mind, why did I ask.
Kimmy: I just let you continue your conversation. I have to do something.
Kimmy walks up the stairs and goes to the living room, to Michelle and Stephanie...
Kimmy: Hey, young fry. I have a question.
Stephanie: What ?
Kimmy: Do you have e-mail ?
Michelle: Of course.
Kimmy: Good. That saves me a walk to the mailbox. I have a letter that has to be posted. Where
do I have to put it, in here ?
Stephanie: Kimmy, that's the floppy-drive. You can't send normal mail.
Kimmy: Not ?
Kimmy: Well, I guess I have to go to the mailbox then.
Stephanie: And if you pass the children's farm, walk by. We have booked some room for you
In the city we find Jesse and the boys...
Jesse: What shall I buy for your mother ?
Jesse: I can't give your mother something perishable.
Nicky: No, but you can give us.
Alex: Yes, we like to get ice-cream and cookies.
Jesse: I'm sure you do, but I have to think up something to give to your mother.
Nicky: Why don't you give her perfume ?
Jesse: (Fast) Because I think she will think I think she stinks when I give her that.
Nicky: Can you repeat that, dad?
Jesse: When I give your mother perfume, she will think that I think she stinks.
Alex: But what does she think you think she thinks ?
Jesse: When you are older you will understand, son.
Nicky: How come you are so sure about that ?
Jesse: I'm not sure about it, it's only something parents tell their children when they don't want
to answer the questions.
They walk on and pass a jewelry store...
Jesse: Wow, she will love that. Let me see what price is on the card with it.
Jesse looks into the shop-window and reads the card with the price...
Jesse: Okay, I have never seen this.
Nicky: Why not ?
Jesse: Because I will be remembered to the price then.
Alex: And you just said mummy will love it.
Jesse: But I don't love the price.
We find DJ and Steve in the garage...
DJ: Well, this is more like it.
Steve: Hey, that ain't fair. You are using the whole cupboard now.
DJ: Steve, half of the stuff inside is yours.
Steve: But where do I put the rest ?
DJ: Give it to the Salvation Army.
Steve: But it has so many emotional value.
DJ: If you can't throw stuff you never use away, I will give you a choice. The stuff or me.
Steve: You mean I have to choose between you and my old stuff ?
DJ: Well, you have your brains working.
Steve: I have to think about this very carefully. It's not easy to choose, you know.
DJ: (Desperate) Ooooh! (She walks up the stairs into the kitchen, where Danny and Joey are)
Danny: Hi Deej. Is there something wrong ? You look so desperate.
DJ: I'm having an argument with Steve. He thinks he can use the whole cupboard for his stuff.
Joey: Well, why don't you ask him to put some of his stuff somewhere else ?
DJ: I did, but he doesn't want to. Now I made him an ultimatum. It's his stuff or me.
Joey + Danny: (Turning their faces to each other) Wrong!
DJ: What do you guys mean ?
Joey: Let me put it this way, it was a bad move.
Danny: Yes, I fully agree with Joey. DJ, you wanted to solve your problem, now you created
DJ: What do you mean ?
Then Steve walks up...
Steve: Deej, I'm sorry, but I move out. I will live with my mom for a while.
DJ: Steve, why ?
Steve: Because it seems to me you can't live with me and my things.
Then he walks away, into the living room, out of the front door...
DJ: No, Steve....
Joey: We told you...
DJ: Oh, just shut up... (Almost crying) My boyfriend walks away from me and you... oowh, I
wanna be alone now
She walks into the kitchen...
Danny: We have to do something.
Joey: I can do one of my acts to cheer her up.
Danny: No, we have to get Steve back.
In the city, we find Jesse and the twins in a dress shop...
Jesse: Boys, your mother just loved this dress when we walked past this shop last week, do you
think she will like to have it ?
Alex: Sure. Just buy it, don't talk.
Jesse: Hey, don't act that bossy, Alex.
Alex: I'm sorry. But you are having doubts with anything you want to buy.
Nicky: Yes, and then you ask us if Mummy will like it. Like we know what she likes.
Alex: Yes, you know her better, so just buy something if you think she likes it.
Jesse: (To him self) I'm being lectured by my own kids. But it was wise what they said. (To the
boys) That was a smart talk from you. How did you get this knowledge ?
Nicky: We don't have that knowledge.
Alex: No, it's just a tactical move.
Nicky: Yes, so that we will be finished soon and we can get an ice-cream.
Jesse: Is that all ? Well, then we will pay for this dress.
They walk to the counter...
Saleslady: This dress ?
Jesse: Yes, if I wanted another one, I would have got another, wouldn't I ?
Saleslady: If you say so. That will be 83 dollars, please.
Jesse: (Taking some money from his pocket) Okay, here you have hundred.
Saleslady: Can't you fit ?
Jesse: No, that doesn't seem very necessary to me.
Saleslady: Why not?
Jesse: Well, it's not for me, it's for my wife.
Saleslady: No, I meant if you can fit the money.
Jesse: If I could, I would have given you, wouldn't I ?
Saleslady: If you say so. Here, you have your change.
Jesse and the boys leave the store...
Nicky: Daddy, can we have an ice-cream now ?
Jesse: Sure. What taste do you want ?
Alex: Strawberry with chocolate and banana.
Nicky: I want raspberry with chocolate and cherry.
Jesse: No, you can only choose one taste.
Nicky: We will tell mummy you forgot the anniversary.
Jesse: Okay, two tastes, but no more.
Alex: We can live with that.
Jesse: (To him self) This looks like blackmail.
Michelle is still behind the computer, when Joey walks in...
Joey: Michelle, we are going to have diner.
Michelle: Have a nice meal.
Joey: Michelle, you are supposed to come to the kitchen to join diner.
Michelle: No thanks, I will order pizza at the internet.
Joey: Michelle, I really don't think you will like the digital pieces. And how do you wanna eat it
Michelle: Duhhuh! I will just have it delivered here.
Joey: Well, I don't think it will work like that.
Michelle: Why not?
Joey: Get into the kitchen now!
Danny: (Walking in) Hey, are you coming ?
Joey: Yes and no.
Danny: Well, make up your mind then.
Joey: No, I mean, I will come, Michelle won't.
Danny: Michelle, get into the kitchen right now!
Michelle: But I'm chatting.
Danny: Yes, and we will have a chat too, if you don't come with us immediately.
Michelle: (Reluctant) Al right.
They walk into the kitchen...
Danny: Okay, everybody is in, let's eat.
DJ: No, not everybody is here. And if you don't mind, I'm not hungry.
DJ walks down the stairs to her room I the garage...
Michelle: Hey, why can she walk away and can I not ?
Danny: Because she has a good reason. Excuse me, I have to talk to her.
Danny also walks into the garage...
Danny: DJ, we have to talk.
DJ: What about ?
Danny: I think you know.
DJ: Steve ?
Danny: Yes. Deej, I don't understand why you let him go like that.
DJ: Me neither. But it came as a surprise to me that he left.
Danny: I think you must go see him and talk things out, you love him, don't you ?
DJ: Yes, you are right.
They walk up stairs...
DJ: See you later, guys.
Danny: Good luck.
It's late, when Becky and Jesse are alone at the attic...
Jesse: Becky, I think it's time.
Becky: What for ?
Jesse: For my surprise of course.
Becky: Well, now I know where the boys got that from.
Jesse: Hey, what did you mean by that ?
Becky: Nothing. Okay, here is your present. (She walks to the cupboard and takes something out
of it) Here you are, I hope you like it.
Jesse: (Opening the package Becky gave him) I'm so excited. (When he has the thing completely
unpacked) Wow, Becky, this is great. The Elvis-encyclopedia on CD-ROM. I'm going to
watch it right now.
Becky: hey, aren't you forgetting something ?
Jesse: What ? Oh yeah, I'm so sorry. One moment please. (He walks into their bedroom and
comes back with a package..) Here you are.
Becky: (Opening it) It's a big box.... Oh, Jesse, the dress we saw in the mall last week, thank
you. (Looking at the label) Uhm.. Jess, there's only one problem.
Jesse: What ?
Becky: Do you think I'm too fat ?
Jesse: No, why ?
Becky: The size of this dress is ‘small', and I need to have ‘large'
Jesse: I knew I should have fitted it.
Becky: Jesse, tomorrow we can change it, it's no big deal. Happy anniversary.
Jesse: Yes. Ten years, time flies.
Now, they are reviving memories, with some Flash-backs of the earlier seasons:
Becky: Remember our first kiss ?
Jesse: Yes, we were stuck in an airport and my dad was pushing me to kiss you under the
Becky: Yes, but I was not the only one that kissed you.
Jesse: Hey, I didn't know that old woman. And do you remember our time in Las Vegas ?
Becky: Yes, you were jealous – And it was not the only time you were jealous.
Jesse: Yes, and we almost got married there.
Becky: Yes, in the fabulous (Together with Jesse) Ali Baba hotel and casino.
Jesse: But we finally got married.
Becky: Yes, after they got you out of the tree, where you were stuck in one with your parachute.
Jesse: And then, the day you told me you were pregnant.
Becky: It was a big shock to you.
Jesse: Because I didn't expect two children.
Becky: And then they came... at the same day Michelle turned five.
Jesse: And my appendix was taken away that day.
Becky: But there was a great end of that day..
Jesse: Yes, two boys, who I couldn't tell apart.
Now, they are turning back to the current day..
Jesse: Ten years, and you know what ? I hope there will be many after them...
Becky: Me too. Come here, give me a big kiss..
Jesse: Have mercy!
It's about twelve o clock, when Danny walks down stairs because he hears a strange sound....
Danny: Anyone here ?
Michelle: It's only me.
Danny: (Sleepy) Okay, Michelle. (He walks up stairs and suddenly walks backwards downstairs)
Michelle, honey, what are you still doing up ?
Michelle: I'm just surfing.
Danny: Michelle, you have been behind that computer all day long, it's time you go a sleep.
Michelle: I'm not sleepy.
Danny: Michelle, go to bed now, we will talk about this tomorrow.
Michelle reluctantly walks upstairs, Danny turns off the computer and walks behind Michelle...
The next morning at six Danny walks down...
Danny: Michelle, not again.
Danny: Didn't I tell you to go to your bed ?
Michelle: And I did, and I slept. And now I'm back online.
Danny: Michelle, this is not good. Come here. (He goes sitting on the couch, Michelle sits down
next to him) Honey, it's not good when you spend so much time behind the computer.
Michelle: I don't mind.
Danny: But I do. When you only stay behind that machine, you won't get a social life.
Michelle: Sure I do. I can contact people from all over the world.
Danny: That's not what I meant. I think it's better if you don't use the computer for the rest of
Michelle: But why not ?
Danny: Because it's the only thing you do, sitting there, staring at the screen. You have a family
and friends. They come first, and after them the computer.
Michelle: But when I am online I have a nickname when I'm chatting. I can say whatever I want
and nobody will tell me I said something wrong, I can abuse everyone I want.
Danny: Michelle, you already can do that.
Michelle: I can ?
Danny: Yes, that's where we have a Kimmy Gibbler for. But honey, it's not nice to call people
names and it's only worse when they don't know who it does.
Michelle: But I can do more things than that. I can read the latest news.
Danny: You already can do that.
Michelle: I can ?
Danny: Yes, we have a newspaper, remember ?
Michelle: I can play games.
Danny: You have your family, you can play games with them. Take Nicky and Alex, they love to
play games with you.
Michelle: I never thought of it like that. You're right dad. But can't I really .....
Danny: Sure you can, next week, but not longer than 1 hour a day. There are more people living
in this house who want to use it.
They stand up and walk away....
Some hours later, everybody is at the breakfast table...
Danny: DJ, how was your meeting with Steve ?
DJ: I didn't see him.
Stephanie: How come ?
DJ: He was not at home. And neither was his mother.
Nicky: Maybe they were shopping.
DJ: No, I don't think so.
Alex: Why not?
DJ: Because it was after ten when I got there and the shops are closed by that time.
Then someone walks into the kitchen...
Steve: Hi Deej, can I talk to you in the garage ?
Stephanie: Are you back?
Jesse: I guess you missed DJ ?
Steve: That was one of the things that made me decide to come back.
Stephanie: And what was the other thing ?
Steve: My mother didn't have enough food in her house. You know, we even had to eat in a
restaurant last night, because she didn't have enough potatoes.
DJ: So that's why you weren't at home.
DJ and Steve walk into the garage and go sitting on the bed...
Steve: Deej, can I please come back ?
DJ: Sure you can. Steve, I'm sorry I was so pushy.
Steve: No, I'm sorry. I guess I sort of panicked when you made me an ultimatum. I just had the
feeling I had to do something I almost never did.
DJ: Throw your old clothes away, you mean ?
Steve: No, throw the old food away. But now I see why you wanted me to do that. You know,
yesterday I eat the green chocolate, remember ?
DJ: Yes, I remember.
Steve: Yesterday night I just felt sick by that. So, I guess we just have to throw the old food
DJ: Well, that's one thing. Now you have to take distance from some old clothes and possessions.
Steve: I know. Let's start now.
DJ: Okay. What about this old sweater ?
Steve: I'm sure there are some great memories with the holes in that thing, but okay, throw it
DJ: Steve, those holes are just made by moths.
Steve: What ? The moths ate my memories?
They both laugh and continue searching the clothes of Steve...
That afternoon we find Joey behind the computer when Nicky and Alex walk in with Stephanie...
Nicky: What are you doing, Joey ?
Joey: I'm playing my Popeye game.
Alex: What is the game about ?
Joey: I have to find spinach to beat Bluto and rescue Olive.
Nicky: The same old story.
Joey: (Imitating Pop-eye) You got that right, little sailor. Well well, where is the spinach ?
I have to rescue my Olive.
Stephanie: Joey, can we use the computer for a moment ?
Stephanie: Because the boys want to see the homepage of Mickey Mouse.
Joey: Does Mickey has his own home page ? Where ?
Stephanie: I know at what address it is. Can I ?
Joey: Yes. I want to see it too.
Joey stands up and Stephanie sits down...
Stephanie: You're game will be over, Joey.
Joey: I don't mind.
Stephanie closes the game and logs in to the internet...
Nicky: Hurry up, Stephanie.
Stephanie: Hey, calm down. I'm working on it.
Joey: Yes Nicky, she is working on it. But Steph, please hurry up.
Stephanie: Here it is, I'm ready.
Joey: (Staring at the screen) Wow!
Alex: (Staring at the screen) Double wow!
Nicky: (Staring at the screen) Double double wow!
Stephanie: You're welcome.
Nicky: But we didn't say thank you.
Stephanie: You got it!
Then Jesse walks in...
Jesse: Hey, here's uncle J!
Alex: But you are my daddy, not my uncle.
Nicky: I'd like to say the same.
Jesse: Okay, let's do it again. Hey, here's daddy J!
Joey: But you're not my daddy, you're my friend.
Stephanie: And you are my uncle, so you said the right thing the first time.
Jesse: Okay, just to make everybody happy: hey, here is Mr. J!
Stephanie: But it still can be better. What about: hey, here is uncle daddy friend J! ?
Alex: But you are Stephanie, so you're name doesn't start with a J, and you are a girl, so you
can't be a father.
Nicky: You all don't get it, do you ?
Joey: Yeah, you all don't get it.
Jesse: I quit this game. Can I use the computer?
Stephanie: We are busy now.
Jesse: But it is very important. I have to watch my Elvis encyclopedia on CD-ROM.
Then Becky walks in...
Becky: Hey guys, are you ready ? I want to make the schedule of tomorrow's show on the
Jesse: Just get into the row. Maybe you're turn will be before tonight then.
Then Danny walks in...
Danny: How nice, all of the family together at the computer.
Becky: Get into the row if you want to use it.
Danny: How do you mean ?
Jesse: Just like she said.
Danny: Okay, everybody get away from that computer.
Joey: Can I please stay ? I like this site of Mickey Mouse.
Danny: Guys, this was not where I bought the computer for in the first place. You all want to use
it at the same time. I bought it so everybody could use it for something useful.
Then Joey takes up a glass of orange jus, but he doesn't pay enough attention, so the glass falls out of his hand, on the computer, and the orange jus gets inside the machine, then the screen turns black....
Danny: Look what you did.
Joey: I'm sorry.
Jesse: Now I will never know how the Elvis encyclopedia looks like.
Nicky: You killed the computer.
Becky: How am I supposed to write tomorrow's show down now ?
Joey: well, you can see it from the bright site.
Danny + Jesse + Becky + Stephanie: Bright site ? Which bright site ? Hey, I was supposed to
Joey: Well, we don't have to fight who can use it now, and... We still got the printer....
Danny: Don't worry. I will change this thing and we will make a schedule to decide who can use
it when. Do you understand ?
Joey: Yes. And for it's my fault, I will pay for the new one. Oh, Danny, can I borrow the money
for it ?
After dinner, we find DJ and Steve in the garage...
DJ: Well, we are done now. We both have the same amount of space in the cupboard now.
Steve: Well, I guess I will put the bags with the old stuff with the garbage now.
DJ: I will help you.
They take some bags up stairs, where Michelle, Joey and Danny are...
Danny: What's in those bags ?
Steve: My old clothes and pizza's.
Danny: You kept old pizza's in your room ? Now I know where the mice came from.
DJ and Steve walk outside...
Danny: Okay, let's watch TV.
Joey: Yeah, I guess we are back where we were ? No computer, no Popeye game. Oh, I'm so
dumb, I am so cruel to Popeye.
Michelle: Get over it. At least it ain't a problem to me.
Danny: Our talk from this morning really works I guess?
Michelle: No, it wasn't the talk. It's just the fact I couldn't use it anyway till next week.
Joey: A good thing is that it can be fixed.
Danny: Come on, don't have a cow, there is a great movie on right now.
They stand up and walk into the living room....
Full House - The new stories
Episode 2 (194)- It was almost like a Halloween
Danny buys a computer for general use in the house. Michelle is behind it all day. DJ and Steve are having an argument about space in the cupboard. Becky and Jesse celebrate that they met ten years ago.