Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9
Episode (7) 199 - Christmas Reunion
We find Becky, Michelle, Stephanie and the twins in the living room...
Becky: Al right, boys. It's to time to decorate the Christmas tree.
Michelle: And to do that, we need some decorations. And for it's the first time you will help, I
will explain something to you, about the decorations.
Stephanie: Okay, here we have the first thing we can use.
Michelle: This is a festoon, we will...
Nicky: Michelle, just give it to us, we know what to do with it.
Becky: Girls, can you help me, I think the tree will stand better over there.
Becky, Michelle and Stephanie walk to the tree and pull it to the other side of the room...
Stephanie: (Looking at the twins) Ehm, boys. This is not what we meant to do with the
Nicky: (With a festoon turned round his body) Why not ?
Alex: (Dressed the same way like his brother, only another festoon) Yeah, what is wrong with
Michelle: The festoons belong in the tree.
Nicky: No they don't.
Alex: Now they belong to us. We think we look very well decorated now.
Becky: Well, I have to admit, it looks cute.
Stephanie: And there is an advantage of this.
Michelle: What ?
Stephanie: Well, if we put the boys like this in the corner, dad doesn't have to worry about
falling needles from the tree. And we won't spoil water when watering the tree.
Becky: You got that right. We only have to put a cookie in their mouth once in a while and they
We find the whole family in the living room...
Danny: Al right. Let's do the final inspection. Show me your hands....
Danny walks to all of the others and has a look at their hands...
Danny: Michelle, your hands are okay. Well, Stephanie, they are al right. DJ, okay. Steve, what
is that ? (Danny points at a piece of chocolate in Steve's hand)
Steve: That's a piece of a real Mr. Scott's chocolate bar.
Danny: What is it doing there ?
Steve: It's waiting there so I can eat it.
Danny: Then eat it and go wash your hands afterwards. (He walks to the next person) Nicky,
what a clean hands, and Alex, how do you get such clean hands ?
Alex: My mother did it. With soap.
Danny: Jesse, show me your hands.
Jesse: No, I'd rather don't do that.
Danny: Why not ? Didn't you clean them, young man ?
Jesse: Actually I didn't.
Danny: Why not?
Jesse: Why would I?
Danny: Because my mother is coming and she likes clean hands.
Jesse: Well, and my parents are coming and they love dirty hands.
Joey: Hey guys, don't fight about this. I have a solution.
Danny: What ?
Joey: Well, Jesse goes cleaning his hands.
Danny: I like the idea.
Jesse: I don't.
Joey: And when Danny's mother is in the house, and she has seen Jesse's hands, he can make
them dirty for his own parents.
Jesse: I like that part.
Danny: I don't. But if it makes you happy.
Then the doorbell rings. Jesse walks into the kitchen, Danny opens the door...
Claire T: Danny, baby. I'm so glad to see you again. And girls, give me a hug. And who is this
young man ? (She points at Steve)
Steve: I'm Steve. I'm DJ's boyfriend.
Claire T: So, and what do you do for living ?
Steve: I eat.
Claire T: How nice.
Michelle: Granny, did you bring presents?
Danny: Michelle, don't be so insolent.
Claire T: Oh, Danny. I don't mind. She is used to me bringing presents with me when I come by.
Joey: Did you also bring me some presents ?
Claire T: Joey, you never change, do you ?
Joey: No, if I did I wouldn't be Joey anymore.
Claire T: Well, I have a big hug for you.
Joey: (Opens his arms wide) Oh, thank you very much, what a beautiful present.
Danny: I wish you said that when I want to hug you.
Stephanie: Grandma, I hope you don't mind, but I have made an appointment with my best
friend, we want to do some Christmas shopping.
Claire T: I don't mind. But on one condition, that you buy something nice for yourself. (She
gives Stephanie twenty dollars)
Danny: Mother, don't spoil them.
Claire T: Danny, I don't see my grandchildren that much.
Stephanie: (Gives her grandmother a kiss) Thank you granny. And dad, don't have a cow. I
don't mind the money.
Stephanie leaves the house, Danny's mother sits down at the couch...
Nicky: We wanna go shopping too.
Alex: Yes, we want to buy ice-cream.
Claire T: But I got something better for you. Look at this. (She takes something out of her bag)
Alex: Double cool!
Jesse: Claire, you shouldn't have done this.
Nicky: Yes she has.
Claire T: Oh Jesse, I see them like my grandchildren too. And what is a box of cookies ? I just
love to see them smile.
Then the door bell rings again......
Jesse: (Opening the door) (To the others) That will be my parents. Hello, mom, dad.
Kimmy: Hi son!
Jesse: Oh my god, Kimmy, what are you doing here ?
Kimmy: My parents are on a Christmas trip now.
Danny: And how come you are not with them ?
Kimmy: I don't know. For a reason I don't know, they didn't want to take me with them.
Michelle: Gee, I wonder why.
Kimmy: But I have some great news. Duane and I will come too tonight, bye (She walks away).
Danny: And I thought Christmas would be fun.
Jesse: You got that right. It ‘would' be a great Christmas, but I doubt if it ‘will' be.
Then Jesse's parents walk in...
Irene: Jesse, my boy, how are you? (She puts her arm around his neck)
Jesse: (In a low voice) I was fine, till you squeezed me.
Irene: I'm sorry, did I hurt you ?
Jesse: No, not at all. I can stand some pain.
Nick: Hi son!
Jesse: Hi dad. How's life ?
Nick: It couldn't be better. You see, I have bought a tape, called ‘making love for people older
than 50.' Since your mother and I watched it...
Irene: Nick, stop that please.
Becky: there are children in the room.
Nick: I'm sorry .
Nicky: Hello, granny and grandfather.
Irene: Hello boys. Do you wanna know what grandma has in her bag ?
Alex: Cookies ?
Nick: Irene, why don't you just give them the chocolate bars?.
Irene: Hey, I wanna play with them.
Jesse: Please don't fight. At least not with the boys in the same room.
Alex: is it a chocolate bar ?
Irene: How do you know?
Nicky: Easy, grandpa told us.
Joey: Do you have something for me too?
Irene: of course I have. Here's a peppermint for you.
Joey: Gee, thanks.
Irene: I'm just kidding.
Nick: Yes, you will get the whole box. (he laughs)
Irene: Oh, we are just teasing you. Give me a hug.
Joey and Irene hug...
We find Stephanie at Gia's house...
Stephanie: What will be buy ?
Gia: I don't know. Maybe some new socks.
Stephanie: You wanna give socks for Christmas ?
Gia: Huh, socks for diner ?
Stephanie: Gia, are you al right. Where did you put your mind ?
Gia: Huh? Sorry, my mind is somewhere else. Steph, I don't know if I will come tonight.
Stephanie: Why not? We are counting on you.
Gia: I don't think I can let my mom stay at home alone.
Stephanie: I thought she would go to her new boyfriend ?
Gia: He called her yesterday, he has found a new love and cancelled the date and the
relationship. My mother is very down now.
Stephanie: You're right, that won't be a nice Christmas for her then. She just needs people that
love her and care about her.... Hey, someone like my dad.
Gia: What do you mean ?
Stephanie: Why don't you take her with you ? Maybe we can get her and my dad back together.
Gia: Hey, that's no bad idea. Let's do it.
Claire: (Walking into the room) Hi Steph.
Gia: Mom, we were just discussing that it would be a great idea if you would go with me
tonight to Steph's house.
Claire: I don't know. I don't think I would feel good when I see all those happy people.
Gia: It would do you some good, it takes your mind away from your sorrow.
Claire: I guess you're right. Stephanie, are you sure your dad doesn't mind?
Stephanie: Sure he won't. He would be glad to have some more people over for diner.
Gia: We are going to do some shopping now, see you later.
Claire: Bye, have fun!
Stephanie and Gia leave the house. They walk outside to the mall, where we find them again, a little later...
Gia: (Looking into a shop-window) Wow, look at that dress, it's beautiful.
Stephanie: Wow, look at the price, it's awful.
Gia: Actually, it's not my color.
Stephanie: Let's go over there, I wanna buy something for Joey.
Gia: Why are you going to the toys store then?
Stephanie: Because it's for Joey. Grown up from the outside, child from the inside.
Gia: Hey, isn't that something for your uncle ?
Stephanie: What? That hairspray ?
Gia: Yes. The text next to it says ‘keeps your hair modeled for 24 hours'.
Stephanie: Last week I saw something about it on television. The sentence is right, it keeps your
hair modeled for 24 hours. But after 24 hours, you don't have any hair left on your
head. And a bald uncle Jesse is just like a dead uncle Jesse.
Gia: And this, ain't this anything for your father? (She points at a book)
Stephanie: Let me see. ‘How to keep your house clean' Neh, he borrowed such a book at
the library once.
Gia: And what happened ?
Stephanie: He called the publisher to tell how the housekeeping would be more efficient than
when it's done like it's written in the book.
At the Tanner house, we find DJ and Steve in the kitchen...
DJ: Steve, listen very carefully, I will only say this once.
DJ: We are going to prepare diner....
Steve: Great, I'm getting hungry you know.
DJ: And when we are preparing it, you can't eat anything from it.
Steve: Go nuts!
Michelle and Danny's mother walk in...
Claire T: What are you doing ?
Steve: We are preparing diner, and I can't eat when we do that.
Michelle: Steve, it will be hard for you, but you have to be strong.
Steve: I know.
Claire T: And what will we eat?
DJ: Well, we will make two pans of soup, three grilled chickens and one kilo of potatoes.
Claire T: Do you think that's enough for everybody ?
DJ: Oh no, that's just Steve's diner.
Claire T: Do you need any help ?
DJ: No, I think we will manage it.
Claire T: Well, if you need me, just say it.
Michelle and granny Tanner leave the kitchen...
Steve: Yes ?
DJ: What's the matter?
Steve: You called my name.
DJ: Because you called mine.
Steve: Oh yeah, I forgot. Can I please eat an apple, I'm so hungry.
We find Becky and Jesse at the attic with the boys....
Nicky: Can we play now?
Becky: No, first you have to put on some clean clothes.
Alex: But we did that this morning.
Becky: But they are not clean anymore.
Nicky: We don't mind.
Becky: So you don't put clean clothes on ?
Alex: You got it dude!
Jesse: Okay. Boys, if you don't put other clothes on, you won't have a dessert tonight.
Alex: Yeah right!
Jesse: I'm serious. So, what will it be?
Nicky: No other clothes.
Jesse: And you can't leave your room till diner.
Alex: Yeah right!
Jesse: If you think about it that way, then you can go to your room now.
He takes the boys to their room and closes the door and keeps waiting in front of it...
Becky: What are you doing ?
Jesse: I'm almost sure they will give in now.
Becky: Well, I think you will have to wait there till you're bald.
Jesse: Oh no, am I losing hair?
Then Joey walks upstairs to the attic, followed by Nick and Irene...
Joey: Al right, where are the boys?
Joey: I would teach them how to imitate Daffy Duck.
Nicky: (Opening the door of his room) Let's go.
Jesse: No, you're not going anywhere.
Irene: Trouble ?
Becky: They don't want to change clothes.
Irene: Can I try ?
Irene: (Squats in front of the boys) Boys, do you want to make granny happy ?
Nicky: Yes we do.
Irene: Okay, let's change your clothes then.
Alex: No we won't.
Nick: Hey, do you want to see your grandmother cry ?
Alex: Okay, we will put on other clothes.
Becky: At least. Thank you Irene.
Irene: You're welcome.
Nick: Jesse, have you seen our new car ?
Jesse: No. Do you have one ?
Nick: Yes. I thought the old one was...
Irene: Excuse me ?
Nick: Okay, your mother thought the old one was to shaky. But we have a great car from 89 now.
Jesse: Well, let's have a look then.
They leave the attic....
Just before diner, we find the whole family in the living room when the door bell rings...
Danny: Who could that be?
Joey: I will get it. (He walks to the door and opens it....) Roxy ?
Roxy: Hi Joey.
Joey: What are you doing here ?
Roxy: I was looking for some company... Joey, I miss you.
Joey: Hey, you were the one who walked away two years ago.
Roxy: That was the most stupid thing I have ever done.
Joey: Do you know what you did to me?
Roxy: Ehm, Joey, can I come in ? I feel like a snowman.
Joey: You can't feel like that.
Roxy: Haven't you been outside today ? Then you will know I can.
Joey: I mean, you can only feel like a snow woman.
Roxy: You are as funny as ever. (She walks into the house)
Michelle: Hi Roxy.
Roxy: Hi Michelle.
Michelle: Do you know some good jokes?
Roxy: I always do.
Roxy: And what?
Michelle: Aren't you gonna tell one?
Roxy: Okay. There was a girl that had a really nice boyfriend and then suddenly she walked out
of his life without leaving a message why. And then suddenly she regrets this and she
wants him back.
Michelle: I don't get it.
Joey: But I do. Roxy, come on, let's talk in my room.
Joey and Roxy walk up the stairs, into Joey's room....
Joey: I only wanna know one thing: why?
Roxy: Things were going too fast for me. I needed some time to think.
Joey: Well, did you have time enough ?
Roxy: Yes. After one week I knew one thing for sure. I would stay in Chicago for the rest of my
life. That would be the easiest way to forget everything that ever happened here.
Joey: But I guess you couldn't forget ?
Roxy: No, unfortunately I didn't suffer from amnesia.
Joey: Too bad!
Roxy: (Laughing) That's what I came back for, you. I just couldn't forget you, your jokes or the
way you imitated Popeye.
Joey: (Imitating Popeye) Well, blow my nose! (With his normal voice) Roxy, you hurt me when
you left, I had the feeling I had found the love of my life. And I never forgot you.
Roxy: Can we start all over again ?
Joey: I don't think it would do any harm if we tried.... (He kisses Roxy)
Roxy: It's like I've never been away.
Still in the living room, we find Danny, Stephanie and Michelle, when someone knocks at the door
Danny: I will get it. (He opens the door) Hi Gia.
Claire: (Walking behind Gia) Hi Danny.
Danny: Hi Claire.
Kimmy: (Also walking to the door) Hello!
Danny: Hi kimmy. Bye Kimmy. (He closes the door)
Michelle: I guess Kimmy will have a lonely Christmas now.
Stephanie: Dad, I don't like to say it, but I think you'd better let Kimmy in.
Danny: I guess that's the Christmas spirit?
Stephanie: No, it's the fact I see Kimmy taking off her shoes and we don't want to destroy the
whole ozone layer, do we?
Danny: Well, in name of the environment. (he opens the door again)
Kimmy: Thanks. Duane, are you coming or will you just stay there ?
Duane: (Walking behind Kimmy) Whatever.
Gia: Well, make up your mind.
Stephanie: Don't mention it. His conversations are always this profound.
Kimmy and Duane walk into the kitchen...
Claire: Well, here I am.
Danny: What a surprise.
Claire: Didn't Stephanie tell you ?
Danny: No, she didn't. Steph ?
Stephanie: Hey, I thought it would be a great surprise for you. Gia, Michelle, let's see if we can
help in the kitchen.
Stephanie, Michelle and Gia leave the living room and walk into the kitchen...
Danny: But I thought you would....
Claire: I know. But that bastard has found a new girlfriend and dumped me.
Danny: What ? How can anyone do something like that to you ?
Claire: I know what you are saying. But hey, I'm here to forget my problems and to have a nice
Danny: Well, you will get it!
Some hours later, we find Nicky and Alex in the living room with Danny's mother and Jesse's mother, while Michelle and Stephanie and Gia are playing the computer...
Claire T: (Taking a card from the table) Ooh, nice card.
Nicky: Grandma Irene, do you have the cookies ?
Irene: No, I thought I gave you a chocolate bar.
Alex: No, he means the card with the cookies.
Irene: Oh, do you mean that one? No, I don't have it.
Nicky: Go nuts!
Michelle: Three hours to go. And then it's Christmas.
Alex: Can we open our presents then ?
Claire T: Sure you can. But not now.
Stephanie points at the computer...
Stephanie: Michelle, we have new mail.
Michelle: Let's check it out. (She clicks at the left mouse button) What's this ?
Stephanie: I don't know. Do you know that person?
Michelle: No, never heard of him.
Claire T: What's wrong girls ?
Stephanie: We've got mail from somebody we don't know. ‘You don't know me, and that's
because I'm an unknown person to you. But I hope that will be changed soon. Mark
T.' Very strange.
Irene: Do you hear that, boys? Your cousins have a stalker.
Nicky: What stalker? Stalker, Texas ranger?
Danny's mother and Jesse's mother laugh....
After diner Danny and Claire are in the kitchen, doing the dishes...
Danny: And, having a good evening till now?
Claire: Yes. Thank you Danny. Diner was really delicious, I knew you can cook, but...
Danny: To be honest, I didn't cook. My daughter DJ and Steve, her boyfriend did it.
Claire: They did ? There was so much to eat.
Danny: Yes, that surprises me too. Most of the time, there ain't anything to eat left when Steve is
Claire: Well, I noticed him eating much.
Danny: He can eat more than he did this night.
Claire: What are you doing tonight ? Christmas is tomorrow.
Danny: When the clock strikes twelve, Christmas starts here. Then we will sit round the tree and
sing and open the presents.
Claire: Oh. Actually I didn't buy you something.
Danny: That doesn't matter. Your presence is enough to me.
Claire: How sweet.
In the garage we find DJ, Steve, Kimmy, and Duane...
DJ: Let's go see the Christmas movie on TV.
Kimmy: No, I have seen this one several times and I don't want to see it again.
DJ: Kimmy, how come you have seen this movie before ?
Kimmy: Hey, I wake up, watch TV, come by here, watch TV and go to sleep.
DJ: But this movie has never been on television before.
Kimmy: It hasn't ?
Kimmy: Then I have never seen it before.
DJ: Duane, do you wanna see it ?
Steve: Cool, let's watch it then. But let's make popcorn first.
Kimmy: Didn't you eat enough ?
Steve: No, I never do.
DJ: Kimmy, you should know that by now.
Kimmy: Yes, I should, but someway I always forget it.
Steve: Maybe you need brains to remember it.
Kimmy: Hey, act some nicer, please.
Steve: Okay, but only because it's Christmas.
The four walk up the stairs into the kitchen...
DJ: Steve, why are you acting so cruel to Kimmy ?
Steve: I learned that from Stephanie.
DJ: I wish you would learn something useful once.
Danny: Hi kids.
Kimmy: Hi grown up!
Danny: That's something you will never be.
DJ: Can we make popcorn?
Danny: I don't know. I believe I taught it to you once.
DJ: How funny.
Claire: Yes, he is fun, isn't he ?
DJ: Did I miss something ?
Danny: No, Claire and I just had a good talk.
Kimmy: Wow, and that without Oprah ?
In the living room, Jesse and his father enter...
Jesse: Hello guys! What a great car. If you hear that engine running, wow!
Nick: And it goes faster than the old car.
Irene: Nick, you haven't been speeding, have you ?
Nicky: No, grandma, I didn't go to fast on my bike.
Irene: No, I didn't mean you, Nicky, I meant your grandfather.
Nick: We just went a little bit faster than normal.
Irene: How much faster ?
Nick: Just 20 miles.
Irene: I hope you haven't been flashed. I don't think we can afford a ticket for speeding.
Jesse: Oh, don't fear about that, mom. We were to fast for the flashing lights.
Jesse and his father laugh...
Alex: Daddy, have you been a bad boy?
Jesse: No, I was just sitting next to your grandfather.
Nicky: So grandpa has been a bad boy?
Nick: Yes,. But hey, that's life. Sometimes you just have to be a bad boy.
Alex + Nicky: Go to your room, now. We will think of a punishment.
Nick: What about a big hug ?
Alex: And a cookie ?
Nick: Al right, and a cookie. (To Jesse) I just love your sons.
Jesse: And I love your son.
Irene: You're just like your father, he also loves him self.
Michelle and Stephanie are still at the computer with Gia
Gia: Wow, who is that hunk ?
Michelle: That's Leonardo di Caprio.
Gia: Wow, can I see his homepage ?
Stephanie: Gia, this guy is not hot.
Gia: Why not?
Michelle: Ever seen Titanic?
Gia: You mean that movie in which a ship sinks ? I can resume the plot in one word: Blub!
Michelle: That movie it is.
Gia: Well, never mind then, he is dead.
Stephanie: In the movie he is.
Gia: Never mind. You were right, he's not hot. He has such a big pimple on his nose.
That night, everybody is sitting round the Christmas tree....
Alex: Can we open the presents now?
Becky: No, first we will all sing.
Kimmy: Cool, I will start with a solo. (She starts singing, not very great to hear) Quiiieeet
Niiiight, holllyyyy night...
Danny: Let's all sing, except Kimmy.
Kimmy: Hey, didn't you like my solo?
Stephanie: Even somebody who is tone-deaf would hate it.
All sing together...
Becky: (When all have stopped singing) Al right, boys. You can open your presents now.
Alex: First we want to do something else. We made a song.
Nicky: Wanna hear it ?
Becky + Jesse: Sure.
Nicky + Alex: (Rapping) Santa was shopping - Nothing could stop him. He bought some toys –
for two lovely boys. And if you don't see, those boys are we. He brought the
presents under the tree in this house. – So let's open the presents from Santa Claus.
Jesse: That was great boys.
Irene: Who taught you that ?
Nicky: We did.
Becky: Well, I think you can open your presents now.
Kimmy: I wanna open them next. Shall I sing a song now ?
Danny + Jesse + Joey + DJ + Stephanie + Michelle + Becky + Twins: No!
Michelle: Duane, please keep quiet.
Stephanie: That's not difficult to him.
Alex: Double wow!
Nicky: Our own radio. We love it.
Joey: You better do that, it cost a fortune...
Alex: And how do you know that ?
Michelle: Yes Joey, how do you know that ?
Joey: Easy, Santa send me the receipt. And I have seen them in the store.
Alex + Nicky: Okay.
Stephanie: Now it's my turn.
Michelle: Your name is on the biggest package.
Stephanie: Cool. (She takes the package and opens it) Huh? A duster? Santa made me falsely
happy with a big box and he puts in a duster? How rude!
Alex: Did you ask for a duster ?
Stephanie: No I didn't. I asked for some CD's.
Danny: Maybe it's a hint to make clear to you you have to clean your room more.
Stephanie: Yes, maybe you sent Santa a false letter.
Danny: Hey, you know Santa doesn't ex...
Becky: That Santa doesn't what ?
Danny: He doesn't ex.. ex... examines all letters if they are real.
Nicky: He should do that.
Alex: Yeah, why doesn't he ?
Joey: Yeah, why Danny?
Danny: Well... can somebody take over please ?
Becky: Because he gets so many letters he would not be able to bring the presents in time.
The others open their presents too...
Danny: Then there's only one thing I can say now.
Michelle: What ?
Danny: Merry Christmas all!
All: Merry Christmas!
Some later, the party is over...
Kimmy: Well, we are going now.
Stephanie: At last!
Kimmy and Duane leave the house. Michelle calls Stephanie to the computer..
Stephanie: What's the matter ?
Michelle: We've got new e-mail. From the mysterious mailer.
Stephanie: (Reading the e-mail) ‘Merry Christmas. Mark T,' Who is that guy ?
Claire and Gia want to go too...
Gia: Bye. I'll call you next week, Steph, we are going to my grandmother tomorrow.
Claire: Bye Danny. Thanks for giving me such a lovely Christmas.
Danny: It was a pleasure giving it to you.
Danny walks behind Gia and Claire to the door, then Claire turns around...
Claire: Danny, I almost forgot something. (She walks to Danny and kisses him)
Danny: Well, I didn't want to miss it.
Then Claire and Gia walk out the door.
Roxy: Joey, I have to go too.
Joey: I know. I'll call you tomorrow.
Roxy: I'm waiting for it, bye.
Jesse: Well, let's go a sleep. Mom, dad, you will sleep in our room. Claire, you will sleep in
Danny: What a Christmas. It has been a real Christmas reunion...
Everybody talks to each other....
Full House - The new stories
Episode 2 (194)- It was almost like a Halloween
It's Christmas time in the tanner house. Grandfathers and grandmothers come by and ex-lovers too. Then the night comes, and then it's time to celebrate Christmas!