Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9
Episode (10) 202 - There's No Business Like Snow Business
We find Stephanie, DJ and Joey in the kitchen...
DJ: Steph, have you seen my scarf ?
Stephanie: It's on your neck.
DJ: Oh, thanks.
Joey: I'm so excited for this holiday.
DJ: Because you can ski all day ?
Joey: No, because I can make a giant snow man.
Then Kimmy walks in...
Kimmy: Hello, Tannerito's. I came to say goodbye.
Stephanie: Well, you said it, so bye.
Kimmy: I will miss you all, when you're up that mountain, having fun in the snow...
DJ: Well, I guess it will be fun there...
Stephanie: (To Kimmy) Yeah. One weekend without you, that will be fun!
Kimmy: Well, I go home now, but because I will miss you I will go with you.
Stephanie: Oh no.
Then Jesse walks in...
Jesse: Are you guys ready ? The cars are ready.
Joey: One moment please, I almost forgot the most important thing I wanted to take with me.
Jesse: What, your Fred Flintstone gloves ?
DJ: I know, your Bullwinkle cap ?
Stephanie: Well, was it your Goofy shampoo ?
Joey: No, my ski's.
We find Danny, Joey, Stephanie and Michelle in the car with Comet....
Danny: Aah, this weekend will be fun. Skiing in the fresh snow...
Michelle: Drinking hot chocolate...
Stephanie: Watching boys...
Joey: Have a snowball fight...
Michelle: Yes, Comet, digging up bones in the snow...
Danny: Well, we're almost there.
Joey: Where are the others ? they were right behind us ten minutes ago.
Stephanie: They overtook us five minutes ago and I think they are two hours in front of us now.
Danny: Hey, I don't want to get caught driving too fast.
Michelle: Dad, if you keep on driving like this, you will get caught driving too slow...
Stephanie: Why don't you just let me drive ?
Danny: Because we made a deal. You won't drive until you're eighty, and I won't bother you with
my speeches about safe driving...
Stephanie: I believe you made that deal, not me. I still don't understand why you didn't want me
to have my drivers license, all my friends have one.
Danny: But it's very dangerous on the road. There are people driving that bring other people into
danger, by driving too fast.
Joey: Or too slow. I just noticed a ninety year old overtake us....
Danny: Well, like I said, some people are driving too fast...
Joey: Yeah, but this man was driving in his wheel-chair.
In Jesse's car, we find Jesse, Becky and the twins...
Nicky: Daddy, I have to go to the potty.
Alex: Me too...
Jesse: Boys, we just passed a gas station, why didn't you tell this sooner ?
Alex: Because we didn't have to go then.
Becky: Good point.
Jesse: We will stop at the next gas station.
Nicky: I'm hungry.
Alex: Do you have cookies ?
Becky: No, but I have something else.
Alex: Ice cream!
Jesse: Elvis peppermints!
Becky: No, I've got apples.
Nicky: I'm not hungry anymore.
Becky: What did I take the fruit with me for then ?
Alex: You can juggle with them.
Jesse: I want one.
Becky: Okay, but because you're not hungry now, you won't get desert tonight.
Alex: I'm hungry again.
In Steve's car, we find Steve, DJ , Kimmy and Duane...
Kimmy: Don't you have a radio?
Steve: Yes I do.
Kimmy: Why don't you turn it on then ?
Steve: Because I don't have any speakers connected to the radio.
DJ: Well, why don't we just sing then ?
Steve: I have been in Europe last year and I heard a song. Duane will love it.
DJ: You think ? How did they call it ?
Duane: (Starts smiling)
Kimmy: Sing it, dude!
Steve: (Singing) Whatever-whatever-whatever..
Kimmy: That's all ?
DJ: Just knock it off, Steve. That song doesn't make sense.
Steve: Well, like I said, Duane loves it.
Duane: (Singing) Whatever-whatever-whatever...
Later, we find the family in the hall of their hotel....
Jesse: We're here!
Danny: Let's check in then.
Receptionist: Welcome, what can I do for you ?
Nicky: We want a big ice cream.
Alex: With sprinkles on top.
Jesse: Boys, quiet. (To the receptionist) Little kids...
Danny: We want to check in. I've booked one family room and three rooms for two persons.
Receptionist: What's your name ?
Danny: Danny, Danny Tanner.
Receptionist: Now I see. You're from wake-up San Francisco!
Danny: You watch that here ?
Receptionist: No, my sister always tapes it and send the tapes to me.
Becky: Because you don't want to miss one episode ?
Receptionist: No, because I have problems sleeping.
Danny: Gee, thanks.
Receptionist: Let me see. Oops. One of your rooms have been double-booked. But that's no
problem, the room is big enough to put the other two persons in that room too.
Danny: I am not so happy about that. Okay, let's see. Joey and I take room 107, Jesse and his
family get room 126, DJ and Steve get room 104 and Stephanie and Michelle room 113.
Kimmy: (To receptionist) Hello, we have booked a room for two persons.
Receptionist: Name ?
Kimmy: I'm Kimmy.
Receptionist: And your back name would be ?
Receptionist: Oh, I see. You get room 113 too.
Stephanie: Do I have to spend a room with Kimmy ? How rude!
Michelle: Daddy, do something.
Kimmy: We can ask if they have a trashcan, then we can put you in there.
Stephanie: No, you can be in there, overall, you are used to living in a trash can.
Kimmy: That's true.
DJ: Girls, don't fight. Steph, Michelle, you can take our room, Steve and I will sleep with Kimmy
Receptionist: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I see now we have a cancellation, so nobody will have to
Michelle: What a relief.
That evening we find the clan in the restaurant of the hotel....
Jesse: Okay, what do you want to eat, boys ?
Alex: Cookies and ice cream.
Jesse: No, for diner, huh.
Nicky: Fried chicken with potato chips.
Jesse: That sounds better..(He looks at the menu) Whoa, the price doesn't sound that good. 15
dollars for a kids meal ?
Stephanie: I think I take the chicken soup. It only costs 15 dollars ?
Danny: Everything does!
Michelle: The waiters won't have a hard time making the bill with all the same prices.
Then a waiter comes to the table...
Waiter: Have you made a decision ?
Stephanie: No, just give something that costs 15 dollar.
Waiter: That can be anything. We have a say, you see.
Michelle: And what does that say says ?
Waiter: You can get what you want for 15 dollar.
Steve: Well, then give me everything.
Waiter: (Surprised) Are you sure ? Well, that will be a high bill.
Steve: 15 Dollar, am I right ?
Waiter: No, you can eat what you want and everything costs 15 dollar.
Michelle: And you just said your say says we can eat what we want for 15 dollar.
Waiter: I guess you understood me wrong.
The next morning, after breakfast, we find the whole clan in the hall...
Danny: Okay. Before we go skiing, I just want to wish you a nice day, and be careful, you can
break bones when you fall.
Jesse: Well, don't worry about me. Only losers fall, and I'm a tough guy.
Stephanie: Only losers ? Well Kimmy, the future looks black for you.
Kimmy: Hey, I am used to fall.
All walk outside, Jesse in front of the others. When he steps out of the door, he slips and falls...
Becky: Well, Mr. Tough guy, or shall we say, Mr. Loser ?
Jesse: Ow, my ankle, I think I sprained it.
Joey: Well, you're a tough guy, so stand up and go on. (He starts laughing)
Jesse: Okay, tough guys can fall too. But even they can't walk with a sore ankle.
Danny: Okay, hold on on my shoulder. Joey, can you help please ?
Alex: Daddy, are you trying to sleigh ?
Nicky: Or are you trying to ski sitting ?
Becky: Boys, your father is wounded, he can't ski or sleigh.
Kimmy: Well, I finished laughing, so can we go on now ?
Jesse: Gibbler, if I wasn't hurt, I would personally put you under the snow.
Kimmy: Can you wait till summer ? I like to be put under the sand when I'm on the beach.
Danny: Girls, you can go, I will come later.
DJ: See you later.
Michelle: Bye, dad.
Danny and Joey help Jesse stumble into the hotel...
Jesse: Ouch, it really hurts.
Joey: Maybe you should remember that for the next time, don't fall, because it hurts. (He starts
Jesse: Remember me to kill you when the pain is over.
Joey: Sure, whatever you want.
Jesse: And please, if anybody asks what happened, please tell them I sprained my ankle when I
On the ski run, we find Michelle and the twins with a sleigh...
Alex: When will we learn how to ski ?
Michelle: Your mother told me your father will teach you when he has learned it.
Nicky: That will be never then.
Alex: Can't you teach us ?
Michelle: I don't know.
Alex: Pretty please.
Michelle: Your mother told me we have to stay here till she's back.
Nicky: But it will be a nice surprise to her.
Alex: Please Michelle.
Michelle: Well, al right, but we will only practise the basic moves.
Nicky: Okay. Thank you.
Michelle: Okay, where are your ski's?
Alex: Here, we took them with us.
The twins put on their ski's...
Alex: We're ready!
Nicky: Can we start now ?
Michelle: Okay. Watch me, these are the basic moves. (She walks on her ski's.)
Nicky: That's easy.
Alex: We can do that.
The boys do what Michelle did...
Michelle: Very good, boys. Now do this...
Again, the boys do exactly what Michelle does...
Michelle: Al right! You are born to control the snow.
Nicky: Double cool!
Michelle: Now we will ski a short track. You see that flag there ? We will go there, very slowly.
Michelle is skiing very slowly to the flag, followed by Nicky and Alex....
Nicky: This is easy!
Michelle: (She turns around) Alex, don't go that fast, slow it down.
Alex skis faster and faster, towards Michelle....
Michelle: Alex, watch out! You have to stop! Oh, I think I forgot to teach you that. Alex, try to
turn around. You're heading for the trees.
Alex looks scared, he tries to turn, but he can't....
Michelle: (Talking to herself) This is going very wrong....
About 70 meters further, Stephanie sees what's happening....
Stephanie: Oh no.... (Screaming) Michelle, stop him, Michelle! (To herself) Oh no, Alex....
In the hotel, Danny and Joey are with Jesse...
Danny: Can you move your toes ?
Jesse: Yes I can, I believe.
Danny: Okay. Now we will have to get your shoe of your foot.
Jesse: Have you done this before ?
Danny: No, but I saw it on television once.
Joey: Me too. Wasn't that the program with that young doctor who had never done it before ?
Jesse: And what happened ?
Joey: The patient kept on living...
Jesse: Thank god.
Joey: But his feet had to be amputated...
Jesse: Stop, call a doctor....
Danny: Jesse, Joey was joking, you don't have to worry...
Jesse: You mean you won't have to amputate my foot ?
Danny: Yes. It's only your toe that has to be amputated.
Jesse: Please, call a doctor.... Ooww!
Danny: (Holding Jesse's shoe) It's off.. Okay, let's see. This can hurt. (He pushes Jesse's toe
backwards) Do you feel this ?
Joey: I certainly smell it! (He puts his finger on his nose)
Jesse: Yes, it hurts. Ouch!
Danny: Well, mister tough guy, I know what we have to do now.
Jesse: What ?
Danny: Call a doctor.
On the ski run, Stephanie joined Michelle and Nicky...
Nicky: Brother, are you al right ?
Stephanie: Alex, can you hear me ?
Alex is lying on the ground with his eyes closed...
Michelle: Oh no, this is my fault.
Stephanie: Michelle, it is not. Wait, there's aunt Becky, I will call her. Aunt Becky! Come here!
Becky looks up and goes towards Stephanie...
Becky: What's wrong ?
Stephanie: It's Alex.
Becky and Stephanie go to the others....
Michelle: Aunt Becky, I'm sorry. It's all my fault.
Becky: What happened ?
Michelle: The boys asked me to teach them how to ski. I thought it wouldn't harm when I just
taught them the basic moves. But Alex went to fast and he couldn't stop. That's when I
jumped in front of him and he collapsed on me.
Becky: Michelle, we will talk about this later. Now we have to take Alex back to the hotel.
Becky and Stephanie take Alex and carry him carefully to the hotel. Michelle follows with Nicky...
Michelle: Come on Nicky, sit down on your sleigh. I don't want to hurt more people. I already
Later, we find Becky and Jesse with Alex in their room, when Michelle walks in...
Michelle: How is he doing ?
Becky: He's sleeping.
Michelle: I'm really sorry. I will never teach the boys anything again.
Jesse: Michelle, accidents happen. Look at me.
Michelle: You mean you're an accident ?
Jesse: No, I slipped and sprained my ankle. But it will heal, and so will Alex.
Michelle: What did the doctor say ?
Jesse: In a few days I can walk again....
Michelle: No, about Alex.
Becky: He is suffering from a light concussion. It's not serious.
Michelle: To me it is. It's my fault. (She runs out of the room)
Jesse: Oh gee. I will have a talk with her. (he tries to stand up...) Ouch.
Becky: I don't think you can catch her now.
Jesse: I hate this ankle.
Becky: Why don't you change it then ?
Jesse: Because the warranty past 35 years ago.
In Danny's room, we find Danny, Stephanie, DJ and Nicky....
Danny: Wow, I really saw much snow today. Now I wanna feel it.
DJ: Why don't you go skiing then ?
Danny: Because I feel guilty when I leave Jesse here all by himself.
Stephanie: He won't be alone, he has Alex.
Nicky: Can I go see my brother ?
Danny: Sure, let's have a look.
Danny and Nicky walk out of the room....
Stephanie: And did you have a great day ?
DJ: Yes I did. I went skiing with Steve, Kimmy and Duane. Suddenly we lost Kimmy and
Stephanie: Now that's what I call fun.
DJ: Later we found them, they were walking in the snow.... With bare feet!
Stephanie: I always knew Kimmy was strange.
DJ: You haven't heard the strangest part of all.
Stephanie: What ?
DJ: Kimmy loved a view they had and she wanted Duane and her to stand there forever.
Stephanie: I never knew Kimmy could be romantic.
DJ: She can't. She wanted to achieve that goal by getting frosted in the snow together.
Stephanie: That would make everybody happy.
DJ: Yeah, but she wanted to do that naked.
In the Katsopolis room, Danny enters with Nicky....
Nicky: Brother, are you al right ?
Alex: No. I heard some bad news.
Nicky: What ?
Alex: I can't eat ice cream for some days.
Nicky: Yeah right.
Alex: No it's true.
Nicky: I can eat your ice cream.
Alex: Would you do that for me ?
Nicky: Sure, after all you're my twin brother.
Becky: How sweet.
Danny: Do you know where Michelle is ?
Danny: I will go find her.
Jesse: Can you please send her here ?
Danny: I will.
Becky: And can you bring a cup of hot chocolate?
Jesse: How nice, how did you know I need one ?
Becky: No, it's for me.
Jesse: Nice joke.
Becky: I'm serious. I will just sit in that corner. By the time you're there to pick up your drink, I
will have finished it.
Danny: You know, I will just bring to cups.
Jesse: That's a solution. One for Becky and one for me.
Danny: No, one for Becky and one for me.
Jesse: Why me ?
Becky: Because you're a tough guy.
We find Joey sitting at the bar, when Michelle walks by with her case...
Michelle: Bye Joey.
Joey: Bye Michelle. (He waves at her)
Michelle: Can you say I'm sorry to the others.
Joey: I will.
Michelle: I really have to go now, my bus is leaving any moment.
Joey: Well, don't miss it.
Michelle walks to the door... Then Joey realizes what Michelle is doing...
Joey: Michelle, can you come here for a moment ?
Michelle: (Walks to Joey) Sure, but I don't have long.
Joey: Michelle, am I wrong or do you want to leave ?
Michelle: You're not wrong.
Joey: What's up ?
Michelle: I can't tell you, I see my bus coming.
Joey: But you're not going anywhere. Michelle, has this anything to do with Alex' accident?
Michelle: Yes it has. I am just no good niece.
Joey: Well, I will not allow you to leave until you have talked to your uncle Jesse.
Michelle: Can I bribe you ?
Joey: No you can't. Unless you have tickets for the next Giants game.
Michelle: No, I'm sorry, I don't have them.
Joey: Then follow me.
Joey walks out of the bar, followed by Michelle... some later they arrive in Jesse's room...
Joey: There's somebody here who wants to talk to you.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse...
Jesse: Can you please leave us alone ? It's time for one of our famous talks.
Becky: Al right. Come Nicky...
Becky, Joey and Nicky leave the room...
Michelle: I'm really sorry for what happened...
Jesse: I don't want to here one sorry for this again, young lady.
Michelle: Okay, I'm sorry.
Jesse: What did I tell you ?
Michelle: Oops, sorry. Now I did it again.
Jesse: Michelle, accidents happen. It was not your fault.
Michelle: But if I didn't teach the boys how to ski, this wouldn't have happened.
Jesse: Michelle, honey, if you hadn't taught them, I would.
Michelle: With your sore ankle ?
Jesse: Al right, maybe not me, but your aunt Becky. Then Alex could have fallen too. But now it
happened when you was there with them. And it was very good of you to step into Alex'
path you know.
Michelle: It was ?
Jesse: Yes. If you didn't do that, who knows what had happened then. He would certainly have
ended between some trees. And that could do more damage than you did to him now.
Michelle: Are you sure ?
Jesse: Yes. Do you remember the time your father bought an expensive vase and Joey
accidentally pushed it and it fell on the ground ?
Michelle: And the vase broke.
Jesse: Everybody could have done that. It could have been your sisters, or your nephews.
Michelle: Or you.
Jesse: Or me, yes. But what did your father say to Joey then ?
Michelle: If I'm right, he told him that he would kill him, but first he had to clean up the mess.
Jesse: No, it was not quite that what your father told him. It was more like: 'Joey, I hate you and
will always hate you for this. So get out of my way, I have to look for every piece to glue
them together.' You know, maybe this is a bad example. What I was trying to say is that
accidents happen to people and others can forgive them for that, just like I can forgive you
Jesse: Okay, that's my girl. Now, give me a big hug.
Michelle and Jesse have a big hug....
Alex: Daddy, can I have a hug too ?
Jesse: Of course. (he tries to stand up) Ouch!
Michelle: Wait. Alex, I'm sorry. Here, give me a big hug, your father can't stand on his feet..
Alex: It's okay with me. Next time will you teach me more about how to ski ?
Jesse: You know what, son. We will all teach you.
Michelle and Alex hug... Then Stephanie, Danny, Becky, Joey, Nicky, DJ and Steve walk in....
Michelle: Have you been listening ?
Stephanie: No. Nicky has, and he told us everything you said.
Jesse: Danny, where's my chocolate ?
Danny: In my stomach.
Jesse: You're kidding.
Danny: No I'm not.
Steve: Speaking about chocolate, I'm getting hungry.
DJ: Steve, you have been hungry all day.
Steve: No way.
DJ: Yes way. You even ate snow.
Steve: I have to say, it tasted very good.
Stephanie: To you even grass would taste good.
The next day, we find Danny, Joey, Stephanie and Michelle on the ski run....
Joey: Wow, I love the snow. Michelle, can you help me ?
Michelle: With what ?
Joey: I want to make a giant snowman here.
Danny: Joey, what do you want to use as hat and jacket ?
Joey: Easy. We take the buttons from my coat, here's a nice branch for the nose, and hey, we can
use your cap...
Stephanie: And we need a broom.
Joey: No problem. This will be a skiing snow man. So we put Danny's ski's under it and his
Danny: Why do you want to use my stuff ?
Joey: Easy, I need mine to get back to the hotel.
Michelle: Why don't we go back there? Then Nicky can help us.
Stephanie: And we can use Kimmy.
Michelle: What use can she be ?
Stephanie: We can put her under the snow, that will save us some time making big snowballs.
The four go back to the hotel, where they pick up the others...
DJ: Uncle Jesse, are you al right ?
Jesse: My ankle is less sore than yesterday. I can walk short tracks. Can somebody please bring
me a chair ? I want to watch this outside.
Joey walks into the hotel ....
Kimmy: I have a great idea. Let's have a snowball fight.
Stephanie: Cool, then we can throw you away.
Then Joey walks back outside with a chair....
Joey: Here you are, one chair.
Jesse: Thanks, Joseph.
Jesse sits down, Joey starts making a snowball...
Joey: Okay, guys. Let's make some big balls.
Kimmy: Let me show you how to do this.
Kimmy makes a snowball, but when she steps backwards, she hits Jesse's chair, which slips of the edge it was standing on and Jesse goes down the hill with the chair....
Jesse: Hoo! Help me!
Nicky: Mommy, what's daddy doing ?
Becky: He's trying out a new kind of sport. Chair-gliding.
Nicky: Can I try it ?
Danny: I will go after Jesse.
DJ: I don't think you can stop him.
Danny: I don't want to stop him, I just have to tape this. (He takes his camera, puts on his ski's
and follows Jesse....) Wait for me!
Some later, we find Danny and Jesse with the others again...
Jesse: (With his face , hair and clothes covered with snow) Gibbler!
Kimmy: Hello, yeti.
Jesse: You laugh. If my ankle is back to normal, I will finish you.
Stephanie: Can I help please ?
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, remember our little talk we had earlier. Accidents happen....
Jesse: Well, I know one exception to that rule. Kimmy Gibbler.
Kimmy: Hey, that's my name too.
Jesse: Kimmy, you are dumber than I thought you were.
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse, Kimmy is not dumb.
Kimmy: Wow. Since when are you on my side ?
Stephanie: I'm not. It's just you need a brain to be dumb, and you don't have one, so you can't
The family continues building the snowman....
Joey: (Standing on a ladder) It's almost finished. Now we need a broom.
Danny: Are you sure ?
Joey: Yes, do you have problems with that ?
Danny: Well, I thought we could give it a vacuum cleaner, make a modern snowman, you
Jesse: No, you need a broom, where can we find one ?
Michelle: Kimmy volunteers.
Jesse: Then that problem has been solved.
Kimmy: Duane, they are picking on me.
DJ: Here. This broom was standing against the wall.
Joey: (Takes the broom from DJ and puts it in the snowman) Okay, Mr. Snowman is ready.
Steve: You've got a big one, Joey.
Joey: Hey, what do you mean by that ?
Steve: Nothing, I just tried to say the snowman is big.
Joey: Okay, then it's al right.
Danny: Well, let's go inside and drink some hot chocolate now.
Jesse: Do I get some this time ?
Danny: Only if you cleaned your room.
Becky: There goes his drink.. again!
The next morning, we find the clan in the hotel hall...
Danny: Well, that's that. The end of our weekend off.
Jesse: Not for my ankle. It will still be offline for some days.
Becky: We made a lot of fun.
Then Joey walks in...
Joey: Danny, I stay till winter is over.
Danny: Why ?
Joey: I can't say goodbye to my snowman.
Nicky: Why don't you take it with you ?
Joey: Great idea. Can he sit next to me, Danny ?
Danny: Joey, are you serious ?
Joey: No, I'm just kidding. I will put it in my case.
Kimmy: (Walks to the Tanner family) Hi Tannerito's! Duane and I have decided to stay here till
next Friday. So we won't join you back home.
DJ: Okay, call me when you are home.
Stephanie: Comet, come here boy.
Comet walks to her, with the broom of the snowman in his mouth...
Joey: Comet, you killed the snowman. Bad dog.
Comet: (Barks and licks Joey's hand)
Joey: Okay, I forgive you. But next time you won't get away with it this easy.
Danny: Okay. Get into the cars, guys. We are going home..
All get into the cars, that drive away....
Full House - The new stories
Episode 10 (202)- There's No Business Like Snow Business
The family goes away for a weekend on a ski trip. There, Alex gets hurt and Michelle feels guilty about this. Jesse also gets hurt, when he slips. Joey makes a giant snowman...