Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9
Episode (13) 205 - Michelle, The Kitchen and The Pizza Man
We find the twins in the living room when Stephanie walks in...
Stephanie: What are you doing ?
Alex: We are playing with the cards.
Nicky: Black Jack with cookies.
Stephanie: Wanna see a card trick ?
Alex: Yeah, cool!
Nicky: Double cool!
Stephanie: (Takes some cards) Okay. I will shake the cards and one of you has to pick one.
Alex: Nicky, you can do that.
Nicky: No you.
Stephanie: Boys, please stop that. Alex, you can take one.
Alex takes a card..
Stephanie: Okay, when you have memorized the card, put it on the back of the others.
Alex looks at the card and puts it behind the last one of the others...
Stephanie: Okay, now I will shake the cards and get your one out of it. (She shakes the cards)
Alex: Are you sure this will work ?
Stephanie: Sure I foole... did it successfully with Joey.
Nicky: Yeah right! Joey, that says enough.
Stephanie: Okay, is this the card you took ? (She shows a card)
Stephanie: This one ?
Alex: No, Stephanie. I think you did something wrong.
Stephanie: Yes I guess so. Which one was yours ?
Alex: This one (He takes a card out of his pocket and shows it to Stephanie)
Stephanie: How did you do that ?
Alex: I can't tell you, that's a secret of the magician.
Stephanie walks away, shaking her head...
Nicky: Good one brother. We sure fooled her with the twenty aces.
Alex: We sure did.
We find Michelle in the kitchen, sitting at the table, when Danny walks in...
Danny: Hi honey, what are you doing ?
Michelle: I'm reading.
Danny: Why are you reading a cookery book ?
Michelle: Because my brains had a hunger for knowledge.
Danny: But why don't you read something more educated then ?
Michelle: Easy, the best remedy to hunger is food.
Danny: Oh, I see.
Then DJ walks in...
DJ: Hi guys!
Michelle: Hey, there's a hole in this page.
DJ: Let me see. Oh, I remember, the refrigerator was empty and Steve saw a delicious pie. He
only forgot it was made of paper.
Michelle: DJ, how old were you when you learned to cook ?
DJ: I don't remember. I guess I was eight years old or something. Why ?
Michelle: Well, I'm twelve years old now and I never learned how to cook.
Danny: But Michelle, I did teach you.
Michelle: Yes you did teach me... how to clean the plates and the oven, and how to boil an egg.
But you never taught me how to make something big. Like complete meals.
Danny: Hm, I guess you're right. Does it bother you ?
Michelle: Yes it does, why would I else be reading a cookery book ?
DJ: I'm not doing anything. If you want I can teach you this afternoon.
Michelle: You can ?
DJ: Sure. Come, let's do some shopping. Tonight we will eat a delicious meal made by us.
We find Stephanie and Gia in Stephanie's room when somebody knocks...
Stephanie: Who's there ?
Stephanie: I who ?
Mark: I am giving a party tonight and you are invited.
Stephanie: Well, why don't you come in then ?
Mark: You didn't ask.
Stephanie: I did it a few seconds ago.
Mark: But I really can't come in.
Stephanie: Why not ? Are you afraid of what you will find here ?
Mark: No you locked the door.
Stephanie stands up and opens the door...
Mark: Hi Steph, hi girl I don't know but who is here too.
Stephanie: Mark, this is Gia, my best friend, Gia this Mark, my cousin.
Gia: Hello Mark.
Stephanie: Well, when and where is the party ?
Mark: Tonight eight o clock at my place.
Stephanie: What will grandma say ?
Mark: She voluntarily decided to spend the evening here.
Stephanie: Did you invite cute boys ?
Mark: Why should I do that ? I like girls more.
Gia: Can I come too ?
Mark: That depends.
Gia: On what ?
Mark: Age, married, children ?
Gia: None of them.
Mark: Strange. Don't you know how old you are ?
Gia: Oh sorry, I'm 16.
Mark: Hm. Al right, you can come, but remember, don't forget to bring the chips.
Stephanie: Don't you have some ?
Mark: No, I was hungry yesterday night. Well, I see you tonight, bye. (He leaves the room)
Gia: Nice cousin you have. Is he single ?
Stephanie: I don't know, I don't know him that long.
Gia: Well, let's find out tonight.
Stephanie: What shall we wear ?
Gia: I think clothes would be best.
Stephanie: Good point. I will keep that in mind.
Gia: Let's go on with our homework for Monday.
Stephanie sits down and the girls continue what they were doing...
We find Nicky and Alex on the attic with Comet...
Nicky: Comet, we will teach you some tricks.
Alex: Watch us very carefully. When we say roll over, you have to do this.
The boys lie down and roll over..
Comet: (Barks and rolls over)
Alex: Good dog. But we knew you already could do this. That's why we thought up a new trick.
Nicky: You have to walk on your forelegs with your head down and your hind legs up.
Comet: (Barks and lies down)
Nicky: Look, this is the way it must be done. (He puts his hands on the floor and puts his feet to
Alex: Very good, Nicky, you deserve a cookie. (He gets a cookie out of his pocket and hands it to
Nicky) And because I'm such a good trainer, I will get one too.
Nicky: (Looking at the cookie with frown eyebrows) Uhw. This is a doggy cookie, don't you have
a normal one ?
Alex: No, you did a dog trick so you get a dog cookie.
Then Joey and Jesse walk up the stairs....
Jesse: Hi boys.
Nicky: Hi dad. We are teaching Comet tricks.
Joey: I went with Comet to a dog class once. He could learn tricks there. They even gave dogs a
report when they passed the exams.
Alex: And did Comet pass the exams ?
Jesse: No, but Joey did. He won the first prize.
Joey: I still have that golden bone.
Comet: (Pricks up his ears and barks)
Alex: Comet wants to have a bone.
Nicky: Here, you can have my cookie, Comet.
Comet: (Eats the cookie and barks. Then he walks down the stairs)
Alex: Follow that dog!
Nicky and Alex follow Comet...
Jesse: Okay Joseph, what was it you wanted to talk me about ?
Joey: I wondered if I can do my new act in the Smash club next weekend to try it out.
Jesse: Well, there's no performance planned yet, so I guess that won't be a problem.
Joey: So I'm hired ?
Jesse: You got the job.
Joey: Thank you Jesse. (He hugs Jesse)
Jesse: Joseph, you can let me go, I already know how thankful you are.
Joey: It will be great, Jesse.
Jesse: Can you tell something about it ?
Joey: Just wait another week and you will see.
We find Michelle and DJ at the super market...
DJ: Okay. For a nice meal for ten people, we need onions, potatoes, vegetables and meat.
Michelle: How much ?
DJ: Very much. Steve counts for ten.
Michelle: Do we need cookies to put in ?
DJ: Only if you wanna make cooked cookies in a wine sauce.
Michelle: No, I prefer a lemonade sauce.
DJ: Okay, let's see. We need that onions there.
Michelle: How many ?
DJ: Just take them all, that will be enough.
Michelle: Are you sure ? There are only eight left.
DJ: Three bags of potatoes.
Michelle: Three ?
DJ: You're right, make that four.
Michelle: What's next ?
DJ: What kind of desert did you have in mind ?
Michelle: Something with ice-cream, whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
DJ: That's all ? Usually you take sprinkles on top too.
Michelle: Thanks, I almost forgot that.
DJ: Al right, let's see. I think we have everything now. We will pay for this all.
They walk to the check-out and they put the stuff on the counter...
Cashier: That will be $87 then.
Michelle: That much for this food ?
Cashier: You bought it. It's just like you are going to cook for the whole town.
DJ: We almost will. It's just our family.
Cashier: Let me guess, you life in the zoo ?
DJ: Sort of. But what do you have to do with that ?
Cashier: Just curious.
DJ and Michelle walk away to the car...
Michelle: Where did she came from ? Mars ?
We find Stephanie and Gia in Stephanie's room picking a dress...
Stephanie: Which one shall I wear ?
Gia: The blue one.
Stephanie: But I have three blue ones, the light, the dark, or the... uwh groas, no, not that one.
Gia: Take the light one.
Stephanie: Are you sure ?
Gia: Certainly! It is very challenging. If I were a boy and you would wear that...
Stephanie: And that's exactly why my dad would forbid me to go in that one.
Gia: Can I borrow it then ?
Stephanie: Why ?
Gia: Maybe there are cute boys.
Stephanie: Like Mark ?
Gia: No, how did you get that idea ?
Stephanie: (Imitating Gia with a heavenly voice) Steph, does he have a girlfriend ?
Gia: I just said that to tease you.
Stephanie: No, you have to face it girl, you have a crush on my cousin.
Gia: No I don't.
Stephanie: But you do think he looks cute.
Gia: You got me there. I really can't deny that.
Stephanie: Well, go for it tonight, girl!
Gia: I will. Well, I have to go home now, I will be here at seven.
Stephanie: See ya!
Gia leaves the room, Stephanie walks to her closet shaking her head and smiling...
We find DJ and Michelle in the kitchen....
DJ: Okay Michelle, you take the onion and cut it in pieces like this. (She cuts an onion)
Michelle: I can do that. (She takes another onion and cuts it)
DJ: Next time you can cut smaller pieces.
Then the kitchen door opens and Steve walks in...
DJ: Hi Steve.
Steve: This is a bad day.
DJ: What happened ?
Steve: I got fired today. The manager of the McDonalds said I eat too much hamburgers when
I'm working. There were customers complaining they had to wait for too long.
DJ: Oh Steve! You're back where you started, jobless in San Francisco.
Steve: But there's good news too.
DJ: What ?
Michelle: Maybe he hates food now.
DJ: Michelle, miracles don't exist.
Steve: No, they asked me to coach the junior baseball team and I said yes.
DJ: Do you get money for it ?
Steve: Yes I do. Ten dollars for a game and five dollars extra when we win.
DJ: Well, it's better than nothing.
Michelle: DJ, is it right that there's smoke coming out of the oven ?
DJ: If the lasagne is burning it is.
Michelle: Well, that will be the problem then.
DJ: Yeah probably. (Suddenly she realizes what is happening) Oh no. Michelle, get that thing out
of there immediately.
Michelle: How ? That thing is hot.
DJ: Let me do it.
DJ opens the oven. Smoke is coming out of it...
Steve: Shall I call the fire brigade ?
DJ: No, just give me a towel. (She takes it from Steve)
Then the door opens and Danny walks in...
Danny: Woa, what happened here ?
Michelle: We are playing we are indians. But we can't get the smoke signals out of here.
Danny: (Opens a window) This kitchen needs fresh air.
Michelle: I'm sorry dad. It's my fault. I should take care of the lasagne. (She takes off her apron
and throws it on the ground) I quite!
DJ: Michelle! (She picks up the apron and watches the door Michelle walked through)
Steve: Does this mean we won't eat lasagne tonight ?
Danny: We will order pizza tonight!
Steve: Al right, I haven't been eating that for ages.
DJ: Steve, you had one yesterday afternoon.
Steve: And that's why my stomach is experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
We find Stephanie in her room when Danny and his mother walk in...
Claire T: Hi Stephanie!
Stephanie: Grandma! (She runs to her grandmother and hugs her)
Claire T: Make sure you behave yourself tonight.
Stephanie: I will. I'm just waiting for my friend, she's picking me up.
Danny: Mom, will there be alcoholic beverages ?
Claire T: Yes, but I told Mark he couldn't buy too much.
Danny: I don't know if it's such a great idea to let Stephanie go then...
Claire T: Danny, let her go. You know she doesn't drink. And neither does Mark, I'm sure he will
keep his eyes open.
Then Gia walks into the room...
Gia: Are you ready ?
Stephanie: Yes I am. (She waves her hand in front of her face) My god, Gia. How many perfume
did you put on ?
Gia: Just half a bottle.
Stephanie: If there are flying bugs around you they would drop dead. Even if they are 200
Danny: Well, it's better than tear gas to avoid bad people.
Stephanie: We go now, bye.
Claire T: Have fun!
Stephanie: We will.
Stephanie and Gia leave the room...
Danny: Mom, are you sure it's safe?
Claire T: Danny, don't worry. I gave Mark instructions for this party.
We find Michelle sitting on her bed when somebody knocks at the door...
Michelle: Who is it ?
DJ: It's me, can I come in ?
DJ: (Walks in) Michelle, we have to talk. Why did you run away this afternoon and didn't you
Michelle: Because I'm a very bad cook.
DJ: No that's not true. I admit, you had some problems, but it was also my fault. I forgot it too.
Michelle: But now I know I will never cook again.
DJ: Michelle, it's not that bad, really.
Michelle: But why does it feel bad ? I thought I would learn easy just like Stephanie and you did.
DJ: Well, you have other qualities.
Michelle: Like what ? I feel pretty useless.
DJ: Well, you are very good at school. You have many friends. You have a cute smile and you
can eat a pie in five minutes.
Michelle: That is pretty good, isn't it ?
DJ: Well, you're the only one that can beat Steve with that. And it's the only thing Steve can be
beaten with when it concerns eating.
Michelle: I guess I must be great then.
DJ: What do you think, will we give it a second chance tomorrow ?
Michelle: You got it dude!
At the party we find Mark, when the doorbell rings...
Mark: (Opening the door) Hi Steph, Gia.
Stephanie: Good evening.
Gia: Hello, mark.
Mark: My god, who walked through the rubbish dump ?
Stephanie: That's Gia's perfume.
Mark: What was it made off ? Liquid manure ?
Gia: Don't you like perfume ?
Mark: Do you want me to tell the truth or to be polite ?
Gia: Polite, please.
Mark: Well, I will tell you the truth politely then. I hate perfume.
Gia: To speak with Stephanie's words: how rude!
Gia walks inside....
Mark: Did I say something wrong ?
Stephanie: Men! (She walks inside after Gia)
Mark: I think they won't get any alcoholic beverages. (He closes the door and walks inside..)
Gia: Wow, what a party, where is everybody ?
Mark: Well, they are coming some later.
Stephanie: You mean we are early ?
Mark: No, I mean they got stuck somewhere.
Gia: Where ? In traffic ?
Mark: No, in jail. They were joyriding and I don't think they will make it today.
Stephanie: So we will be the only ones ?
Mark: No way. My best friend Tony will be here and some other people I know.
Gia: Like the Addams family ?
Mark: I thought they call themselves Gibbler nowadays ?
Stephanie: (Starts laughing very loud) Good one !
Mark: What did I say this time ?
Stephanie: (Still laughing) That was a very good joke.
Mark: That was no joke, I was very serious.
Stephanie: (Stops laughing) Oh!. Well, al right. But.. it's still very funny (She starts laughing
We find Jesse and Becky in the Smash club...
Becky: Jess, there are too many customers too serve at the same time.
Jesse: I can handle this.
Becky: No you can't. Why on earth did you have to fire Jason ?
Jesse: I had a very good reason.
Becky: Like what ?
Jesse: Well, he told me he hates Elvis.
Becky: That's all ?
Jesse: And I catched him stealing money out of the pay-desk.
Becky: How are you going to solve this ?
Jesse: Easy, I will hire somebody new.
Becky: Like who ?
Becky: Steve ?
Becky: That's very nice of you.
Jesse: Well, it's not difficult to me to help my family.
Becky: And you thought it up all by your self ?
Jesse: Sure I did.
Then DJ and Steve walk in...
Steve: Thanks for the job, uncle Jesse.
Jesse: Hey, just call me Jesse, I'm not your uncle.
DJ: I'm so glad you gave Steve this job.
Jesse: Well, that's me, I'm very nice to my family.
Becky: (To DJ) Did he really offer this job spontaneously ?
DJ: Yes he did... after I pushed him for about one hour.
Jesse: Al right, you know how everything works around here, don't you Steve ?
Steve: Yes I do, Jesse.
DJ: Need me to help... Jesse ?
Jesse: Hey, to you it's uncle Jesse.
Then Kimmy walks in with Duane...
DJ: Hi Kimmy.
Kimmy: Good evening all.
DJ: What brings you here ?
Kimmy: My mom kicked us out of the house.
Jesse: Let me guess, she saw the light.
Kimmy: That too. But she is having a party with some of her friends.
Becky: And she didn't want you to be there ?
Kimmy: No. Now I will miss the best game of the night.
DJ: What's that ?
Kimmy: Smell the socks and guess who wore them the last time.
Steve: Anybody wants to drinks something ?
Kimmy: Sure, give me a cappuccino please.
Steve: One cappuccino's coming up. What do you want Duane ?
Steve: What were I thinking ?
We find Stephanie, Gia and Mark at the party when some other guests arrive...
Mark: Welcome guys.
Mark walks into the living room where Stephanie and Gia are with three other people...
Mark: This is my cousin Stephanie and her best friend Gia. This are my best friend Tony, and
here we have Bert and Karen.
They all sit down...
Stephanie: (Whispering into Gia's ear) That Tony is cute.
Tony: Where are John and his crew ?
Mark: They are having their own private party.
Tony: Where ?
Mark: Behind metal bars.
Tony: Again ? Gee, they miss all the fun.
Mark: Like they always do. Anybody for a drink ?
Bert: Beer please.
Mark: Bert, I told you I wouldn't buy any alcoholics for this party. I had to promise that.
Stephanie: And grandma said she allowed you to...
Mark: Yes she did. One glass for everybody, and no more. (He walks to the kitchen)
Tony: (Sitting next to Stephanie) Well, here we are.
Gia: Anybody wanna dance ?
Karen: Dance ? We don't have time to do that. (She starts kissing Bert)
Gia: This looks familiar.
Stephanie: You mean this reminds you to one of your making out parties ?
Gia: You got it.
Mark: Hey, why are you still sitting here ? Go dance. Bert, Karen, do you want me to get the
water hose ?
Bert: (Nervously) No, of course not.
Mark: I'm happy to hear that.
Gia: You don't want things to become wet here ?
Mark: No, we just don't have a hose here.
Gia: Borrow one from the neighbors then.
Mark: You see me do that ? Walking to the neighbors with a cup and ask for a hose in stead of
sugar ? Bye the way, we do need sugar, so I could take that with me too.
Stephanie: You think of everything, don't you Mark ?
Gia: (Starts laughing) You're funny Mark.
Mark: I hear that more often, but not everybody thinks that way about me.
Gia: You're kidding.
Mark: No I'm not. When my mother saw me growing up when I was about six years old, she
walked away and I never saw her again.
Gia: How sad. But I know how you're feeling, my dad left us too.
Mark: Wanna talk about it ?
Gia: Sure, sit down.
Mark sits down next to Gia and they start talking....
Tony: Well, Steph, we're the only ones doing nothing now.
Stephanie: I see. So, tell me about yourself.
Tony: Well, I'm 18 years old, play basketball, and like to dance.
Stephanie: You're kidding ? Me too!
Tony: You play basketball ?
Stephanie: No, I like to dance.
Tony: I hear that more often from girls.
Stephanie: You do ?
Tony: Yes, last week my girlfriend Stacy told me exactly the same thing.
Stephanie: (Disappointed) Funny how life can be.
Some hours later, we find the six teenagers saying goodbye...
Bert: Well, besides the fact there weren't many guests, it was very cosy.
Karen: Yeah, we really enjoyed this party.
Gia: How ? The only thing you experienced were your lips.
Tony: Well, I have to go now. I'll call you Mark.
Mark: Okay, bye.
Stephanie: We have to go now too.
Mark: Wait, I will drive you home.
Gia: How nice.
Mark: Well, I have to pick up grandma.
Stephanie: You already miss her ?
Mark: Yes, and I even miss her more when I think of all the mess I have to clean up later.
They walk outside and get into Mark's car...
Gia: You know, I really had a good night.
Mark: Me too. You know, it was very delighting to talk about my life once.
Gia: Hey if you want to spare more bad moments, just say it.
Mark: I have one now.
Gia: What ?
Mark: We're out of gas.
Stephanie: Then how did you ever get that car here ?
Mark: Easy, I pushed it here.
Gia: So we have to walk ?
Mark: No, of course not. Claire's car is still here.
Stephanie: Can you say Claire to grandma ?
Mark: She even insists I do that.
They get out of the car and get into the other one...
Mark: (Turns the key) Okay, this one will work.
The car starts and mark drives away...
The next morning we find Michelle and the twins having breakfast when Stephanie walks down stairs with her hair very messy...
Michelle: What happened to you?
Stephanie: I had to push the car from grandma here.
Michelle: Why ?
Stephanie: Because Mark forgot that car was almost out of gas.
Nicky: We taught Comet a trick.
Alex: Yes, he can jump through a burning hoop.
Stephanie: Isn't that dangerous ?
Alex: No, for we are not allowed to let the hoop burn.
Michelle: Well, this Sunday is the big day.
Stephanie: What big day ?
Michelle: I will have a second try cooking.
Stephanie: No, I don't want to eat pizza again.
Michelle: That's not very nice of you.
Stephanie: Just kidding. (She walks up the stairs)
Alex: Can we make the desert ?
Nicky: You did it yesterday.
Michelle: Al right, what desert will you make ?
Alex: The same one you made, but we will change one thing.
Michelle: What ?
Nicky: You forgot the cookie on top of it.
That night we find everybody in the kitchen sitting at the table...
Michelle: Are you guys ready to taste my spaghetti ?
Danny: I can't wait honey.
DJ: Watch out, this is hot. (She puts a bowl with spaghetti on the table)
Joey: This looks better than the lasagne.
Steve: Let's hope it tastes better too.
DJ: You ate from the burned lasagne ?
Steve: I just wanted to check if it really had to be thrown away.
Michelle: Okay, have a nice meal.
Stephanie: (Chewing) Hm, it tastes good, Michelle.
Michelle: Are you sure ?
Danny: Honey, you did a fine job on this meal.
Michelle: Well, I got some help from DJ.
DJ: But you did most of it.
Alex: Is desert ready now ?
Jesse: Hey, first you have to finish your spaghetti.
Nicky: We made the desert.
Stephanie: What's wrong ?
Joey: I don't know. (He gets something out of his mouth)
Steve: What is it ?
Joey: It's a bracelet. (He holds the bracelet in front of his face)
Michelle: Hey, that's mine. I have been searching everywhere for that thing.
Jesse: Hope I find money in here.
Danny: No, but I've got something.
Michelle: Oops. What is it ?
Danny: A piece of chewing gum.
Michelle: How did that get in there ?
Danny: Well, it doesn't matter. You did your best and it's very good Michelle.
Joey: Only next time don't put it any surprises.
Jesse: And if you do, I can use some new rims for my car.
Joey: You can't put that in your mouth.
Jesse: Oh but I don't want that, I want to put them on my car.
Joey: But you can't get it from your plate.
Jesse: Why not ?
Joey: Because your fork will never get through that.
DJ: Okay everybody, desert time!
Nicky: We thought you would never say that.
DJ walks to the refrigerator, the others put down their cutlery.....
Full House - The new stories
Episode 13 (205)- Michelle, The Kitchen And The Pizza Man
Michelle learns how to cook from DJ, but it goes wrong and the food has been spoiled. Mark is giving a party and Stephanie and Gia come too, but most of the guests never arrive. Steve got bad news: he lost his job.