Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9
Episode (17) 209 - Fishing Guys
We find Jesse, Danny and Joey in the kitchen...
Danny: Let's check if we have everything.
Joey: Well, I've got my slippers, my bird whistle that sounds like Daffy Duck and my Popeye
pyjamas. So I'm ready.
Jesse: I packed my hairspray and my blow dryer.
Joey: Why ?
Jesse: I have to be prepared for disasters.
Danny: And where do you want to plug it in ?
Jesse: Where do you wanna plug the vacuum cleaner in ?
Joey: Good move Jess.
Danny: Hey, I don't want crumbs in my one-person tent.
Joey: Danny, that goes with camping, having fun, sleeping under canvas, get dirty.
Danny: Why did I ever agree to go with you ?
Then DJ walks in...
DJ: Ready to go boys ?
Danny: Yes we are. I look really forward to this fishing trip.
Jesse: you promise you will keep an eye on the Smash Club ?
DJ: I will.
Joey: And please, don't forget to feed my Tamakotchi on time.
DJ: Don't worry Joey.
Danny: And no wild parties, understand ?
DJ: Dad, would we do that ?
DJ: You know everything we do, don't you ? But really, there's no party planned
Danny: Okay. I knew I could trust you. Steve, come on, we're going!
Jesse: We have to go guys. We want to arrive before it's dark, don't we ?
Joey: Yes please, I'm scared in the dark.
The guys walk away, DJ stays in the kitchen when Stephanie walks down the stairs...
DJ: Steph, I hope you didn't call all those people yet ?
Stephanie: Actually I did. Bye the way, did we order fireworks for the party ?
Danny: (Walking back) Gotcha! I knew it!
Stephanie: Dad, don't worry, the house won't get dirty. You see, we only use your room.
-------------------------------------------------------- INTRO --------------------------------------------------------------
We find Jesse, Danny, Joey and Steve somewhere near Salton Sea....
Danny: We have arrived. Salton Sea!
Jesse: It has been a very long time ago when we last did something fun together.
Joey: Today exactly two years ago.
Danny: I still feel sick of that casino trip.
Jesse: Only because you lost $ 1000
Joey: And I won $ 2000 on that same machine.
Danny: I always warn other people that those machines are bad.
Steve: Thank you for taking me with you.
Danny: Oh, that's okay.
Jesse: We consider you as a member of the family now.
Steve: Thank you guys. Well, I will unpack my bag I think.
Joey: Which one ? The blue one, the red one, the green one or the purple one ?
Steve: I don't mind, they are all filled with snacks.
Danny: I think it was a great idea from DJ to give you your own food supplies.
Jesse: Where will we put our tents ?
Danny: I think that spot over there looks fine.
Joey: I don't think so.
Danny: Why not ?
Joey: That's so close to the water.
Jesse: I see. You're afraid you will fall out of your bed. (Smiling) That will be a wet dream.
Joey: No, ever heard of tides ?
Joey: Okay, it's your choice, but I will put my tent over there.
Jesse: I wouldn't do that. That's so close to the woods.
Danny: It might happen that a bear comes out of it ?
We find DJ, Becky and the twins in the living room...
DJ: Wow, a whole weekend without the men.
Alex: Hey, what about us ?
DJ: No boys, I meant real men.
Nicky: We are real men. We can eat like animals.
Alex: And we can be rough, tough and mean.
Nicky: We can watch sports on tv.
Alex: And we can burp like real men.
Becky: Just forget about that last point.
Nicky: Too bad, it's our favorite part of being a man.
Becky: I'm glad you can take care of Jesse's club. I have to do the house hold here.
DJ: But you're in charge. And you know what's great about that ?
Becky: No, what ?
DJ: Watch this. Steph, Michelle, get down here now!
Stephanie and Michelle walk down the stairs...
Stephanie: You screamed ?
DJ: Yes I did. Get a mop and a brush and go wipe the kitchen floor!
Stephanie: You're commanding us. How rude!
Michelle: Huh ?
DJ: You heard me.
Stephanie: Anything else you like ? A nice cup of tea ?
DJ: Yes, thank you.
Stephanie: Get it yourself.
Michelle: yeah, and you can mop that floor too, we are not your slaves.
Becky: Nice plan. Can I try ? Girls, your dad is not here now, and that means we have to keep
this house clean. I can't do everything, so can you lease help me ?
Michelle: Sure we can, what do you want us to do ?
DJ: That's all ? How did you do that ?
Stephanie: She asked, she didn't yell.
Michelle: That was very low of you.
DJ: I know, I'm sorry.
Stephanie: For punishment you can go clean the toilet bowl.
DJ: Oh no, what did I do ?
Stephanie: Just kidding.
We find the guys near the lake...
Danny: What do you think ? Shall we throw our fishing rods ?
Jesse: Good idea. (They walk to the water)
Danny: Steve, why are you wearing a big bag ?
Steve: to fish.
Joey: New strategy ?
Steve: This way I can get all kind of stuff out of the water.
Jesse: You mean like shoes ?
Joey: No, I always get the shoes out of the water.
Steve: No, not for the shoes. If I'm lucky I maybe catch a pizza or a hamburger.
Danny: Steve, that's almost impossible.
Steve: Not for me.
Jesse: Why ? You throw them in first ?
Steve: No I practiced at the mc Donalds.
Joey: Okay, who's got the worms ?
Jesse: Danny does.
Danny: No I don't. Joey would take them with him.
Joey: Me ? Would I ask when I had them ?
Jesse: I believe I saw them in one of the bags. I believe the purple one.
Steve: You mean that jar ?
Steve: Now I understand.
Danny: What ?
Steve: I already thought the noodles tasted strange.
Danny: You ate the worms ?
Joey: Bon apetit.
Steve: Is that a new kind of snack ?
Danny: No, that's French for 'have a nice meal'.
Steve: You mean it's diner time ?
Jesse: Look, I have a bite!
Danny: Me too!
Joey: Guys, I guess you got each other.
Jesse: No way, we're not that stupid. (He pulls at his angle)
Danny: Woa, this is a have one. (He pulls his angle)
Joey: Hey, something's coming up.
Danny: Hey, it's a tire.
Jesse: Who's got that one ?
Jesse: No, I see you have it.
Joey: Guys, you both have it!
Jesse: We do ? Well, you can have it Danny.
Danny: No, it's too dirty, you take it.
Jesse: Then I'll throw it back.
Steve: No wait! What if we get a flat tire on our way back home ?
Joey: He's got a point there.
Danny: Steve, we've got a spare tire in the car.
Joey: He also has a good point.
Steve: And what if we get two flat tires ?
Jesse: That hardly happens.
Joey: But it could happen. If we are being chased by the Mafia and they shoot at the tires.
Jesse: No, it won't happen then too. We would just exchange you for our freedom.
Joey: I'm flattered Jesse.
We find Stephanie and Gia in Stephanie's room...
Gia: And, how does it feel without your father in the house ?
Stephanie: Well, one part of me misses him.
Gia: Because you have to make your own bed now ?
Stephanie: No, that is something the other part of me, that is happy with this situation, contains.
Gia: I guess it's quiet ?
Stephanie: It is. But on the other hand, Jason can stay as long as he wants tonight.
Gia: Ooh, that sounds exciting.
Stephanie: Don't think to much of it. We're just going to talk and do some homework.
Gia: What kind of homework ? Biology ?
Stephanie: Geography and math.
Gia: Yippee a yay!
Then Michelle walks in...
Michelle: Stephanie, do we really have to do all the house keeping ?
Stephanie: No, dad will be home by Monday, so we can do everything on Sunday.
Michelle: Al right!
Gia: Why don't you let the others do all the work ?
Stephanie: Because nobody will do it then. And when dad finds out we can do it for a whole
month. Or year, if he's in a bad mood.
Michelle: Groas! I hate that idea.
Michelle leaves the room...
Gia: What time is Jason coming ?
Stephanie: He can be here any minute.
Gia: Oh, look at the time, I have to go now.
Stephanie: You have a date with Mark ?
Gia: No, I can't find him anywhere.
Stephanie: Strange, this night he has to work in the Smash Club.
Gia: Well, I guess I'll see him then. Bye. (She leaves the room)
Then the doorbell rings and Stephanie hears DJ calling her...
DJ: It's for you Steph!
Not long after this Jason enters the room...
Stephanie: Hi Jason.
Jason: Hi Steph. Steph, we have to talk.
Stephanie: About what ?
Jason: Steph, I don't know how to say this, but I think you're expecting too much from me.
Stephanie: What do you mean ?
Jason: I'm sorry, but I think we should stop seeing each other.
Stephanie: Why ?
Jason: Because I've been thinking and I guess I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet.
Stephanie: You mean you want to break up ?
Jason: I don't want to say it that way, but yes. I'm sorry. (He walks out of the room)
Stephanie: (Sitting down on her bed) No. Don't leave. No.
Stephanie starts crying and she puts her head in her hands....
We find DJ, Michelle and Kimmy in the kitchen...
Kimmy: I've got good news. I'll be on the Jerry Springer show next week.
Michelle: What is that show about ? Brain transplantations ?
Kimmy: No, I don't believe so. They hired me for a scene. I have to attack another girl.
DJ: Why ?
Kimmy: Because that bitch stole my man.
Michelle: You mean Duane ?
Kimmy: No, Stuart.
DJ: Who's Stuart ?
Kimmy: I don't know. But he cheated on me. Well, I guess I have to practise now, bye. 9She
leaves the house)
Michelle: She's nuts.
Then Alex walks into the kitchen...
Alex: Have you seen Nicky ?
DJ: No, why ?
Alex: We're playing hide and seek and I can't find him.
Michelle: Then he's good at this game.
Alex: I think so. I am looking for two hours now, and I still can't find him.
DJ: Did you check everywhere in the house ?
Alex: Yes I did.
Michelle: And outside ?
Alex: Hey, we can't cross the street. How do I have to search all the city ?
DJ: Where does he usually hide ?
Alex: I don't know.
Michelle: Where do you usually hide ?
Alex: Under my bed.
DJ: And, did you check that place ?
Michelle: And now he didn't ?
DJ: Alex, do you remember your brother and you switched beds last week ?
Alex: Hey, that's true, thank you.
Alex walks up the stairs...
DJ: I thought twins could always find each other.
Michelle: How ?
Michelle: I hope that's not contagious ?
Then Becky walks into the kitchen with groceries...
Becky: Can you please help me ?
Michelle takes one of the bags....
Becky: Thank you. My god, it was so busy at the super market, I have been in the queue for one
hour. And that was only to get a bag of cookies.
Then Nicky and Alex run down the stairs...
Nicky: Did I hear 'cookies' ?
Michelle: So you found him Alex ?
Alex: Yes I did, he was under my bed.
Nicky: Next time I'll hide there again. It's such a good place, he will never find me.
DJ: I had a good place when I was young.
Michelle: Oh Puh-lease. I always found you on the toilet. No, I had a good place. Once
Stephanie had to find em and I was walking behind her all the time.
Alex: And she didn't find you ?
Michelle: Not until I sneezed.
Becky: Here boys, cookies.
Nicky: Double yum.
DJ: Did any of you see Stephanie ?
Michelle: Her boyfriend came by.
DJ: I guess I'll leave them alone then.
It's dark when Joey and Jesse are in a tent...
Joey: How cosy, you and me sleeping together in a tent.
Jesse: As long as you don't snore.
Joey: I guess it's better than our first plan, sleeping all in our own tent.
Jesse: Don't forget, that's Steve's fault. If he didn't put food in one of the bags we would take a
tent in, we would have done it that way.
Joey: (Turning on a flash light) Well, good night.
Jesse: Joseph, how can I sleep when you're making light ?
Joey: Just close your eyes.
Jesse: And why are you making light ?
Joey: because I'm reading a comic. That's what I do every night before I go sleep.
Jesse: You're a real lunatic.
Joey: How did you know it's a Looney Tune cartoon ?
Jesse lies down and closes his eyes.... In the other tent we find Danny and Steve...
Danny: Steve, why are you eating a chocolate bar ?
Steve: because I'm hungry.
Danny: Don't you know that chocolate will make everything sticky ?
Steve: Shall I eat it outside ?
Danny: Yes please.
Steve leaves the tent and enters the tent of Joey and Jesse...
Steve: Cool, I didn't read that one.
Jesse: Oh no, can I get some sleep ?
Steve: Hi uncle Jesse! Do you want a piece of my chocolate bar ?
Jesse: No, I want a piece of sleep.
Steve: I don't think I brought that with me.
Joey: (Laughing) Good one! Steve, do you also wonder why Coyote always traps himself ?
Steve: Yes I do, it's just like he never has any luck.
Joey: He has.
Jesse: Yes, when you shut up and let me sleep.
Joey: What I was saying. Coyote has some luck sometimes.
Steve: He does ?
Joey: Yes, when he doesn't fall too deep (Starts laughing again)
Jesse: Oh my god. Danny, can I sleep with you ?
Steve: I don't think there's enough space in there, I sleep there too you see.
Jesse: Oh my god.
We find DJ, Stephanie and Becky in the Smash Club...
Becky: I don't understand where Mark is.
Stephanie: Whatever. Maybe he's here, maybe he's there, who knows ?
DJ: Gee, what have you been drinking lately ?
Stephanie: Huh ? Drink ? No thanks, I just had some.
DJ: Okay, what's going on ?
Stephanie: If you wanna know, I've been dumped today. Jason told me he wanted to break up.
DJ: Oh my.
Stephanie: What did I do wrong ?
DJ: Hey, don't blame yourself.
Becky: Yes, if he breaks up with such a great girl like you, he's not worth you.
Stephanie: You really think so ?
Becky: Yes. If somebody doesn't want you, that says more about that person than about you. You
will find a boy sooner or later, don't worry.
DJ: And sometimes you have to choose between cute boys.
Becky: It's very natural to feel bad, but it's better for you not to feel that way for too long. Try to
forget him. Life for the future, and don't stay living in the past.
Stephanie: Did Shakespeare write that ?
Becky: No, it's a lesson everybody has to learn.
Stephanie: So you mean that in stead of feeling miserable all night, I should have fun ?
DJ: It's hard, but you have such a long life to live, you will have enough moments to feel bad.
Then Mark enters the club...
Becky: Excuse me, I have to reprimand somebody. (She stand up and walks towards Mark)
Mark: Good evening.
Becky: Where were you ? You supposed to be here four hours ago ?
Mark: hey, I was stuck in traffic.
Becky: Where have you been ?
Mark: I drove to Oakland, an old friend of me called me last night. He had a great offer to me.
Then Gia walks in...
Gia: Hey, where were have you been all day ?
Mark: In Oakland, an old friend of mine called me to tell me that he knew a great car for sale. So
I went to see it.
Gia: I thought you already had a car of your own ?
Mark: That car broke down last week and it can hardly be fixed. So I took grandmothers car and
drove back there.
Stephanie: And now ?
Mark: Wanna see my new car ?
Gia: What kind of car is it ?
Mark: A red one.
Gia: I didn't mean that.
Mark: It's a Ford. They also had a BMW, but I didn't like the color.
Stephanie: Why not ?
Mark: It was pink. And there was a picture on the dashboard from the former owner... and his
boyfriend. Not that I have something against those people, but I hate pink, for a car.
Becky: Next time, call us when you're late.
Mark: I hope everything turned out right ?
Becky: Sure. I told the crowd there was a technical malfunctioning.
Early the next morning we find Joey waking up....
Joey: (Sleepy) Jesse, don't snore that loud!
Jesse: (Sleepy) I'm not snoring. I'm awake.
Joey: (Groping on his left side) Jesse, can I ask you something ?
Jesse: Sure. I'm awake any way.
Joey: When did you last shave your back ?
Jesse: Why should I do that ?
Joey: Because it's hairy out there.
Jesse: You're not even touching me. (Sitting up) Joseph, what are you doing ?
Jesse: And you're touching me ?
Joey: Yes I am. You're on the left on me.
Jesse: No I'm not. I'm on your right side.
Joey: Then what am I touching ?
Jesse: Don't be scared, a bear!
Joey: Yeah right. (He opens his eyes) Oh my god, it is a bear! Help!
The bear growls...
Joey: Is it going to eat us ?
Jesse: I don't care, as long as it eats you first.
Then somebody opens the tent...
Danny: Joey, I didn't know you wanted to have a beard.
Steve: Hey, that's a bear.
Joey: Please make it go away.
Danny: No thanks, what if it attacks us ?
Jesse: At least it's gone here.
Steve: Can I ? Hey bear, go away!
The bear growls again...
Danny: tactical, asking a bear to leave.
Jesse: Don't you have some bate or something ?
Steve: Remember I ate those worms ?
Jesse: Not that bate, huh!
Danny: Jesse, try to scare it away with your hairspray.
Jesse: Now you're going too far.
Joey: Jess, please do it. You took two bags of it with you. How much do you need ?
Jesse: Al right, one bottle. (He takes one and sprays it towards the bear)
Steve: Ugh. I'm gone!
Steve walks away...
Joey: Try some more.
Jesse sprays again, but the bear still doesn't leave...
Danny: This is gonna be hard.
Joey: This is the first time in my life I wish Gibbler comes by.
Jesse: Me too.
Danny: Guys, this is real bad!
Joey: We know.
Danny: Look at all those hairs it leaves behind. I'm going to get my dustbuster. (He leaves the
tent) Don't leave, I'll be back in a moment.
Joey: Where would we go ?
Then The tent on Jesse's side opens...
Steve: You can spray now, I'm standing safe now on this side.
Jesse: Steve, you're a genius.
Steve: I am ? What did I do ?
Jesse: Never mind, Joseph, we're getting out of here.
Jesse leaves the tent at Steve's side, Joey follows...
Jesse: Now we have to get that beast out of there, I don't trust it with my handy holy head-hair
Danny: I'm back. Where is that animal ?
Joey: Still inside.
Danny walks to the tent...
Danny: Hello, I came to vacuum this tent. Could you please leave ? (He turns on his dustbuster)
The bear doesn't move....
Steve: (Standing next to Danny) Did you know they make steaks from bear meat sometimes ? I
once ate that when I was on a holiday in Alaska.
After Steve's words the bear runs away out of the tent....
Steve: What's wrong with that bear ?
We find DJ and Stephanie in the living room...
DJ: And, how did you sleep ?
Stephanie: Not very well. I felt a little sick from that car drive with Mark.
DJ: I still wonder why he was driving that fast.
Stephanie: Easy, the break pedal was broken.
DJ: And, did you think of Jason ?
Stephanie: Jason is history, I don't even think about him anymore.
Then the phone rings...
Stephanie: I'll get it, maybe it's Jason.....
DJ: I thought you didn't think of him anymore ?
Stephanie: Well, he's got a CD from me, maybe he wants to bring that back. (She takes the
receiver)Hello ? Hi dad! No, everything's going fine here. What ? Of course not, why
would I put my red socks with the white laundry ? I don't even have white socks.
How are you doing ? You did ? Oh my god. Okay, I'll tell them. Bye. (She puts down
DJ: That was dad ?
Stephanie: Yes it was. He just catched a one meter trout.
DJ: So he didn't have much success ?
Stephanie: I don't think so.
Then Michelle walks down...
Michelle: I don't like to say this, but I think we have to clean the house now.
DJ: She's right.
Stephanie: She is ?
DJ: We have to make dad proud at us.
Michelle: How are we going to do it ?
Stephanie: I've got an idea. Let's call a cleaning company.
DJ: We could do that.
Michelle: Do we have that money ?
Stephanie: No. What a pity.
DJ: Come on, let's get busy!
We find the guys fishing....
Steve: I got one! (He takes his angle up) Wow, this one looks nice. Shall I cook it or boil it ?
Jesse: Steve, we're not going to eat the fish, we're going to throw it back.
Steve: Nuts! I was in the mood for some fish.
Joey: I got something too. (He pulls up his angle) Damn, that's the 5th boot today.
Danny: If I were you I'd try to find another spot.
Joey: Where ? On the other side of the lake ?
Jesse: Joseph, maybe you would catch less boots, when you don't throw that thing back again and
again. This is not the 5th boot, but the 5th time you catched this boot.
Steve: That's the same as eating a hamburger, get it out by your intestines and stools, an animal
eats that, gets a baby and we eat that baby in a hamburger.
Danny: Are you talking about the same thing we were ?
Steve: Ehm... No, I guess not.
Jesse: I got one guys, can somebody please help me ?
Joey: Look, it's a big one. I saw him coming to the surface.
Jesse: Gee, that one's really pulling.
Danny: If I were you I would let your angle go.
Jesse: Why on earth would I do that ? Woa... (He falls into the water)
Danny: Because that fish is going to pull you into the water.
Jesse: Don't laugh!
Joey: I won't. I will just sit down here, take a deep breath and... okay, I am going to laugh
hahahaha! (Points at Jesse) What a joke!
Jesse: Joseph, this is not funny. My hair is ruined now.
Steve: I have to say, you're looking wet.
Joey: He's looking wet! (laughs) Looking wet!
Danny: Jesse, get some clean clothes on your body.
Jesse: Yeah, I don't wanna be sick.
Danny: And you will smell like a garbage dump.
Joey: He fell into one.
Steve: I remember I smelled this smell last time. It was when I was eating a corn dog.
Danny: Then it must have been an old corn dog ?
Steve: No, Kimmy came by and took of her shoes.
Joey + Danny: Uhw!
The next day we find the guys coming home....
Danny: We're home!
Michelle: We too!
Becky: And, how was your weekend ?
Steve: It was great. But I am also happy I'm home now.
DJ: You mean you missed me ?
Steve: No, well, of course, that too, but I am looking forward to a real nice pizza.
Becky: (Kissing Jesse) Woa, you need a shower.
Danny: We all do.
Stephanie: So, where's your giant trout ?
Joey: Yes Danny, where is it ?
Steve: I thought he only catched two goldfishes.
Jesse: And they were made in China. At least, that's what I read on the back of those things.
Danny: What's the difference ? We had fun this weekend.
Joey: You have that one right.
Nicky: Daddy, did you bring us a present ?
Jesse: Sorry son, but there was no store where we were.
Alex: You could have driven to Texas to buy us something.
Nicky: They sell very cool stuff there.
Alex: We saw it on television yesterday.
DJ: You want a cup of coffee ?
Danny: that would be nice. By the way, what is the house looking good. Did you clean it ?
Michelle: Yes we did. We spend our whole day yesterday cleaning this.
Danny: I'm so proud of you. (Almost crying of joy) Finally you got the Tanner spirit.
Stephanie: We do ?
Michelle: We have to get lost of that as soon as possible then.
All talk together, DJ brings in the coffee....
------------------------------------------------------------ End Tune ------------------------------------------------------
Full House - The new stories
Jesse, Danny, Joey and Steve go fishing at Salton Sea. Becky is in charge of the house. Jason breaks Stephanie's heart...