Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9
Episode (22) 214 - When I Snap My Fingers
We find Michelle and the twins on the attic...
Michelle: Boys, your father asked me to practise your act for your school.
Nicky: You mean we have to practise play-backing ?
Alex: That's not so hard.
Michelle: But you know how your father can be if you do a bad impression of Elvis.
Alex: Elvis ?
Michelle: I can't help it boys, your father chose the music.
Nicky: He's crazy.
Alex: About Elvis.
Michelle: tell me about it.
Nicky: And we can't do Elvis.
Michelle: Why not ? I thought your father taught you the moves ?
Alex: How must we do an impression of one person, when we're with two people to impress ?
Nicky: Well, maybe Elvis was schizophrenic.
Michelle: Boys, quiet. Never tell your father that. He will be very upset, maybe he'll even punish
you. What you just said is like somebody telling ice-cream is bad to us.
Alex: That is bad!
Michelle: Are you ready boys, I'm starting the tape.
Nicky: One more question. Which song is it ?
Michelle turns on the tape. Hard guitars and basses are coming out of the speakers...
Nicky: Wow, I didn't know Elvis made this great music.
Michelle: This isn't Elvis. This is Metallica. How did that happen ?
Then Joey walks up...
Joey: Thank god. I heard that music, I guess you found my relaxing-tape. I recorded it last week.
Michelle looks at Joey with frown eye-brows and shakes her head....
-------------------------------------------------------------- INTRO --------------------------------------------------------------------
We find Danny, Joey and DJ watching television...
DJ: Is there a good movie on somewhere ? This talk show is boring me.
Danny: Me too, It's always the same. Just like Jerry Springer.
Joey: Hey, last week he had a good show.
Joey: But it's true, the guests started throwing hand grenades to each other.
DJ: The art of entertaining...
Danny: Hey, on channel 7 is a hypnotist. I always like to watch the hypnotized people doing all
the funny stuff the hypnotist tells them to do.
DJ switches the channel...
DJ: Hey, wasn't this guy in your show last week ?
Danny: Yes, he hypnotized Barney, our cameraman. That was a real bad move, nobody else
knew how to control the camera.
DJ: I don't believe it's real.
Danny: Well, actually that wasn't our real cameraman. That man was hired.
DJ: I already thought that wasn't Barry, I thought Barry had less hair.
Danny: No, but I think it doesn't work for many people.
The hypnotist is still on television...
Hypnotist: You will fell sleepy, very sleepy, your eyes will feel heavy, very heavy...
DJ: I'm getting some more popcorn, I'm getting hungry.
Danny: That will be the baby.
Then Michelle walks in...
Michelle: Hi dad.
Danny: Hi honey.
Michelle: What are you watching ?
Michelle: It works for Joey.
Joey: I'm sleepy, my eyes are heavy...
Danny: It sure did.
Hypnotist: That was the show people, see you next time.
A commercial appears on the television...
Joey: I'm all yours...
Danny: Joey, you can stop this act now.
Michelle: I think he's still in trance.
DJ: Joey, I found a mini-toy in the bag of potato chips, do you have this one ?
Michelle: Sst, Joey is hypnotized.
DJ: No way!
Danny: I'm afraid she's right. And I have no clue how to get him out of this.
Michelle: Well, it can be useful.
Danny: Why ?
Michelle: Well, we could Joey have some tasks done...
Danny: Honey, we can't do that, that would mean we're abusing him.
DJ: Hey, maybe he will wash your car, as he promised last month.
Danny: Hm, there are always exceptions on a rule...
We find Jesse and Becky with the twins on the attic...
Jesse: Are you ready boys ? Tomorrow is the big night.
Becky: And don't worry boys, we won't be hard on you, it's just a game, and it's the fun you have
that really counts.
Jesse: But just make sure you win that contest, I couldn't forgive my self if you did a bad job on
imitating the holiest man that ever lived. That would mean I did something wrong with
Nicky: We can do it!
Jesse: Well, lets practise, do that lip-thing again, boys.
Alex and Nicky imitate Elvis' lip...
Jesse: Great boys, I'm so proud of you, that was a fantastic lip.
Becky: Let's make a picture of that. Do it again boys!
The twins do the lip again...
Becky: Great, this will be such a nice picture.
Nicky: No it won't.
Becky: Why not ? You looked great!
Alex: But you forgot to take the lens-cap off.
Becky: That will be a pretty picture.
Jesse: Okay, now show your hips, boys.
Nicky: dad, do we really have to do all of this ?
Alex: Why can't we just be ourselves ?
Jesse: Because you're not imitating Elvis if you are yourselves.
Alex: But we can do it in our own way.
Jesse: And then it's not the Elvis way.
Becky: Never mind boys, your father won't foul for that trick.
Alex: Can't we bribe him with ice-cream ?
Nicky: I don't think so, but we could give him that blow dryer he wants.
Jesse: Blow dryer ?
Becky: You certainly got his attention boys.
Alex: there's only one problem, we don't have the money to buy it.
We find Stephanie, Gia and Mark in the library...
Gia: This is stupid, why are we in a library ?
Stephanie: Because David is here every week, remember.
Mark: And, you could find yourself a book to read.
Stephanie: What's wrong with that ?
Mark: I believe they also have the latest issue of Teen Girl magazine.
Gia: (Enthusiastic) They do ?
Stephanie: And how do you know that, Mark ?
Mark: Uhm, well, I uh.. I was bored and saw it somewhere around here when I was..uh.. looking
Gia: Why the hell were you looking for this magazine ?
Mark: Did you ever see how those girls look ? Woa, last month they had some pretty ones with
Stephanie: Big what ?
Mark: Big blue eyes.
Stephanie: Look, there is David.
Mark: Where, I only see a nerd with glasses twice as big as his head.
Gia: Definitely David!
Mark: Steph, where is your taste ?
Stephanie: Do you think I like that guy ? How rude! You stepped on my heart.
Mark: Or is it that guy with the air-filled muscles.
Stephanie + Gia: (Dreaming away) Yes.
Mark: What does muscle-head have that I don't have ?
Gia: Shall we make a list ?
Mark: Sure, in the mean time I'll go find myself a book. (He walks away)
Stephanie: Mark, there are no books where you're going to.
Mark: I know that. There are some more sophisticated things around there. I'm going for the
Gia: What, the Teen Girl Magazine ?
Mark: No, the Disney magazine.
Stephanie: Look at David.
Gia: He's really cute. Did you see those arms ?
Stephanie: And did you notice his back ? So perfect.
Mark: (Walking back) And did you see his girlfriend ?
Gia: Fool yourself, he's free.
Mark: Oh yeah, and who's that babe next to him then ?
Stephanie: His sister.
Mark: Woa, is she still single ?
Gia: Let me see, I believe she's going with Gary.
Stephanie: No, that was last week, now she's dating Bob.
Gia: No way, that was three weeks ago, last week she had Frank.
Mark: Never mind. Can you be quiet please, I'm going to try to read.
Gia: Good luck, do you know what's standing there ?
Mark: You are not nice at me, and yes, I do know what's standing there. Mickey says: 'Oh no!'
Gia: Look David there.
Mark: I'm getting tired of that. I'll solve this problem for you. (He stands up and walks towards
David) Hey muscle-boy. Do you see those two girls over there, please date them both and I
can have the quiet I want.
David: How did you call me, dope ?
Mark: Muscle-boy. Anything wrong with that ?
David: I hate to be called muscle-boy.
Mark: Then let the air escape out of your muscles and nobody will call you like this again.
David: Do you really think so ? Thanks pal. I didn't think about this before.
Mark walks back to the girls...
Stephanie: And ?
Mark: If I were you I'd go for the nerd with the glasses.
We find Danny, Michelle and Joey in the kitchen...
Danny: I know this is wrong, but it's fun.
Michelle: Dad, I hope you're sure, I don't know you like this.
Danny: But I always wanted to see Joey walk like a chicken.
Michelle: But he ate all the corn, how am I supposed to make popcorn for the late night movie ?
Danny: What late night movie ?
Michelle: Well, uhm...Aladdin.
Danny: Then it's okay.
Michelle: Joey, are you a good dog ?
Michelle: I believe you are.
Then Jesse walks in...
Jesse: I bought these cool outfits for the boys, look at this!
Michelle: Wow, if I were seven years old, I would die to walk in such an outfit.
Jesse: Cool, huh ? Hey, Joseph, why are you acting like a dog ? I thought you were a monkey.
Jesse walks upstairs, Joey makes monkey sounds...
Michelle: Nice joke, uncle Jesse.
Jesse: (Walking backwards) What's going on here ?
Danny: He's hypnotized. He does anything we say.
Jesse: Handy. Hey Joseph, clean my ,motorcycle, and don't miss a spot.
Joey: Yes master.
Michelle: How could you do that ?
Michelle: I didn't mean that. Joey can touch your motor cycle ?
Jesse: Well, he's not who he is right now, so what harm can it do ?
Joey: This is very dirty, I think I have to burn the dirt out...
Jesse: Oh no, bad idea... Joseph, stop! (He runs after Joey into the living room)
Michelle: Dad, how will we get Joey out of trance ?
Danny: Well, uhm.. I don't know.
Then DJ and Steve walk in with Kimmy...
DJ: Where's Joey, I want to show him to Steve and Kimmy.
Steve: It sounds pretty cool, having somebody that does everything you say.
Kimmy: We use to call that a dog.
Michelle: Then why don't you walk back to your basket ?
Kimmy: Because I'm no dog. I don't let people command me.
Danny: Kimmy, go home, that's an order.
Kimmy: Okay, okay, T-bone. I get the point.
Michelle: That will be the first time.
Kimmy leaves the house...
Steve: So, where is he ?
Danny: I don't know, the last thing I saw of him was being chased by Jesse.
Michelle: But we still don't know how to make him back to normal again.
DJ: Why don't you call that hypnotist ? Maybe he knows.
Danny: Good idea, thanks.
Steve: I have another good idea. No, better, it's a great idea, no, even better than great, a...
Michelle: We got your point, just tell us what you were saying.
Steve: Let's order pizza.
DJ: Great idea, I like to have one with gherkins and whipped cream.
Michelle: DJ, I know this is because of your pregnancy, but I think your child has a bad taste
Steve: Me too, I don't want a child that eats popcorn with ketchup.
DJ: You ate that last week.
Steve: Oh yeah. Bad example.
We find Stephanie and Gia in Stephanie's room...
Gia: And, did you ask David out ?
Stephanie: No, I didn't.
Gia: Did he ask you out ?
Stephanie: No he didn't.
Gia: You had sex with him ?
Stephanie: Gia, no. Not at the first date.
Gia: Then take the second, that's what I always try to do.
Stephanie: I don't know how to ask him.
Gia: Just walk to him and say:; Hey you, pick me up by seven, you pay.'
Stephanie: I want him to like me, Gia.
Gia: Even better. 'Hey you, pick me up by seven, you pay, and you better like me!'
Stephanie: Why do all my friends have a boyfriend and I don't ?
Gia: Hey, I don't have one.
Stephanie: And I thought you had Mark ?
Gia: We are good friends, nothing more.
Stephanie: How do I handle this ?
Gia: Take the phone and call him.
Stephanie: Good idea, I'm gonna phone him right now! (She takes the phone) Let's see, what's
his number ?
Gia: Here, you wrote it down. After you searched the telephone book for two hours.
Stephanie: Right. (She dials the number) It's ringing... Hello, David ? It's Stephanie Tanner.
What ? No, I don't call for homework. What ? Oh, I see. Okay, I'll do that. Bye.
Gia: And ?
Stephanie: Is my cousin a clairvoyant or something ? David told me he didn't have time, because
his girlfriend was with him. And guess what, he told me, they met at the library
today. And then some stupid boy disturbed him.
Gia: You mean that wasn't his sister ?
Some days later we find the twins for their performance at school...
Jesse: Okay boys, you can do it. I know you will do great.
Nicky: Dad, I don't know if I want this.
Jesse: What do you mean ?
Nicky: I'm afraid to fail.
Jesse: Why son ?
Becky: Jesse, I think I know what's going on here ?
Becky: They are afraid to fail because you're pushing them too much.
Jesse: No way. Boys, is your mother right ?
Alex: I agree with Nicky.
Jesse: Oh man. Boys, listen. I guess I over did it a little bit.
Alex: A little bit ?
You're better or worse than the other kids, just have fun. Okay ?
Jesse: Then give me a hug boys.
Jesse and the boys hug...
Jesse: Okay boys, go for it. The fun I mean. Let the show begin.
Jesse and Becky walk to their seats, next to DJ..
Becky: Where is Danny ?
DJ: He stayed home, it's his turn to watch Joey.
Becky: I see.
Jesse: I can't believe Joey's still in that trance. It has to be over sometime.
Stephanie: Well, maybe in a month or something. Then the hypnotist is back from his vacation.
Becky: There must be something we can do.
Michelle: I know! Why don't we let him clean the windows tomorrow ? It's my turn so...
Stephanie: Michelle, we can't abuse him all the time. And besides, I already want him to do the
groceries, what's my job...
Jesse: Look, the shows begins..
Becky: I can't wait to see my boys.
Teacher: Welcome all. Tonight is the night you have all been waiting for, or not... (Laughs)
Okay, I'm proud to present that the children from my own class will start, give them a
big applause please, and don't forget, I'm their agent. (Laughs) So, here's the first act,
here are Jimmy and Frank, and their doing the Village People, and trust me, they are
very look-a-like. (Laughs) Okay, here they are.
Jesse: Who is this lunatic ?
Becky: She's our sons' teacher.
Jesse: Remember to find them another school next year.
Some kids perform, and finally, it's the turn of Nicky and Alex...
Teacher: Okay, the last act of today, here are Nicky and Alex, performing Elvis and... Elvis.
(Laughs) Don't they look cute ?
Jesse: Becky, let's change schools now. Cute ?
Nicky and Alex start...
Jesse: Don't they look great ?
Becky: They sure do...
Later, it's time for the awards...
Teacher: Okay ladies and gentleman, here we are with the awards. Number three: Stacy , Lacy,
Macy, Tracy and Daisy, as the Spice Girls. Congratulations girls. And now the second
prize, and that one goes to Franky and Charlotte, as Michael and Janet Jackson. And I
have to say, I really couldn't tell who of you was who.
Stephanie: Just like in real life.
Michelle: I know, I never know if it's Michael or Janet performing, they have the same nose,
same face, same breast size...
Jesse: Sst, she's announcing the number one.
Teacher: And the winner of this years playback show is... Nicky and Alex Katsopolis, as Elvis
and Elvis. Come here boys, congratulations.
Jesse: they must have a great jury here.
Teacher: And I like to thank our jury of tonight, the Beach boys!
Jesse: What the...
Becky: Great jury, don't you think.
DJ: Best choice they could have made.
The Beach boys walk up the stage...
Beach boy#1: Thank you people. It was an honor for us to be the jury at this show, and we had a
really good time.
Beach boy#2: And we have a message for somebody in the audience. Jesse, this is for you.
Jesse: (Standing up) What ? How did you know...
Beach boy#1: Hey, get on the stage, let's sing a song together..
Jesse gets on the stage and sings a song with the Beach boys...
Later that night at the Tanner house...
Danny: And, how did it go ?
Nicky: We won!
Danny: Wow, your father must be proud of you then.
Jesse: I sure am, but, they did it for the fun.
Alex: And we had some fun.
DJ: How's Joey doing ?
Danny: He's ironing right now. And he polished the silver.
Becky: Seems like we missed a lot of fun.
Danny: Don't worry, I taped it all.
Jesse: I still can't believe it.
Danny: What ?
DJ: The Beach boys were there, they were the jury, and they let Nicky and Alex win.
Jesse: And after the show, I could sing a song with them, it has been a long time since I last did
that. I really had a great night.
Stephanie: I guess we all did.
Then Joey walks in...
Joey: Master Danny, I'm finished.
Danny: Then you can go to sleep now.
Joey: Yes master. (He falls down and snores)
Danny: Not here, in your bed.
Becky: Forget it, he's far away in dreamland.
Danny: Well, just let him lie there, he'll wake up in the morning.
Jesse: And so will we, I'm going to bed.
Becky: Good idea. Come boys, good night everybody.
Michelle: You know what I want right now ? Ice-cream!
Steve: We are out of that.
Stephanie; Steve, you eat too much, do something about it.
Steve: I didn't eat it, DJ did.
Danny: Oh my god, two big eaters, I need more groceries.
The next day at school we find Stephanie and Gia...
Stephanie: Look at them.
Gia: Steph, get over it.
Stephanie: I can't, he's too cute.
Gia: I don't know what he sees in that girl.
Stephanie: Well, she has no brains, maybe that helps.
Gia: Then he will never go for you, you're too smart for him.
Stephanie: You really think so ? Well, then I'll go for another guy.
Gia: That's the spirit, girl.
Stephanie: But not now, I really have to tell you about Joey. This morning he made my bed.
Gia: Can I hire him for a day ? My mother wants me to clean my room, and do the dishes today.
Stephanie: He's already taken for the rest of the day.
Gia: Too bad. But it's kind of fun I guess, having somebody around who does whatever you tell
him to do.
Stephanie: Well, it is, but I miss the real Joey. The jokes he made, the crazy things he did. I think
it's getting boring now.
Gia: Then bring him back to normal.
Stephanie: We tried, but we don't know how.
Gia: Then you have a problem. Did you try water ?
Stephanie: We did.
Gia: And, what happened ?
Stephanie: Joey put on an umbrella.
Gia: Hey, there's Mark.
Mark: Hi girls, need a ride home ?
Gia: I guess that won't hurt.
Stephanie, Gia and Mark step into the car...
Some later we find Stephanie and mark walking into the Tanner house...
Stephanie: I'm home!
Mark: Me too!
Michelle: Come quick, it's so funny. Joey is cleaning the toilet..
Stephanie: (Sarcastic) Oh, what a fun!
Mark: That's new I believe, Joey cleaning.
Michelle: Haven't you heard yet ?
Mark: What ?
Michelle: Well.. follow me, and you will see..
They walk into the bathroom...
Danny: Joey, you missed a spot.
Mark: What's this ?
Michelle: Joey has been hypnotized for the past four days now.
Stephanie: He's doing everything we tell him to do.
Mark: tell me it isn't true.
Danny: Sorry, but it is true.
Mark: Steph, I know you have the rights of this phrase, but I can't think up something else. How
rude! I can't believe this. You are abusing an innocent man, one of your best friends, and
he doesn't even know about it. Uncle Danny, I can't believe you did that too. And Jesse,
why ? He's your friend, he helps you out whenever you need him, and then... Same for
Becky. And DJ, why ? I thought you liked the old Joey. Stephanie, same story. And
Michelle, you should have told me this sooner.
Michelle: Why me ?
Mark: Because you were the only one I didn't say anything to. That Nicky and Alex do this,
okay, I can understand that. They are only kids. But you people, you are grown ups, you
know that it's wrong to threat people like this. Shame on you!
Alex: Yeah, shame on you!
Nicky: Double shame!
Danny: You're right. We have gone much too far.
Jesse: Yeah, I agree. I don't know what came into me.
DJ: We have been acting very bad.
Mark: How did this happen ?
Stephanie: He was watching television, and a hypnotist hypnotized him.
Mark: That's all ? Why didn't you wake him out of that ?
Michelle: Nobody knows how.
Mark: Oh, don't tell me you never watch hypnotists more often on television. It's so easy to wake
Jesse: It is ?
Mark: Yes it is. You only have to snap your fingers.
Mark snaps his fingers, Joey wakes up...
Joey: Hey, what am I doing here ?
Mark: Ask them. You were hypnotized. And they let you do everything they didn't want to do.
Joey: What ?
Danny: We're sorry Joey. We completely lost ourselves.
Joey: Danny, I can't believe this. (He wants to walk away angrily)
Danny: Joey, wait. We're sorry. We couldn't get you out of that condition.
Joey: Even a child knows that you wake a hypnotized person up by just snapping your fingers.
Becky: Well, we didn't.
DJ: Well, we knew, but we didn't think of it.
Danny: Joey, can you please forgive us ?
Joey: I don't know, I have to think about that.
Joey walks away, the others stay in the bathroom, with a felling of guilt...
Later, we find Joey in his room, when somebody knocks...
Joey: I'm not here.
Mark: We here you very clear for somebody who's not here.
Joey opens the door...
Danny: Joey, can we talk ?
Joey: Why, so you can bring me back in that condition again ?
Danny: No. I want to apologize, and so want the others.
Mark: Hey, I didn't do anything wrong, I woke him up.
Joey: At least one smart person here.
Danny: Joey, what we did was terribly wrong, but we want to make it up with you.
Jesse: We will do all of your tasks for the next week.
Joey: I think we can work something out.
Michelle: You can have my Yogibear lunchbox.
Joey: Okay, I can forgive you guys. But only because of the lunchbox.
Danny: I'm happy to hear that.
Jesse: And we promise, we will never do anything like this again.
Joey: And I promise I will never watch a hypnotist on television anymore.
Danny: Mark, thanks for opening our eyes.
Mark: Well, sometimes you need a ray of sunlight to widen your horizon and clear up the sky, so
you can see that what's happening behind the border of your sight is nothing than a chaos,
created by the clouds and fog that made the sky far away invisible for your eyes, without
you knowing what is happening there.
Becky: Mark, that was beautiful.
Danny: I guess you didn't have that one from a comic, do you ?
Michelle: I would say he has it from the weather report.
Mark: No, sometimes the poet in me appears, like sunshine after the rain.
Jesse: I think I know what happened to all the booze around here.
Danny: Jesse, there is never any booze around here.
Jesse: No, Mark drunk it.
Mark: Well, you have your laugh now, but I can't wait till the moment you drink yourself drunk,
because your hair is falling out.
Jesse: You can go too far.
Mark: But, you have great hair, so I guess I will never have my laugh.
Jesse: Thank you, you're a smart boy.
Mark: Hey, what can I say. I could take Joey out of his trance, but I can take you into one.
Jesse: No thanks.
Mark: Look into my eyes...
Jesse: No way, no...
Jesse runs away, Mark follows him, the others laugh....
----------------------------------------------------------- End Tune --------------------------------------------------
Full House - The new stories
Joey gets hypnotized, watching a hypnotist on television. The family thinks this is quite handy and take advantage of the situation. Nicky and Alex have playback show at school and Stephanie wants a boy...