Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 9

Episode (24) 216 - Never Gonna Sleep Again


We find Nicky and Alex on the attic...

Nicky: I'm bored.

Alex: Let's jump on the bed.

Nicky: Good idea brother.

Alex: I know, I thought it up.

Nicky and Alex walk to Jesse and Becky's bed...

Alex: Party time!

Then Jesse and Joey walk in...

Jesse: Boys, what are you doing ?
Joey: Isn't that clear ? They're jumping on the bed.

Jesse: Boys, I don't like this.

Joey: Yeah, you are doing it all wrong. You keep on jumping up - down - up - down. Try this

one. (He climbs on the bed) I call it 'the Joey twist jump'. 9He starts jumping up and down

while turning around)

Nicky: Cool! That looks more fun to me.

Alex: To me too.

The twins start imitating Joey...

Jesse: Boys, stop.

Joey: Can we please go on, one minute Jess, we are having so much fun.

Jesse: Get off that bed, Joey.

Joey: No way, come and get me.

Jesse: How childish, but if that's the only way to make you stop.

Jesse climbs on the bed, while Joey and the twins keep on jumping...

Nicky: Do you wanna join us daddy ?

Jesse: No.

Then Becky walks in...

Becky: Having fun, boys ?

Joey and the twins get off the bed....

Jesse: Now you get off. I don't see the point what's so fun about jumping on the bed.

Jesse jumps once, and when he gets down on the bed, he falls down the bed, which falls apart...

Becky: (Laughing) Honey, I do see the fun of it.

Joey: That's what happens when you keep jumping on your bed Jess.

Jesse: (Between the ruined bed) Wait till I get out of here, and you won't laugh anymore.

Joey: But I will now. (Laughs loud)

We find Michelle and the twins on the attic...

Michelle: Okay boys, as you know, I'm in charge of you.

Nicky: Do you know a good story ?
Alex: We haven't heard one in ages.

Michelle: Sure I do.

Nicky: Tell us!

Michelle: Okay. It's called 'The man with the ax'.

Nicky: A lumberjack!

Michelle: No, no lumberjack. A killer.

Alex: How does he kill ?

Michelle: Duh, with an ax!

Alex: That explains the title.

Michelle: Do you wanna hear it or not, huh ?

Nicky: Yes we do.

Michelle: Okay then. Once upon a time, there was a man. And he had an ax. And with that ax he

chopped people into really small pieces.

Alex: Why ?
Michelle: He had to eat something.

Nicky: Okay, go on.

Michelle: He always hides in his victim's room. Under his or her bed, he hides until he or she

sleeps, and then, chop, chop, chop.

Nicky: Uhw, I hope he's not a live anymore ?

Michelle: No, he 's not. But his ghost keeps haunting through this city, searching for new victims.

Okay, bedtime boys.

Alex: Was that the story ?
Michelle: I'm sorry, but there's no more.

Nicky: Too bad.

Michelle: Good night boys, and don't forget to check under your bed.

Michelle walks out of the room and turns off the light...

Later we find Jesse and Becky on the attic...

Becky: How's the bed honey ?

Jesse: Well, the bed is bad.

Becky: So where will we sleep tonight ?
Jesse: Well, if I can't repair the bed in time, we have to sleep on the ground.

Becky: And how are the chances that you can repair it in time ?

Jesse: Let me see, I have to buy some wood, some paint...

Becky: I'll, go search for our sleeping bags.

Jesse: I can go to the hardware store...

Becky: Honey, it's night, the store is closed.

Jesse: In that case, I don't think I can fix it before tomorrow.

Then the twins walk out of their bed room....

Becky: Why are you not in your bed ?
Alex: We can't sleep.

Jesse: how come ?
Nicky: The man with the ax can come.

Alex: Michelle told us about him.

Becky: Boys, that was just a story, there's no man with the ax.

Then Joey walks in with an ax in his hands...

Joey: Hi guys.

Nicky + Alex: Aaaaah! Daddy, daddy, please send him away.

The twins run into their room and close the door....

Jesse: Thanks Joey.

Joey: Did I say anything wrong ?
Becky: It's more what you're carrying with you.

Joey: A fake ax. I wanna use this in my show next weekend. I wanted to know what you think of

it. Shall I play a bit ?

Becky: I think we've seen enough for now.

Joey: Okay, but you don't know what you're missing.

Joey walks away...

Jesse: Well, I think we don't need a bed tonight. I don't think the boys will sleep.

Becky: I know, this will be a long night.

The next morning we find Stephanie and Danny at breakfast when Jesse and Becky walk down with very sleepy faces...

Danny: Good morning.

Stephanie: You look like you had a wild night.

Becky: I wish we had. The boys kept us awake.

Danny: So it were the boys I heard screaming ? I thought Joey had a nightmare.

Stephanie: What happened, did they have a visit from Kimmy ?

Becky: I wish they had.

Stephanie: Then it has to be very bad what happened to them.

Jesse: They are scared of the man with the ax.

Danny: Joey ? I wonder what the audience will do when they see his new part then.

Jesse: No, not Joey, Michelle told them a story about a man with an ax and now they are afraid.

Stephanie: I know this story scares people, I use it to keep Kimmy out of my room.

Danny: Next time try to keep her out of the house with that story.

Stephanie: Good idea. I will keep it in mind.

Then Nicky and Alex walk into the kitchen....

Nicky: Is it ax-free here ?

Alex: We checked the living room and there's nobody there.

Becky: Well, there's no man with an ax here too boys.

Nicky: Do you mind if we check it out ?

The twins walk to the garage and walk down the stairs...

Stephanie: I wonder if DJ and Steve are awake yet.

Then they here a scream...

Steve: What are you doing here, get out!

Nicky and Alex get back into the kitchen...

Alex: No man with an ax there.

Nicky: Just a grumpy Steve.

Danny: I guess that answers your question Steph.

Then Joey walks down the stairs...

Joey: Good morning all.

Jesse: I hope you didn't bring your attributes ?

Joey: You mean the ax ?

Nicky: (Scared) Ax ?

Becky: Thanks Joey.

Joey: No, I didn't bring that thing. I think I will use a chainsaw in stead, that's much better.

Alex: The chainsaw man ?

Nicky: That's even worse!

The twins run away...

Joey: Did I say something wrong ?

We find Stephanie and Gia at school....

Stephanie: I don't wanna go to class.

Gia: Shall we go to the mall ?
Stephanie: That sounds good, but no, I have a test today. Mr. Franklin wants to know everything

about the colonization of America.

Gia: I think that's dumb. I mean, he studied, so he should know it, then why does he want to

know from you ?

Stephanie: Like I care who won the 7th battle at I don't know where.

Gia: I guess going to the mall is more interesting right now.

Stephanie: I really can't. I will fail for the test and my dad will be furious.

Gia: I understand. But maybe we can go after school ?

Stephanie: Good idea. I can make some time free for that I guess.

Gia: Great. Did you know there's a shoe sale ?
Stephanie: No way! Really ?

Gia: Yeah, prices are off till 50 percent.

Stephanie: I need my dad's credit card.

Gia: Don't worry, I have my mother's.

Stephanie: Does she know ?

Gia: No, why should she ? She would only forbid me to use it.

Stephanie: And won't we get into any trouble ?
Gia: No we won't. She will never notice.

Then they here a loud buzz...

Stephanie: I have to go now, see you later.

We find DJ and Steve in a travel agency...

Agent: And where would you like to go ?
DJ: Florida.

Agent: And where in Florida ?
Steve: Miami.

Agent: Miami. Sun, beach and babes, right?

Steve: Yeah.

DJ: Steve!

Steve: But hey, the most beautiful babe of all I'm taking with me.

Agent: And for how long do you want to go there ?
Steve: Well, just for a vacation, not to live there or something...

DJ: Two weeks.

Agent: Bus or plane ?
Steve: Actually we prefer staying in a hotel.

Agent: No, I mean how do you want to get there ?
Steve: Isn't that obvious ? We want to be brought there, not like we want to drive our own car

There or something.

DJ: We'll take the plane.

Agent: Okay, and what hotel did you want ?

Steve: One with a great restaurant.

DJ: And a swimming pool at the hotel.

Steve: And a great restaurant.

DJ: A room with bath and toilet.

Steve: And a great restaurant.

DJ: Good view from our room.

Steve: And a great....

Agent: Let me guess, 'restaurant' ?

Steve: No, a cocktail bar.

DJ: And we want to book some excursions.

Agent: And what kind of excursions did you have in mind ?

DJ: Some cultural, like museums or sightseeing.

Agent: Okay then. I can recommend this hotel, it's close to the beach, and you have a beautiful

view from your room, which is also air-conditioned.

Steve: And how's the restaurant ?
Agent: It's a great restaurant., with a walking buffet.

Steve: Uhw, you mean they didn't kill the meat ? That's groas!

DJ: No, Steve. A walking buffet means you can walk along the buffet and take whatever you


Steve: Oh, right. That sounds good.

Agent: And they have a big swimming pool at the plaza.

DJ: And how much will this cost ?
Agent: For two weeks, two persons, let me see.... (He puts some data in the computer) Here it

is... that will be $5000.

DJ: Five thousand ? For two weeks ?

Agent: Yes.

DJ: Do they have golden taps, or something ?

Agent: No, but the hotel is wanted by many tourists.

Steve: It's very expensive. Do we have that much money for a vacation ?

DJ: No. Let's see if there's another hotel free.

Agent: Okay. We also have this hotel. The view is less than it is at the other hotel, but their

restaurant is greater. And you can go here for only $2600.

DJ: Sounds reasonable. We'll take it.

We find Jesse and Becky on the attic...

Becky: Jess, I feel like I can sleep all day.

Jesse: Me too. Let's hit the bed.

Becky: We can't. There is no bed, remember ?
Jesse: Oh yeah. Well, let's hit the floor then. (He lies down at the floor).

Becky: It's better than nothing. (She lies down next to Jesse)

Jesse: Good night honey.

Becky: It's two in the afternoon.

Jesse: Good afternoon honey.

Jesse and Becky fall a sleep.. a few minutes later, Nicky and Alex walk up the stairs....

Nicky: Oh no, the man with the ax is here.

Alex: He killed our parents.

Nicky: What will become of us, little orphans ?
Alex: I don't want to go to an orphanage.

Nicky: Mummy, daddy ?

Jesse and Becky don't move...

Alex: Help! Help!

Soon after his screaming, Michelle and Joey run up the stairs...

Joey: What's happening ?

Nicky: The man with the ax killed our parents.

Joey: Oh no. Jesse!

Michelle: Joey, they are sleeping.

Joey: How are you so sure ?
Michelle: Don't you hear uncle Jesse snoring ?

Joey: You're right.

Alex: So they are not death ?
Michelle: No, they're not. Do you see any blood ?

Alex: No.

Joey: Let them sleep, boys, they have been up all night. Come with me to my room, and tell me

what's going on with you. You seem so obsessed by a man with an ax.

Nicky: Sst! He might hear you!

They walk down into Joey's room..

Joey: Okay boys, what's going on ?

Nicky: We are on the run for the man with the ax.

Alex: He comes at night and kills people.

Joey: How do you get that story ?
Nicky: Michelle told us.

Joey: Michelle, is that true ?
Michelle: I'm afraid it is.

Alex: We will never go to sleep again.

Nicky: Then we will be killed.

Joey: Michelle, can I have a word with you ?
Michelle: If I say 'no', you will make me to, won't you ?

Joey: You bet. Boys, can you wait down the hall ?

Nicky and Alex leave Joey's room...

Joey: Michelle, why did you tell them that story ?

Michelle: They wanted to hear one and this was the first one that came into my mind. I didn't

expected that they would get scared by that story.

Joey: We have to do something now Michelle.

Michelle: Like what ?

Joey: We must let them realize that there's nothing to be afraid of.

Michelle: But how ?

Joey: I know a way.

That afternoon we find Stephanie and Gia in the mall...

Gia: This is so cool!

Stephanie: It sure is.

Gia: I love this hat.

Stephanie: And this blouse, it's perfect!

Gia: We really hit the mall, didn't we ?

Stephanie: We sure did.

Then Kimmy walks by...

Kimmy: Hi kids.

Stephanie: Why does this afternoon have to end this way ?
Kimmy: I don't know. Why are you here ?
Stephanie: To get away from you.

Kimmy: Mission failed, I guess.

Gia: Unfortunately, yes.

Kimmy: But now you have to see me, the beautiful Kimmy Gibbler.

Stephanie: I must admit, you do have a beautiful face Kimmy.

Kimmy: Really ? Thanks. Hey, what did I do to you ? You're being nice.

Stephanie: Let me finish, please... You do have a beautiful face, it's only a shame that you're

sitting on it. (She starts laughing)

Kimmy: Hey, but I know what real beauty is.

Stephanie: No wonder, you're always getting into the things you will never have.

Kimmy walks away...

Stephanie: Well, not every day can be completely perfect.

That night we find Danny, DJ and Stephanie in the living room...

DJ: Steve and I booked a vacation to Miami today.

Danny: When are you leaving ?

DJ: Next month. Two weeks away from here...

Danny: I knew it, you hate this place...

DJ: No, I mean, being away from life here, another surrounding for some weeks.

Stephanie: But Deej, please don't go.

DJ: Why not ?

Stephanie: You would ruin our lives.

DJ: How could I possibly do that by going on a vacation ?

Stephanie: Don't you get it ? You leave us alone with Kimmy for two weeks.

Danny: She's got a pint there Deej.

DJ: Don't worry, why could Kimmy possibly come by when I'm not here ?
Danny: Food and annoying us.

Then the phone rings...

Stephanie: I'll get it. (She takes the receiver form the phone) Hello ? Yes, one moment please.

Dad, it's for you, Gia's mother.

Danny: (Takes the receiver from Stephanie) Hi Claire.... What ?.... Are you sure ? .... Okay,

thank you for letting me know. (He puts down the receiver)

Stephanie: What was wrong ?
Danny: I think you already know.

Stephanie: No I don't.

DJ: This looks bad to you, Steph.

Danny: Have you been shopping today ?

Stephanie: Yes, is something wrong with that ?
Danny: Yes it is.

Stephanie: Why ?
Danny: Because you used somebody else's credit card.

Stephanie: No we didn't...

Danny: Don't say anything, Gia already confessed.

DJ: This looks really bad.

Danny: Could you leave us for a moment, DJ ?
DJ: Sure, if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen.

Danny: Stephanie, why ? Why did you use Claire's credit card ?

Stephanie: Because I didn't have yours.

Danny: Steph, Claire's credit card is not for your fun.

Stephanie: I know, it's for Gia's.

Danny: No it's not. How much did you spend today ?
Stephanie: I believe three hundred dollars.

Danny: Three hundred ? Are you crazy ?!

Stephanie: I guess I'm in trouble now ?
Danny: You bet! You will pay every cent you spend today back to Claire.

Stephanie: I can live with that.

Danny: And you will be grounded for the next three weeks.

Stephanie: Three weeks ?
Danny: Okay, two weeks.

Stephanie: Dad, you increased my punishment ?

Danny: No, because you can't go to the mall for four weeks.

Stephanie: Can't we talk about that ?
Danny: No we can't. I hope you will learn your lesson.

Stephanie: I think I already have. I'm sorry dad. I guess I knew it was wrong, but I was so

excited, to buy some new clothes.

Danny: Be careful with them, you know you won't get to buy any new ones on a short notice.

That night we find Joey, Michelle and the twins on the attic...

Joey: Okay boys, you go to bed now.

Nicky: No we won't.

Alex: We will never sleep again.

Michelle: Boys, there's no man with an ax, I made him up.

Alex: Yeah right.

Michelle: It's true. I thought you liked scary stories, but I will never tell you one again.

Alex: But we liked the story.

Nicky: It warned us for the man with the ax. If you hadn't told us, we would never have known

about him. And now we know we are safe....

Alex: As long as we stay awake.

Michelle: Joey, how ill we get this out of there mind ?

Joey: Boys, listen. Do you promise you go to sleep when we will check every single place in

your room, if there's a man with an ax ?

Alex: I don't know.

Nicky: He can come when you're gone.

Michelle: Boys, listen. Nobody can come in here without forcing your window.

Alex: He can come through the door.

Michelle: But we are down the stairs, and we have Comet.

Joey: If there's any stranger in this house that he doesn't trust, he will get us out of our sleep.

Nicky: Are you sure about that ?
Michelle: Positive. Shall we check your room now ?
Nicky: Okay.

Joey: First we will check under your bed. (He gets down on his knees) Okay, there's nobody

there. You can look, boys.

Nicky and Alex look under their bed....

Michelle: Now we will check the closet. Are you ready, we will open it. One... two...

Alex: No, don't.

Nicky: That's dangerous.

Michelle: Boys, there's nobody inside.

Michelle opens the closet, she stumbles when toys, clothes and other stuff falls out of it...

Alex: Don't say we didn't warn you.

Michelle: I guess you had to clean your room ?

Joey: Thank god.

Michelle: That I'm still alive ?
Joey: No, I thought my closet was bad, but this one is at least as bad as mine.

Alex: But you are our big example, Joey.

Joey: Thanks boys, I'm honored.

Michelle: okay, where shall we check now ?

Nicky: Behind the door.

Joey: Okay, let's see if somebody's behind this door.

Joey closes the door...

Michelle: Nothing, you see ?
Alex: But we still won't go to sleep.

Joey: Why not, you've seen everything is safe now.

Nicky: Because we don't have to go to bed for the next hour, it's an hour before our bedtime.

Michelle: We could have known, it's only seven o'clock.

Joey: Okay, who wants some hot chocolate then ?
Nicky: I like hot chocolate.

Alex: With cookies.

Joey: Boys, how could you possibly think I would forget the cookies ?
Nicky: Hey, we were just checking if you know.

Michelle: But you will go to sleep tonight, will you ?
Alex: We will try.

Joey: That's the spirit.

We find Jesse and Becky walking into the living room, where DJ and Steve are watching tv...

Becky: Hi guys.

DJ: Hi aunt Becky.

Jesse: Where is everybody ? it's so quiet here.

DJ: Dad is walking Comet, Steph is in her room doing some homework, Michelle and Joey try to

let the boys sleep...

Steve: Jesse and Becky went to hardware store, and we are here.

Becky: Steve, we are back.

Steve: Oh, hi. How long have you been standing there ?

Jesse: Two minutes.

Steve: No wonder I didn't notice you before.

DJ: So, how was the shopping ?
Becky: We bought a brand new bed. When we think of it now, we needed one for a long time.

Jesse: It will be delivered tomorrow. I can't wait till I can sleep in a normal bed again.

Becky: You have to put it together first, honey.

Jesse: That's not so hard.

Becky: I believe I heard that before. Remember what happened to the cupboard ?

Jesse: That was because Joey forgot to put the screws in.

Becky: And you forgot to buy them.

Jesse: That's just a small thing. Joey didn't put them in.

Becky: Well, please make sure you do it right this time.

Steve: I can help if you want.

Jesse: Do you have any experience ?
Steve: In fact I do. I put my mom's bed together last month.

Becky: And, does she sleep well in it ?

Steve: No, she had to buy a new one the next day, she fell down the bed that same night.

Jesse: I think I can handle it myself.

Steve: Okay, but can I give you one tip ?

Jesse: Sure, go ahead.

Steve: Don't put the bed together upside down, that's not good.

Jesse: I'll keep that in mind Steve.

The next morning we find Jesse, Stephanie and Michelle at the breakfast table...

Michelle: How did the boys sleep tonight, uncle Jesse ?

Jesse: They slept like roses.

Stephanie: Thank go they did. I don't know if I survived another night filled with screaming.

Jesse: But Michelle, please don't tell them any scary stories in the near future.

Michelle: Oh, don't be afraid, I won't do that. If I tell them a story, it will be a fairytale.

Jesse: They can handle that I think.

Then the twins walk down the stairs...

Michelle: Good morning boys.

Alex: Hi Michelle.

Stephanie: You had pleasant dreams tonight ?

Nicky: Yes I did.

Alex: And you know what ? There was no scary man in our room.

Michelle: You see, I told you.

Then Joey walks down the stairs, with his hair looking very wild...

Alex: Aah!

Nicky: Scary man!

Joey: Boys, it's just me.

Jesse: What did you do last night ?
Joey: I don't know. I believe I look very wild right now.

Stephanie: Who is she ?
Joey: Who ?
Stephanie: You don't tell me your hair is this wild and there was no lady in your room.

Joey: Well, there was a lady. But she was in my dream.

Michelle: That explains.

Stephanie: Well, I have to go, I would pick Gia up from her house.

Stephanie walks out of the kitchen...

Michelle: Yeah, I have to go too. Bye.

Michelle also leaves the kitchen...

Jesse: Boys, now you survived this night, will you sleep every night ?
Nicky: We will.

Alex: except when there's a good thriller on television.

Jesse: I don't think that's a good idea.

Joey: I'm sure I won't watch that movie. Too scary, gives me nightmares.

Jesse: The boys will get them too. Hey Joey, thanks for helping the boys get back to sleep.

Joey: Oh, it was nothing. And somebody had to do it.

Alex: Daddy, will you read us a story tonight ?

Jesse: That's a deal. What story ? Little bear on the road ?
Nicky: As long as there are no scary men in it.

Jesse: You can bet on that.

Jesse and the boys hug....

-------------------------------------------------------- End Tune ---------------------------------------------------------

Full House - The new stories
Episode 24 (216)- Never Gonna Sleep Again

Michelle tells Nicky and Alex a scary story before they go to sleep. But it scares them that much, that they don't want to go sleeping. Stephanie and Gia go shopping, on Claire's credit card. DJ and Steve are booking a vacation....

Main characters:
Danny: Danny Tanner
DJ: DJ Tanner
Stephanie: Stephanie Tanner
Michelle: Michelle Tanner
Joey: Joey Gladstone
Jesse: Jesse Katsopolis
Becky: Becky Katsopolis-Donaldson
Nicky: Nicky Katsopolis
Alex: Alex Katsopolis
Steve: Steve Hale
Kimmy: Kimmy Gibbler
Comet: The dog

Gia: Gia Mahan
Agent: Travel Agent

Episode information:
Story written by: Martin van Dam
Based upon: The orignal series of Full House, created by Jeff Franklin
Lay-out: Martin van Dam
Written for: Full House Forever
Released: 08/05/1999