Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 10
Episode (30) 222 - Baby Blues
Jesse Katsopolis - Danny Tanner - Joey Gladstone - DJ Tanner-Hale - Stephanie Tanner - Michelle Tanner - Rebecca (Becky) Donaldson-Katsopolis - Nicky & Alex Katsopolis - Kimmy Gibbler - Steve Hale - Gia Mahan - Mark Tanner - Comet (the dog)
We find Danny and Becky in the living room...
Becky: Okay, so they want higher ratings for the show ? Let's see who we will ask for next week. We can choose between Charlie the singing dog, Stupy the clown, the dancing penguins, or Jim Carrey.
Danny: Hard choice. But I think we should go for the dancing penguins.
Becky: Penguins, okay.
Then DJ walks in...
DJ: Dad, aunt Becky. I think it's time.
Danny: (Looking at his watch) Honey, it's far from dinner time yet. We just had lunch.
DJ: No, I think the baby's coming.
Becky: Stay calm, DJ. Sit down, and try to relax.
DJ: How can I relax with those contractions ?
Danny: Oh my god. DJ is having her baby ? Now ? Call 912....
DJ: Dad, you mean 911.
Danny: Whatever, call it. Oh my god, what do we have to do now ? I know, let's vacuum the living room...
Becky: DJ, forget what I said about acting like your dad. Danny, get Steve.
Danny: Right, get Steve. (Screaming) Steve!
DJ: He went shopping. Oh no, he can't miss this. I want Steve, Steve!
Becky: Calm down, DJ. I'm gonna take you to the hospital. Danny, make sure Steve's there in time. Let's say between now and very soon.
Danny: No wait, I'm going with you. (Screaming) Jesse!
Jesse runs down the stairs..
Jesse: What's going on ?
Danny: Steve... DJ... baby... hospital... Becky and me.
Jesse: Huh ?
Becky: Danny and I are going to the hospital. Get Steve, he's going to be a father soon.
Jesse: Find Steve. Al right. Where is he ?
DJ and Becky walk out the door, Danny walks to the door and turn around...
Danny: Steve... town..
Jesse: Danny, try to breath. I'll find him, just go now.
Danny leaves the house. Jesse gets his jacket and also leaves the house...
------------------------------------------ INTRO ------------------------------------------------
We find Stephanie and Michelle in the Mac Donald's...
Stephanie: The best thing to do after a hard day of study is...
Michelle: Having a snack.
Stephanie: Exactly. Nothing better than some junkfood after a boring day.
Michelle: You can say that again. The best thing that happened today was when Mrs. Holland's glasses fell under her desk when she sneezed. She has been looking for them for
about ten minutes.
Stephanie: That sounds more interesting than my day.
Then a mobile phone rings. Stephanie and Michelle both stick their arms in their pockets and get a phone out of it.
Stephanie + Michelle: (Talking into a mobile phone) Hello ?
Michelle: It's mine. Hi uncle Jesse.
The screen splits, and we see both Jesse and Michelle calling...
Jesse: Michelle, listen. I have a really important assignment for you.
Michelle: Are you out of mousse already ?
Jesse: No, not that important. But it's still an emergency.
Michelle: Your blow-dryer broke down ?
Jesse: No, shorty, listen to me very carefully, I will only say this once.
Michelle: I'm listening.
Jesse: Okay. Can you go to the Mac Donald's ?
Jesse: Michelle, it's an emergency.
Michelle: But it would be illogical to go there, I'm already there.
Jesse: You're there ? Great. Now listen. Do you see Steve anywhere ?
Michelle: (Looks around) No.
Jesse: Can you go look for him ? He needs to go to the hospital, DJ is having the baby.
Michelle: Sure. Bye.
They both hang up the phone, and we only see Stephanie and Michelle again.
Stephanie: What was that all about ?
Michelle: Nothing much. Uncle Jesse asked if we can look for Steve. DJ is getting the baby.
Stephanie: Oh. Let's have a loo.....
Stephanie and Michelle look at each other, they both realize what Michelle just said...
Stephanie: Did he say that DJ is haven her baby ?
Stephanie + Michelle: (Loud) DJ is haven the baby! Let's hurry!
They want to walk out, when Kimmy walks in...
Kimmy: Hey kiddo's, what's the hurry ?
Stephanie: DJ is having the baby, we have to find Steve.
Kimmy: DJ is having a baby ? Was she pregnant then ? Oh yeah, she was. I forgot. Well, I hope she can wait. First I want to have a happy meal. I believe they have funny surprises this month. I like those things.
Stephanie: Still waiting for that new brain in the box ?
Stephanie and Michelle run away...
We find Danny, DJ and Becky in the hospital...
Danny: (To the clerk) Could you please call a doctor ? We're having a baby. (He points at DJ) She's the mother.
Clerk: And you could be her father.
Danny: I am her father.
Clerk: Shame on you, Mister...
Danny: Tanner.. Oh, I see the confusion now, no, I'm not the father. I am her father, but...
Becky: Danny, please let me handle this. Is doctor Hart in the hospital ?
Clerk: One moment please, I'll beep him.
Danny sits down next to DJ...
Danny: How do you feel, honey ?
DJ: I'm feeling like I have to have a baby.
Danny: Okay. That's pretty normal under these conditions, honey.
Then Becky sits down next to DJ...
Becky: The doctor is on his way. Just have a deep breath. In, and out.
Danny: You seem to have experience with this, Becky.
Becky: I have. I have been in the position DJ is in a few years ago.
Then a doctor walks to the three...
Dr. Hart: Hi DJ. Are you ready ?
DJ: No. I don't want to start without Steve.
Dr. Hart: Sorry, but I can't push a pause button.
Danny: Relax, honey. They are looking for him already. I'm sure they'll find him.
We find Joey and the twins walking around with Comet...
Alex: Joey, will we find Steve in time ?
Joey: I don't know. It's a big town.
Nicky: Maybe Comet can find him.
Joey: Good idea. But we need to have something from Steve.
Alex: I have a cookie.
Nicky: That should remind Comet of Steve.
Joey: We can try.
Alex holds the cookie in front of Comet's nose. Comet takes the cookie and eats it...
Nicky: Bad dog!
Alex: Very bad! That was our cookie.
Joey: (To Comet) Comet, boy. Find Steve.
Comet barks, and sniffs at the ground. Then he looks at Joey and barks again...
Joey: I think he has a track.
Comet starts running..
Joey: Woa. Wait for us!
Joey and the twins follow Comet...
Nicky: Can't he slow down ?
Alex: Good thing that you're holding his belt, Joey.
Joey: I know. He could escape.
Suddenly Comet takes a sharp corner, and Joey almost falls down...
Joey: (Standing up from his knees and running on) Comet, stop!
Comet runs on...
Alex: I think Comet is very clever.
Nicky: Me too. He can smell Steve from a long distance.
Suddenly Comet stops in front of a hotdog stand. He sits down and looks at Joey, with a begging look in his eyes...
Joey: No, Comet, find Steve!
Comet barks and looks at the hotdogs....
Joey: Boys, I think Comet tricked us. I believe he just smelled the hotdogs, not Steve.
We find Stephanie and Michelle in a small café in the center of San Francisco...
Stephanie: Do you see him anywhere ?
Michelle: No. I think that's strange. It's his favorite café.
Stephanie: Maybe he's at the toilet.
Michelle: Let's wait in front of it then.
They walk to the toilets and wait...
Stephanie: Steve, please be in here.
Michelle: Steph, if we want to be sure Steve's here, maybe we should have a look inside.
Stephanie: Michelle, that's not very decent to do.
Michelle: but this is an emergency.
Stephanie: You're right. Let's have a quick look.
Stephanie opens the door carefully. Then the door is being opened from the other site, and Stephanie is pulled into the toilet...
Mark: (Standing in front of Stephanie, with the handle in his hand) Stephanie Judith Tanner! To use your own words, how rude! What were you doing?
Stephanie: Just having a quick look.
Mark: Do you do this more often ?
Stephanie: Mark, we don't have time for this. We have an emergency.
Mark: Steph, they also have a girls room here, for your emergency.
Michelle: Not that kind of emergency. We're looking for someone.
Stephanie: Do you want to help us ?
Mark: Sure. I don't have plans for the next two hours.
Michelle: Then follow us, and tell us if you see him.
Mark: See who ?
Mark: Oh, him.
They walk away....
In the hospital...
DJ: (Lying in a bed) Is there any news from Steve yet ?
Danny: No, sweety. But don't worry, they'll find him.
Becky: Sure they will. I mean, where could he be ?
Danny: I'm sure he's in one of them.
DJ: I don't argue with that.
Then the doctor walks in...
Dr. Hart: How are you feeling ?
DJ: I'm nervous. I hope Steve gets here in time.
Danny: He will, honey. I'll call the White House and ask if the army can look for him.
DJ: You mean that ?
Danny: Sure, honey. Wait here, I'm gonna make a phone call.
Danny walks away...
Dr. Hart: I can't do anything for you right now. But if you need me, you only have to push that button next to your bed.
The doctor walks away...
Becky: Do you want some water ?
DJ: (Nods) Yes.
Becky walks to a tap and fills a cup with water. Then she gives it to DJ...
Becky: I remember when Nicky and Alex were born. You know, when the contractions have started, you feel bad.
DJ: You tell me. I know all about it.
Becky: But when you hold that sweet little creature, you forget the pain.
DJ: I can't wait.
Then Danny walks into the room...
Danny: I called home, but nobody answered the phone.
Becky: Danny, that's logical, everybody is looking for Steve.
Danny: Oh yeah, that's right. I believe my I'm a little confused.
DJ + Becky: A little ?
We find Jesse driving around, when he sees Joey, the twins and Comet...
Jesse: Any luck yet ?
Jesse: And did he find Steve ?
Jesse: Get in the car. Maybe he's somewhere else.
Joey: Else than what ?
Jesse: Than where we have looked till now.
Joey, the twins and Comet get into Jesse's car...
Nicky: Daddy ?
Jesse: Yes, son.
Nicky: Can we go home to get some cookies ?
Jesse: Not now.
Alex: Then can we get ice-cream from that stand over there ?
Nicky and Alex get out of the car and walk to the ice stand...
Jesse: Where have you been looking ?
Joey: I believe at one third of all restaurants in San Francisco.
At the hospital...
DJ: Oh no, here comes another contraction.
Becky: Okay, breath in... and out.. in... and out...
Danny: (Breathing the way Becky tells DJ) How much more ?
Becky: Not you, DJ.
Becky: Easy, DJ. You're doing fine.
Danny: (Still breathing the way Becky told DJ) In... and out...
Becky: Danny, who's getting the baby ? DJ or you ?
DJ sighs deep...
DJ: I believe that one is over. It was a heavy one.
Becky pulls Danny's arm and takes him outside the room...
Becky: We're right back, DJ. (To Danny) We don't have much time left. If she keeps getting contractions at this speed.. I'm afraid Steve won't be there when the baby comes.
Danny: I know. But I don't want to tell DJ yet.
Becky: Me neither. If she worries about him, the contractions might get worse.
Danny: Let's hope the baby likes it in there.
We find Stephanie, Michelle and Mark running through the mall...
Stephanie: Okay. Mark, you check all girl's rooms, Michelle and I will check all men's toilets.
Mark: I prefer it the other way.
Stephanie: Okay, then you take Michelle. If you want that.
Stephanie walks away and sees Gia...
Gia: Hi Steph, shopping ?
Stephanie: No, I'm looking for Steve. Have you seen him anywhere ?
Gia: No, but I've heard the Burger King has run out of Hamburgers five minutes ago.
Stephanie: That could be a clue. Let's have a look there.
They both run away. We find Michelle and Mark checking the toilets...
Michelle: He's not here.
Mark: He's not here either. Who ever we're looking for.
Mark: Steve ? You're looking for Steve ? He's in the library, looking for cookery books. He wants to try to cook a nice meal tonight.
Michelle: Why didn't you say that earlier ?
Mark: Nobody asked me.
Michelle: We did ask you if you know where he is.
Mark: Yes, but you never told who 'he' was.
Michelle: Let's go to the library.
Mark: But first get Stephanie.
They walk away...
We find Jesse, Joey, the twins and Comet driving around...
Jesse: I don't see him walking somewhere.
Joey: Maybe he's inside some building.
Jesse: Of course. But we checked all buildings where they have something to eat already.
Joey: Isn't there a small chance that he is in a building where he can't eat ?
Alex: What were you thinking ?
Jesse: Yes, what were you thinking ?
Joey: Well, that he might be at a place without food.
Joey: It was just an idea.
Jesse stops to let an old lady cross the road. They stopped in front of the library. Comet barks, because he sees Steve getting out of it...
Jesse: What's wrong with the dog ?
Joey: I guess one of the pedestrians has a ham sandwich or something.
They drive away...
In the hospital...
DJ: Dad, could you open a window ? It's hot.
Danny: Sure. (He walks to the window and opens it a little bit) It can't be opened more.
Becky: I think this is enough.
Danny watches out of the window, and sees somebody calling with a mobile phone...
Danny: But of course. We have been stupid!
Becky: Why ?
Danny: DJ, didn't Steve buy a mobile phone for this moment ?
DJ: Yes, he did.
Danny: Then let's call him.
Danny leaves the room...
DJ: I hope Steve.... Ooooh!
Becky: They come faster every time, huh ?
DJ: How long do I have to continue this way ?
Becky: Till the doctor says it's time. I'll call him. (She pushes the button) I'm gonna make a towel wet to cool you a little down.
We find Stephanie and Michelle entering the Tanner house...
Stephanie: I can't believe it. When we finally know where Steve has been all day, he's gone.
Michelle: So I guess he'll be too late ?
Stephanie: I'm afraid so. But Mark is still looking for him. I think we should go to the hospital.
Michelle: Wait, first I need something to drink.
They walk into the kitchen. When they are in, Jesse, Joey , the twins and Comet walk in...
Jesse: Let's call the girls to find out what they found out.
He walks to the phone and dial a number. In the kitchen, Michelle's mobile phone rings...
Jesse: Joey, could you have a look ? I think I hear the smoke alarm in the kitchen. (Into the phone) Hi Michelle. Have you girls found him yet ? Neither did we. Where are you now ?
Michelle: (Walking into the living room, out of the kitchen) Right behind you.
Jesse: (Still talking into the phone) Where have you been looking ?
Michelle: (Sitting down next to Jesse) I believe we have looked almost everywhere.
Jesse: I see. Well, I hang up now, see you later.
They both hang up their phones...
Stephanie: Wait. I've got it! Didn't Steve buy a mobile phone recently ?
Jesse dials a number...
Nicky: Maybe we also hear his phone in the house.
Alex: then he can sit next to dad too.
Jesse: (Hangs up the phone) He turned it off.
Joey: Shall we tell DJ the bad news ?
Jesse: I'm afraid so.
They all leave the house...
Later in the hospital, we find Jesse, Joey, Stephanie, Michelle and the twins entering DJ's room...
Jesse: DJ, I'm sorry but we have some bad news for you.
Joey: We couldn't find Steve anywhere.
Then Steve walks into the room...
Steve: Hi guys.
DJ: Steve! You made it in time!
Steve: I came as fast as I can when you father called me.
Jesse: And when I tried to call you, you had your phone turned off.
Steve: because the battery was empty.
DJ: I think you made it just in time, Steve. (She pushes the button)
Danny: Girls, we leave them now.
Michelle: But I want to watch this. Why do I always have to go when the good stuff comes ?
Stephanie: I know how you feel. And they don't even have a keyhole to watch through.
Everybody except DJ and Steve leave, as the doctor arrives...
Dr. Hart: Ah, the father has arrived.
At the corridor...
Michelle: How long does it take ?
Jesse: Well, that depends. There's no general time or something for a birth.
Becky: Sometimes the baby is out in five minutes, sometimes it takes five days.
Joey: Yes, just think of Roseanne. It took her two weeks to get out.
Michelle: Why ?
Danny: We'll explain you another time, Michelle.
Michelle: When ?
Michelle: And when will that be ?
Michelle: So I guess never ?
Becky: I'm happy for DJ we finally found Steve.
Stephanie: You won't believe which restaurants we have been.
Michelle: Yeah, and which toilets.
Danny: You have been looking in men's rooms ?
Stephanie: Well, we didn't expect Steve to be in a girls' room. And don't worry dad, we didn't see anything we shouldn't see... Well, not from Steve anyway.
Joey: I'm gonna get my self some coffee, I'll be right back.
Becky: Can you bring a cup for me too ?
Jesse: I would love one.
Alex: can you get me a chocolate milk ?
Nicky: Me too ?
Joey: Sure, but please don't forget the tip.
Michelle: Uhm, Joey ?
Jesse: Oh yeah, good idea Michelle.
Joey: (Imitating Popeye) Oh boy, oh boy. Why do I still drink coffee ?
Joey walks away...
Danny: I wonder how DJ is doing right now ?
Then they can hear a loud scream from DJ...
Nicky: I didn't know it was Superbowl Sunday already.
Jesse: Boys, it is not Superbowl Sunday. It's Tuesday.
Alex: If there's no Superbowl, then why do we hear the screaming ?
Jesse: We'll explain to you when you can grow a moustache.
Then Kimmy joins the family...
Kimmy: Hello Tanner bunch! So what's going on with DJ ?
Then DJ screams again...
Kimmy: What's going on in that room ? Are they killing a pig or what ?
Stephanie: That's DJ.
Kimmy: Gee, I thought she was having a baby, now it turns out they're killing her.
Then Steve walks out of the room...
Danny: And ?
Steve: it's not going the way it should go. The doctor has to do a caesarian section.
Becky: Oh no.
Danny: My god.
The doctor walks out of the room...
Danny: Will they be al right ?
Dr. Hart: I think so. We're now going to the O.R.
Doctor Hart walks away, some nurses push the bed with DJ...
Danny: Hang on, sweety. It's gonna be al right.
Danny looks afraid...
Michelle: And then it's now time for some commercials. What about these delici...
Michelle: Sorry, I was just joking.
Steve: I'm going to DJ. But later I want to hear what was so delicious, Michelle.
Steve walks away, in the direction DJ has gone...
Later, we find the family still waiting...
Jesse: What's taking them so long ?
Becky: Honey, she's only gone for 5 minutes now.
Jesse: But they feel longer.
Kimmy: I remember when our dog had to give birth, we had to do a caesarian section.
Michelle: And how did that end ?
Kimmy: Well, I made a wrong cut, and all dogs died.
Danny: Thanks for cheering us up.
Kimmy: Hey, I'm always there for you.
Jesse: (Praying) God, what did we ever do wrong to you ? Why did you give us Kimmy Gibbler ?
Danny: I can't take this any longer. I'm going to check where she is.
Stephanie: I'm coming with you.
Michelle: Me too.
Danny, Stephanie and Michelle walk away...
Danny: Excuse me, do you know where DJ Tanner is ?
Nurse: Do I look like I know that ?
Danny: Well, I thought, you work here, so maybe you know.
Nurse: I know nothing. I get paid to take care of the patients, not to be Sherlock Holmes.
She walks away...
Stephanie: She's one kind of a sunshine.
Then Mark walks towards them...
Mark: Great news. I finally found Steve.
Michelle: We found him hours ago.
Mark: (Gasps for breath) He's at the end of the corridor right, left, and the second to the right. Then I saw him in a room at the left.
Michelle: And go left at the traffic lights just after the roundabout ?
Mark: No, right. But he's there.
Danny: Are you serious ?
Mark: Do I look like I'm serious ?
Stephanie: Well, no.
Mark: Then I'm serious.
Danny: Okay, let's go then.
Mark: Good, I will take a chair. I need to get some fresh air.
Mark sits down next to an old man with no teeth...
Old man: Do you know what time it is ?
Mark: (Turning his face, with his hand in front of his mouth) Time to take a Peppermint ?
We find Steve coming out of one of the rooms, when Danny and the girls arrive...
Danny: Where is she ?
Steve: She's inside. With the baby. It's a girl
Stephanie: (Excited) I want to see them. Wait, I can look through the little window in the door...
Stephanie looks through the window...
Michelle: What do you see ?
Stephanie: Uhw, I believe this was the wrong window. Dad, could you do me a favor ? Don't eat sausages for the next weeks. I now know what they're made of.
Danny: How are they doing ?
Steve: The doctor is doing a final check, but it seems okay. Gee, I can't believe it, I'm a father.
Then the doctor walks out of the room...
Danny: And ?
Dr. hart: The baby is as healthy as she can be.
Steve: Can we see them ?
Dr. Hart: We're transferring them to another room now, then you can see them.
Danny: And DJ, is she gonna be al right ?
Dr. Hart: Don't worry, Mr. Tanner. She's a little dizzy from the surgery, but she'll be fine.
Later we find DJ in a bed, with the baby. Steve is sitting next to her, and Stephanie and Michelle are sitting on the end of the bed...
DJ: Look at her.
Michelle: Do you have a name yet ?
Steve: Hi Pam.
Danny: (Crying) I think you have chosen a beautiful name, honey.
Stephanie: Just like the baby.
Nicky: DJ, your baby is very little.
Alex: But she is also very cute.
DJ: Thanks boys.
Joey: Oh man, I could almost cry.
Kimmy: here, use my handkerchief. I only blew my nose in it once today.
Joey: Thanks, but I'm feeling better now.
Steve: Wow, I think I'm the happiest man on earth right now. I'm a father.
Danny: And I'm a grandfather.
Kimmy: I guess you feel pretty old now, T-bone ?
Danny: I am not old, Kimmy.
Kimmy: Let's see. You are over forty, you're a grandfather... You're old.
Becky: Let me make a picture of you and the baby, DJ. (She takes a camera)
Steve: You know, I suddenly want birthday cake.
Michelle: Sounds good to me.
Danny: We took care of that.
Jesse takes a cake from the corridor...
Nicky: Hey, there are no candles on that cake.
Joey: Boys, the baby can't blow the candles.
Alex: But we thought babies always drool. She can drool them out.
DJ: (Looking at the baby) Hi Pam. Welcome to this world.
Michelle: Can I hold her ?
DJ: Sure, but be careful.
Michelle: Hi, I'm your aunt Michelle.
Kimmy: (To the baby) And I am Kimmy.
The baby starts crying...
Stephanie: I believe the baby is on our site.
Nicky: Are you coming home tonight ?
DJ: No, the doctor said I have to stay at least till tomorrow.
Alex: Too bad. We wanted to play with the baby.
Becky: Oh, I almost forgot. We bought something for the baby. (She hands a box to DJ)
DJ: Thank you, what is it ? (She opens it) Oh, how sweet. Look at this bear, Steve.
Steve: It's big.
Danny: Come on, girls. Let's give DJ some rest.
Jesse: Come here, boys, we're leaving.
All except DJ and Steve leave the room...
Steve: Hi Pam, I'm your daddy.
The baby starts crying again...
Steve: No, I'm not Kimmy.
DJ: Maybe she's hungry.
Steve: Here, do you like my finger ?
The baby puts the finger in her mouth...
DJ + Steve: She's hungry!
Steve: I wonder who she got that from.
DJ and Steve kiss, and look happy with baby....
We find Jesse, Becky and the twins at the attic...
Alex: Daddy, where do babies come from ?
Jesse: Well, uh.... (He looks surprised at Becky)
Becky: Well, they come from... 9She looks surprised at Jesse)
Nicky: You don't know it, do you ?
Alex: They don't know.
Nicky: That's obvious.
Alex: And they are grown-ups.
Jesse: Come here you. Like we don't know.
The boys start running through the room, Jesse is chasing them.
Full House - The new stories
DJ gets contractions, and needs to go to the hospital. She only doesn't want to have the baby without Steve being there. So the rest of the clan starts looking for him, but will they find him in time ? And will the birth of the baby go right ?