Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 10
Episode (39) 231 - Licensed To Swim
Jesse Katsopolis - Danny Tanner - Joey Gladstone - DJ Tanner-Hale - Stephanie Tanner - Michelle Tanner - Rebecca (Becky) Donaldson-Katsopolis - Nicky & Alex Katsopolis - Kimmy Gibbler - Steve Hale - Gia Mahan - Mark Tanner - Pam Hale (baby) - Comet (the dog)
We find DJ in the bathroom with Pam sitting in a baby bath, when the twins walk in...
Nicky: What are you doing DJ ?
DJ: I'm trying to get Pam clean.
Alex: And what happens after that ?
Michelle walks in with Comet....
Michelle: Hi DJ.
DJ: Michelle, you know how dad thinks about Comet in the bathroom.
Michelle: (Turning on the tap of the big bath) But dad asked me.
DJ: To get Comet into the bathroom ?
Michelle: No, Comet needs a bath.
DJ: Yes, in the garden, not in the bathroom.
Michelle turns off the tap of the bath...
Nicky: We better get an umbrella.
Alex: Good idea.
The twins walk away...
Michelle: Comet, come on, boy, in the water!
Comet jumps on Michelle, who falls in the water and barks...
DJ: Michelle, are you al right ?
Michelle: (Shaking her head) Comet, you have to be in the water, not me!
Then Danny walks in...
Danny: Michelle, honey. I appreciate you trying to clean your own clothes. But for the next time, I have two requests. One, first take them off, and two, use soap.
Michelle: I'm gonna get some dry clothes, and then I'll go find Comet, and if I do.... (She wants to get out of the bath, but slips and falls down again) DJ, can I borrow Pam's bath duck? I believe I'll be in here for a while.
Danny and DJ laugh...
------------------------------------------ INTRO ------------------------------------------------
We find Joey and Becky in the kitchen when Jesse walks in...
Jesse: Hi guys. Becky, I've got a great idea. Why don't we take the boys for a swim in the new swimming pool that opened yesterday ?
Becky: That sounds good. Where did you get the idea ?
Jesse: Well, the manager of the pool asked me if the Smash Club wanted to be a sponsor, and I got four free tickets for a whole year.
Joey: That's great, I'm gonna get my trunks right now.
Jesse: Uh, Joseph, I meant Becky, the twins and me.
Joey: Well, I don't mind.
Then Danny and Stephanie walk in...
Jesse: Danny, I know I promised to have a look at your car, but I'm gone this afternoon. But don't worry, I'll have a look at it tomorrow.
Danny: Where are you going ?
Joey: He's taking Becky and the twins swimming.
Danny: What a great idea. I don't remember the last time I went swimming.
Stephanie: Last summer, with the boy that had a week bladder, and the mysterious yellow water.
Danny: Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. But maybe it's a great idea if we all go.
Jesse: Thank you, Joseph.
Joey: My pleasure.
We find Michelle, the twins and Comet in the back yard...
Michelle: Gee, giving Comet his bath is very hard today.
Nicky: Last time our daddy walked him through the car wash.
Alex: And he didn't need a shower too after that. For three days he was clean.
Michelle: It's not Comet's favorite habit, getting cleaned, but it has to be done. Any ideas ?
Alex: Tie him up at the fence and use the hose.
Michelle: You know, that is not such a bad idea. Can you watch Comet while I get his belt ?
Michelle walks into the house...
Nicky: I don't think this will work.
Alex: Brother, I think it will.
Nicky: This is the first time we don't think the same.
Nicky + Alex: Oh oh, something's wrong with us.
Michelle walks back with Comet's belt. She ties him at the fence...
Michelle: (Getting the hose) Nicky, can you turn on the water please ?
Nicky walks to the tap and turns it on. Suddenly Comet runs away. The belt stays at the fence, and he pulls a plank out of it. At the same moment, water comes out of the hose, and hits Kimmy, who is standing at the other site of the fence...
Kimmy: Hey! Watch it!
Then Danny walks outside...
Kimmy: You better be sorry. I'm all wet. Gee, it's not even safe to peep over the fence to see what you are doing.
Danny: Kimmy, you were peeping at us ?
Kimmy: Don't have a cow T-bone. Next time I'll make sure you don't see me, just like I usually do. (She walks away)
Danny: Oh man, I think I'm gonna build a giant mirror in the Gibbler's back yard. That will scare Kimmy off.
We find the whole family in the living room...
Danny: Steph, Michelle, we're going!
Stephanie walks down the stairs...
Jesse: What keeps Joey so long ?
Joey walks down with swimming tyres around his arms and a life jacket on his body...
Joey: I'm ready guys.
Danny: Well, I don't think you will sink.
Michelle walks down...
Michelle: Dad, can't Comet go with us, so we can throw him in the pool ?
Danny: No, the pool is a forbidden place for him.
Stephanie: We could put a bading suit on his body and say he's Kimmy.
DJ walks in with Steve...
DJ: Steve, just come with us.
Steve: No. Somebody has to stay with Pam.
DJ: She's coming with us.
Steve: Then I have to stay home to look after the food.
Danny: I'm doing groceries after the swim.
Steve: Well, somebody has to watch the television. It might feel lonely.
Jesse: Steve, why do I get the feeling you don't want to go swimming ?
DJ: Just come with us, you will miss all the fun.
Danny: And besides, it's a family trip, and you are part of the family, so you have to go.
Steve: Oh no.
They all leave...
We find the family in the swimming pool...
Joey: (Wearing swimming tyres around his arms) Danny, can I use the slide ?
Danny: Joey, it's forbidden for children over 7 years old.
Jesse: Joey, your mind can still go.
DJ: Come Steve, let's take Pam to the paddling pool.
Steve: Paddling pool ? Okay. I can handle that.
DJ: Steve, what is wrong with you ?
Steve: Hey, nothing is wrong with me. (He looks at the paddling pool) Oh man, I can't do this. I see you back home, Deej. (He walks away)
Michelle: What's his problem ?
DJ: I don't know. Can you watch Pam, I have to talk to Steve. (She follows Steve0 Steve, wait!
Steve: Just go swimming, I'm not going.
DJ: Steve, I know something is bothering you, but I can't help you, let alone understand you, if you don't tell me what it is.
Steve: I can't tell you, I'm sorry. And besides, nothing is wrong with me. If you need me, I'm in the sauna.
Joey: (Standing next to DJ) What did he eat wrong ?
DJ: I don't know. He doesn't want to tell me.
Joey: Hey, don't let Steve spoil your fun.
Nicky: (From the water) Joey!
Alex: (In the water) Come on.
Joey: Got to go. (He jumps into the water and causes a big wave)
Alex: Double cool!
Joey: Oh boys, cut-it-out!
We find Danny and Jesse in the whirlpool...
Jesse: Ah, nothing is as nice as relaxing in a hot whirlpool.
Danny: Nothing ? I mean, waxing the kitchen floor gives me exact the same feeling of total rest of my body.
Jesse: And it gives me palpitations.
Danny: And what do you mean by that ?
Jesse: I always have to be careful not to slip and fall.
Becky sits down with the guys...
Becky: Hi guys, how's the whirlpool ?
Becky: That's a good thing for a whirlpool.
Danny: You know, we should do this more often.
Jesse: Why don't you buy a whirlpool ? We have some space left on the attic.
Danny: (Smiling) You know, maybe it's not such a bad idea.
Becky: Where do you want to place it then ?
Danny: In the back yard.
Jesse: But Danny, that would spoil your grass.
Danny: We can think up something for that problem.
Becky: We have a peeping Kimmy Gibbler.
Danny: We can raise some money for her.
Jesse: What for ? To buy her a single ticket to the south pole ?
Danny: No, I was more thinking of Mars.
We find Steve sitting at the bar, when Stephanie walks by...
Stephanie: Hey Steve. What are you doing here ?
Stephanie: Then take a swim.
Steve: I can't.
Stephanie: Why not ?
Stephanie: No, DJ didn't send me. And if you don't want to answer that question, fine. But if you change your mind, you can always talk to me.
Stephanie: Steve, talking about it can help you too.
Steve: (walking away) No thanks.
DJ: (Walking to Stephanie) No luck ?
Stephanie: He says less than Comet.
DJ: Thanks for trying anyway.
We find Mark in the radio studios, when Gia walks in...
Mark: Hi Gia.
Gia: Mark, do you happen to know where Stephanie is ?
Mark: I have no idea. Something urgent ?
Gia: I just want to copy her English homework.
Mark: So it seems you have to do it all by yourself now.
Gia: Uhw. You're talking to me you know. I don't do homework.
Mark: One moment. (Into the microphone) Okay kids, I hope you liked Britney, I know I do. And speaking of blondes, do you know how they call sawdust on a blonde's shoulder ? External memory. Okay, let's go on with the music. Here is Scoop, and they are still dropping it. (he pushes a button) Okay, where were we ? Oh yeah, you don't do homework. Then how do you get through your exams ?
Gia: I just guess the answers. It's like gambling.
Mark: Ever been to Vegas ?
Gia: Some weeks ago, remember ?
Mark: I was being ironic.
Gia: So was I.
We find the whole family entering the Tanner house...
DJ: Steve, I know there is something you're not telling me.
Steve: I don't want to discuss this.
Danny: Steve, sometimes talking helps.
Steve: I don't have to talk about nothing. (He walks away)
DJ: Steve! (She follows Steve)
Michelle: What an entertaining night.
Stephanie: Better than Party of Five.
Michelle: Yeah, much more dramatic.
Danny: I'm gonna talk with them.
Becky: Uh, Danny. Maybe it's better if you let them try alone for now.
Joey: Steve should be on Oprah.
Jesse: That would help him. Tell his story, which possibly is very private, to the entire country.
Stephanie: Joey, you just gave me a very good idea. Michelle, come with me. I might have a solution.
In the kitchen...
DJ: Steve, say something. I want to help you.
Steve: Just leave me alone.
DJ: This is not the Steve I know. What's wrong with you ?
Steve: Nothing, al right.
DJ: I don't believe you. First you tell there's nothing wrong, then there is something wrong and now there's nothing wrong again ?
The phone rings...
Steve: I'll get it. (He takes the phone) Hello ? Hi Mark. What ? Sure. I'm coming right now.
DJ: Who was that ?
Steve: Mark, he wants to do a radio show about sports, and he wants me to answer some questions.
Stephanie and Michelle walk into the kitchen...
Michelle: Where's Steve going to ?
Stephanie: Great. We're going too. Want to join us ?
Michelle: Believe me, you do want to join us.
The girls follow Steve, who just left the house...
We find the girls, Steve and Mark in the studios...
Mark: Hi Steve, thanks for being here.
Steve: It's my pleasure.
Mark: We want to tell the listeners something about sports. If I'm right, you were on the wrestling team, right ?
Mark: Now, we got a question from David, who wants to know how dangerous wrestling is.
Steve: Well, it's not dangerous at all, as long as you stay concentrated and don't fall too hard.
Mark: Thank you for answering this question. After Lene marlin, we'll ask you another one.
Mark pushes a button...
Steve: Are the other questions also about wrestling ?
Mark: No, the next question is about swimming. Know anything about that ?
Steve looks surprised and frightened at the same time...
Later, in the Tanner house...
Steve: I can't believe you did that to me.
Mark: What did I do wrong ? I just asked you a question.
Steve: Like the girls didn't tell you about what happened today.
Mark: No, tell me.
Stephanie: Look, Steve, we called Mark, but we didn't tell him anything.
Michelle: All we tried to do was help.
Steve: Please don't. I am sick of you bothering around why I didn't want to swim. Maybe I just wasn't in the mood, okay.
DJ: Or you're not telling us something.
Mark: DJ, that remark was so dumb. You know, there's always something that people are not telling you. Maybe they don't know it, or maybe they just want to tell it. And if the last category shows up, I think we should respect it.
Steve: See, somebody understands me.
Stephanie: Mark is so right. So tell us what's wrong Steve.
Michelle: I think there are two options. One, Steve can't swim. Two, he's afraid of water. (She sees Comet walking by)And three, Comet still needs his bath.
Steve: Okay, if you want to know, I can't swim...anymore.
DJ: What ?
Steve: In 1994, I went surfing with some friends at Malibu Beach, and then a giant wave came and took me. I was down for about a minute and I thought I died. From that moment I withdraw my license to swim. I didn't want to go through that again.
DJ: You never told me that.
Steve: I tried to forget.
Mark: You know, Steve, to get over this kind of trauma, it's best to face the problem.
Michelle: Yeah, like that man in Chinatown who had fear of heights and jumped of that building.
Stephanie: That was suicide.
Michelle: Bad example.
Steve: Thanks for trying to help, and I'm sorry if I was a little hard. But I don't think I can do it. I have no license to swim anymore.
Stephanie: just give it back to yourself.
Steve: I'll think about it.
We find Michelle and Danny in the back yard...
Danny: You think you get Comet in the tub this time ?
Nicky and Alex walk outside carrying a plate with cookies...
Danny: What's this all about ?
Michelle: Well, Comet likes cookies, so we put the plate with cookies on the table behind his bath. He will walk into the bath, eat the cookies and when he does, we attack him with the hose.
Danny: And you think that works ?
Michelle: Sure it will.
Nicky: It's the best plan till now.
Alex: What can go wrong ?
Michelle: Exactly boys. Dad, watch and see Comet getting clean. Comet! Come here boy!
Comet walks into the garden...
Michelle: Look boy, cookies.
Comet walks to the cookies. He gets into the bath and sits down...
Danny: So far so good.
Michelle: Okay boys, bring the hose.
Nicky: Turn the tap on, Alex!
Nicky runs with the hose towards Comet. When he sees Nicky, he takes the plate with cookies in his mouth and runs away....
Michelle: Oh nuts.
Alex: He steals the cookies!
Nicky: Get him!
The twins run after Comet...
Danny: So what's plan B ?
Danny: Sounds like you had many plans before. What does plan HIWRALCSO mean ?
Michelle: Hope it will rain and let Comet stay outside.
We find DJ and Joey in the kitchen...
Joey: Any luck with Steve ?
Joey: Maybe he needs a hand.
DJ: No, I think we make the whole thing even worse if we try to help him.
Joey: Then we have to make him think it was his idea.
DJ: That sounds good. Where did you get that stuff ?
Joey: Where I get all my information. The Cartoon Network.
DJ: Have any plans ?
DJ: So we have to go back to the pool.
Joey: Exactly. And then I'll go with you. I think I left my Jetsons swimming trunks in the cabin.
We find Joey, DJ, Steve and Pam back in the swimming pool...
Steve: (Wearing all his clothes) So what did you need me for ?
DJ: Well, I saw how Pam reacted at our swim yesterday and I thought it would be good for her to go again. And somebody needs to guard our stuff.
Joey: And please, take good care of my Dexter slippers.
Joey dives into the water, as Steve sits down...
DJ: Well, see you later. (She gets into the paddling pool with Pam) You like the water, don't you.
Steve looks at Pam and starts smiling...
Joey: Hey Steve, can you take the time ? I want to know how long I can stay under water. (He dives deeper)
Steve: (Looking at his watch) Five seconds. Ten....
Joey: (Getting above the water) And ?
Steve: 22 seconds.
Joey: Man, I really need to do something about my breathing technique.
Steve: Maybe you should not breath at all as long as you are down under water.
Joey: Good point. Can you take the time again ? (He dives again)
DJ: Steve, look!
DJ points at Pam, who is splashing water with her hands...
Steve: Isn't that cute.
Joey: Steve! Did you take time ?
Joey: I'm going down again. Please stay concentrated this time. (He dives again)
Steve: Okay. Five seconds, ten... (He sees a little girl, about six years old, running over the edge of the pool) fifteen... twenty... (He sees the girl stumble and fall in the water. She sinks and stays under...oh my god. (Steve takes of his shoes, jumps into the water, dives down and takes the girl to the surface. He climbs out of the water, while he holds the girl and lies her down at the ground) Come on, breath. (He listens to the chest of the girl, and tries some mouth to mouth breathing) Come on. (The girl coughs and opens her eyes) Okay, good girl.
Erika: Cindy, are you al right ?
Cindy: Yes mommy.
Erika: Thank you so much. You just saved my little girl.
Steve: Oh, it was nothing.
Erika: Nothing ? If you didn't notice her she would have drowned.
Steve: Well, she didn't.
Erika: I told her so often not to run over the edge. How can I ever thank you ?
Steve: No problem. Knowing she lives is enough for me.
Erika: Thanks you. (She takes the girl and they walk away)
Joey: Uh Steve. Did you notice ?
Steve: What ?
Steve: Yeah, so ?
Joey: remember how it happened ?
DJ: (Standing next to Steve) And how did it feel ?
Steve: I don't know. I mean, I saw this girl, and suddenly I was sitting here with her.
DJ: Well, hero. Ready to give yourself your license back ? I mean, you made it this time. And you have always been a good swimmer.
Steve: I have, haven't I ? I'm gonna get my trunks at home.
DJ: Don't rush. I brought them now.
Steve: You did ?
Steve gets his trunks and walks away...
Joey: Told you it would work.
DJ: It was a good thing Cindy was walking there. I mean, not that she fell in, well, on the other hand...
Joey: I know what you mean. The same thing kind of happened to Roadrunner. If that giant anvil of 200 tons fell out of the air on Coyote, or else. The thought of what could have happened frightens me. Then Roadrunner was a Road dinner.
We find Stephanie and Gia in the living room watching television...
Stephanie: Nothing is better than relaxing and watching Dawson's Creek.
Gia: And don't forget the popcorn.
Stephanie: Only too bad it's on the table, and not here with us on the couch.
Then Comet runs in, followed by Michelle. He hits the table, and the bowl with the popcorn flies through the air and lands at the couch. Stephanie and Gia are all covered with popcorn..
Stephanie: Wow, I didn't know we had service here.
Michelle follows Come through the house...
Michelle: Comet, I'm gonna get you.
Comet runs into Stephanie's room. Michelle follows him, and Comet runs out, into Joey's room. Michelle runs into her own room, while Comet walks into Danny's room, and Michelle into the bathroom. Comet now takes a trip to Joey's room, while Michelle does the same thing with Stephanie's room. Then Michelle walks into her own room, followed by Comet. When he sees her, he runs out of the room, down the stairs. Michelle follows him, and we go to the living room again...
Gia: Protect the popcorn. Dog coming in.
Stephanie: (Taking the bowl) Comet, look out.
Comet jumps over the couch, hits the bowl, which turns and the popcorn is all over Stephanie. Come hits the table again, which falls. Michelle keeps following Comet, and passes Stephanie and Gia...
Michelle: I'd love to chat with you, but I have to catch a dog. (She runs on)
Stephanie: It's not even possible to watch some TV here.
Gia: Well, you didn't loose the popcorn.
Stephanie: You know what think of this ? This is rude!
We find Jesse, Becky and the twins in the kitchen...
Becky: Boys, don't you wanna help Michelle anymore ?
Alex: We have to catch some breath.
Jesse sees Michelle running outside, still after Comet...
Jesse: Well, Michelle will have a good condition after today.
Becky: Well, I think she will get Comet in bath after all. I mean, he has to get tired once.
Jesse: So will Michelle.
Nicky: This is fun.
Alex: Let's go watch outside.
The twins walk outside...
Nicky: Come on Comet!
Alex: You can do it!
Michelle: (While passing the twins) I thought you were on my side!
Alex: We were.
Nicky: But we think Comet has better chances of winning.
We find Michelle walking into the living room. She looks very tired...
Danny: Are you okay honey ?
Jesse: Michelle, you used the wrong approach. I will show you how to get Comet cleaned before dinner.
Danny: That isn't so hard. We just had dinner, so you have 24 hours to go.
Jesse stands up...
Michelle: I've gotta see this!
Jesse and Michelle walk through the kitchen into the back yard...
Jesse: Comet, boy. You now get into your bath and let us clean you, or you will get split ends, boy. And you know how the ladies think of men with split ends, don't you ? You can shake it then.
Comet has a frightened look in his eyes, and walks into his bath, where he sits down...
Michelle: Huh ? I've been trying to get him in there for two days, and you only need two minutes ?
Jesse: Hey, I'm a man, he's a man, we understand each other, shorty.
Michelle: I'm gonna get the hose.
Jesse: (To Comet) I'm sure the poodle from across the street will have the hots for you when I'm done with you. First I'm gonna shampoo you, then it's time for the conditioner...
We find DJ and Steve playing a game in the kitchen, when Kimmy walks in...
Kimmy: Hey dudes.
DJ: Dudes ?
Kimmy: That's what the Codeman always says. I think it sounds funny. So Stevo, I heard you have your license to swim back ?
Steve: I do. And when I think of it now, it all seems to be very illogical to me. I mean, why on earth would I be afraid of water ? I mean, I also take a bath every now and then.
DJ: But that's not as big as a pool, or an ocean.
Kimmy: And there are so many people who fear the most weird things. Look at me.
Steve: What are you afraid of ?
Kimmy: I meant that people fear me. For some mysterious reason. I experience it mostly when I enter a shoe store. I don't have a clue why.
DJ: Let's say that it's because you want to try some shoes on when you get in there. And before you get a shoe on, you have to take one off.
Kimmy: Could be. And I always thought they thought my feet smelled a little.
Steve: Believe me, they didn't think 'a little'.
Jesse and Michelle walk in with Comet...
Michelle: Operation Comet is over!
DJ: Comet's clean again ?
Kimmy: Hairboy is all wet. Oh my god. His hair is also soaking. That means all the oil gets out, what a disaster for the environment We have to call the emergency number. 9-1- What was the last number again ?
Jesse: Kimmy, just check the phonebook, okay. And if you do, try to find some travel agency, and book a trip to Atlantis.
Steve: Hey, isn't that the sunken city ?
Jesse: Exactly. Maybe Kimmy's brains are there too. Oh no, they don't sink, they are too light. Well, then try the moon.
Jesse walks up the stairs...
Michelle: Thank god I'm dry.
DJ: How did you do that ?
The next morning we find Jesse, Danny, Stephanie and Steve having breakfast...
Danny: So Steve, I hope you didn't have bad dreams about water ?
Steve: In fact I had some pleasant dreams about water. I was with DJ on Hawaii, and we were swimming in the sea.
Stephanie: How romantic.
Danny: Wearing those Hawaiian skirts.
Steve: No, we were naked.
Danny: Oh my god, you dream of my daughter being naked ?
Jesse: Danny, they are married.
DJ walks into the kitchen with Comet, who has dirt on his back...
DJ: Uncle Jesse, do you have time today ?
Jesse: No, Comet. Now you can forget the poodle.
DJ: Oh no, they were together running, jumping and rolling in the mud.
Danny: Michelle! Comet needs a bath again!
Michele: (From upstairs) Call the fire brigade. They can spray him wet with their hoses.
Jesse: Why didn't we think of that before.
Stephanie: Because kids think up the stupid things. And Kimmy does.
Michelle: (From upstairs) Hey, I'm no kid anymore!
Stephanie: It's so easy to tease her.
Steve: if you guys would excuse me, I'm going for a morning swim.
DJ: I'm going with you.
Steve: In the ocean.
Stephanie: Isn't that a little cold ?
Steve: No, because I'm gonna do it the Baywatch way. Swimming in the pool, and pretending it's an ocean.
DJ and Steve walk away...
Full House - The new stories
The family discovers Steve has a secret: he is afraid to swim. They want to help him get over it, but he is tough and doesn't want their help. Michelle tries to wash Comet, but this is harder than she expected....