Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 10
Episode (40) 232 - America's Funniest Families
Jesse Katsopolis - Danny Tanner - Joey Gladstone - DJ Tanner-Hale - Stephanie Tanner - Michelle Tanner - Rebecca (Becky) Donaldson-Katsopolis - Nicky & Alex Katsopolis - Kimmy Gibbler - Steve Hale - Gia Mahan - Mark Tanner - Pam Hale (baby) - Comet (the dog)
We find Nicky and Alex walking into the bathroom...
Nicky: Brother, I know we are twins and that we are supposed to do everything together, but this is something I have to do by my self.
Alex: But I need to go too.
Nicky: Then you have to wait. (He walks into the bathroom and closes the door.)
Alex: Hurry up!
Nicky walks back out of the bathroom...
Alex: That was quick.
Nicky: Alex, can you look there ? And tell me what you see ?
Nicky: Take care!
Alex walks back out of the bathroom..
Alex: I saw it brother.
The door opens, and Kimmy stands in the door opening, with a towel around her body...
Kimmy: Can't I just have a nice and quiet bath in the house of my neighbors!
Alex + Nicky: Daddy! Help!
Jesse runs up the stairs...
Jesse: What's wrong boys ? (He sees Kimmy) Kimmy, what are you doing here ?
Jesse: Kimmy, get out of there and go home.
Kimmy walks out of the bathroom...
Kimmy: Can't I get some privacy anywhere around here ?
------------------------------------------ INTRO ------------------------------------------------
We find Danny and Becky in the living room, when Nicky and Alex run in...
Nicky: Mommy, uncle Danny!
Alex: You have to see this!
Becky: What's going on, boys ?
Alex: There's a wild party going on at Kimmy's house.
Danny: I guess it's time for the annual Gibbler sock wash competition.
Becky: No way, they do that in October.
Danny: Oh yeah. But how wild could a party of Kimmy be ?
Jesse walks downstairs with tomatoes in his hair...
Jesse: If I get Kimmy in my hands... She is having some kind of party next door. And when I yelled at her to keep it down, she threw a tomato at me.
Jesse walks into the kitchen, as Stephanie walks down...
Stephanie: This, I have to see.
Danny: You saw what happened ?
Stephanie: Are you kidding ? He was hanging out of my window when he got hit.
Stephanie also walks into the kitchen, and outside, where Jesse is. Danny and Becky follow them...
Jesse: (Climbing on a chair, and looking over the fence) Kimmy, come here so I can kill you.
Cody: Hey Kimmy, look at that dude on the other side of the fence. Cool.
Frank: Nice haircut neighbor!
Kimmy: Coupe tomato!
Jesse: Kimmy, stop this party right now. I am tired and need some rest.
Kimmy: Sorry, but no can't do.
Stephanie: (Also climbing on a chair) Kimmy, you just told us you can do it.
Jesse: That's right, so stop the party.
Kimmy: Like I said, no. I am having a barbecue on my property. You can join us. We got enough hamburgers.
Frank: No, not our hamburgers.
Danny: (Also standing on a chair) Kimmy, what is going on here ?
Stephanie: You thought ? I already knew it for sure 12 years ago.
Cody: Hey dudes, want to join us ? It's a cool barbecue.
Becky: Guys, let them have their party.
Kimmy: Woa, Mrs. Hairboy is on our side guys!
All in Kimmy's garden cheer...
Jesse: Honey, I would do that, if she didn't throw tomatoes at me when I asked her to keep it down.
Frank: Listen, we don't want to upset anybody, we just want to have some fun, to learn more about Cody's new girlfriend. We are his family you know.
JT: Yeah, and we hoped for some chicks with boobs.
Stephanie: Wow, what an average IQ there if Kimmy becomes family.
That evening, we find Michelle in her bed...
Michelle: Dad, stop the music! I can't take it anymore!
Danny: I'll call them.
Danny opens the window...
Michelle: Are you sure it's safe ? You know what happened to uncle Jesse.
Danny: Don't worry honey. (Screaming out of the window) Kimmy, if you don't end this party now, I will call the police.
Kimmy: I don't mind. My uncle is the officer on duty tonight.
Danny: Okay, then I will call all shoe stores not to sell you shoes anymore in my show tomorrow.
Kimmy: You will ? Okay people, party is over!
Danny closes the window...
Michelle: Thank god.
The next morning...
Joey: (Walking in through the back door) Hi guys.
DJ: (Sleepy) Hi Joey. How was your show in San Diego?
Jesse: Horrible. Kimmy threw a party last night.
Michelle: She stopped at three forty two last night. Dad yelled out of the window.
The doorbell rings...
Danny: I'll get it.
Danny walks to the door and opens it....
Frank: I hope I'm not interrupting anything ?
Danny: We were awake.
Frank: Can I come in, I want to talk to you.
Danny: Sure. Do I need earplugs ?
Frank: No. Look, sorry if we were a little loud yesterday, but that Kimmy didn't know any control.
Danny: Tell me about it. I wish she would move sometime.
Frank: Look, I'm really sorry. But what I wanted to ask you is if you and your family want to join us at our family fun day.
Danny: Family fun day ? That sounds interesting.
Frank: We have this day every year. This year we wanted to do it a little different than other years. We want to share this day with another family.
Danny: And what can we expect ?
Frank: Fun, games, party! After all, we are becoming sort of family. You see, we are going to live six houses away from you.
Danny: You mean you bought Mrs. Flinterman's house ?
Frank: Yeah, we wanted something new again. But are you in for that day of family fun ?
Danny: Sure. I am a big supporter of family fun.
We find the whole clan on a big sports field...
DJ: Dad, are you sure this is the right place ?
Then Frank walks towards them...
Frank: Hey, glad you're here. This is the place where it's all going to happen.
Danny: San Francisco stadium.
Frank: Well, this is my family. (He introduces his family) We have Carol, my wife, Dana, Karen, her daughters, JT, Brendan, my sons, Al, my daughter, you know Cody, and mark, carol's son is sick at home.
Steve: Are there snacks around here ?
Frank: We don't eat till after the game.
Jesse: Game ? What game ?
Joey: Do you have skippy balls ? Maybe Jesse can hit one.
Alex: Baseball is cool!
Nicky: Right man!
Cody: Woa dudes. Cool you're here. Hey, why don't you get your Baseball clothes on ? Their in your dressing rooms. There's one for the girls, and one for the boys.
JT: Yeah, and there is a peeping hole.
Dana: You have been watching us ?
JT: Yeah, but not for long. When I saw you I had to puke.
Michelle: What a loving family.
They walk to their dressing rooms...
Some later, at the field...
Stephanie: Time-out! Guys, this is worthless. We are 1-0 behind.
Jesse: Then don't let me strike.
Joey: Jesse, that's part of the game.
Becky: Well, if we want to win, we need something to distract their minds.
DJ: Yeah, specially that girls, what's her name again ?
Stephanie: Al ? Yeah, she is good.
Danny: So are you, honey.
Then Mark and Gia walk towards them...
Mark: Hi guys! Sorry we're late. There was a traffic jam.
Gia: And we were the last car in the row.
Mark: They said on the radio that a red car was driving ahead, driving 10 miles an hour.
Michelle: Dad, we told you to hit the gas.
DJ: Now what is our new tactic ?
Mark: Playing baseball ? Cool. I always watch it on TV.
Becky: Can you play ?
Mark: No, I don't want to get tired. But I always know what's the best way to win the game.
Stephanie: Mark, it's family fun, so get changed!
Mark: Only if I can be a player-coach.
DJ: Whatever. Just get changed.
A little later, we find the family playing some baseball...
Danny: Okay, as long as our coach is not here, I'll cover for him. Stephanie, you throw that ball hard, with your famous curve, okay ?
Stephanie: Okay. (She walks on the field. Her opponent is JT) Face this one, boy.
JT: You throw like a girl.
Stephanie throws the ball. JT hits it a little, and the ball goes up very high. Then it comes down, and Stephanie catches it..
Stephanie: And you strike like a little girls.
Frank: Don't worry, It's Al's turn.
AL: I never missed today, so let's get it on.
Then Mark and Gia walk onto the field. Mark is wearing a cap backwards, and chews some gum...
Mark: Howdy strangers. Time to play ball. Steph, can I throw the ball ?
Stephanie: Why ?
Stephanie: You better throw good. She is good.
Mark: Is she ? (To Al, with a flattering voice) Hi babe. Ready for my balls...I mean, the ball..., well you know what I mean ?
Al: (Sighs deep and has a distracted look in her eyes) Sure. Your cute.
Mark: I know. That was what my mother said when I was just born. And then she walked away out of my life.
Al: I won't do that.
Mark: No ? Really ?
Brendan: What is he doing ?
Cody: Hey dude, are you going to throw that ball or what ?
Frank: Hey what is going on there ? Al ?
DJ: I think we found our secret weapon.
Mark: You got pretty eyes.
Al: You really think so ?
Al looks dreamy. Then suddenly mark throws the ball, and when Al sees it, she makes a swinging move with her arm. She doesn't hit the ball...
JT: Come on Al.
Mark: Too bad you missed that one. What about this one ?
Stephanie: I like his game.
Mark: One last chance. You better focus on the ball this time.
Al: What ball ?
Mark: I don't know. You say it. Maybe, uh. This one ?
He throws the ball Al is surprised, but hits the ball softly, so mark can catch it...
Nicky + Alex: Yes!
Mark: Better luck next time. Stephanie, you throw the next ones. I really can't play pitcher. I have a lousy throw.
After the game, we find the clan lie in the grass...
Stephanie: Good actions what you did with Al.
DJ: You gave us the game.
Jesse: I can't believe we won.
Michelle: Duh, that Al was there best pitcher.
Gia: But she was nothing when Mark was sending out those false signals.
Mark: I know, I should be an actor.
Frank and Cody walk to the clan...
Frank: Well, you won the first game. Let's see how good you guys are in golf.
Joey: Golf ? Oh yeah!
Stephanie: I like most games whit sticks and balls.
Jesse: Uh, Stephanie, there are children watching and listening here.
Stephanie: I didn't mean that.
Kimmy walks to the others...
Kimmy: Hi guys. Having a nice time ?
Michelle: We were till you arrived.
Kimmy: Great. I'm gonna check on my man. (She walks away)
Cody: Hey Kimmy, I'm here dude!
Kimmy: Sorry, I didn't see you.
Gia: What ?
Stephanie: Nothing. Its just that after her brains, her eyes are also getting worse.
We find the whole clan at the golf court...
Jesse: Great, golf. My favorite game!
Steve: I thought you hated it.
Jesse: I was being sarcastic.
Steve: So was I.
Frank: Okay, we play 7 holes. And the day will be gone. For you at least.
Danny: I wouldn't put my bet on that.
Carol: Frank honey, how does golf work ?
Frank: Don't worry. You don't have to play. There are two teams of five people.
Carol: But I want to play.
Frank: And I want to win.
Carol: Are you saying...
They walk away arguing...
Danny: Okay, who will play ?
Nicky: And we ?
Alex: Can't we play ?
Joey: How is your back swing ?
Nicky: uncle Danny didn't want a swing in the back yard.
Michelle: Great. We can just relax here, while the others do the hard work.
Stephanie: There's only one thing I don't understand. What are we doing it for ?
Stephanie: I know. Then we go for it. And if we say no, he says yes instead.
Michelle: But why do we keep doing this every time ?
Stephanie: That was deep.
Mark: Watch out, they're hot. (He turns his head quickly around) What a relief.
Stephanie: What's going on ?
Michelle: I see, there she is again.
Mark: Gia, help me please.
Gia: What can I do ?
Stephanie: (Smiling) I'll help you.
Mark: How ?
Al walks very close to them...
Stephanie: So Mark, how is your relationship with Jacques going ?
Jesse: Oh my god, Mark, are you... I mean...
Mark: I'm terribly in love with Leo, if that's what you wanted to ask me.
Al: I forgot, it's my turn to carry the sticks. (She walks away)
Mark: Good thinking, Steph.
Jesse: I didn't know you were...
Stephanie: He's not. That was just a story we made up.
Gia: But who is Jacques ?
Michelle: Why do my sisters have friends without brains ?
We find Joey and the others playing golf...
Joey: (Imitating . Wind from the back, ten meters till the hole. A little swing, strike and hole-in five.
Frank: Not bad. Not bad at all. But what do you think of Carol, huh ? Show them, honey.
Carol: Oh, okay. Let's see. I swing the stick, I hit the ball, and.. it's in. Frank, I scored a goal!
Frank: carol, that's called a hole.
Becky: A hole in 487.
Danny: From two centimeters of the hole.
Cody: Hey dude, don't rub it in will you. I had a hole in two and a half once.
Danny: A half ?
Cody: Oh yeah, I made the swing with my stick you know, and then I sneezed. But I sneezed so hard, that the ball rolled into the hole. Dude, that was cool.
DJ: Steve, it's your turn.
Steve: Okay, here we go. And the ball is flying through the sky. It's heading for the hole, it's getting down, it's... Down under the water.
JT: Somebody better gets his scuba suit.
Karen: It's my turn ? Boy, I hope I don't break a nail.
Kimmy: I broke a nail once. Look. (She takes of her shoe and sock)
DJ: Kimmy, do you want to kill us ?
After the game...
Frank: Okay, we lost, but we had a beginner in our team.
Danny: Yeah, but we had four beginners.
Dana: This is boring. Can't we just go home ?
JT: For the first time in my life I agree with her.
Al: Yeah, this sucks.
Cody: Hey dudes, aren't you forgetting something ? This is our Family fun day.
Al: yeah, but with intruders. We don't even know these guys.
Michelle: Same to you.
Frank: Time out!
Danny: Good idea. Family, we have to talk.
Steve: I'd rather get a chili dog.
Kimmy: Isn't this cute, my two favorite families don't want to spend one day together.
Stephanie: You know, that reminds me of you.
Kimmy: It does ? How sweet.
Frank: You see, those two are best friends.
Stephanie + Kimmy: We are ? Uhw!
Danny: I think that Frank tries to say that two different families, people who don't know each other, can have fun like friends too.
Nicky: No way.
Dana: I agree with the Smurfs.
Cody: Hey dudes, what are we arguing about ? Let's all have fun. That's why we came here in the first place.
Danny: Yes, and to prove that we can have fun together, we will now make teams out of the two families.
Frank: We will ?
Cody: Cool! Paintball shooting with people I don't know.
We find both clans in a dark building...
Jesse: Can't believe I'm doing this.
Danny: Oh, don't worry Jess. This is fun.
Jesse: Danny, I can't believe you're in to this too. Do you know how long it takes before that paint is out of your clothes ?
Frank: That's why you are wearing the overall.
JT: Don't you know anything about paint ball then ?
Jesse: I know I'm gonna hit you if you don't shut up.
Dana: Finally somebody who's on my side.
Carol: Frank, if I hit somebody, would that hurt him ?
Frank: You're shooting with paint, not rocks.
Nicky: Dad, don't we look like great warriors ?
Alex: I want to have a paint gun like this at home.
Jesse: No way boys, only if your room needs some repainting.
Alex: Too bad we have to carry this thing together.
Nicky: See it from the bright side. We have a better aim together.
Alex: That's true.
Michelle: Now boys, keep concentrated.
Kimmy: How do I shoot with these things.
Jesse: That's very easy. Just aim on yourself and pull the trigger.
Kimmy: That's all ? Too easy.
DJ: Kimmy, will you never learn ?
Kimmy: What ?
DJ: Never mind, I guess you won't learn.
On the other team...
Al: Mark, don't you think it's nice to be n the same team ?
Mark: Can somebody just shoot me ?
Joey: (Imitating Elmer Fud) Okay, where is that cwazy wabbit ? I'll kill him when I see him.
Cody: Hey dude, that was pretty cool. Reminds me of that time I have been in the Warner Bros. studios.
Brendan: Yeah, that was cool.
Joey: You have been in the Warner Bros. studios ? How was it ?
Cody: Cool, dude. We saw how they make all those cartoons, and we even got an autographed drawing of Bugs Bunny.
Joey: You're kidding. Who signed it ?
Cody: Well, uh, the janitor.
Brendan: He caught us taking the drawing out of a dustbin.
Karen: I hope I don't break a nail.
Al: Can somebody shoot her ?
Stephanie: Hey Mark, you two can shoot each other.
Becky: Quiet! The enemy is ahead of us.
Steve: Where ?
Becky: There, I see a light.
Gia: Shall we attack ?
Mark: No. Are you dumb ? If we run to them and start shooting without plan, we're doomed to loose. I've got a plan.
Al: I bet it's good. After all, you made the plan.
Mark: Would you shut up, please ?
Mark: Oh my god. Okay, this is the plan. Stephanie, you and I go to left, Steve and Cody go right. Becky, Gia, you hide here, Joey, Brendan, you follow them silently. And Karen and Al, go somewhere far away.
Karen: That was not nice.
Mark: Okay, other plan. The two of you run just towards them and start shooting.
They split up...
In the first group...
JT: Dad, I think we should split up.
Frank: You know, that sounds like a good idea to me.
They split up too...
Michelle: Now boys, be careful. Just look around every second, and trust nobody.
Nicky: Okay. Alex, whatever you say, I don't believe you.
Alex: Same to you!
Some meters away from them...
Carol: Frank, where are you ?
Carol: Frank, are we in war then ?
Suddenly, two people are standing behind them...
Cody: Hey dudes.
Steve: I think you got a problem.
Steve and Cody start shooting...
Carol: Oh my god, I'm blue!
Frank: Me too. That means we're dead. So now we have to leave the room.
They walk away...
Cody: hey man, that was some good shooting you showed.
Steve: It was ? Thanks. You weren't bad yourself either.
JT: Hey Codeman!
Cody: Oh oh. Dude.
Kimmy: How did I shoot again ? Aim on me, pull the trigger and...
Steve: Kimmy, you just committed suicide.
JT: Oh my god, and who's covering for me now ?
JT: Let's go away.
Then suddenly, we hear many shooting and screaming...
Jesse: Stop the firing! We are killing the dead!
The shooting stops...
Steve: Now let all the dead people walk away. (Thinking) That sounds really stupid.
Mark: Great. I survived. But what about the others ?
He feels a gun in his neck...
Al: (Whispering) Duck! (She pulls Mark to the ground) They are two meters in front of us. At least one person, possible enemy. Who's shooting ?
Mark: (Whispering) Nobody. Look, I see something moving there too. Let's see... DJ.
Al: (Whispering) I think the other one is Dana.
Mark: Just wait what they will do.
Dana: Who's there ?
DJ: Like I'm gonna tell you.
They both shoot at the same time...
Dana: You hit me.
DJ: You missed me. Oh my god, weren't you in my team ?
She walks away. Then we hear a shot...
DJ: Oh no, I'm out of the game too.
Mark: (Whispering) Nice shot.
Al: (Whispering) It wasn't me.
Dana: Sorry girl, I believe I still had some strength.
Al: Now what ?
Frank: Al, Mark, you can come out. You've won!
Mark: You heard him.
Al: No, maybe it's a trick. We have to stay here and wait.
Mark: I don't think so.
Al: No ? Maybe this changes your mind. (She suddenly kisses Mark) Well ?
Mark: What did you just do ?
Al kisses him again, then the door opens...
Jesse + Joey: Ooh.
Stephanie: Good shot, Mark.
Mark: (Walking out) Can somebody tell me what just happened ?
Danny: You know what ? Just have a barbecue at our house now.
Frank: You know, that sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
Later at the Tanner house...
Danny: Okay, the meat is here!
Frank: Great! Heat up the barbecue!
Michelle: Dad, we have a problem.
Danny: What, honey ?
Michelle: remember the barbecue was barbecued last summer ?
Joey and Steve walk away...
DJ: What are they doing ?
Michelle: I have no clue.
JT: Where's the beer ?
JT: Dad, can't we get to the other side of the fence ?
Jesse: Danny, I think you're lucky with the weather. If it was raining and cold, the house would be full.
In the kitchen...
Stephanie: So. How are you ?
Cody: (Walking in) Dude, I wanted to heat up the barbecue. What do you think ? There is no barbecue.
Stephanie: I know. It burned down last year when Joey tried to barbecue half a tree to feed his woodchuck.
Dana: Oh my god, he has a woodchuck as pet ?
Stephanie: No, actually it's a ventriloquism puppet.
Dana: You guys are very weird.
Stephanie: Not as weird as Kimmy.
Outside, we find Becky, the twins, Kimmy, Mark, Gia and Al...
Nicky: Why don't we make a campfire ?
Alex: Then do it in Kimmy's back yard.
Kimmy: What did I ever do to you ?
Mark: Too much to talk about right now.
Joey and Steve walk into the garden with a barbecue....
Gia: Al right!
Becky: Guys, the barbecue is here!
All come outside...
Later that night...
Frank: We have to go now. Tomorrow we're going home.
Carol: And it was a fun day after all.
Frank: Well, next month we're moving here, so I guess we'll be seeing each other again.
Danny: Stop by whenever you want.
The Lambert clan leaves...
Al: Mark, when will we see each other again ?
Al: How dramatic. (She leaves)
Stephanie: Well Mark, I guess you found a girlfriend.
Mark: Don't speak please.
Michelle: You have to admit you kissed her.
Mark: No, she kissed me, and I was so stunned that I couldn't do anything against it.
Stephanie: Admit it, you're in love.
Mark: I'm not.
Stephanie, Michelle and Mark walk into the kitchen, still arguing...
Jesse: Joey, you have to explain something to me. Where did you get that barbecue ?
Joey: I never give away a secret.
All walk into the kitchen...
We find Kimmy and Cody walking into Kimmy's garden...
Cody: Too bad I am leaving too. But I promise you I'll be back soon.
Kimmy: Oh my god! Where did our barbecue go ?
Cody: Woa, dude. It disappeared. So now both you and your neighbors have no barbecue.
Kimmy: We burned theirs good, didn't we ? Wood, some spirit, and whoosh. Bye bye barbecue. But I still don't know where they got that barbecue from.
They walk inside...
Jesse: (On the other side of the fence) Good thinking Joseph. She doesn't have a clue.
Joey: I remembered a cartoon. I believe it was Tom and jerry, or was it Tweety and Sylvester ? or maybe a sitcom ?
Jesse walks back in...
Jesse: God night.
Joey: (Still talking) Married with children ? Full House ? Where did I see that ? Step By Step ? 3rd Rock From the sun ? No. Johnny Bravo, Cow and Chicken.... (He keeps talking)
Full House - The new stories
When Kimmy throws a party in her back yard, for her boyfriend Cody and his family, the Tanners are annoyed by this. Then Frank Lambert invites the clan for a family fun day. But can two families who don't know each other have fun in a game of baseball, golf and paintball? (Special episode, with almost the entire cast from Step by Step as guest cast)