Fan Fiction - Written by Martin van Dam - Season 10
Episode (41) 233 - The Grey And The Great
Jesse Katsopolis - Danny Tanner - Joey Gladstone - DJ Tanner-Hale - Stephanie Tanner - Michelle Tanner - Rebecca (Becky) Donaldson-Katsopolis - Nicky & Alex Katsopolis - Kimmy Gibbler - Steve Hale - Gia Mahan - Mark Tanner - Pam Hale (baby) - Comet (the dog)
We find Becky and the twins walking into the kitchen with groceries...
Becky: Put the bags on the table, boys. Oh boy, oh boy
Stephanie: (Walking in) So, you survived ?
Becky: You don't know how fun it is to shop with those boys.
Nicky: That's because we're fun boys.
Becky: I don't know why I keep taking the boys with me every time I go shopping.
Nicky: Because you like shopping with us.
Alex: And you always forget to take the important things with you.
Stephanie: (To Becky) I hope for you you were able to avoid the cookie path ?
Alex: We are good shoppers. We know where the important things are.
Stephanie: You do, huh ? Then where are the Doritos ?
Becky: (Emptying another bag) Here.
Stephanie: Ice cream ?
Nicky: This bag. (He points at a bag)
Alex: Chocolate bars in this one. (He takes a bar out of the bag)
Stephanie: And the shopping list ?
Becky walks into the living room, Stephanie shakes her head as the twins are eating cookies...
------------------------------------------ INTRO ------------------------------------------------
It's very early when we find Michelle and the twins up the attic where Jesse is sleeping...
Michelle: Okay boys. You wanted to play a joke on your father for April fools, so now's the right time.
Nicky: But it's no April yet.
Michelle: So he will expect nothing.
Alex: You are good.
Michelle: And remember, Joey's not the only one who can play jokes on people.
Nicky: We understand.
Michelle: Now, you got the stuff ?
Alex: Here it is.
Michelle: Okay. Nicky, watch if he doesn't wake up.
Nicky: Aiai ma'am!
Michelle: Okay, here we go.
She takes the bag from Alex...
We find Danny having breakfast, while Joey is making some toast...
Joey: (Imitating Pepe Le Pew) I love the smell of fresh toast my love. Can I seduce you with some hot crumbles ?
Danny: (Smiling) No thank you, Pepe.
Joey: (Still imitating) Oh, we're playing hard to get, huh ?
Danny: Hi Jess. You've been out for quite a while. It's almost noon.
Jesse: I Know. I have been trying to write a new song in the Smash Club till after midnight.
Danny: And, did it work ?
Danny: Songs ?
Joey: Well, you know what they say. The best ideas always come last.
Danny: Suddenly you have inspiration for a great song. Like you always did.
Jesse: No, I think I have to face it. I just don't have the touch anymore. I'm getting old.
Joey: (Looking at Jesse's hair, while eating some toast. He chews slower and slower) I can see that.
Jesse: What do you mean by that ?
Stephanie walks down the stairs...
Stephanie: Hi guys. Have you seen.... (Her mouth opens with amazement as she looks at Jesse) Oh my god.
Jesse: What's wrong ?
Stephanie: Oh, nothing.
Kimmy walks in...
Kimmy: Hi Tannerito's. I came to bring you yesterdays newspaper.
Danny: So you got it ?
Kimmy: You mean you don't know you got some grey hair ?
Stephanie: Kimmy, of all the stupid things that was the stupidest thing to do.
Jesse: (Screaming upstairs) Noooo! Oh my god! Call 911!
We find DJ and Steve in the back yard playing with Pam...
DJ: How nice from your parents to give us your old slide.
Steve: And you know what ? It's a great slide. And in such a perfect shape.
DJ: Pam seems happy about it too.
Steve: You know, this slide holds some close memories of me.
DJ: Like what ?
DJ: That's what I thought. (She holds Pam carefully while she lets her slide slowly down the slide)
Stephanie runs outside...
Stephanie: Guys, you never guess what happened to uncle Jesse.
DJ: He lost an album from his Elvis collection ?
DJ: Oh no. Not the hair ?
Stephanie: (Nodding) Uh-huh.
DJ: Oh my god. Grey ?
DJ: Oh my. Steve, do you know what that means ?
Steve: yeah. He didn't even notice that I borrowed that album from Elvis.
DJ: No, uncle Jesse's worst nightmare is coming through.
We find Michelle walking into the living room where Danny and Joey are sitting...
Michelle: Guys, can we have a little talk ?
Joey: Were we bad boys ?
Michelle: No, don't be afraid Joey. Listen, I have to do a project for school. We have to write a story.
Joey: Sounds like fun.
Michelle: But I don't know any stories.
Danny: Why don't you write about your Christmas ?
Michelle: Dad, do you think there is somebody interested in reading about how my dad cleaned the turkey with Ajax before cooking it ? I don't think so.
Joey: Hey, I'm interested in that story.
Michelle: Joey, you were there.
Joey: yes, but I didn't pay attention to it.
Danny: Then write about the distinction of some animals.
Michelle: No, that needs too many investigations. No, it has to be something good. Something funny. I got it. Thanks guys.
Danny: It was your idea.
Michelle: I know. But you always tell me not to thank myself too much. (She walks up the stairs)
We find Becky and the twins up the attic when Jesse walks up...
Becky: Hi honey. How are you feeling ?
Jesse: Bad. It's a disaster. And you know what the worst thing of all is ?
Becky: You didn't even pass forty ?
Jesse: No, Allejandro, my barber is on a vacation for three weeks.
Becky: Well, you can have somebody else having a look at your hair ?
Jesse: Are you crazy ? There are two people in the whole wide world who can take care of my great hair. And that's Allejandro and me.
The twins start giggling and run down the stairs...
Becky: I wonder what those two are up to.
Jesse: I hope they're going to buy some good conditioner. I hope they won't have the same troubles I have right now when they are growing up.
Becky; Honey, there are so many people with grey hair. I mean, my cousin Pete already became grey when he was only twenty years old.
Jesse: Oh my god. I hope that doesn't run in the family, the boys wouldn't survive that.
We find Michelle entering Stephanie's room, where Stephanie and Gia are reading a magazine...
Gia: Oh my god. Uhw. Oh my god.
Stephanie: What is it ?
Michelle: Yes, child. You can speak to me now.
Gia: Jesus. You scared me.
Michelle: I'm honored, but you can just call me Michelle.
Gia: I don't believe this.
Stephanie: What ?
Michelle: You can read ? Congratulations.
Gia: Michelle, if I gave you a quarter, then could you please go away and buy an ice-cream ?
Michelle: One whole quarter ? Wow. Let me think... No. Steph, I need your help.
Stephanie: What's wrong ?
Michelle: I need to know a good story for school.
Gia: I know one. I always made up stories about who was dating who and stuff like that.
Michelle: Not that kind of stories, huh. I have to write something.
Stephanie: Write about the last time you played a prank on somebody.
Michelle: Hey, that's a good idea. Thanks.
Stephanie: I hope you still remember your last prank, as far as I remember it was a long time ago, was it ?
Michelle: I wouldn't put my bet on that. (She leaves)
Stephanie: Now what were you reading, Gia ?
Gia: (Reading in the magazine again) A magazine.
Stephanie: Never mind.
We find Joey, DJ and Becky having breakfast...
DJ: How is uncle Jesse doing ?
Becky: Well, he kept me awake all night long. He was talking in his sleep.
Joey: I hope nobody talked back ?
Becky: I was talking back. I told him to shut up.
Jesse walks downstairs with a turban on his head...
Joey: (Laughing) Good morning Aladdin!
Joey: Hey Jess, I need to go to the toilet. Can I use some of your turban when I'm finished ? (Laughing) Oh man. Cut-it-out!
Becky: Joey got a point there. Now I know where the toilet paper has gone.
Jesse: I just don't want anybody to see my gr... gre... well you know what.
Kimmy: Hi Deej, Goofy, Mrs. Hairboy and... (Looking at Jesse) Grandpa.
Stephanie walks downstairs...
Joey: Grandpa. Kimmy, I don't like to say this. But that was the first time you made a funny joke.
Stephanie: Joey, Kimmy is one big joke. And a bad one.
Danny walks in...
Jesse: Grandpa ?
Danny: Well thanks Jess. Do I look that old ?
Jesse: Kimmy, the 'welcome' on our door step is for people who can read.
Kimmy: So what ?
Stephanie: No you don't. You don't give us that impression, anyway.
We find Michelle and the twins in Michelle's room...
Nicky: So how's the story going ?
Michelle: Good. I already have one sentence.
Alex: How does it go ?
Michelle: Once upon a time there was a man.
Nicky: Very surprising start.
Alex: Sounds exciting.
Nicky + Alex: Not!
Michelle: Just wait till the story is finished.
Alex: And when will that be ?
Nicky: Probably when the ocean is frozen.
Michelle: Boys, don't be so negative, please.
We find Danny and Joey in the back yard. Danny is washing his car...
Danny: (Looking into the wing mirror) Oh my god!
Joey: Danny, don't blame the bird. It has to get rid of what it ate sometime.
Danny: What ? Oh my god.
Joey: I hope you're not waiting for his answer.
Danny: Joey, do you think I'm old ?
Danny: Joey, I'm serious.
Joey: Well, you're not as young as you were twenty years ago.
Danny: So Kimmy was right.
Joey: Danny, that's impossible. How can somebody who thinks chocolate milks comes from brown cows possibly be right ?
Danny: Joey, face it. It's true. Jesse gets grey hair, and I'm getting old.
Becky walks outside....
Becky: Guys, we need to help Jesse, he's so depressed.
Joey: He's not the only one. Danny also suffers from a sudden midlife crisis.
Becky: Oh oh.
We find Jesse, DJ and Steve in the kitchen...
Steve: So, how's the hair doing ?
Jesse: Bad. It's till grey.
Steve: Why don't you dye it ?
DJ: Bad question again, Steve.
Jesse: Steve, don't you know what dying my hair means ?
Steve: Yes I do. You get some hair paint, put it in and after a while your hair has another color.
Jesse: I knew that, huh. No, dying my hair means it looses its natural touch.
Steve: They have natural colors.
DJ: Steve, do I hear Pam ? Yes I do. Let's have a look together. (She pushes Steve down the stairs into the garage)
Danny walks in...
Danny: Man, how depressing.
Jesse: Thanks for your concerning. But you don't have to feel bad about my hair.
Danny: I wasn't.
Jesse: What ? My hair is getting grey and you don't feel bad about it ?
Danny: I'm getting old.
Jesse: Me too.
Danny: And that's depressing.
Jesse: And you know what depresses me more ? Joey isn't getting old.
Danny: Well, physically he is, but psychically he isn't.
Jesse: Face it, in a few years we look back at our lives and we regret everything we didn't do.
Danny: I know.
Jesse: Daniël, what do we have to do ?
Danny: Wash our hair and talk to it ?
Jesse: I tried that. And look what happened.
Danny: Then there's only one thing left to do.
The next morning, we find Stephanie and Michelle walking into the kitchen...
Stephanie: So that story of you is completely based on your own experiences ?
Michelle: Yes. I am writing about my family and a great joke.
Stephanie: hey what's this ? (She takes a note from the table and reads it) We need time to think about our future. We don't know where we'll go, but don't worry about us. You'll do fine without us. Signed, Jesse and Danny.
Michelle: Oh no.
Becky walks downstairs...
Becky: Hi girls, have you seen Jesse ?
Stephanie: Dad and uncle Jesse left us a note. They are gone.
We find Joey and DJ in the living room...
Joey: Where could they be ?
DJ: I wish I only knew.
Becky and the twins enter the house...
Joey + DJ: And ?
Becky: We didn't find them.
Nicky: But we did see a guy with a ring through his nose.
Alex: I think he's from Spain and wants to be a bull.
Stephanie and Michelle enter...
Stephanie: Did you guys find them ?
Michelle: I guess not.
Steve walks in from the kitchen...
Steve: Hey guys. I'm glad you're all here.
DJ: Steve, we are out of cheese. And we have more serious problems.
Michelle: Two members of the family are missing, remember ?
Steve: No they aren't. DJ, I called your dad on his mobile phone.
DJ: Of course. Steve, that was a great idea. Where are they ?
Joey: A red car ? How red ? Red like blood, red like strawberries, red like Danny's car ?
Michelle: Of course. Dad's car is red!
Stephanie: And it's gone.
Becky: Well, we know what we have to look for.
We find Jesse and Danny in a bar....
Danny: I hope we did the right thing.
Jesse: Me too.
Mark walks towards them...
Mark: Hi guys, what are you doing here ?
Mark: I asked first.
Danny: We are here to think. You know, we're getting old.
Mark: No you're not. I mean... (Watching Jesse's hair) Jesse, do you know what a pigeon did in your hair ?
Jesse: No, it's my hair. I'm getting grey.
Mark: It doesn't look that way.
Danny: It's true Mark, Jesse is getting grey. We're getting old.
Mark: You know why you're getting old ? Because you feel old. Look at Joey. I mean, okay, he still plays with toys, he watches cartoons, but it keeps him young. His body might get older, but in his mind he feels young. And you think you're old, so you are old.
Jesse: Mark, why do you always show up on moments like these ?
Mark: I don't know, maybe it's a higher force, maybe it's a coincidence. Who knows ? Or maybe I'm just an actor in your life who has to open your eyes whenever you can't see the light. However, I think you should think about what you feel. Do you feel young or old ? make a decision, because whatever you decide you want to be, you will be. And this way you're writing your own life, just like a book, and every day is like a blank page, where anything can happen.
Danny: You read Freud ?
Mark: No, but I did read the Shining, by Stephen King.
Danny: You know, maybe you're right, and am I really making a big point of nothing.
Mark: You know it best. And Jesse, don't take this personal, but have you painted something lately ?
Jesse: No, why ?
Mark: Nothing. Then maybe it was a pigeon. Oh, gotta go. I have to pick up a friend from Europe from the airport. (He stands up and walks away)
Jesse: How does he do that every time ?
Danny: I don't know. But do you think he has a point there ?
Jesse: Can't tell. I don't understand it yet.
The rest of the clan walks in...
Becky: Here you are.
DJ: Couldn't miss. 'Elvis bar of lost dreams'.
Stephanie: Okay, before we continue. Dad, when I ran away last year, you told me it doesn't solve any problems. And now you ran away ? Let me tell you this: how rude!
Becky: Why did you do this ? We were worried sick.
Danny: We needed to think.
Jesse: We felt old.
Michelle: But you are old.
Michelle: I mean... I think it's better if I don't say that again.
Jesse: You could be right with that.
Stephanie: And this all started with your grey hair.
Jesse: And then Danny felt old and he made me feel old.
Joey: So we are three old man.
At the Tanner house, we find DJ, Stephanie and Becky in the living room, as Danny runs down the stairs...
Stephanie: three words: Oh my god!
Becky: Danny, that clown special is next week. But I appreciate you're practicing.
Danny: No Rebecca, this is the new Danny Tanner. As old as he feels himself.
DJ: Dad, why are you wearing jeans ?
Stephanie: With a hole on your knees ?
Danny: Pretty cool, huh ?
DJ: Dad, I hope you don't scare your dustbuster with this outfit.
Danny: Who cares if it's a mess around here ?
Stephanie: (Choking on an apple she's eating) Who cares ? You.
Danny: Not the new Danny.
Jesse walks into the living room...
Jesse: Oh my god. Joey has a twin brother.
Danny: No, it's me, Danny.
Jesse: Wow, I really didn't notice. The Danny I know...
Danny: And what about your cap ?
Becky: You know, honey. If you wear a cap for too long, your hair may die.
Jesse: (Taking the cap of his head) Any other ideas ?
We find the clan in the kitchen after dinner...
Michelle: dad, can I go upstairs ? I am almost done with my story, and I have to end it. I have a great idea.
Danny: (With his shirt hanging out of his pants) Sure, go ahead honey.
Stephanie: Dad, can I go to Gia ? We want to watch some movies with bare dressed boys.
Danny: Cool. You don't want to miss that.
Stephanie: I think I already missed something. I just asked that to test you.
Joey: Danny, do you know what you just said ?
Danny: (Rapping) Yo, I know. And if you don't like it, just go. Woa.
Steve: Great rap!
Nicky + Alex: We want more, we want more!
Danny: Okay. (Rapping) The new Danny is cool , yo, he ain't no fool, no he finished school, and his body is his favorite tool.
Jesse: Oh my god. 2pac lives on. Where did it go wrong with Danny ?
Steve: At the day your hair became grey.
Jesse: Danny, can you please turn back to normal ?
Kimmy walks in...
Danny: Why ? I like myself this way. (He burps)
Kimmy: Woa, Mr. T. Cool sounds you got.
DJ: Kimmy, don't encourage him, please.
Kimmy: Why not, I like him the way he is now.
Danny: I think you're right Jesse. I'm gonna change. (He runs upstairs)
Kimmy: Gee, did I say something wrong ?
Jesse: No, but only this time.
We find Michelle and the twins in Michelle's room...
Nicky: So is the story ready yet ?
Alex: Can we read it ?
Michelle: Later boys. First I have to type it into the computer and then I'll print a copy for everybody.
Nicky: For all people in the world ?
Alex: Then we need lots of paper.
Nicky: Come brother, we'll go buy some.
Alex: Good idea.
The twins walk out of the room as Danny walks in...
Danny: What do you think ? Is this better ?
Michelle: Much better. This is the way we know you.
Danny: I know. I think I've gone a little too far.
Michelle: Maybe. Ready!
Danny: You finished your story ?
Michelle: Yes, and I'm proud of it.
That night, we find the whole family in the living room...
Michelle: Okay, this is the story. I call it 'The Grey and the Great'.
Jesse: Grey ? What a coincidence.
Michelle: I didn't think so.
Stephanie: Michelle, why don't you read the first lines ?
DJ: yeah, that would give it some depth.
Michelle: Okay. Here we go. And I want you all to remember this story is fully autobiographical. Once upon a time in a big family, there was me. And there also were two little boys, N. and A. Because their father would be aware of April fools on the first of April... Okay, now comes the best part.
Jesse: Here, listen to this. A little paint in Uncle J's hair was enough to scare him.
Becky: Michelle ?
Michelle: Yes ?
Jesse: What's going on, honey ? All that stands here is that she put paint in uncle J's hai.... Michelle!
Danny: Honey, those grey hairs from uncle Jesse aren't natural, are they ?
Michelle: Not really.
Jesse: Then what is it ?
Danny: Michelle, do you know what you did ?
Michelle: Yeah, funny, don't you think ?
The others look at her with a severe look in their eyes...
Danny: Michelle, what do you have to say about this ?
Michelle: April fools ?
Danny: Wrong. Go to your room, you are grounded for three weeks.
Michelle: What ? And that for a practical yet funny joke ?
Michelle walks up the stairs...
Jesse: So I was worried about nothing ?
Danny: And I felt old because of nothing ?
Stephanie: With Michelle's word: duhhuh!
Jesse: You know what that means ? My hair is still as healthy as it has always been. Have mercy!
Danny: I'm going to talk with Michelle.
Jesse: Me too.
They walk upstairs.
We find Michelle in her room, as Jesse and Danny enter...
Danny: Michelle, we have to talk.
Michelle: Do we ?
Jesse: Yes we do, munchkin. What you did was wrong, and you know it.
Michelle: It was just a joke.
Danny: Michelle, this was not just a joke. Uncle Jesse felt bad, I felt bad because uncle Jesse felt bad and I thought...
Jesse: Get to the point, please.
Danny: Michelle, honey, you hurt us.
Jesse: Yeah, really deep.
Michelle: I didn't mean to do that.
Danny: Look, before you make a joke, how funny it may seem to you, it might hurt somebody else.
Jesse: So first think about that. Do you want to laugh if somebody else feels bad ?
Michelle: I guess not. So I'll never make a joke again.
Danny: Michelle, you can make jokes till you laugh yourself to death. But please, wait with that last point for about eighty years.
Jesse: But just don't use things that could hurt people to joke about.
Danny: If you want to fool us, then make red dots on our face or something.
Jesse: Or put a water balloon in Joey's bed or something.
Michelle: I got it, dudes!
Danny: Cool, yo, man.
Jesse: Not again.
We find Jesse, Danny and Michelle in the living room as Joey walks in...
Joey: Oh my god boys. I believe I have wet the bed last night. And look at my face, I'm having chicken pox again.
Jesse: Joey, you can't get the chicken pox again, you already had them.
Joey: Oh no, I've got the measles.
Michelle: It looks like paint to me.
Danny: Of course. Michelle!
Michelle: It wasn't me this time.
Nicky and Alex run into the living room...
Nicky: Nice look, Joey.
Alex: You better go to bed.
Joey: I think I know who's behind all this.
Alex: But Joey, who would do such a funny thing ?
Nicky: Don't look at us.
Joey: Are you sure ? Well, there's only one way to find out. I'm gonna tickle it out of you.
The twins run up the stairs, Joey chases them...
Michelle: Who do those boys got it from ?
Mark walks in...
Mark: Hi guys. Feeling better ?
Danny: We sure do.
Jesse: Guess what ? It was no natural grey.
Mark: I know. It was a pigeon. Or paint.
Mark: Any fool could see that.
Michelle: But you were the only one.
Mark: I believe somebody is changing the meaning of what I said here.
Danny: Mark, thank you.
Mark: For what ?
Mark: Hey, I had to do something in this story. Okay, gotta go. (He walks away)
Jesse: And they lived happily ever after.
Michelle: I got to need that for my story.
Jesse: Uh, you're not gong to use that for school, are you ?
Danny: Do that and you're grounded for three weeks longer.
Michelle: Well, if you want to stop me, catch me first.
Michelle runs up the stairs, Jesse and Danny follow her...
Full House - The new stories
Jesse goes wild when he discovers some grey hairs. Michelle has to write a story for her school and Danny thinks he's old because Jesse is getting grey hair already. But is he ?