Full House Scripts - Season 1

Episode 021 * The Seven Month Itch (2)

Summary of part 1:

Samantha: do you realise you and I have been going out for a month and this is the first time we've been alone together?
Samantha: : I know, with me living at my folks house.
Jesse: Yeah, and me living in Peewee's playhouse.
Joey: I sure hope we didn't ruin your weekend, Jess.
Jesse: Oh, no, why would you think that? Just because I've been waiting a month to be with Sam?
Jesse: I used to be this free-willing, living one the edge, no strings kind of guy, and now it seems like I'm married or something. I don't know what the hell happening to my life, pal, but I've got to regain control of it.
Danny: (reading Jesse's note) I don't think it's working out for me here. I'll call soon.
Joey: Jesse ran away from home?

Joey: Jesse ran away from home?
DJ and Stephanie walk in.
Stephanie: I'm hungry.
DJ: Where's Uncle Jesse?
Danny: uh, girls, if you would excuse us for one brief moment. I have to talk to Joey privately about - about this note that I wrote reminding myself to talk to Joey privately, about this note.
DJ and Stephanie go out the room.
Joey: What are we going to say the girls?
Danny: Joey, this is a delicate situation. It's a father kind of moment. You'd better let me handle it.
Joey: What do you want me to do?
Danny: Just play dumb.
Joey: How do I do that?
Danny: Perfect. (He opens the door) (to the girls) Oh, hi, you're back.
Stephanie: Did Uncle Jesse go somewhere?
Danny: Girls, your father has something to say. Your Uncle Jesse has gone on a little vacation.
DJ: where?
Danny: where?(to Joey) You saw him last. Tell them Joey.
Joey: Okay, father. Uh, girls your uncle Jesse has gone on vacation to the desert. And why you ask, because he loves the hot sand and he loves the burning sun. Bottom line, your Uncle Jesse loves to sweat.
DJ: I thought he loved going to the beach.
Joey: Well, the desert is all beach.

At breakfast the next day, Joey is doing the cooking.
Joey: Okay, here we go. Your favourite strawberry yogurt banana pancakes just like your Uncle Jesse makes.
Stephanie: These aren't just like Uncle Jesse makes. (she pokes a finger through her pancake) his aren't soupy in the middle.
DJ: Mine aren't soupy. (she beats hers against her plate, to show that it's rock-solid)
Joey: Here Michelle, you'll appreciate my cooking, atta girl.
Michelle stares at Danny.
Danny: go ahead, taste it, Honey.
Michelle nibbles her pancake and pulls a face.
Joey: Everybody's a critic. (the phone rings) I'll get it. (into the phone) Gladstone's international house of flap-jacks. Gladstone speaking. Jesse!
DJ: Oh, Uncle Jesse, I want to talk him! Hi, Uncle Jesse it's DJ!
Stephanie: I've got to talk to him! I've got to talk him!
Jesse: I'll talk to anyone you want just make a decision.
Danny: (into the phone) How the heck is the desert, Jess?
Jesse: What desert? I'm skiing in Taho. Look, I'm hanging out with my buddies, and I don't know when I'm coming back, so in case of emergency, I want to give you the number it's 555 4322.
Stephanie: I've got to tell Uncle Jesse something! I've got to tell Uncle Jesse something!
Danny: Okay, here.
Stephanie: Oh no, I forgot what I was going to tell him. Oh, I remember. Silly me. Hi, Uncle Jesse, while you're away on vacation, can I sleep in your room, which was my room, before it was your room? Thanks Uncle Jesse. Everybody say bye!
Joey + Danny + DJ: Bye!
Jesse: Bye bye.
Stephanie: Say bye-bye, Michelle.
Michelle waves.

In the cabin where Jesse and his pals are staying, everyone is singing.
Gary: What do you say? Let's drink a toast to the return of our man Jesse.
Jesse: and a toast to my escape from romper-room.
Gary: to you paying for the cabin!
Jesse: Fellows, this is only the beginning. When I get to town, I'm going to get my own place and start living life the way I was born to live.
Everyone: Yeah!
Jesse: All right, Fellows, let's hit the slopes! Yeah, Let's go skiing. Just get my ski pants on, yeah, my ski pants, looking good. Yes, it's winter wonderland time folks, winter wonderland, I am psyched Just put on my scarf. It's about eight degrees outside. And of course my jacket, always remember it's better to look good than to ski good. Just put on my gloves, the waterproof gloves and the cap which is very important. Get the goggles on. Hey man! The fanny pack, get the old fanny pack. Got to keep the fanny warm. And the skis and poles and.... god, I'm tired. Will someone just break my leg now and stick me in front of the fire?

Danny and DJ are in the girls' room.
DJ: Dad, I always get my guitar lessons from Uncle Jesse. Are you sure you want to do this?
Danny: Honey, this is going to be a lot of fun. I'm going to teach you a great song. Come here. Now you watch what I do really carefully, then you do it. (singing) Froggy went a-courting and he did ride uh huh. Froggy went a-courting and he did ride uh huh. Whoa, Froggy went a-courting and .....
DJ: Dad! Dad! Stop! Here's where I am. (She plays a few strings)
Danny: Maybe Froggy's not quite ready to go a-courting, huh? Let's work on that D-chord. Come on. Sit down here. Now take these two fingers and put them on the second fret. (DJ plays) no, the second fret. no, the second fret. no, the second fret. no, the second fret.
DJ: Dad! You're making me nervous!
Danny: How can I make you nervous? I'm your father!
DJ: Because every time you try to teach me something we argue.
Danny: No, we don't.
DJ: Yes, we do.
Danny: No, we don't.
DJ: Yes, we do.
Danny: No, we don't! What am I doing?
DJ: You're arguing with me.
Danny: I am not arguing with you. You are arguing with me. Now we're here to have fun.
DJ: Well, I'm not having fun. I'd have fun if Uncle Jesse was here.
Danny: That's what this is all about, isn't it?
DJ: All of Uncle Jesse's clothes are gone. Is Uncle Jesse thinking about moving out?
Danny: The truth? Yes.
DJ: I hate this. When Mum died I never thought I'd like living in this house again. Then uncle Jesse and Joey moved in and things got better. I don't want anything to change.
Danny: Honey, I want him to stay as much as you do.
DJ: then why don't you get him back?
Danny: Because he's an adult. You can't just go pick him up and put him under your arm and bring him back. Right now he's struggling with some things. When and if the time is right he'll be back. Okay?
DJ: Well, it's not Okay, but okay.
Danny: Come on, let's finish the guitar lesson. What else did Uncle Jesse do?
DJ: Well, he usually teaches me an Elvis song.
Danny: I know a great one. (singing) Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted apart?
DJ buries her face in her hands.

Stephanie and Michelle walk into Jesse's room carrying some toys.
Stephanie: Thanks for helping me move in Michelle. Why don't you just put that stuff right over there. (Michelle puts the toy in the toybox.) Thank you. You know, Michelle, I grew up in this room. Boy, this place brings back memories.
DJ: Here, Steph, you forgot the rest of your zoo.
Stephanie: Thanks DJ. Isn't it neat we each get our own room for a couple of days?
DJ: Might be more than a couple of days.
Stephanie: What are you talking about?
DJ: Oh, nothing.
Stephanie: What is going on?
DJ: Uh, Steph, who do you think is a better singer, Alvin or Theodore?
Stephanie: Are you serious? Everyone knows that without Alvin, they're just a bunch of squirrels dressed like Don Johnson.
DJ: You're right. Bye.
Stephanie: Freeze! What is going on?
DJ: All right, Steph. Sit down. You should hear this, too, Michelle. Uncle Jesse didn't just go on a vacation. He's thinking about moving out.
Stephanie: Can't Daddy bring him back?
DJ: Dad says there's nothing he can do.
Stephanie: Then we've got to do something.
DJ: You're right, Steph.
Stephanie: What if Uncle Jesse never comes back?
DJ: Okay, here's the plan. I'll call Uncle Jesse.
Stephanie: Check!
DJ: Then I'll tell him Michelle is really sick and he'll come rushing back!
Stephanie: Then what?
DJ: Well, you throw your arms around him and beg him to stay while I let the air out of his tyres.
Stephanie: Wow!
DJ: (into the phone)I need to speak to Jesse Cochran. This is his niece DJ Tanner.
Gary: Jesse's still out skiing.
DJ: Uh, Could you hold the line for one brief moment? (to Stephanie) He's not there! What are we going to do?
Stephanie: I don't know. Let me think. OK, I got it. (into the phone) this is Stephanie Tanner Uncle Jesse's other niece. Now listen very carefully. (screaming) Help! Tell Uncle Jesse the baby's really sick and she's coughing really bad. Listen. (She puts the receiver in front of Michelle) (Whispering) cough, cough.
Michelle sticks her tongue out and makes some baby noises, but definitely not coughs. DJ takes the phone and gives a few baby coughs.
DJ: See? The baby's coughing really loud! Now Uncle Jesse's the only one who can give her her cough medicine. Promise me you'll tell him. Thanks. (she hangs up)
Stephanie: I lied. I hate to lie.
DJ: But it was for a good cause.
Stephanie: I guess. (to Michelle) but if you could just cough a few times I'd feel a lot better about this whole dirty business.
Michelle coughs
Stephanie: Thank you.

Back in Jesse's cabin everyone is singing.
Samantha: (walking in) Hey, guys.
Jesse stumbles in covered in snow.
Jesse: God, this sport really is a pain in the butt!
Gary: Your family just called. The baby's sick.
Jesse: Michelle is sick? What does she have?
Gary: Cough, I think.
Jesse: Well, Joey and Danny are there. The pediatrician. I'm sure she'll be fine.
Gary: Hey, come on, Jess, let's do a little "Boys are back in town"
Everyone cheers.
Jesse: All right, The Boys Are Back in Town. Should be okay. (singing) The Boys Are Back in Town. The Boys Are Back in Town The Boys Are Back in Town. The Boys Are Back in Town. Guess who just got back today.... (stops singing and thinks of Michelle and we get a flashback of all the good times Jesse and Michelle had together)
Everyone: The Boys Are Back in Town...
Jesse: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on a second! I've got to call home.
Samantha: Jesse, what's wrong?
Jesse: The kid is sick. I'm her uncle. She looks exactly like me. (picking up the phone) damn, it's busy. Sorry, guys, but, see I'm the only one to give her. her cough medicine. And I'm the best to sing her to sleep. I'm sorry fellows, I've got to split.
Everyone groans.
Jesse: Michelle needs me. (to Samantha) Oh, I'm sorry, honey, but you knew when we to involved there were other women in my life.
Jesse and Sam kiss. Jesse leaves.

Back in the Tanner house, Joey and Danny are playing basketball in the living room.
Danny: (scoring) Yes!
Joey: Okay, here's the shot. I'm going to jump over the couch, spin around three times, drive to the hoop, double pump twice finishing off with a reverse tomahawk monster jam.
Danny: Is this before or after you spin straw on the gold?
Joey: Oh, yeah? Watch this!
Joey jumps onto the couch, leaps over it, spins, falls on the floor and then from there tosses the ball into the hoop.
Joey: Yeah, I'd like to see Michael Jordan sink a shot like that with a couch on the court.
Jesse walks in.
Jesse: How is she?
Danny: Jesse!
Joey: Hey, buddy!
Jesse: Where's Michelle? Do I need to give her her cough medicine?
Danny: What are you talking about?
Jesse: what do you mean, what am I talking about? Somebody called and said Michelle is very, very sick.
Danny: She's fine.
Jesse: She's fine? Thank god. (angry) What do you mean she's fine? Do you realise I've been driving for four hours from Lake Taho on my motorcycle in the freezing cold behind a cattle truck?
Joey: Well, I've got to tell you, you made excellent time.
Jesse: All right, which one of you called?
Danny: Must have been the girls. I think you really shook them up the way you took off like that.
Jesse: Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that but it was something I had to do. (he heads for the front door)
Danny: Jesse, wait. Talk to us.
Joey: Yeah, maybe we can help you.
Jesse: Look, guys, ever since I've been in high school I've done whatever I wanted whenever I wanted with whoever I wanted. I had no one to answer to no one to worry about but myself. Me. So I took off to find that guy. And you know what I found? I was having a great time hanging out with my buddies, playing music. Then I get this call. Michelle is sick. Bam! Just like that, I come running back right back into Mr. Rogers' neighbourhood. I'm sorry guys. I don't think it's where I want to be. (He heads for the door again)
Joey: Jesse, wait. You're going about this all wrong. I mean, maybe when you moved in here you lost something, but look how much you've gained.
Jesse: What, Joseph, what have I gained?
Joey: I'll give you the perfect example. Why do you think you came rushing back to check on a cough?
Jesse: Because I care about Michelle. But I cared about Michelle before I moved into this house.
Danny: Yeah, but before you moved into this house the girls were just your nieces. You stopped by four times a year to give them birthday and Christmas presents. It's not like that anymore is it? Do you have any idea how important you are to these three girls?
Joey: Jess, you have been there every time those girls have needed you.
Danny: Can you honestly tell me that you can just forget about the past seven months? just walk out of this house and go back to visits on birthdays and Christmas?
Jesse: (smiling) They do love me , don't they? They really love me don't they? Well, Fellows, can you blame the?
Joey: Feels pretty good, doesn't it?
Jesse: I'm going to tell you guys something. But you'd better not tell any of my friends I said this. I think I'm realising that being part of this family is filling an empty space in my heart that I didn't even know was there.
Danny: Jesse, we can make this easier for you. You can take time for yourself whenever you need it.
Joey: Yeah, don't wait till it all builds up inside and you've got to run away from home again.
Danny: If you need to take off for a few days, fine, we'll cover for you.
Joey: Yeah, we'll make this work.
Jesse: Will you stay out of my room?
Joey: I'll try. So, Lassie's coming home?
Jesse: Yeah, Lassie's coming home.
Danny: I've got to hug someone.
Joey: Me too.
Jesse: Go nuts.
Danny and Joey hug.

Jesse walks into his room and throws his jacket on his bed.
Stephanie: Hey! Watch it.
Jesse: Sorry, kid.
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse! You're back! You're back! You're back! You're back! You're back! DJ! Get in here! Quick! Uncle Jesse's back! Our plan worked!
DJ runs in and hugs him.
DJ: Uncle Jesse! You're back!
Jesse: Hey! Well, I was in the neighbourhood, you know.
DJ: Well, are you here to stay? Or pick up your stuff and leave again?
Jesse: Come here girls, sit down. Come here, DJ. I came back because I was worried about Michelle, and because I missed you two guys. And no, I'm not going anywhere.
Stephanie: So does this mean you'll never leave here again?
Jesse: Well, I can't promise I'm going to live here forever. But what I can promise you is that I'll always be your uncle. And I'm always going to be there when you two need me. And I'm always going to love you two knuckle-heads very, very much.
They hug.
Stephanie: Cross your heart and hope to die?
Jesse: Pinky-swear!
Stephanie: Oh, he does mean business.

Jesse walks into Michelle's room. Michelle is standing in her cot looking at him.
Jesse: You're up. Here, I drove four hours in the freezing cold on my motorcycle behind a cattle truck to give you this. Here you go.
He gives her a teddy bear. Michelle puts in her cot.
Jesse: Not impressed, are you? Michelle, can I talk to you a second? You know, when I first came here I thought I was just going to move in for a few months and help out and get on with my life, but you know what? This is my life! This where I supposed to be right now. Come here. Do you realise, young lady what you have put me through tonight? I was with the most incredible woman in the world - over two years old, that is. Anyway, from the moment I heard you were sick, all I could do was think of this face. What is it about this face?
Michelle: (giggles)
Jesse: Good answer. Good night, kid. (He heads for the door, but Michelle calls him back) Can I get a kiss?
Michelle bites his lip.
Jesse: You know something, you little munchkin? I love you.

***End ***

Episode Information:
First shown: 1988
Directed by: Russ Petranto
Written by: Bob Edwards & Russell Marcus

Guest Cast:
Samantha: : Chelsea Noble
Gary: Gary Griffin.

Script edited by: Netanel Epstein
Lay-out: Martin van Dam
Written for: Full House Forever
Released: 16/02/2000