Full House Scripts - Season 2

Episode 028 * Beach Boy Bingo


Stephanie and Michelle are sitting in a rocket chair reading a book.
Stephanie: Cinderella and the handsome prince lived happily ever after. Wasn't that a nice story?
Michelle: Again.
Stephanie: Again! Okay. Once upon a time Cinderella left her shoe, found her shoe and lived happily ever after.
Michelle: Bad story. Again!
Stephanie: Pretty smart for somebody who drivels. Once upon a time in a far- away land there lived a girl named...

Stephanie, DJ and Michelle are at the kitchen table
DJ: Stephanie, what are you doing?
Stephanie: I'm looking for the giant- glow in the dark- dinosaur.
DJ: You know dad's rule: You never put your arm in to somebody else's breakfast.
Stephanie pours the cereals in a bowls
Stephanie: He escaped.

Danny: Cowabunga, beach buddies!
DJ: All right, surf's up, dude!
Michelle: Hi daddy!
Danny: I cannot believe the Beach Boys are gonna be on my show today. I am stoked, whatever that means.
DJ: You like the Beach Boys. I like the Beach Boys. We both like the same group. I must be getting old.
Joey comes up from the basement and Jesse comes down from upstairs. They and Danny start singing
Joey: Let's go surfin' now
Danny and Joey: Everybody's learnin' how
Jesse, Danny and Joey: Come on, on safari with me. Come on, on safari with me, yeah me, yeah me. (Jesse in the background) Surfin' safari, surfin' safari, surfin' safari.
Jesse: Surfin'
Danny: Boy, we're mediocre.
Jesse: Hi girls!
Stephanie and DJ: Hi!
Joey: Hello!

They sit down to eat breakfast
Stephanie: Hold it!
Stephanie checks Joey's cereal bowl
Joey: Steph, what are you doing?
Stephanie: Looking for a dinosaur.
Joey: Check the Flintstone- vitamins.
Michelle checks her bowl too.
Joey: Danny, thanks again for inviting me and Jesse to meet the Beach Boys.
Danny: Are you kidding! Joey, remember the first time we ever heard the Beach Boys?
Joey: (laughing) We tried to become surfers.
Danny: What a disaster.
Joey: Who knew ironing- boards didn't float?
Jesse: I remember the first time I heard "Good vibrations". I was in the first grade. I turned to my date and said: "Have mercy!"
Danny starts coughing while eating cereals and he takes out a little red dinosaur out of his mouth
Danny: What the heck is this?!
Stephanie: That can't be my giant glow- in the dark- dinosaur. It looks like a dino- shrimp.

In the TV- studio.
Set Worker: 30 seconds, Danny!
Danny: You guys hang in there. The Beach Boys will be on in the next segment.
Jesse: All right.
Danny runs away
Joey: Jesse, I have a crazy idea.
Jesse: (surprised) No!
Joey: You know our jingle for the "Beach butter" suntan lotion" we've been trying to sell.
Jesse: O, sure. "Beach butter (Joey tunes in) Butter your but!"
Jesse: Yeah, I know that one.
Joey: Yeah, well suntan lotion, the Beach Boys (He takes out a tape from his pocket), our "Beach butter" jingle. Getting any connection here?
Jesse: Joseph, these guys are legends, man, we can't ask the Beach Boys to sing a meaningless jingle.
Joey: It wouldn't hurt to ask.
Jesse: Wrong! You ask and I'll hurt you.
Danny: (into the TV- camera) Welcome back! I am stoked. Whatever that means. Welcome. According to our schedule my co- host, Rebecca is walking down the hall with the Beach Boys as we speak. And now I'm getting a note. And now I'm getting a migraine. O, the Beach boys' plain can't land due to fog. But hey, I promised you to hear "Good Vibrations", and I never break a promise. (Danny takes a guitar)
Jesse: O no, he wouldn't!
Joey: He shouldn't!
Danny: (starts singing) I'm picking up good vibrations, she's giving me exaltations.
Then the second guy goes: good, good, good, good vibrations. Then the third guy goes: good, good, good, good vibrations. Then the fourth guy goes: na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. And a singer goes: Oooo...

Later in the kitchen Danny has ironed his jacket and then starts ironing his tie (while he is wearing it), when Kimmy walks in.
Kimmy: Hi, Mr. Tanner! Ironing your tie again? Is DJ home?
Danny: She's doing her homework. But I'm sure you'll put an end to that.
Kimmy: Tuff break about the Beach Boys not showing. I guess they had something better to do.
Danny: Have you ever heard of fog, Gibbler?
Kimmy runs upstairs and Jesse and Joey enters the kitchen
Jesse: Danny, where's the radio at?
Joey: Quick, turn it on. They are playing our jingle at 3.45.
Jesse: Sssch! Here we go, here we go!
Radio Man: You can get it all with "Beanos".
Joey: Here it comes.
Jesse: Sssch!
On the radio: Eat at "Beanos"!
Jesse: That's it?! I can't believe they chopped our jingle to shreds. It's supposed to go...
Jesse and Joey: Eat at "Beanos"- today!
Danny: Those butchers.
Radio Man: Okay it's time for our bit contest where you can win a dream night with the Beach boys.
Jesse: Fellows!
Radio Man: Including two front row seats for tomorrow night's concert. Just be our seventh caller and name the Beach Boys hit.
Jesse takes the phone
Joey: No, wait, It's the seventh caller. (He does a funny voice) Hello, you're the third caller. Hello, you're the fourth caller. Hello you're the fifth caller.
Jesse: Give me that! (In to the phone) Hello... DJ! Sorry! (He hangs up the phone.)
Jesse: DJ's on the phone. We got to get that kid her own line, folks.
Radio Man: Okay, we have a seventh caller. What is your name?
DJ: DJ Tanner.
Danny, Jesse and Joey: DJ!
Stephanie, DJ and Kimmy are upstairs in Stephanie and DJ's room
Stephanie: DJ, you're on the radio!
DJ: I know, I know. Be quiet!
Radio Man: Pardon me?
DJ: Not you.
Radio Man: Okay, DJ Tanner that dream night with the Beach boys. Can you name this hit song?
The radio starts playing a song
Danny, Jesse and Joey: "Help me Rhonda"!
DJ: The name of the song is...(whispering) Help me, Gibbler!
Radio Man: Can you repeat that answer, please
DJ: What did I just say?
Kimmy: You said, Help me Gibbler.
DJ: I think what I said was... Help me...
The guys come running into their room D
anny, Jesse and Joey: Rhonda!
DJ: Rhonda?
Radio Man: That's right. "Help me Rhonda"!
They all shout for joy
Radio Man: DJ Tanner, you're going to be picked up in a limousine be the Beach Boys themselves.
The family + Kimmy: O, yeah!
Radio Man: You'll travel with them to their sold out concert.
DJ: O, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Jesse: All right, a night with Rock n' Roll royalty, folks.
Joey: And another chance to pitch'em "Beach butter".
Danny: Maybe I can get them back on my show.
Radio Man: Have you thought about, who you'll be bringing with you to share this once in a life time night with the Beach Boys?
Danny hawks
Radio Man: I bet everyone in San Francisco would love to go. But remember you can only bring one lucky guest.
DJ: Only one?
Michelle: Me, me!

Next morning in the kitchen
Danny: Cheeseburger for breakfast?
Joey: Hey, I can scramble yours if you like.
Jesse: I know what he is up to. He's making DJ's favorite food to butter up, so she'll take him to the Beach Boys' concert. Joseph, you're a disgrace!
DJ comes from upstairs with a walk-man
DJ: Uncle Jesse thanks for making that tape with my favorite song.
Joey: One disgrace burger. (Giving Jesse a burger)
Jesse: Hey, I had an extra tape. Five hours to kill.
DJ: Cheeseburgers for breakfast. Nice touch, Joey! Any fries?
Joey shows her some fries and blink with his eye. Kimmy enters.
Kimmy: I bet I know who wants a plate of my mum's double fudge brownies.
Stephanie: I do! I do!
Kimmy: Dream on squirt. These are for DJ from her best friend Kimmy with love.
Stephanie: If you think she's going to pick you over her own sister then you haven't seen how I made her bed this morning.
Danny: Guys, enough of this. DJ is not going to make her choice based on bribes and special treatment. That's not how I raised my daughter- my first born. Now, tell everybody who you're picking.
Jesse: Yeah, come on. Here we go, here we go!
DJ: Okay, here goes. I pick...boy I hate to see this end. I wish I could take all of you. But since I can't, I pick...Uncle Jesse.
Jesse: O, yeah! Thank you!
Joey: Hey, congratulations!
Jesse: All right, thanks.
Stephanie and Kimmy: Congratulations!
Danny: Well, what a surprise. Have a great time, Jesse.
Jesse: Thanks! I'll bring you, guys, back t- shirts and stuff.
Joey: Two t- shirts.
Stephanie: Yeah!

Danny and Michelle in Michelle's room painting
Danny: A, Michelle that's so abstract, so surreal.
Michelle: Pretty!
Danny: Pretty? Yes, that too. But honey, the great secret to great art is to keep all the paint on the paper.
DJ walks in
DJ: Dad, is this a good outfit for tonight?
Danny: O yeah, that's beautiful, honey. You're gonna have a great time.
DJ: I can't wait.
DJ is about to leave the room
Danny: DJ, hold on! Just out of curiosity. How come you picked Uncle Jesse to go with you tonight?
DJ: Because he loves the Beach Boys and he is a musician.
Danny: O, well that makes sense.
DJ: I mean dad, you're a talk show- host, if I won a night with Oprah Winfrey I would definitely pick you.
Danny: Well thanks, but I like music too, just cause I'm not in a band. I mean, I grew up with the Beach Boys. But hey, it's no big deal.
DJ: Dad, you don't feel bad, do you?
Danny: No, no, it's no problem. After all I got to go with you to see "Smurfs on ice". Go ahead go get dressed.
DJ: Okay.
Meanwhile Michelle has painted on her drawer
Michelle: Pretty!
Danny: O Michelle, honey, on the paper, on the paper.
He starts cleaning the drawer and Michelle starts painting Danny's pants
Michelle: Daddy pretty.
Danny: O Michelle, can you say dry- cleaner? Say dry- cleaner.

Jesse and Joey in Jesse's room. Jesse is getting ready for a night with The Beach boys.
Joey: Jesse, picture it, you and DJ sitting in a limo with the Beach Boys you just happen to have a tape of our awesome totally tubular nearly "Beach butter" jingle, dude.
Jesse: A/ Don't call me dude. B/ It's a dumb idea. And two/ I don't have a tape.
Joey: Check your pocket!
Jesse checks his pocket and finds a tape
Jesse: How do you do that?
Joey: Never mind, just think about it.
Jesse: Okay, get out!
Joey: You need to mellow down, dude. I'm serious, man.
Joey leaves the room and Jesse shuts the door, but it gets open again.
Jesse: I said can you...! (Sees that it's Danny) Hi, how are you? Come on in!
Danny: Jesse, look at this. (Showing Jesse Michelle's painting). An original Michelle Tanner. One day this will be hanging in the Metropolitan museum of art, or the refrigerator.
DJ enters the room
DJ: O, great you are both here. I forgot I promised Kimmy we go ice- skating. So dad, I want you to go with Uncle Jesse to the Beach Boys tonight. Have a great time. (She leaves the room)
Jesse: DJ! (To Danny) What was that all about?
Danny: Maybe she thinks she hurt my feelings when she picked you to go instead of her own father.
Jesse: Did she hurt your feelings?
Danny: Well, maybe a little. I just thought she wanted to go with her dad. But I guess I can't compete with "Uncle Rock n' Roll".
Jesse: What are you saying here? Are you saying that you're jealous of me? Cause if anybody should be jealous it should be me jealous of you.
Danny: That makes no sense.
Jesse: Danny, you have something going with these girls that I will never have. I mean like Stephanie what she made her first ceramic hand print, who did she give it to? Dad! And what was Michelle's very first word?
Danny: Cookie.
Jesse: After cookie. She looked up at you and she said Da- da. And DJ when she gets married, who's gonna marches her down the aisle?
Danny: Dad.
Jesse: That's right dad. See there's three good reasons why I envy you. I just hope one day I'm lucky enough to have kids that love me as much as those girls love you.
Danny: They do worship me, don't they?! Jesse thanks for reminding me how lucky I am.
Jesse: (In a disliked tone) You're gonna hug me, aren't you?
Danny: You leave me no choice. (Danny hugs him)
Jesse: A, jees!

In DJ and Steph's room DJ is sitting in her bed when Danny enters.
Danny: DJ look, I'm sorry I put you in a tuff spot. Picking Uncle Jesse was fine. You two should just go and have a great time.
DJ: But the Beach Boys mean a lot to you. I want you to go.
Jesse and Stephanie enter the room
Jesse: DJ, I changed my mind about the Beach Boys. I want you to go with your father.
Danny: I'm not going.
DJ: This concert was supposed to be fun. Now everybody is either just or disappointed. It's just not worth it. I'm not going.
Stephanie: I'll go.
Joey walks in
Joey: You go where?
Stephanie: To see the Beach Boys. Want to be my date?
Joey: What are you wearing? We should coordinate.
Danny: Hold it! DJ is going.
DJ: I said I'm not going.
Danny: Well, if you're not going then nobody are going.
Everybody start arguing and the phone rings. Stephanie takes the call.
Stephanie: Hello! (To the family) Excuse me! I'm on the phone! (In the phone) no...no...no... no... bye!
Jesse: Who was it?
Stephanie: Some Beach Boy. He called from a limo right on our driveway. I told him none is going.
The others run out from the room
DJ: Wait!
Jesse: Hold it!
Stephanie: Did I miss something?
Danny, Jesse, Joey and DJ are running down the stairs and Jesse opens the door
Jesse: Wait!
The Beach Boys stand outside the door
The Beach Boys: Okay!
Danny: Hey, you're the Beach Boys. Come on in! Would you mind wiping you feet first? Thanks.
They all shake hands
Joey: Wow! You're Al, you're
Bruce: , you're Brian, you're Carl, you're Mike!
The Beach Boys start shaking hands and saying hi to each other
Carl: Is there a DJ Tanner here?
DJ: Yeah, that's me. Hi!
Al: We heard you're not coming to the concert, Bon Jovi in town?
DJ: No it's a long story.
Bruce: : We've got time
Brian: They never start the show without us.
Mike: Let's order a vegetarian pizza.
Stephanie comes down from upstairs
Stephanie: Hey, who are these guys?
Jesse: Well Stephanie, I'd like to introduce to you the legendary Beach Boys!
Stephanie: Big boys!
Mike: Cute kid!

Later that night the family is sitting in the living room together with the Beach Boys singing "Kokomo"
Jesse: Man, this is great! Hanging out with the Beach Boys, singing, eating pizza. Do you guys want to come up and see my room? What am I saying?
Joey: Jesse, come here for a minute.
Jesse: Okay, excuse me Beach Boys.
Joey: This is our big chance. They are at our house. Give them our tape.
Jesse: That's a good point, Joseph. They are cool guys. They're hanging out with us, eating pizza. All right! I'm gonna give it a shot.
Joey: Go get them, partner.
Jesse: All right! I don't have a tape.
Joey: Check your pocket!
Jesse checks his pocket
Jesse: How do you do that?
Mike: Thanks, it's really been a great evening. And for once nobody bugged us to listen to some song they have written.
Jesse throws the tape to Joey
Jesse: I hate when that happens, Mike.
Carl: Okay DJ, who's coming with you.
DJ: A, well...?
Al: Beach Boy huddle!
The Beach Boys make a huddle and sing a harmony
Bruce: : We talked it over. And we'd like all of you to be our guests.
The Family: O, yeah!
Jesse: Thank you so much.
Michelle: "Kokomo"!
Brian: A request.
They sing "Kokomo"

At the concert Beach Boys are singing "Kokomo" and the family stand beside the scene.
Mike: That was really good. Thank you for singing along everybody on "Kokomo". And now we'd like to introduce some new friends to help us on the next song. They are the Tanner family!
The family runs up on stage and they all sing "Barbara- Ann" in front of a huge audience. In the end of the song Joey puts a tape in Mike Love's pocket.
Carl: Let's hear it for the Tanner family, San Francisco!
They all bow



The family is on stage with the Beach Boys, goofing around and in the background we hear the song "Fun, fun, fun".

Episode Information:
First shown: 1988
Directed by: Steve Zuckerman
Written by: Mark Warren, Dennis Rinsler

Guest Cast:
The Beach Boys: Themselves

Script edited by: Ellen Elg
Lay-out: Martin van Dam
Written for: Full House Forever

Released: 04/07/1999