Full House Scripts - Season 5

Episode 120 * Captain Video (2)

Summary of part 1

Living room, Stephanie and Becky come in
Becky: Steph, you can't hang out in here, Uncle Jesse's gonna get his first dance lesson.
Stephanie: I know, I got a front row seat!
The doorbell rings
Becky: Oh Jess! The guys from Fat Fish Music are here! You know, Uncle Jesse's been working on his dancing for a couple of days. He's come a long way.
Jesse runs in and trips on the rug
Jesse: I'm dancing!
Stephanie: Hey you're right...he's really improved.
Jesse opens the door
David: Jess babe!
Jesse: Dave babe hit me!
They hug
David: I'd like you to meet one of the hottest video directors and choreographers in the biz, Richard Williams.
Jesse: Hey, Richard, how are you doing?
As they shake, Richard puts some movement into it
Jesse: Woah! He's good..Uh, hey now guys, let's rethink this. Forever is not really a dance song, it's more of a ballad.
David: Not anymore. We've rerecorded it, and now it's a rap song.
Jesse: Listen, Dave...um, I'm not really a rapper.
David: Vanilla Ice said the same thing! Look, I've got a hot new concept for your video. It's gonna be like a whole, Arabian genie thing..you're gonna love it! It's the perfect way to get all of America doing the "Jess Man"
Jesse: Again with the "Jess Man" I'm not really a dancer.
Richard: Hey, Jess Man, dancing is just a matter of putting a lot of little isolated movements together. Simple.
Jesse: Alright, alright. I'll try. You show me what to do.
Richard: Okay. Start with your head like this.
Jesse: Okay, got it.
Richard: Then you add your shoulders...but don't stop moving your head.
Jesse is doing this really awkward dance
Jesse: Got it! Got it!
Richard: Now, add your hips like this. But don't stop moving your head and shoulders!
Jesse: Right, I got it! I'm dancing everyone! See? I got it! No problem, I can dance.
Becky and Stephanie look at each other
Richard: Hold up, hold up, hold up. Maybe we should start with something a little more simple. Uh, the Running Man. Something like this.
He starts dancing with Jesse
Richard: Move your legs from side to side.
Jesse: Do like a Sammy running man!
Stephanie: It's easy Uncle Jesse! C'mon Aunt Becky.
Becky and Stephanie both do the Running Man
Richard: Yeah! Well at least someone in the family can dance.
Stephanie: I can sing too. (Singing) I believe the children are our future!
Jesse: Thank you Stephanie!
Stephanie: Teach them well and let them lead the way!
Jesse: Thank you Stephanie, that's enough....this is not a telethon. See, I can't dance. I really don't know how to dance.
Richard: But you will...Jess Man, in the next 48 hours you are going to move your body in ways you never thought possible!
Jesse: Will this involve pain?
Richard: Oh yeah!
Jesse: Oh good!
Richard: But, check it out. You'll end up looking like this! Hit me!
Music starts, Richard does this complicated dance, and does a high kick
Jesse: I can do that! I got that!
Richard points to Jesse signaling that it's his turn
Richard: C'mon you can do it!
Jesse: Alright..
Jesse does this awkward dance and lands hard
Jesse: Becky!! Ice!!

Kitchen, Joey and Michelle are making lemonade
Joey: Michelle, here's to your very first lemonade business. One for you, and one for me. Cheers!
They both drink
Joey + Michelle: More sugar!
Joey: Better put another teaspoon in.
Michelle pours the whole box of sugar in
Joey: Well, that oughta wake you up and rot your teeth. Michelle, it won't be long before you earn enough money to buy yourself that ant farm.
Michelle: I hope so, because my little friends can't live on this lollipop forever!
Kimmy and DJ enter
Kimmy: You had a great lesson, Deej.
DJ: Thanks Kimmy. I think my dad was pretty impressed with my driving.
Danny enters looking exhausted
Danny: Thank God I'm alive!
Kimmy: You know, T: Man, for an uptight guy..you stayed pretty cool.
Danny: Oh yeah Kimmy, no sweat.
He takes off his coat and he has two armpit stains
Michelle: Get your lemonade!
Danny: It's a good idea, I could use a cup.
Kimmy: You could use some dress shields.
Danny: Kimmy, you could use some exercise...take a hike!
Michelle: That would be 10 cents Mister!
Danny: Alright, thank you sweetheart.
He takes a sip
Danny: Mm..a couple more sips of this, and I'll need dentures. You know what honey, I don't have any change, all I have is a dollar.
Michelle: That is no problem. Thank you.
Danny: Michelle, I just gave you a dollar, aren't you forgetting something?
Michelle: Oh yeah, have a nice day!
As Michelle leaves, there is a sign on her back that reads "Sorry, No Change!
Joey: Danny, always read the front and the back!
Danny: Joey that's your handwriting you owe me 90 cents!
Danny and Joey leave
Kimmy: I can't study in Spain this summer unless I pass my Spanish class. Will you help me?
DJ: Yeah. I don't wanna spend six weeks in Spain without you.
Kimmy: Why do I have to know the whole language? All I need to know are 3 words. Food, boys, and bathroom.
DJ: True. But you don't want to get them mixed up. Estudiamos muchacha!
Kimmy: No time for dancing! We have to go study!
Richard: Forever video, take 27! And...Action!
Jesse comes out of this box in an Arabian style outfit.
Jesse: (Rapping) If every single word I say is gonna make you laugh, if every single song I sing will fill your heart with joy yo I'm gonna hang.
Group: How long?
Jesse: Forever! I asked the sky just what we had, if we had, why we had..the love I have for you is gonna live inside your heart it's gonna hang!
Group: How long?
Jesse: Forever!
Group: Do the Jess Man!
Jesse then does this Arabian style dance, and then falls into curtains
Richard: Cut!! Take a break.
Becky: Well, I think it's going very well don't you?
David: We've been here for 6 hours and I don't have one frame of usable film.
Becky: Yeah but this tuna? Great!
Richard: Jess Man, Jess Man..Jess Man..do you have control of any of your body parts?
Jesse: No I do, I do...it's just...theoretically it's not my fault. My whole leg fell asleep when I was crouched in that silly hamper.
Becky: Oh that's true. He has very bad circulation.
Jesse: Becky you don't need to make excuses for me. I do have this circulation thing that happens on occasion.
Richard: Jess Man...
Jesse: Now guys, c'mon. I told you, I can't dance.
David: I'm surprised you can walk.
Jesse: This is not the "Forever" that I want to do! This is not my kind of music! These are not my pants!
David: Jesse trust us! We know what we're doing!
Jesse: You know, I can't even believe I went through with this whole silly thing. C'mon Becky, we're out of here. I quit pal!
Becky: Yeah. Wait a minute. Here!
She gives the tuna sandwich to David
Jesse: Woah woah woah! Are you crazy? This is your one shot at making it! You can't just walk out! Babe!
Jesse: Watch me...Babe!
Jesse and Becky leave

Jesse's bed, with Nicky and Alex
Jesse: Oh my God, what have I done? I gotta go crawling back to Fat Fish Music. Maybe if I beg them they'll give me a second chance. Oh, I'm sorry guys I was so selfish. I wasn't even thinking of you two. I mean I could have you totally set up. Yeah that's right, yeah...with college, trust funds, toupees if the hair thing never happens for you. I promise you guys I won't let you down. I love you so much. Give me a chew.

DJ's room
DJ: Okay Kimmy...conjugate the verb "Jugar" To play.
Kimmy: Please Deej, I can't conjugate anymore Spanish. It's after midnight...can't we go to sleep?
DJ: En espanol.
Kimmy: El sleep: o, beg: o, please: o!
Danny knocks
Danny: Deej! Are you asleep with your light on again?
DJ: Uh...one sec dad! I'm just getting into bed! You were supposed to go home two hours ago! Hide! Kimmy get out of there!
DJ shuts off the lights and hides in the closet while Kimmy is under her blankets in her bed
Danny: Deej? Is everything okay? Sweetie you've been up studying all this time?
Kimmy: Si!
Danny: Oh, Deej..you must be exhausted.
Kimmy: Si!
Danny: You know what let me give you a kiss.
Kimmy: No!
Danny smells Kimmy's feet
Danny: So uh..Deej, you must be really excited about your trip to Spain this summer.
Kimmy: Si!
Danny: I hope you take my advice about ditching Kimmy.
Kimmy: Huh!?
Danny: Oh yeah, it's all set up. Peppy the pinata maker...he's gonna wrap her in paper mache and hang her in the village square. And all the little village children are gonna come in with their flaming sticks.
Kimmy uncovers herself
Kimmy: Flaming sticks?
Danny: Gotcha Gibbler! You can come out Deej.
DJ comes out of the closet
DJ: Sorry Dad. I'm trying to help Kimmy with her Spanish.
Danny: Kimmy. Go home! If you want to pass that test tomorrow you're gonna need your sleep ok? Buenos Noches.
Kimmy: Oh, Nachos! Great! I'm starving!
Danny: Maybe a couple more minutes of studying wouldn't hurt.
Danny leaves

Living room, Becky and Jesse are coming downstairs
Becky: Jess c'mon! Are you sure you wanna do this "I Dream Of Jesse" video?
Jesse: No, I'd rather do the video my way, but I gotta think of you, and our children, and our future.
Joey: It's too bad you can't just buy your own record company.
Jesse: Yeah, just a few bucks short huh?
Michelle: You can have my ant farm money.
Jesse: Oh sweetheart, that's the greatest offer I ever got. But you worked hard for that money, you keep that money, okay?
Michelle: But I love you and you're more important than my ants! Sorry guys.
Jesse kisses Michelle, the doorbell rings
Jesse: Oh, that's Jannolari. I wish there was another way out of this.
He opens the door
Jesse: David. Um, I'm sorry I blew up, and I'd like you to accept my apology.
David: I knew you'd come crawling back. Let's face it, without Fat Fish Music..you're nothing! Who else would've made you an offer like we did?
Jesse looks at Michelle
Jesse: You know it's funny that you mention that because, uh...just before you got here I received a very interesting new offer.
David: What offer? From who?
Jesse: Well, it's a 5 year old company. Small, but very generous...and they really love me.
David: Yeah? What kind of money are they talking about?
Jesse: Big money. Enough to buy a farm.
Joey: You know uh..Dave, you're starting to remind me of the guy who turned down the "Beatles"
David: What guy?
Joey: Oh it doesn't matter..he's the laughing stock of the music business. Never heard from again. Yup...he's still kicking himself about that one.
Becky: Oh don't worry, I'm sure you'll get another job. Can you say "Would you like fries with that, sir?"
David: Jess uh...are you serious?
Jesse: Yeah I'm serious..Dave..I gotta go with the company that believes in me.
David: Hey we believe! We believe! Hey look, I know we had our creative differences but that's the way the biz is! You work, you fight, you do lunch! You compromise!
Jesse: We'll do the song my way or there's no deal.
David: You got it. See? Now we're compromising! Jess Babe!
Jesse: Dave Babe hit me!
They hug
David: Love ya!
Jesse: Right back at ya!
David leaves
Jesse: What a goon. We did it!
Becky: Alright honey!
Jesse: Michelle, I couldn't have done it without ya. Thank you very much.
Michelle: I don't know what I did, but I'm glad I did it!
Jesse: A hundred kisses!
He starts kissing her

Living room, Kimmy comes in
Kimmy: Hola Tanneritos!
Danny: I gotta change the locks again.
DJ comes in
DJ: Hey Kimmy, did you get your grades?
Kimmy: They just came in the mail! I passed Spanish! Isn't that muy awesome?
DJ: Kimmy we're going to Spain!
They hug
Danny: Let me see that Kim....woah! You got a D...! Wow, your parents must be very proud.
Kimmy: Yeah..my dad says with grades like this...I'm on the fast track to air: conditioning school.
Jesse, and Becky come downstairs
Jesse: Hey everybody! C'mon! I'm gonna be on MTV in a minute! *Yelling* Joey! Girls! Come in here! I'm gonna be on MTV! Comet! Come here you're gonna dig this! Oh there I am! I'm on! This is so exciting!

On the television
Martha: I'm Martha Quinn, and welcome to Out Of The Blue, where we feature new artists you've never heard of and may never hear of again!
Jesse: But you might hear of me again, right?
Martha: Well you know that's not up to me. It's up to you out there. This nervous gentlemen sitting next to me is Jesse Katsopolis from the hot new Bay Area band "Jesse and The Rippers"
Jesse: Hey I'm Jesse!
Martha: Yeah, why don't you use that video camera right there?
Jesse: Oh, I thought you might want to cut to the close up camera, because I'm having a good hair day and everything. Sorry, it's your show..I just wanna thank you for having me Martha..Martha Quinn! I just wanna say out there that it's been a very hard struggle..a lot of sleepless nights, rejection, uh cold sweats, stomach cramps...uh a bit of gas..a lot of gas actually!
Martha: Okay that's fascinating..why don't we get to the video..it's called "Forever"
Jesse: Okay I just wanna say thanks real fast. Thank you to Danny, Joey, Stephanie and DJ.
Martha: That's very sweet: :
Jesse: I'm not done. Michelle, my favorite little munchkin, hey Michelle! My beautiful wife Rebecca! I love you very much. My two twins...Nicky and Alex, adorable kids.
Becky: Hear that boys? You're famous!!
Jesse: This one's Nicky: :
Martha: Okay! Well...we're out of time! I think what we're gonna do now is: :
Jesse: Oh oh oh wait. Are you going to show my video though?
Martha: Okay...just kidding! You're not gonna have a gas attack now are ya?
Jesse: No..no.
Martha: Okay we're gonna get to it, this is Jesse and The Rippers and their brand new video called "Forever" which is a Beach Boys song isn't it?
Jesse: Yes Beach Boys song..I know the Beach Boys, they sang.. the Beach Boys and I are...
Martha: Great! Here we go we're gonna roll it, this is Jesse and The Rippers and it's called "Forever"
Jesse: Forever!
They show Jesse's video

The family claps
Jesse: Thank you, thank you very much. That was the greatest 2 and a half minutes I've ever experienced in my life.
Becky: Hey!
Jesse: I mean musically.
Joey: So Jess, how does it feel to be a big rock star?
Jesse: Oh I'm not a big rock star, I mean I just have one single..I mean who knows if people are gonna buy it or not.
Danny: I don't want to get you over excited, but I went to the music store to get a copy, and they were completely sold out.
Jesse: Well, I may have just a tiny bit to do with that. I bought every copy they had. One for you, one for you, one for you..Comet my man! Joey my man!
Jesse gives Joey the CD in his mouth, like Comet


Episode Information:
First shown: 1992
Directed by: Joel Zwick
Written by: Mark Fink & Boyd Hale

Guest Cast:
The Beach Boys: Themselves
Martha Quinn: Herself
Richard: Kevyn Brackett

Script edited by: Amanda
Lay-out: Martin van Dam
Written for: Full House Forever

Released: 28/02/2007