Full House Scripts - Season 7

Episode 145 * It Was A Dark And Stormy Night


We find Jesse and Becky walking up the stairs to the attic...
Becky: Oh Jess, this is gonna be great, the boys' first night in their new beds, golden footage.
Jesse: (With a camera in his hand) Yeah I can see it now. Nicky and Alex Katsopolis are... the young and the tired. Right, here we go. Lights, camera, cuteness. (Walking into the boys' room Cuteness. Either they're gone or I left the lens cap on.
Becky: (Removing the lens cap) Both.
Becky turns on the light, and they here the twins laughing. They walk to their own bed...
Becky: Jess. (Crawling the mattress.)
Jesse: Two biggest bed bugs I ever saw.
Becky lifts the duvet...
Becky: We found you.
Alex: Hi big daddy.
Jesse: Oh, don't big daddy me. Don't big daddy me.
Becky: You are supposed to be in your own beds.
Jesse: That's right , you are going to your own bed.
Alex: No, big bed.
Jesse: No big bed. You go in your bed.
Nicky + >Alex: Big bed.
Jesse: Hey, now I'm not kidding, get out of there.
The twins crawl back under the blanket...
Jesse: Okay Beck, cover me, I'm going in.
Jesse and Becky crawl under the blanket...

We find DJ, Stephanie, Michelle, Kimmy and Steve in camp Lakota...
Michelle: Don't forget this. Goodbye, Danielle.
Danielle: Goodbye, Michelle.
Michelle: I can't believe camp is over tomorrow. Thanks for teaching me how to para-spit.
They shake hands and Michelle walks to Denise...
Michelle: Goodbye, Denise, I'm gonna miss you so much.
Denise: But I live right down the block.
Michelle: I know, but now we can't scratch each for these muskeeto bites.
Denise starts scratching Michelle's back, as Stephanie walks in...
Stephanie: Hey guys. Hey Michelle, have you said goodbye to all of your chickerdee bunk mates?
Michelle: Not yet, there is still one more. (She takes a cage with a rabbit) Goodbye, Gilbert. I'd write you everyday, but you'd just ate the paper.
Stephanie: I know how you feel, kid, I made a few good friends my self this summer. (She starts counting friendship bracelets) David, Billy, Sean, Gregg. Good thing I played hard to get.
DJ and Kimmy walk in...
DJ: Okay girls, attention, attention. Lights out in five minutes.It's really important to get plenty of sleep last night of camp.
Denise: So we won't be tired tomorrow?
DJ: So us councers can party tonight.
DJ and Kimmy clap hands...
Kimmy: Al right (She blows a whistle) Speed it up you little twerp sickles. (To Stephanie) Better get back to your cabbin blondie, isn't it past your bedtime too?
Stephanie: You know, Kimmy, you could use a little beauty rest yourself, about a year should bring you up to a yug.
The kids are laughing, Kimmy looks around her, with a silly look on her face. Then Steve walks in...
Steve: Mail councelor entering chickadee bunk.
DJ: Hi Steve.
Steve: Hey.
DJ and Steve hug...
Terri: DJ, you're husband's here.
DJ: He's not my husband.
Michelle: Not yet.
DJ and Steve kiss...
Girls: Oooh.
Denise: Steve, it's the last night, and you promised to tell us the story about that maniac guy.
Steve: Well I don't know guys, it's pretty scary. You should probably all go to the bathroom first.
Girls: No come, tell it, come on.
Steve: Okay, al right, I'll tell it.
Steve turns off the light and shines with a flash light on his face...
Steve: It was a dark, and stormy night. Old man Cropsy looked out the window and saw a bulldozer barring down on his cabbin. Oh no! (He lets the shade roll, and the kids step backwards) He braid out loud to stop it, but his foot got stuck in a broken floor board. The thunder was so loud. That nobody could hear Cropsy scream. Whaa! (The kids look frightened) That bulldozer burried him alive under a pile of rubble and mud. You know what they build, right where Cropsy's cabbin was? (The kids shake their heads) This Camp. (The kids look scared) So now, whenever it rains, out of the slimy sludge it comes, just looking for scared little campers. (the kids look more frightened) Half man, half mud. (He makes his face brown) The Cropsy maniac! (The kids start screaming, and Steve turns the light back on) Gee, I hope I didn't scare anybody?
Michelle: (Crawling from under her bed) Not me. (The other kids look at her)I was just looking for a sock.

In the Tanner house, we find Jesse and Becky lying in bed, with the twins jumping on the bed, and crawling over Jesse and Becky...
Jesse: (Tired) Have mercy.
The next morning in the kitchen...
Joey: Jess, you look kind of tired, rough night last night, huh?
Jesse: Yeah. The twins they didn't want to sleep in their new beds last night, so they had to sleep with us. Did you ever spend the whole night with a toe in your ear?
Joey: Well not someone else's.
Jesse: How is the welcome home meal coming?
Joey: Oh perfect, I made all the girls' favorites. They'll love it.
Jesse: You know, I miss those girls so much. I must have read Michelle's postcard a hundred times. (reading the card) dear family, I have to write this or I can't go to lunch. Love Michelle. That munchkin. First time I got through without crying.
Joey: (Crying) What are you, a stone?
Danny enters the living room with the girls...
Danny: They're back!
Becky runs down the stairs with Nicky and Alex, and Jesse and Joey walk in from the kitchen...
All: Hey!
Joey: Hey, you guys are back.
All hug and say 'hey'...
Becky: Al right girls, tell us all about camp.
DJ + Stephanie: (Talking at the same time about different things) It was great... It was the best... fishing and stuff...really great...
Becky: Maybe I'll just send for the transcript.
Michelle: Nicky, Alex, I made you guys a present in nursing craft. Here is a lion for Nicky, because that's his favorite animal. And a lion for Alex, because that is all they taught us how to make.
Becky: Al right you guys, what do you say then to Michelle?
Nicky + Alex: Grr.
Becky: That is lionees for thank you very much. Okay, beasty boys, also kings of the jungle need a nap, so let's get you into those new beds.
Nicky + Alex: Big bed.
Becky: No, not the big bed. Your own beds.
Nicky: No, big bed.
Alex: Big bed.
Jesse: Well those new beds are a big hit.
Danny: Speaking of big hits, you girls better brace yourselves to the ultimate in homecoming celebrations.
Joey: And hold on to your nap sacks, because for lunch I have made all of your favorites.
Stephanie: You mean chipped beef and bug juice?
Michelle: We love that stuff.
DJ: Guys, Joey can't make that, that's camp food. Besides, no one can make it like greasy Abe.
Danny: That's funny, I don't remember any greasy Abe on the brochure.
Jesse: Well, what's important is that we're all together and and all having a great time. Right, munchkin?
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, could you please not call me munchkin anymore?
Jesse: Well why? I called you munchkin for years, you are my munchkin since day one.
Michelle: Yeah, but everybody in camp called me trailmix.
Jesse: Trailmix? That's cute, if you are a raisin.
Michelle: What was that, uncle Jesse?
Jesse: Oh I said, it's amazing how cute that name actually is.
Stephanie: Uh, would you guys excuse me, I've got to write a letter to David, Billy, Sean and Gregg.
Danny: Those sound suspiciousl like boys' names.
Joey: (With an english accent) By Jove, I think you've cracked the code, governor.
DJ: Well, I have to go call Steve, this is the longest we've been apart all summer.
The girls want to walk away...
Danny: Wait a second girls, this is the part were we are supposed to, you know, talk and rebond, and say how much we missed each other.
Stephanie: Well, dad, we missed you too, but can we do that bondiung stuff later?
Michelle: Yeah, I gotta go unpack and see if my clothes still smell like camp.
The girls take their stuff and walk upstairs...
Girls: (Singing) We love camp Lakota, Lakota, Lakota, the camp that we love is Lakota, Lakota, did we mention that we love Lakota...
Danny: I don't get it. When I was a kid and I came back from camp Metalarc, I couldn't wait to be home. I was so happy. I kissed my parents, I kissed my bed, I kissed the floor.
Joey: Danny, it was a daycamp.
Danny: Yeah, but it was a very long day.

In Stephanie and Michelle's bedroom...
DJ: (Walking in) hey Steph, do you have those plastic sandals I lend you?
Stephanie: No, but I know where they are.
DJ: Great, where are they?
Stephanie: At the bottom of the lake.
DJ: I told you they wouldn't fit.
Stephanie: It's not my fault you have big feet.
DJ and Stephanie start arguing...
Michelle: Quiet! You're scaring Gilbert.
DJ: Sorry Michelle, we didn't mean to scare...
DJ + Stephanie: Gilbert?
DJ: Flappy ear, sniffle nose, carrot breath Gilbert?
Michelle: (She holds the rabbit) Easy, very sensitive about his breath.
DJ: Michelle, you're supposed to let him go on the camp.
Michelle: I tried but he didn't want to, it was his decision.
Stephanie: Oh, come on.
Michelle: It's true, I asked him if he wanted to go back to the woods, and he went (She imitates a rabbit sniffling)
Danny walks in...
Danny: Jo, jo, jo, laundry control. Al right, I've been waiting for three weeks to attack these stubborn grass stains. Girls I missed you so much. We have so much catching up to do. Al right, we've got your darks, we've got your lights, (Seeing Giblert) We've got a rabbit. Why are you holding a rabbit?
Michelle: Because he likes to be hold.
Stephanie: His name is Gilbert. He had a broken leg when we found him, but we nursed him back to health, and Michelle was supposed to let him free in the woods. Way to go, trailmix.
Steve walks in with his eyes covered...
Steve: Male councellor entering chickadee bedroom.
DJ: Steve!
Stephanie: Hey Steve.
DJ and Steve hug...
Danny: Uh Steve, sorry to break up the reunion, but you guys just got home, don't you wanna see your folks?
Steve: Oh I already saw them already, but they looked pretty much the same. Hey Gilbert, how's the twitching?
Danny: Michelle, honey, look I'm sorry, but you know Gilbert can't stay here. He belongs with his friends.
Michelle: But I am his friend.
Danny: No, you know what I mean, I mean his forrest friends, you know, the ones with fur and four legs who breed indiscriminately. Honey, you know where he belongs, and it's not in a gym bag.
Michelle: I know, dad. Gilbert, you need to go home.
Steve: I'll ru the little furball back to camp.
DJ: Oh, I'll go with you.
Stephanie: Me too.
Michelle: Me three.
Danny: hey wait a minute, you guys just got home.
DJ: Oh, dad, please, it's just an hour away.
Girls: Please, please.
Danny: Okay okay, you can go.
DJ: (Hugging Danny) Thank you dad.
Michelle: Thanks you.
Stephanie: This is great. We were so bumped out about leaving camp, and now we can go back.
Michelle: Let's move it.
DJ: See ya, bye.
The girls and Steve walk away...
Danny: Good, when you guys got back, we're gonna have some real quality time together, okay. Welcome home, girls.

At camp Lakota, the girls enter a cabin, which is empty...
DJ: Well we're wet, but we're back. It looks so weird in here.
Michelle: Everything looks so different.
Stephanie: Well, that's because we're not here anymore.
Michelle: Sure feels like we're here.
Stephanie: Fine, we're here. Let's just dump the bunny and split.
Michelle tries to get Gilbert out of his box...
Michelle: Uh, guys, somebody is missing.
DJ: Gilbert chew right through the box. Boy isn't that just like a rabbit.
Michelle: I never got to say goobye.
Steve walks in...
DJ: Steve, we have a problem. Gilbert escaped.
Steve: Oh Michelle, I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid we've got a bigger problem right now. My car is stuck in a huge slimy mud puddle.
Michelle: Oh no, he's out there.
DJ: Who's out there?
Michelle: Hello. Mud... Cropsy maniac, remember.
DJ: Michelle, that's just a story.
The thunder rolls..
Michelle: I hope Cropsy knows that.

On the attic of the Tanner house, in the twins' bedroom...
Jesse: (Lying on Nicky's bed) Okay, come on now. Now, let's uh, let's get the boys to s-l-e-e-p, so we can get the h-e-c-k-o-u-t.
Becky: (Lying on Alex' bed) Okay, f-i-r-s-t w-e s-h-o-u-l-d
Jesse: Hold on, let me get a crayon.
Becky: Honey never mind, let's just get on with this, I'm exhausted. (She closes her eyes)
Jesse: Okay, come on. Let's go to sleep, go a sleep in our racecar beds, okay, and we're gonna race on to sleep. Vroom, vroomvroomvroom.
Becky: Okay, say goodnight, daddy.
Alex: Goodnight daddy.
Becky: Goodnight Nicky.
Alex: Goodnight Nicky.
Jesse: Okay, say goodnight, mummy.
Nicky: Goodnight mummy.
Jesse: Say goodnight, Alex.
Nicky: goodnight, Alex.
Jesse: Very good, now, here we go. We're going a sleep in our new beds.
Alex: Bad bed.
Nicky: Yucky bed.
Jesse: No no no son, it's not a yucky bed, it's nice bed, comfy bed, expensive bed.
Becky: jess, let's face it, we're gonna be sleeping like this for the rest of our lives.
Jesse: (Tired) No way Beck, they'll be out pretty soon. I'm tired myself.
Becky: Me too.
Jesse and Becky fall a sleep, the twins get out of their bed, turn the lights off and go to the bed of Jesse and Becky...
Nicky: Goodnight, brother.
Alex: Goodnight, brother.

At camp Lakota...
Michelle: Stephanie, when does DJ and Steve coming back?
Stephanie: As soon as they ppushed the car out the mud.
Michelle: What if they bump in to you-know-who?
Stephanie: Cropsy?
Michelle: Sssst!
Stephanie: Michelle, there is no Cropsy maniac. That's just a story that councelors tell kids to shut them up so they can go make out.
Michelle: Oh.
A loud thunder rolls, and Michelle and Stephanie put their arms around each other, and the door opens...
Stephanie: Please be DJ, please be DJ, please be DJ. (DJ walks in) DJ! (The girls hug) Poor little Michelle thought you were the Cropsy maniac.
DJ: How cute. You can take your finger nails out of my arm now Steph.
The lights go off..
Michelle: The light.
Stephanie: Okay that's it. Where's my coat? taxi!
DJ: Steph don't worry, Steve is calling for help right now.
Steve: (Walking in through the back door) No he's not.
The girls scream and jump up...
DJ: Don't do that.
Steve: I'm sorry, I came in the back door. Look, the storm blew all the phonelines down.
They hear footsteps in the mud and look scared...
DJ: What was that?
Steve: It was probably just the wind.
Stephanie: Just the wind? Just the wind? It's never just the wind.
DJ covers Stephanie's mouth with her hand...
Steve: Hey, I think somebody is out there. (He walks to the window)
Michelle: It's Cropsy!
DJ: I have an idea. (She grabs a broom) ready? Grab on.
Steve: Don't worry girls, I was on the wrestling team for two years.
The door opens...
Steve: Uhm, three years would have been better.
A person, covered with mud stands in the door opening, shaking his head, while the kids scream...
Steve: (Grabbing the person at his neck) Run for it, run!
The girls scream, as another walks in, who they attack with the broom...
Danny: Hold on girls, girls, it's dad, it's me. (He shines with a flash light on his face)
Stephanie: Dad, Steve has captured the Cropsy maniac.
Danny: Oh no. Steve, Steve, I think you captured the wrong maniac. (He shines with the light on the person who's held by Steve and it turns out to be Joey, covered with mud)
Steve: Huh? Oh, hey Joey, how is it going?
Danny: He was fallen on the mud.
Joey: Oxygen, brain, everything getting dark.
Steve: Oh sorry. (He let's go Joey, who falls on the ground)
Danny: Joey are you okay?
Joey: Mummy, I'm fine mummy.
Danny: Girls, are you guys okay?
Stephanie: Yeah, we're fine dad. What are you doing here?
Danny: Well uh, I guess you know that you left something at home. (He takes Gilbert out of a bag) Here you go, sweetheart.
Michelle: Gilbert! (She holds the rabbit)
DJ: Hey, the power is back on.
Stephanie: And look, the rain's lifting up. Let's get out of here.
DJ: Fast.
Michelle: Why did we come back here?
Danny: I think you were thinking that this was a place that you loved. But now that you came back here you realized that wasn't the same and you're kind of let down huh. You know what it's like? It's like when you go to the movies, when the show is over. You know the magic's all gone. All that's left is just a big empty room with a sticky floor.
Stephanie: So, this is it. Summer is really over.
Michelle: Come on, Gilbert. Get back to the forest, time for you to go home.
Danny: Honey, it's time for all of us to go home. Come on.
Everybody walks out of the cabin...

In the Tanner house we find the whole family in the family
Danny: Okay, some more fresh smors.. hot out of the fire. Okay careful Michelle, okay, they're still hot.
Michelle: Ooh, these are hot. (She puts the plate on the couch)
Danny: yeha well,, I bet greasy Abe never made smors like this.
Joey walks in with drinks...
Joey: Okay, here we go, drinks for everybody. Where the heck are those smors, huh? (He sits down on the plate with smor, the other start laughing) I think I just found them. Ow ow ow ow. (He stands up, and the plate with smors is still on the back of his trousers, which makes the other laugh more)
Jesse: Get down, get down.
Joey gets down, and jesse takes the plate, the smors are still on Joey's butt...
Jesse: (praying whipped cream over the smors) Foam on the landing grid, foam on the landing grid.
Becky: Can't resist. (She puts a sherry on top of the smors and cream)
Danny: You what we need now? Six spoons. (Joey stands up, Danny holds a towel, here let me, let me,.. you know what, you better do this.
Stephanie: You know what? We had fun in camp, but we really missed you guys.
Danny: You mean it, you're really happy to be home?
DJ: Of course we are. We didn't hurt your feeling, talking about camp and all?
Jesse + Danny + Joey + Becky: Oh, no no no.
DJ: We're really sorry.
The girls hug Danny and Joey...
DJ: Thanks dad.
Joey: Don't hug back there
They hug Jesse and Becky...
Jesse: Nice to have you back, trailmix.
Michelle: Uncle Jesse, if it's okay, could you call me munchkin again?
Jesse: Okay, munchkin again. I love you munchkin.
Joey: Okay, who wants something to drink?
Joey gets drinks, and Comet starts eating the smors on Joey's back...
Joey: (Running away) Hey hey hey, Comet! Oh quit, there's a man under these pants. (He runs up the stairs) I'm not having a good day.

***End ***

Episode Information:
First shown: 1993
Directed by: John Tracy
Written by: Mark Warren & Dennis Rinsler

Guest Cast:
Denise: Jurnee Smollett
Terri: Sara Moonves
Danielle: Aimee Yamabe

Script edited by: Martin van Dam
Lay-out: Martin van Dam
Written for: Full House Forever
Released: 07/01/2000